


Three Ring Circus

by ryleempiatt



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Betrayal, Circus, Drama, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Falling In Love, Fresh Start, Leap of Faith, Love, Multi, New Beginnings, Self-Discovery, Self-Reflection, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 89,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryleempiatt/pseuds/ryleempiatt
Summary: She lives her life locked up in her house, day dreaming of adventure. Is a man in the circus the answer to those unspoken prayers? But is the dream of adventure enough of a risk to leave everything behind?
Relationships: Bobby McKenzie/Blake (Love Island), Rohan/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. June 1, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I've been working on this one for a while now, trying to really get my thoughts down. I hope you like it. Kudos and comment if you do! I love reading your comments. 😊❤
> 
> Edit: I added a bit, fixed a couple mistakes and misspellings. Added more depth to the characters to get more of an idea of how they feel meeting each other.

The tent looked straight out of a movie. Red and white stripes decorated the outside, colorful flags all over the place, small acts lined up on the outside, snacks and games available, posters of the performances that come on during the show. After finally finding an empty spot in the sea of cars, she smiles at the scene in front of her. She constantly argued with herself about not going out anymore, always circling back to her dad. Thinks at home were getting complicated, making her dreams of traveling farther and farther away. A squeal behind her interrupts her train of thought, making her turn around quickly. 

"Priya! Chelsea!" Her two best friends looked like opposites but they had very similar personalities. Priya was tall and slender, Chelsea was short and fit. Priya had long auburn hair, Chelsea had a short blonde bob. Priya had dark brown almond shaped eyes, Chelsea's was big blue eyes. Priya was a sexy bombshell that liked to have fun, Chelsea was the bubbly optimist that made everything seem exciting. They throw their arms around her. **_I missed my girls!_**

"It's been forever! We missed you." A hint of sadness edged in Priya's voice.

"You need to get out more, hun." Chelsea said with a pout, her big blue eyes shimmering.

"You know I can't. My dad...is a complicated man." 

"Doesn't he know you're here now?" Priya asked.

"Nope. He's out of town for business..." Chelsea hooks her arm through hers, Priya on her other side.

"Then lets make the most of it and go get some good seats." They take their time exploring each act, trying different snacks. Chelsea took a thousand pictures of their shenanigans, posting every single one. Adilynne smiled at Chelsea, shaking her head. Finally, a voice came over the intercom to announce the show was about to start. Addy pulled Priya and Chelsea inside, choosing seats right up front. 

********

He peaks out the curtain discreetly, looking at the crow. A girl with long brown curly hair sat in the front row beside a blonde and another brunette. Her eyes were a bright shade of green almost like sparkling jewels, making them visible all the way across the other side of the tent. She laughs at one of the magician's silly tricks, clapping with the rest of the audience. _**Woah...she's...I've never seen anyone so gorgeous.**_

"You ready?" He turns to see his partner, Talia, walking over.

"Always am." He replies with a smile. He glances back out, finding the girl again. _**I need to figure out how to meet her. I need to know her name.**_ A thousand ideas run through his head,, none of them seeming good enenough. The magician starts performing his last act, signaling for them to take their places.

"We need to get into place, come on.They take advantage of the dark room, the only light shining on the magician, quickly getting into place. Once they're ready the magician takes of his hat, bowing to the crowd. 

"Who else is ready to see some more magic?!" The crowd erupts in applause. He smiles, throwing his hat up as Rohan jumps onto his swing and catches it. The spotlight now on him, gaining more applause. He throws the hat to Talia, a second spotlight coming on. She puts the hat on her head as she climbs onto her swing, siting. She takes it off, dropping upside-down so her legs held her onto the swing. She drops the hat over the magician, him catching it. He disappears behind the curtain as they began their act. 

********

She watched from the front row, gasping when they did crazy moves. _**This is like gymnastics on steroids. How did they learn to do all this?**_ He stood on the swing, looking at the crowd like he was searching for someone. His eyes finally meets hers, a smile breaking out on his face. She blushes, returning the gesture. **_Was he looking for me? Am I the one he's looking at?_** He turns his focus back to his partner, catching her mid air. At the end of their amazing act they stood on the ground side-by-side, holding hands. They bow together, his eyes meeting hers again. For a moment all they do is look at each other. _**He was definitely looking at me. Why does this make me so nervous? It's just eye contact.**_ Her heart started pounding in her chest, she gives him a small wave. Her mind wandered like it always did, imagining overly romantic scenarios you only see in movies. Her dad always told her he loved her imagination but she needs to bring her head out of the clouds sometimes. He winks at her before they disappear for the next act. When the show ended she walked outside with her friends. Chelsea and Priya started gushing about all the acts, trying to pick a favorite one. Priya bit her lip seductively.

"Who knew there were so many attractive men in the circus. The strongest man, the magician, ring leader, animal trainer..." Priya nudged her. "Someone looked like they liked the trapeze act especially." She felt her face get hot.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Chelsea giggles, waving her hand dismissively. 

"Oh you so do." She teased playfully.

"Anyway, I do need to be going though. I'll catch up with you girls soon. Dad won't be back for a few days." They each give her a big hug. Priya kisses both her cheeks.

"You better. We miss you." She sighs, looking at her two best friends.

"We went out a couple weeks ago."

"When we forced a surprise girls night."

"True, but we still saw each other."

"Anyway, just text us soon. Keep in touch and escape more. We miss you."

"I miss you too. I promise." They wave goodbye as they walk to Chelsea's car. It wasn't until half way in her Chevy Cruze she realized she had forgotten her jacket. "Fuck me." She groans, walking back inside.

********

He couldn't stop thinking about the girl he saw the rest of his time back stage. Once in a while he'd sneak another peak and find her smiling or talking to her friends...which then made him feel creepy so he walked away. Arjun kept noticing something was off with him, approaching him.

"Are you okay, Ro? You seem off tonight." 

"I'm fine, I just...I'm just out of it today." He was definitely lying, he knew by his face.

"Okay, well if you ever need to talk you know where to find me." He forced himself to stay busy, helping everyone else get ready for their acts and caring for the animals. After the finale Talia smiled at him.

"You ready to go?"

"For what?"

"For our little celebratory night out for opening night. Like we always do. Are you ready to go?"

"I don't think I'm up for it tonight."

"What? Why? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just not feeling it tonight."

"But we always all go out to celebrate."

"I know. I'll join in next time, I just want some time to myself right now." She sighs with frustration.

"Okay, fine." A couple others tried to talk him into going until Arjun told them all to leave him alone and go. He'd stay behind too. After everyone else had gone, Arjun looked over at him.

"I don't know what's wrong, but let me know if you need anything." He pats his shoulder, heading to his office. Rohan looked back at the curtain, thinking of that girl again. _**I can't get her out of my head. Her eyes...they're so...are they that green up close? And her smile, it lit up the room. She can't be that beautiful up close, right? It had to have been the lighting.**_ He sighed, going back on stage after they left he lowered the hoop, untying one of the ropes they used to swing around. He tried out some new moves for the next show, trying to focus. When he pauses to rest he hears clapping. He turns to see her, a jacket over her arm. She was smiling at him, her eyes shining. Every thought froze, only allowing him to stare at her.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I forgot my jacket, I promise I'm not some creep waiting for you to come out." He smiles at her. _**Is this real right now? Is she actually standing there right now?**_

"Never crossed my mind. I take it you liked the show?"

"I loved it. I've never been to the circus before." 

"No way, are you serious?" He asked, his eyebrows raised. She shrugs.

"I don't get out much, things are complicated with my dad." _**Complicated how? Don't tell me she's underage. If she's underage I'm out, jail ain't worth it.**_

"Wait...you don't look young enough to still have your dad telling you what to do." She shrugs, walking out to the stage.

"I'm not, I'm 23. It's hard to explain but I think he just wasn't ready to let go yet so he offered to pay for my schooling." _**Thank God she's an adult. I wonder what kind of schooling.**_

"That's sweet. At least you know he cares."

"True, I am pretty lucky to have him." She stands right in front of him, looking up into his eyes. She was about 4 inches shorter than him, making him have to look down at her. Her hair was a dark brown, loose curls flowing over her shoulders. Her lips forming a damn near perfect smile, her fair skin almost completely blemish free, aside from a random freckle here and there. He saw a freckle under right ear when she tucked hair behind her ear. _**I was right...she's even prettier up close. Her eyes are much greener, she's shorter than I imagined. Her hair looks so soft...that freckle. What kind of noises would she make if I kissed it? Is her skin as soft as it looks? I wonder what her lips would feel like if I kissed her.**_ He clears his throat, suddenly nervous.

"I'm Rohan, by the way." She holds out her hand. 

"Adilynne." He takes it, her soft skin shooting a shot of electricity up his arm. _**Please tell me I'm not the only one feeling this. I swear the stage is gonna catch fire any minute.**_

"Nice to meet you. So I take it since you've never been to the circus, you've never done anything like the stuff we do." 

"Not exactly. It looks fun though." 

"Wanna try?" Her eyes almost pop out of her head.

"I'd rather not die, but thanks." He laughed.

"I would help you and it wouldn't be anything crazy. Are you afraid of heights?" She squints her eyes, looking at him suspiciously. 

"Not at all..." He walks over to the hoop, grabbing a rope on the way and sitting down. He holds out his hand to her.

"Do you trust me?" She looks into his eyes, making it hard for him to think straight. _**Please say yes, take a leap of faith and trust me.**_ She smiles, tossing her jacket aside before she takes his hand. The thought never occurred to him how close they would be when he felt her press into his side. The smell of her perfume made him involuntarily smile. "Hold on tight." She holds onto the side of the hoop, taking a deep breath. He slowly lifts the hoop, never breaking her eye contact. The smile she gave him made his heart thud like drum.

"You're good at this." 

"I've got a little experience with it." Her laugh sounded just as beautiful as she looked. He sees the realization dawn on her how high up they were. _**Uh oh.**_ "Hey, look at me." She shakes her head, her grip on the hoop tightening. "Adilynne." He gently lifts her face to look at him. "I've got you. I won't let you fall." He could see the battle in her eyes, the fear slowly slipping away. _**I've got you, I swear. Trust me.**_

"Okay." He smiles at her.

"So you trust me?" She nods, looking at his lips. She bites her lip, her big green eyes looking back into his. His stomach flips, making him even more nervous. _**Everything about her is just...it makes it hard to focus. I'm pretty sure she wants to kiss me...does she?**_ "What?" 

"Nothing." He looks at her full lips, making her blush. He leans down carefully, slowly bringing his lips to her. Her lips tasted sweet, like candy. They were soft and smooth, and seemed to fit perfectly with his. _**Better than I could even imagine, I could kiss her forever. Wait, did she even want this??**_ He pulls away long before he was ready to, looking at her again.

"Sorry, I should've asked."

"It's okay, I liked it." He smiled at her, kissing her softly again. _**Don't get too rough, Rohan. You're way too high in the air for that.**_ "Why so gentle?"

"Because we're high off the ground and kissing you makes me forget that and I don't want us to fall."

"Good call." She laughs softly, looking around. "It's not so bad up here."

"Wait until the day I get you to try swinging in it. Or letting me catch you. It's a lot better then."

"Oh, I can't see myself doing any crazy stunts like that."

"Give it time."

********

Back on the ground he helps her off, holding onto her hand. She sighs, looking back up at him.

"I need to go. I should've been home a while ago."

"Can I see you again?" She hesitates, a million thoughts running through her mind. _**This has been incredible. He's so sweet and funny. It's so simple with him. Those kisses, the way he looks at me with those deep brown eyes make me weak in the knees. Who knew a guy in the circus could be so sexy? But that's just it, he's in the circus. He leaves soon...which makes this so stupid...but I don't wanna stop.**_

"Yeah. I'll come see you tomorrow." He tried to hide the excitement he felt suddenly, making her laugh. "I'm guessing you like that idea?"

"A lot. You make me nervous, but in a good way." 

"I make you nervous? How?"

"You're so pretty, and you're eyes....they're hard not to look at. And you smell nice. Which now sounds weird. I swear it didn't sound that weird in my head. I probably shouldn't have said it. Maybe I should-" She kisses him mid sentence, wrapping her arms around his neck. **_He's so damn cute when he rambles._** His hand goes to the back of her neck, deepening it. **_Holy shit. Can we do this forever? It's like our lips fit perfectly together._** She sighs, leaning into him. He makes himself pull away, trying to catch his breath. **_I need to stop this. This isn't smart, it's not a good idea. He's only in town for a few days and then he's gonna be gone...but I can't stop._**

"Wow...I'm so stupid." 

"That...that makes me feel a lot better about myself. I thought it was good..." She chuckles. _**Cute.**_

"I didn't mean that, it was amazing. I'm stupid for even letting it get this far, you're not here long."

"So let's make the best of the time we do have." She gives him a soft peck. _**Nice.**_

"Smooth. I bet you say that to all the girls."

"I really, really don't." 

"I do need to go though. I'll come back tomorrow, after the show." _**I need to go now before I make a really big mistake.**_

"I can't wait." She slowly backs away, letting go of his hand. "It was nice to meet you, Adilynne."

"Call me Addy." She grabs her jacket, walking away. **_That was perfect. He's so different from any other guy I've ever met. He's handsome, strong, sweet, confident, talented. He says what he's thinking...I think. What made him look at me? What made him choose me to talk to? I need to be really careful with him...but it's so hard to think with him. Everything about him is...addicting. I want to kiss him more, see him more, find out more about him._** He watches her walk away, smiling. The last hour replaying in his head, step by step. He couldn't get over the way she kissed him, how she seemed to like the way he rambled. He couldn't figure out why he started rambling, he's never done that before. Something about this girl was very different, he had to find out what.

"Nice to meet you, Addy." When she's out of sight he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. _**She's absolutely perfect. I swear I just met the girl of my dreams. And she lives in one of our stops. Fuck. We don't even get a chance to give this a real shot.**_ "I'm just as stupid...at least we're even." He went backstage, unable to stop smiling like an idiot. He didn't even notice Arjun cleaning up.

"Rohan...you're smiling." He looks up, blushing but still unable to stop smiling. "Spill."

"I just met this girl...she's...incredible."

"Another one?"

"No, this one is different."

"What makes this one different?"

"Everything. I saw her earlier before I went on and couldn't stop thinking about her. She got stuck in my head, her smile...it stayed there. And then a bit ago when I was practicing...there she was. Her name is Adilynne. But she likes to be called Addy, which suits her better. She's sweet and funny. Her smile is...perfect. Her eyes, damn those eyes. Every time she looked at me my mind went blank. I swear. And when we touched...I felt it everywhere. I just...the more we talked the more I wanted to know." He looks up to see Arjun smiling with his arms folded across his chest. "What?"

"Rohan, I think you just fell in love."

"That's completely insane, we just met. But she is amazing." 

"So, does she live here?"

"Yeah, with her dad. She didn't mention her mom. She came with her two friends, Priya and Chelsea. She says she's usually too busy to go out, but she managed tonight. This is her first time ever coming to the circus."

"Really? That makes this even more interesting. Did she give you her number?"

"No, but she said she'd come back tomorrow."

"Do you think she will?" He meets his eyes.

"I really hope she does. I want to see her again. Even if she turns out not to be that interested in me I want to get to know her. I want to know everything." 

"I'll be damned. I have never seen you talk about a girl like this. She must be really something for you to go this crazy over."

"She is, she's so amazing. She's incredible."

"What have you found out so far?"

"She's getting a degree in literature, her favorite color is green, her favorite animal is a phoenix, she loves Harry Potter, she didn't learn how to drive until she was 21, she only has two friends because they're the only ones that seemed to like her for her, her friend Chelsea is really bubbly, Priya is apparently a sex goddess, her lucky number is 17, she's always wanted to travel, her dad and her are very close, she doesn't have any pets even though she's begged her dad for years to get one."

"How long were you two talking?"

"Like an hour."

"And you made it through all of that?"

"Yeah...once she started telling me about herself I kept asking more questions about her...I couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure anyone else would've thought it was pushy or creepy but she seemed to think it was cute. So...you know, it works." 

"Well, I hope this one comes back tomorrow then." 

"Me too." He smiled, thinking about her smiling at him. "I really hope so too."


	2. June 2, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one. It was interesting picking characters to bring into the story line. Let me know what you think or if there are any specific characters you'd like to see. 😊❤
> 
> Edit: Did some touch ups on this one as well. I'll be going through the rest of the chapters I have so far and do a little tweaking.

Rohan sees Adilynne making her way through the crowd, making him smile for the thousandth. _**She actually came back.**_ He turns to Arjun.

"Look, there she is. The one with green eyes and curly brown hair."

"Ooh, she is pretty." _**She's gorgeous...even prettier up close. She actually came.**_

"She made it. I didn't think she'd come."

"I guess you made a good impression." Arjun looks at his watch. "You need to go finish getting ready though."

"Okay." Rohan looks at her one more time, smiling. _**Will she look for me after the show? Will she let me kiss her again? Has she been thinking about me like I've been thinking about her? I can't wait to hold her hand, to feels her lips against mine.**_ Arjun smiles, watching his friend clearly get lost in thought about her again. He clears his throat, reminding Rohan what he was supposed to be doing. "Oh, right. Okay." He runs off. Arjun looks at him head back to his room, a smile still on his face. _**Now that is a look Ro has never had before.**_ Arjun looks back at the girl sitting down now. **_Maybe this one is the one he needs. Maybe she's his missing piece. They deserve a shot to find out._** He turns to Tim.

"Hey, Tim. I have a job for you."

"Okay, what's up?"

"You see that girl?" He points to Adilynne. "The one up front with curly brown hair?"

"Ooh, she's fucking hot. Who is she?"

"Her name is Adilynne. Will you go ask her to come back stage?"

"Need me to go out there and show her all the sexiness we have?" He rolls his eyes.

"No, she's Rohan's."

"Rohan's??"

"They met yesterday. He seems really taken by her. From what he said she's taken with him too. She came back just to see him again." Tim smiles, looking back at the girl. _**So Rohan finally met someone he wants to really get to know. Never thought I'd see the day.**_

"Alright, I'll get her. She's gotta be special for Rohan to want to see again." Arjun pats his back.

"Thanks, mate."

"Anytime, man." Tim sneaks through the back of the seats, going straight to her row. He spots her looking at the stage anxiously. "Excuse me, are you Adilynne?" She looks up at him surprised.

"Uh, yes." 

"Great. I've been asked to come see if you wouldn't mind going back stage." She smiles at him, making him a little nervous. _**Woah, she's even prettier up close. No wonder he's obsessed.**_

"Really?" He holds out his hand.

"Why not take a leap of faith and give it a shot?" She takes his hand, following him back through the crowd. He leads her back stage, letting go of her hand when they made it through the crowd. He turns to her. "So you and Rohan?" She blushes.

"Maybe. We'll see how it goes." 

"Well if it doesn't work with him, you could always hit me up. I'm funny, sexy and talented. I can rap too." She raises her eyebrows at him.

"Oh really?"

"I'm a catch."

"I don't even know you're name, little man."

"That little man thing hurts. But my name is Tim." He winks at her. They walk up to Arjun. "Here she is." Arjun turns and smiles at her, holding out his hand.

"Adilynne, right?"

"Yes, um, who are you?" _**Has he been talking about me?**_

"I'm Arjun, the ring master. Rohan told me a bit about you. I thought it might be nice for you two to get a bit more time together."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, between us...Rohan's never really been interested in any of the girls he's met at our stops. You're the only one I've heard him talk about." She blushes. _**An attractive guy like that has never been interested in another woman like he is with me? That's hard to believe.**_

"Really? The only one? How is that possible?"

"I guess no one's caught his attention like you have."

"Adilynne?" She turns and sees Rohan standing there smiling. He was in his costume, loose black pants with a loose sleeveless green shirt with gold accents. _**Why does he look so sexy in his costume? Because it hugs his body perfectly.**_ She smiles at him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing back here?" She nods in Arjun and Tim's direction.

"You're friends asked me to come back here." Rohan smiles at them.

"Did they now?" Arjun shrugs, backing away slowly.

"I've got to go make sure everyone else is ready for their acts. Come on, Tim." Tim winks at them, following Arjun. Rohan walks up to Adilynne, taking her hands.

"I'm glad you came."

"I told you I would, I keep my promises. So...are you ready for your act?"

"I am now."

"Yeah? Why is that?"

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I kept hoping you would come, and now that you're here I can focus. Or at least attempt to now." He realized how cheesy he probably sounded, but she didn't seem to care.

"Please focus, I don't want your partner to get hurt." He shrugs.

"I'll try." She laughs.

"So how long have you been doing this?"

"A couple years."

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. I've always wanted to join the circus. My partner is actually the one that convinced me to take a leap of faith and join."

"That's now the second time I've heard that saying from someone at the circus."

"It's kind of our motto. We all say it, it strikes a chord with all of us."

"Did everyone take a leap of faith and join the circus?"

"Pretty much. We all took the risk for a sense of adventure. We were tired of being stuck in a life we weren't happy living."

"Really?" A girl with long platinum blonde hair runs over to Rohan.

"Rohan! We need you, now." He frowns.

"What's wrong?"

"Talia." She sees Adilynne, smiling. "Who's this? Hi, I'm Lottie."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Adilynne. You're absolutely stunning up close. You looked great from afar, but those lights don't do you justice."

"That's what I told them! Finally, someone who gets it!" Rohan frowns.

"Hate to interrupt, but what's wrong with Talia?"

"Oh! She's hurt!" She grabs his hand, leading him away. He pulls her with him, still holding onto her hand, pulling them through a small crowd of people. _**Okay, I guess I'm coming.**_ They push through to see his partner sitting in a chair, holding her ankle. She looks up at Rohan worriedly.

"Rohan, I twisted my ankle practicing." He kneels down, looking at it.

"Does it hurt when I do this?" He points her toes, making her wince. 

"Yeah." He moves it around a little bit, getting winces and sharp inhales from Talia. He sighs. 

"It's not broken, but you definitely need to rest it. You can't go on tonight."

"What about our act? What are we going to do?"

"I'll go on alone."

"You're good, but it's not exciting watching one person swing around." He shrugs.

"Well what do you want to do then?" Lottie looks at Adilynne.

"Hey, so what do you like to do? Any hobbies? Do anything extra in high school? Dance, gymnastics, cheerleading?"

"Uh, I was a cheerleader and I did gymnastics on the side...shouldn't we be worrying about her though?" Lottie smiles, nudging Rohan with her foot.

"Found you a partner." He turns and looks at her, frowning.

"Who?" She nods in Adilynne's direction. He looks at her with a hopeful expression. "Do you have experience with trapeze? You seemed hesitant just to sit on the hoop yesterday." Lottie answers for her.

"No, but she's a gymnast and did cheerleading in high school." He smiles at her.

"Really?" Adilynne clears her throat. _**Note to self: Lottie is slick.**_

"Uh, yeah. But-" Talia frowns.

"Who is this?" She blushes. _**We haven't gotten that far yet, have we? Fuck this is not going well.**_

"Oh, uh, hi. I'm Adilynne...I love your act. You're amazing." Rohan stands up, looking into her eyes.

"Do you think you can do this? It's not much different from cheerleading stunts and gymnastics. Just more in the air stuff than on the ground."

"That's what worries me. I haven't done in the air stuff. All my routines were on the ground. I was a flyer in cheer but I wasn't more than like 20 feet off the ground." Talia crosses her arms.

"You're not honestly considering replacing me with an armature." 

"Just until you're better. Not a replacement, a substitute." A woman with long brown hair and big lips looks Adilynne over.

"I don't know, Ro. She doesn't look like the type that can pull something like this off. She doesn't even know you're act." A man with dread locks frowns at her.

"Come off it, Allie. Give her a chance, take a leap of faith. Isn't that what we're about?" He smiles at her. "I'm with Lottie and Rohan. I think you can do it." Tim smiles, looking between Rohan and Adilynne.

"I think it's a great idea." _**What is with these people? Are they seriously suggesting I go on when I've never done this before? Gymnastics or not, this is something I know nothing about.**_ Talia frowns and looks at Arjun.

"Are you really okay with this? She has no experience, she doesn't have a costume, she doesn't know the act." A girl with long medium brown hair and a beauty mark above her lip smiles.

"She can use one of mine. She looks similar to my size, I'm sure I can find something to fit." She smiles at her. "I'm Blake by the way." A tall man with cornrows looks at her.

"The important question is do you think you can do this? It doesn't matter what anyone else says or does. What matters is what you think. .Were you good at gymnastics? I think you can do it, I think anyone can do anything if they give it a chance and-" She smiles.

"Take a leap of faith?" Most of the others smile, looking at her. They all had the same thought: she fit right in with them. Many of them got the feeling she had what it takes. _**How did I know that's what he was gonna say?**_ She meets Rohan's eyes.

"Exactly. You're already catching on." She looks into his eyes a minute, her heart pounding. The pros and cons list began to draw longer and longer. She looked at everyone's hopeful expressions, seeing the confidence they all had in her. She was really good in cheer and gymnastics, but this was hundreds of feet in the air. Would they keep the net up? Would they be ready to watch her if she fell? Was she still flexible to do the stunts she saw yesterday? _**Am I really considering this? I have no experience. But I don't want to leave them in a tight spot. I was really good at gymnastics, I suppose it's not to different from that....looks like I'm taking a leap of faith.**_

"I can give it a shot." Arjun smiles, chuckling. _**This one is definitely special. She has similar experience and Rohan won't push for anything crazy. Worth a shot.**_

"It's decided then. Blake, get Adilynne fitted for a outfit fast as possible so Rohan can go over their act. Rohan, I'm pushing your act back two spots to give you more time to work with her. So Bobby your act is pushed back two spots too. Talia, Allegra is gonna get you ice for you ankle and I'm gonna call a doctor and see if I can get anyone here to check it out. Now, let's go. We have a show to do." Everyone splits into groups, Blake taking her by the hand.

"So how did you meet Rohan?"

"Uh, I forgot my jacket yesterday and went back to get it and saw him practicing. He saw me and we just talked for a bit."

"Really? So what brings you backstage?"

"Tim and Arjun did. They said I should get some more time with Rohan." Blake smiles.

"Interesting...looks like you'll get quite a bit of time to spend with him tonight."

*********

She steps out of Blake's room wearing an emerald green one piece covered in sparkles with a short skirt and green flats. Blake also did her make up, gold eyeshadow shimmering on her eyelids, red lipstick and body glitter sprinkled over her chest. Her brown curly hair was put into a tight bun, a few curls hanging loose around her face. _**I feel so silly getting all dressed up...I do like this outfit though. The color really pops with my eyes.**_ Rohan smiles when he sees her. 

"You look beautiful." She blushes.

"I feel like I'm dressing up for a ballet recital as a kid again." **_Ballet, huh?_**

"You did ballet too?" She shrugs.

"My dad wanted me to have experience in everything."

"He sounds like an interesting man."

"He is. But we should focus. What's this act?"

********

She stretches as she waits for their turn. She lets out a deep breath, her stomach hurting. _**Don't do this to me now. Why does this happen every time I'm about to go on? It happened every time with cheerleading and gymnastics too.**_ She stands up, closing her eyes. She continues her deep breathing, trying to get the nausea to calm down. **_Breathe. Relax. Don't force. You've got this. You can do this. It's simple tricks, nothing too crazy. You're great at flips, you can do this._**

"Here." She opens her eyes, seeing the man with dreads standing in front of her. He was holding a tiny piece of ginger and peppermint leaves. "Take your pick. They help with nausea."

"Do....do you eat them?" He smiles.

"The ginger, yes. The peppermint leaves, I don't see why not. I just chew on them though. Sometimes just the smell is enough." She smiles at him, taking the peppermint leaves. _**Why didn't I know about this?**_

"How'd you figure this out?"

"My mum. She taught me this trick when I was little." _**He's definitely not American with that accent.**_

"Well thank you."

"Anytime. We stick together." Rohan walks over to her, seeing the peppermint leaves. He smiles.

"Happens to all of us. He's a genius, right? It definitely helps." She chews on the peppermint leaves. "Okay, you exit on the left while I got right. They'll show me first and then they'll show you. You've practiced the moves, and honestly, you were great. Just ignore the ground part. If you get nervous, just look at me." She nods, rinsing her mouth out. "You good?" _**Nope.**_

"Yeah, I've got this...right?" He takes her hands.

"You're gonna be amazing, I know it. If you get too nervous or can't do a trick, scratch your ear." She looks at him confused. "It's our signal to go with plan B. If you use it, I got it. I know what to do. But you can do this, I know you can."

"You really think so?" _**Why is he putting so much blind faith into me??**_

"Absolutely." Arjun comes up to them, looking at them.

"You ready?" They both nod. "Get into places." She looks at Rohan, her anxiety flaring up. He squeezes her hands gently.

"I won't let you fall. Do you trust me?" _**Somehow I trust him completely. Why?**_

"Yeah, I do." He kisses her softly, her nerves going away. _**He should've done this to begin with.**_ He pulls away.

"That was for luck." She bites her lip.

"I thought it was for nerves, cause it definitely helped."

"Then maybe it'll work for both." He kisses her cheek. "See you on the other side." She takes a deep breath, getting into place. From her spot on her pole she could see everything, looking over the crowd carefully. She closes her eyes, tapping into her performance mindset. _**You've performed hundreds of time, you've done all kinds of amazing tricks. You know all the moves, you know the act. Rohan knows what he's doing, you know what you're doing. And this time they won't score your performance. This is all just for fun. No pressure, just let your body do what it was trained to do.**_ She opens her eyes, her confidence spreading through her slowly. Rohan flashes her a smile and gives her a thumbs up. She smiles back, taking a deep breath. **_I guess it's time for me to take a leap of faith._** Everything plays in slow motion, Rohan catching the hat, tossing it to her. She catches it, bowing before she puts it on her head. She grabs the swing, sitting on it, blowing a kiss to the crowd. She drops the hat back down to Bobby, seeing him smile up at her. She meets Rohan's eyes, unable to stop smiling. _**You've got this, hun.**_ She flips upside down, her legs holding onto the swing. Rohan takes her hands, holding on tight. She lets go with her legs, letting him swing her. She swings her legs to keep the momentum going. "Don't close your eyes. You got this?" She nods.

"I've got it." With one big swing her throws her high enough to do a flip, she catches the bar to her swing on the way down. The crowd cheers, making goosebumps spread across her skin. _**I did it! I'm really doing this! I can do this!**_ She slips her legs onto the swing, pulling herself back up. She confidently lands the rest of the tricks. At the end they both stand on the big hoop, smiling at the crowd. He smiles at her.

"You were amazing. I knew you could do it." She blushes at his praise. _**Do I tell him that seeing him made me feel like I could do this?**_

********

Backstage his closest friends surround them, praising both of them. Tim nods in her direction, looking at Rohan.

"Looks like you found a good substitute. You're gonna need her for a couple shows." A worrisome expression appears on Rohan's face.

"The doctor came?"

"Yeah, he's here now." Rohan takes her hand, walking over to where Talia was. _**Opt. Doing this again, okay.**_ They get there just as the doctor holds out a paper with instructions to her.

"Make sure you stay off it if you want to heal faster." She looks over seeing them holding hands. 

"You can just hand it to him, he'll be helping me out. _We_ are partners after all." _**And she hates me, amazing.**_ The doctor looks behind him, seeing them there. 

"Oh, hi, I'm Dr. Koh. Here are some tips and after care instructions." Rohan smiles at him.

"Thanks, we appreciate it." 

"Not a problem. I'll be coming to check on her for the next couple days. So I will see you tomorrow." 

"Okay, sounds good. See you soon." Talia looks her over, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm not sure green is your color, but whatever makes you happy. Anyway, how was it? You didn't mess it up, did you?" Rohan frowns.

"No, she was amazing. Stop being so rude."

"Sorry if I'm not happy that I'm in danger of being replaced." Adilynne shakes her head quickly.

"No, I don't want to take your place. Never. You're so much better at this. I'd never even consider replacing you." Talia rolls her eyes.

"I've heard that before...until they tried to replace me. I need to go rest, Rohan, can you help me to my room?" He looks at her a minute, frowning. "Unless you don't want me to get better...." He sighs, his expression softening when he looks at Adilynne.

"I'm sorry. I won't be long." He kisses her hand. "Wait for me?" She smiles and nods.

"Okay." _**Will he actually come back? Or will she talk him into ghosting me?**_


	3. June 2, 2019: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This character is a bit more like me in this one. That's partly why I've focused so much on the 'take a leap of faith' part. That's something that's struck a chord with me recently. Thank for the support. Comments and kudos appreciated! 😊❤

She finds Blake in her room.

"Hey!" She hugs her. "You were so great!!" Adilynne blushes, smiling. _**It wasn't that amazing, just some simple flips.**_

"Thanks, it was definitely interesting. I've come to return your costume."

"Oh, but it looks so good on you. Besides, you'll need it for a while." She shakes her head.

"Nope, I'm not doing any more shows." Blake raises her eyebrows, letting her in. She starts wiping off Addy's make-up, frowning.

"Why don't you wanna do anymore shows? I thought you liked it." _**I do...but I'm not trying to have anyone else think I want to replace Talia. I don't. I'm not a circus act kind of person.**_

"I did, I do. It's just...not right for me."

"But why?" She sighs.

"I don't want to take Talia's spot. And I don't want her to hate me for doing the show in her place."

"It's only until she's healed though. It's not permanent. If you decide you want to come with us, then we'll find an act of your own to be a part of. Or maybe join someone else's." _**Did she really just say if I decide to come with them? Talia would definitely hate me then.**_

"I don't think she'd like that. She seems to hate me but I don't know why."

"She's like that. She has a crush on Rohan, but he doesn't like her like that anymore." 

"Anymore?"

"They used to date." _**Red flag number one.**_

"For how long?"

"A year I think."

"A year???" _**Red flag number two.**_

"Yeah, it was like a fell out of love type thing. But she still has feelings for him so she thinks any woman he talks to is a threat. And since it's very obvious he actually likes you, she's decided to hate you."

"That's not fair. I haven't done anything. And this could still turn out to be nothing."

"How come? You seem to like him." **_He is gonna be leaving soon though. I wouldn't be a permanent part of his life._**

"I do, but you're all gonna be going away in a couple weeks...wouldn't it be stupid to get involved?"

"Depends on the person. Sometimes when you meet the right person they're worth the risk." She looks at her plain face in the mirror as Blake takes down her hair. _**There is nothing about me that is as eye catching as Talia. I'm pale, she's gorgeously tan. Her hair is a beautiful black while mine is mousy brown. She looks so glamorous without make-up, I need make-up to look even half as glamorous.**_ "Look, life is gonna be full of hard choices. There's always gonna be a risk, you just have to decide if the outcome is worth the risk. But you'll never find out if you just walk away without even testing the waters."

"So what should I do then?"

"Keep getting to know him. See what's there, that way it'll be easier to decide if it's worth it." She sighs. _**This isn't a smart choice.**_

"It just doesn't feel like a good idea. I don't want to get attached." She meets Blake's eyes in the mirror.

"That's the part that makes it exciting. If you two want to be together, you'll figure it out. Just relax and take this time to get to know him. See what's there, figure out if you two have something. Ignore Talia, she's just jealous he doesn't want her." _**This already is starting to feel like too much. I don't want to deal with her catty comments all the time. I live a peaceful life, I don't have to deal with this.**_

"Maybe it's not worth the drama with her."

"You're gonna take him out of the running without even giving him a real chance because of his jealous ex?"

"I don't like drama. I don't like women turning on each other and saying nasty things. I just don't have the headspace for this."

"Well, it's up to you. But for what it's worth...." She turns to look at her. "I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you...even Talia. I think it could be something really special. It's obvious you two have chemistry, you let him throw you around from hundreds of feet in the air. That takes a lot of trust. Just...take your time to think about it. Don't decide just yet." She smiles at her, hugging her.

"Thanks, I appreciate all your help tonight." _**I really do like Blake. She's really supportive, is she always like this or just because I'm new?**_

"Anytime, hun." 

********

For an hour she convinces herself over and over he would come. He would be there. She finally accepted he wasn't coming, trying to hide the hurt she felt. She scolded herself silently walking towards the exit. _**He's with Talia, why would he bother coming back? She needs his help and he can't leave her behind...which he shouldn't. She needs to heal.**_

"You alright?" She sees the man with dreads looking at her with concern, a grooming brush in his hand. He stood in front of a chestnut mare, three other horses to his left. The floor was covered in hay, food holders for the horse's feed and small trough's for water in each pen. The horses were kept in simple pens they had to build at every stop, that's why they were outside. No one wants animals inside their building most of the time. Also why they didn't have many animals to behing with. She smiles faintly.

"I'm fine, just lost in thought."

"Wanna talk about it? I'm a great listener."

"I don't even know you're name..." He laughs.

"Shit, my bad. I'm Bobby." He holds out his hand, shaking hers gently. "Now that you know my name...wanna talk about it?" _**You're still a stranger, hun.**_

"Not yet."

"That's cool. Wanna help me and the lads with the animals?" _**Might as well do something.**_

"What do you want me to do?"

"You ever groomed a horse before?" He holds out the grooming brush to her, wiggling his eyebrows. She rolls her eyes, taking the brush.

"I guess I can help you ease your chores so you don't have to do all of them." 

"Damn, you figured out my plan?" 

"Apparently. You're not very good at hiding it, are you?"

"Nope. Secrets aren't my strong suit." She smiles, brushing the chestnut mare closest to her. _**I like this guy, he's got banter.**_ "So what do you normally do?"

"Uh, study. Go for walks, workout, read, write, paint. Sleep. Eat." He chuckles.

"Sounds...interesting. What do you do with your mates?" _**Not his style, huh?**_

"I don't really go out."

"Why?" She pauses trying to come up with an excuse besides she didn't want to.

"My dad is difficult."

"But you're an adult." _**Why does everyone always go to this? Why can't they just accept I actually like being around my dad?**_

"And I still live with him. And he's paying for my classes. So he gets a say until I move out. He really is a great man...just... protective."

"I think you should still get out once in a while. If you did, you'd get to discover all kinds of things about yourself."

"Like what?"

"Like that you are amazing at the trapeze act. A natural." She blushes. _**Wow. None of them are letting this go, are they?**_

"That's not my thing."

"Why not?"

"Just...didn't feel right." _**More like I'm not getting into a love triangle.**_

"It looked like it did. You two have some real chemistry." _**Nope.**_

"I'd rather not talk about Rohan right now."

"Okay, no problem. Hey, have you ever ridden a horse?"

"I used to do it all the time when I was little. I haven't had much time recently."

"What are you studying?" _**I can already tell it's not gonna be his style.**_

"Promise not to make fun of me?"

"Cross my heart." She holds out her pinky. 

"Pinky promise?" He smiles, hooking his pinky with hers.

"Pinky promise."

"I want to be a librarian."

"That's...interesting." She laughs. _**Called it.**_

"You made that very believable." 

"No, really. It suits you. It's just way to tame for me. I like people and noise and exciting things. Libraries are calm and quiet."

"They're not for everyone. But I love books and reading and sharing my thoughts and opinions on books. I like introducing people to the world books can offer and it just...I don't know. Reading lets me travel wherever I want to go...which is nice when you don't go out."

"You could try going out though." _**I could and I can...but I don't want to.**_

"Not without my dad."

"He let you out right now."

"He actually doesn't know...he's on a business trip." She looks at her watch. "Which I actually need to get going so I can call him." She looks back in the direction of Talia's room, sighing. Bobby notices the change in her face, clearing his throat.

"Well, you should come back tomorrow. Give it another shot." She shakes her head.

"No, I've got a lot to do tomorrow. It was great meeting you though." 

"Anytime, lass." She smiles. _**There it is, there's the clue I needed.**_

"So it's Scottish?"

"What is?"

"I couldn't pinpoint your accent. It was hard to tell, I haven't heard much Scottish accents." He smiles at her.

"Glasgow to be exact. Born and raised...until I ran off to join the circus."

"Why did you join the circus?"

"I'll tell you next time I see you."

"What if you don't?" He taps the tip of his nose.

"Then it'll be a mystery forever." She rolls her eyes, walking away. 

"Bye, Bobby." He shakes his head, going back to the horses. 

"Addy!" She turns just before the exit, seeing Rohan running over to her. "I'm so sorry it took me so long."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I kept you waiting all this time."

"It's fine, really. She needs you right now." He shrugs.

"Well...I'm not the only one here so she doesn't need _me_ she just needs someone."

"But she's your partner. You should be the one taking care of her."

"We do an act together, we're not tied to each other otherwise. It doesn't have to be me all the time." _**But you do have ties to each other, she's literally your ex-girlfriend.**_

"From what I've heard, you two have a lot of ties." He frowns.

"Who told you what?"

"Just that you two dated a while."

"Oh...that. It was a long time ago. We moved past it, it's innocent." **_I've heard this before._**

"It's fine, I'm not worried."

"Really? You're not just saying that?" _**Doesn't matter, does it?**_

"Yes, really. I'm fine, you don't owe me anything."

"Well...I mean I guess not. I just...I don't want you to think that...she's something you should be worried about." 

"Why does it matter so much anyway? We just met yesterday."

"I mean...yeah. But I...I thought...I mean I like you." _**It's just simple attraction, nothing serious. We just met. There's no way he actually likes me.**_

"You barely know me."

"But what I do know, I like. And I want to know more. I think...I want to see what's there." _**Wait what?**_

"What do you mean?"

"I feel a spark, which is new to me. And I want to see what it is, what's there." _**Fuck. I definitely feel it too...but there's so many reasons why we shouldn't do this. Is it worth the risk? Blake said sometimes the best things happen when you risk it all...does she think this is one of those times?**_ She sighs.

"I'm not sure, Rohan. You leave in a couple weeks."

"I know...but we have now." _**I mean true...**_

"I'll think about it. But my dad comes back in a couple days and I won't be able to see you after that." He nods slowly, looking down.

"So I guess you won't be filling in until she gets better then?" _**Why would I do that?**_

"No, I'm sorry."

"Why not? I mean, you were amazing out there." _**Because your partner, and ex-girlfriend, already hates me after one fill in. Imagine what she would be like if I kept doing this.**_

"Because I don't belong at the circus. And I don't belong in her act."

"It's not just her act, it's mine too. And everyone belongs at the circus, that's what makes it the circus."

"She already hates me after one act. I don't have the headspace for this catty thing she's got going on."

"So just ignore her." _**Gee, I never thought of that.**_

"It's not that easy. Look, I gotta go call my dad." He grabs her hand before she can walk away.

"Adilynne, please. At least let me see you again. I think you're amazing and there's so much I want to know about you. I'm not in town for long, but I am here now. This doesn't happen to me often, if at all. I don't think it's ever happened to me. Can I at least see you again?" She looks at him a long time. _**I feel this too. I've never had this with anyone before...but he leaves. What if my feelings only grow stronger and then we have to say goodbye? I love the way he looks at me though. His smile, his laugh. The electric shock I feel when we touch, his care free attitude. He's adventurous and handsome. He's fun and exciting. Which is a major change of pace...**_

"I'll think about it. I have a lot to do so it's gonna be hard to escape." She sees the disappointment flash in his eyes.

"Oh...okay. I, uh, I hope I see you soon." She gives him a faint smile, walking away.

********

He sighs, heading to his room. 

"Rohan." He turns to see Bobby walking towards him. "You alright, mate?" _**Not really.**_

"Yeah, I'm fine." He answers dejectedly.

"You don't sound fine."

"I am." Bobby crosses his arms.

"Really? Then why do you look like a puppy that just got kicked?" Rohan smiles, motioning in Adilynne's direction.

"I just...I don't know. I think I might be messing this up already. I really like her and I want to keep seeing her. I want to know more about her...but she doesn't seem interested. And someone told her about Talia so now she's probably gonna be worried all the time that something is going on there. And I...I don't want her to think that. There's nothing there. I want...her."

"Have you told her?"

"I just did. She still didn't seem convinced. She says she doesn't belong here or something. I think she feels out of place...which is bullshit because we're a circus. Everyone has a place here...especially her. What do you think I should do?"

"Dinnae ken, keep trying? I don't really know her, I can't help you much. I'm sorry, mate." _**I already figured that much. She's not like other women though, I don't think just trying would work.**_

"Thanks, man." He rubs his neck. _**I'm exhausted, I need to just be alone right now. I've got to try and figure this out.**_ "I'm gonna call it a night. I'll see you tomorrow." He walks off, his thoughts turning over and over in his head. 


	4. June 3, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun setting the background for their relationship in this chapter. I hope you like it as much as I do. Thank you for your support! 😊❤

She stared at the paper in front of her, the eraser of her pencil tapping against the oak table. She struggled to focus on her assignment, every thought going back to Rohan. She looked around the study, taking in the comfort it always gave her. The table she sat at was placed in one corner of the room, a big oak desk in the middle of the room. Shelves full of books lined three of the walls, a big window taking up the fourth. Two chairs placed in front of the window, a small table in between them. She looked out the window to see a couple walk by holding hands, making her think about the tingles that shot up her arm when Rohan touched her hand. **_Why can't I get this man out of my head? I just saw him yesterday. We barely talked...although we have kissed quite a bit. He's a really good kisser. What am I doing?? I need to be focusing on my work. Ugh, why can't I focus right now? You know what, all I need to do is take a bath. A hot bath with bath salts and bubbles and candles and music. Maybe I'll make it really glamorous with a face mask too, make it feel like I'm getting pampered._** She chuckles to herself. _**Why do I think I'm so funny?**_

She lays in the bath until the bubbles disappear, conning herself into thinking she was in a hot tub somewhere far away. _**Maybe Colorado. Or California. No, it's gotta be somewhere that's low speed. Oh! Connecticut. Is Connecticut slow paced?**_ She hears the doorbell, frowning. **_Who the hell is that? Who knows I'm in Connecticut?_** She smiles to herself, rolling her eyes. _**I swear I'm entertaining.**_ She quickly walks to the door, her big fluffy robe wrapped around her. As soon as the door opened she blushed, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Rohan? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

"I know this is really creepy and I'm sorry. But I ran into your friends you were with the first night in town and they told me where you were. I didn't like ask to be all creepy, I promise. I was just like 'have you talked to her? What's she up to?' And then the really hyper one was all 'She's definitely at home, just go ask her yourself.' And then I was like 'I would if I knew where she lived. Hahaha. Just kidding.' And then she told me where you lived...." She smiles at him. _**He's rambling again. Cute.**_ "And now I just realized how stupid that all sounds...so...I'm gonna go now." He takes a step back. 

"Rohan."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to come in?" He smiles at her.

"I was really hoping you'd look past that whole weird thing I just did and ask me that."

"Oh, I'm not looking past it. But you can still come in." He shrugs.

"Worth it." He steps inside, looking around. "So...are you rich?" She laughs.

"Not exactly but we're well off. You can wait in there while I go get dressed."

"Aww, but you look great in that." She arches an eyebrow, making him blush. _**Don't try it, hun.**_ "I didn't think I said that out loud. I thought it was more like a joke to myself...but I guess I actually said that. I'm just gonna stop talking until you get back....maybe not even then." She bites her lip, watching him sit down. _**He is so adorable. He gets so flustered and nervous all the time. He's making it hard to resist.**_ Up stairs she quickly threw on a red tank top and yoga shorts. His nervous rant played over and over in her head, making her smile.

********

He looks around at her place. It wasn't fancy, but definitely nice. Everything matched, dark wood floors, brightly painted walls, no dust or dirt anywhere in sight. It smelled like flowers, there were actual curtains up that matched the color scheme of the room: black and white. Three fluffy black couches forming a square in front of a huge TV, a set of white chairs in the corner in front of the huge window. Family pictures decorated every wall, almost every spare inch covered with a photo. He looked at the pictures, smiling. One picture showed a picture of, what he assumed were her parents, and her during a picnic. She had her dad's eyes, but everything else looked just like her mom. Her curly hair, the shape of her smile, her cheekbones, the same nose, the same freckles. Except her mom's eyes were blue. Little Addy sat between them, a massive grin on her face. She wore a purple dress, matching both of her parents while holding a little teacup. In front of them on the ground was a teapot and two more teacups.

She walks back in and plopped on the couch next to him. He loved the way she looked with her hair up in a messy bun, loose curls hanging out. She never wore make up from what he could tell, which he really liked about her. Her plain black diamond earrings popped against her pale skin. He noticed two freckles on her chest, looking out of place. She was definitely fit, her shorts showing off her toned butt. _**I have no clue what to say.....come on, Rohan. Say something!**_ He clears his throat nervously. 

"Um, so....how are you?" She smiles at him, leaning on her hand. _**Really? That's what I went with? Might as well have asked about the weather.**_

"I'm okay. How are you?"

"I'm alright..."

"How's Talia?"

"She's good. Still can't perform."

"Did you perform alone last night?"

"Yeah, not as many claps. I think they mostly just like seeing a pretty girl up there." 

"Yeah? I can see that. Women tend to catch attention more than men. Probably because they like to look at our asses."

"To be fair, you tend to have some really nice asses. Especially you." She raises her eyebrows. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. _**Bro, chill! Tone it down, you don't know her good enough to say things like that. Why do I have no filter?**_ "Not that I looked...I just-it...I can't cover that one up, I'm sorry." She laughs, making him smile.

"It's okay. Calm down, don't be so nervous."

"You're not offended I just admitted I've definitely checked out your ass?"

"No, not this time." _**Really? She's so different from other girls. She's not all uptight and worried about trying to impress me.**_

"You're different...in a good way." She shrugs.

"I get that a lot. Well, at least the different part." He nods slowly, looking around the room.

"So...I noticed you hadn't come back..."

"I told you I'd be busy."

"All I'm gonna say is...you were taking a bubble bath when you answered the door."

"One, how did you know that? And two, I needed to relax. I've been pretty stressed out and I couldn't focus."

"You had bubbles on your toes. And you smelt like lilac...it was either bath salts or bubbles. I do live with a bunch of women." She squints her eyes. "And if you needed some stress release, you could've come to me. I'm really good at making people relax."

"Oh?" She bites her lip, blushing. _**I didn't mean that way...but I wouldn't turn that down either. Definitely thought about it.**_ He clears his throat nervously again.

"I mean, I didn't mean it like that...but that too. I meant I can show you stretches and shit that'll help ease the tension in your body."

"Like yoga?"

"Sort of but I guess not. It's not all 'downward facing dog' or whatever. More like stick your leg up in the air like this and turn your body this way." She laughs.

"Okay, I'm intrigued. Care to show me some stretches?"

"I'd love to. And not just because I want to look at your ass again." She swats his arm. "I'm sorry, I'm just like that. My bad." She laughs again, putting her hands on her hips.

"So where do you want to do this? In here, outside, in the gym."

"The gym?? You have a gym?" 

"Not a gym per se, just a room we have some weights, and a couple exercise machines."

"So a gym?"

"Can you just answer the question?" 

"How about we go outside? It's perfect weather today."

"Okay." She leads him out back, choosing a spot under a shaded tree. He looks around the huge back yard.

"Damn, nice yard. It's huge. Are you sure you aren't rich? You got a huge yard, a huge house, a nice house, your clothes are the expensive name brands...I'm pretty sure I saw a maid." She frowns.

"No." _**What?**_

"No what?"

"I know where this is going and my answer is no."

"What are you talking about?"

"This always ends the same way when a guy sees my home. They start talking about getting serious, getting married, moving in together. The answer is no." He frowns. _**Hold on, she actually thinks I want this? Did guys really take advantage of her like that? She can't be serious.**_

"Guys have actually asked you that?"

"Yeah. That's why I stopped dating....you aren't interested in that?"

"No, I'm not. I love being in the circus. I get to travel and see all kinds of places. I don't want any of your stuff. I don't even care about your money. I liked you before I knew where you lived, remember?" She blushes, looking down. 

"I'm sorry. So, uh, what are these stretches?" As he does stretches with her he couldn't stop the anger he felt thinking about guys trying to use her. _**I can't believe guys actually asked her to marry them so they could get her money. Who the fuck does that? No wonder she's so guarded. She completely stopped dating it happened so much. Did any of them cheat on her too? Probably. It would make sense why she thinks she's getting between me and Talia. There's nothing there though. I don't want Talia.**_

"Rohan?"

"What?"

"We already did this arm."

"Oh shit. My bad." He shows her a few different stretches for her back, arms, legs, shoulders. Her flexibility somehow surprised him when he knew she was a gymnast and a cheerleader. She did every stretch effortlessly. His mind wandered back to the guys that played her, remembering the wall she quickly put up with him. _**She's so used to guys wanting to use her she knows exactly how to shut them out. She was so quick to defend herself. Is that why she's so hesitant to even get to know me?**_

"What's wrong?" He looked into her bright green eyes, the concern in them making his heart pound. _**I'm pissed you've been used so much it made you stop dating.**_

"Nothing, why?"

"You're frowning." 

"Oh, uh, it's nothing."

"You can tell me." He looks at her a minute. **_I've gotta know more about this. She knows something's on my mind and I can't stop thinking about this. I need to know what she's dealt with._**

"How many guys tried to use you?"

"A lot. Most of them."

"Did any of them cheat on you?"

"All of them."

"So they really were only after your money."

"Some of them said they cheated on me because I wouldn't have sex with them." _**Was it like a 'you're using me so now I don't wanna sleep with you anymore' thing or is it a 'I'm not feeling it with you' thing?**_

"You don't have to answer this, but why didn't you?"

"I want it to be special. And some of them had quite a few partners, I was worried I wouldn't be good at it...I'm not exactly experienced." She blushes, avoiding his eyes. _**Hold on...is she implying what I think she's implying?**_

"Wait...do you mean what I think you mean?" 

"Well....probably." **_Probably? It's yes or no, babe._**

"You're a...virgin?" She nods. _**Uhhh...**_

"I know. A 23 year old virgin. It's ridiculous." _**She actually feels embarrassed about this? That's what's ridiculous. I don't need sex from her, I love just talking to her. I mean I've thought about what it would be like to be with her, but I think more about learning about her life than that.**_

"It's not ridiculous. Sex isn't the only thing in a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex." She looks at him, an unreadable look on her face. _**Is that what the other guys told her too?**_ He stands up. "The others are a little more...intimate." He holds out his hand to help her up.

"How intimate?" _**Why?**_

"Uh, one requires me to, um, get...it's kind of like...I mean...it..."

"Does it hurt?" _**That can go either way.**_

"I'm gonna need you clarify that one. That question can go either way." She smiles.

"The stretch you're talking about."

"For you, probably not. You're really flexible." 

"Show me." **_Does she realize how close we're gonna get?_**

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's just stretching." He clears his throat nervously, scratching his head. **_Do I do this because I want to be close to her or do I not do this because I don't want her to think I just want sex?_**

"Uh, okay. Tell me to stop whenever." He pushes her leg back towards her shoulder, having to lean over her so he could push it far enough. His right hand rested on the top of her left thigh, stopping it from lifting. The way he was over her definitely brought back the thoughts he didn't want to think about at that time. _**Don't give her creeper vibes. Don't give her creeper vibes. Don't get turned on. Don't get turned on. Don't get turned on.**_

"Rohan?" He looked around the yard.

"Yeah."

"Are you uncomfortable?" He smiles, looking at her. _**How can she read me already?**_

"A little."

"Why? I know I'm not the first girl you've been this close with." _**None of those girls were her. None of them made me feel this way. And it has to mean something for her to let me this close. What if she's only doing it because she doesn't want me to stop talking to her? It wouldn't happen of course.**_

"Because...I feel like I'm invading your privacy. We've never been close like this. And you don't let guys get close to you like this."

"I said I haven't had sex, not that I haven't done stuff. I'm not a complete stiff. I'm actually pretty good at the other stuff." He blushes again, making her smile. _**Oh my...now that's a way to get my imagination going.**_ "You're cute when you blush." He stands up. **_Dude, chill._**

"That's, uh, that's probably enough for now." Crossing her legs on the ground she smiles at him, her green eyes glowing in the light peaking past the leaves. 

"I've never seen you like this."

"You've only seen me at the circus, I'm fully confident there. It's like I said before, we've never been close like that."

"It's cute I make you nervous." He smiles at her. _**You think so?**_

"I'm not used to being nervous. I can handle being close but that was a different level of close." She stands up getting so close that her face was within inches of his. 

"Really? So me being so close doesn't make you nervous?" _**Nope, definitely really nervous right now.**_ He clears his throat. 

"Uh, not as bad." She wraps her arms around his neck, standing on her tippy toes, her lips centimeters from his.

"What about now?" **_Damn, this girl is killing me. She knows exactly what she's doing._** His voice cracks.

"Yeah, that did it." She giggles, closing the distance between them. _**I will never get enough of this feeling.**_ He fights the urge to let his hands move from her hips. The sound of a car door makes her break their kiss. After a minute she hears another one, panic showing in her eyes.

"You need to go."

"What, why?" Every step they took inside she peaked around the corners, like she was making sure no one would see him. _**What's going on? Is her dad home?**_

"Addy?" She freezes, looking around.

"I'll be right there!" 

"Who's this?" They turn to see a man with short brown hair and green eyes standing there. He greets Rohan with a smile, holding out his hand. "I'm Alex, Adilynne's dad."

"I'm Rohan. Nice to meet you, sir." Adilynne looks at her dad nervously.

"So, uh, it didn't go well. They said no." She frowns, forgetting Rohan was there.

"What? Why? I thought it was small enough it was possible." He shakes his head.

"They said there were too many arteries and nerves tied to it. It'd be too risky." _**Wait, what's going on? He doesn't seem strict at all. He completely brushed off the fact I'm here...why? Why did she say he was overprotective?**_

"So...what does this mean?" 

"Chemo is all we got right now." She sighs, looking down. **_Ohhh...he's sick. She looks so...vulnerable right now. But why lie?_**

"Is that something you want to do?"

"Yeah, it's all I have right now." She nods slowly. "But I need to go rest actually. Jet lag." She gives him a faint smile.

"Okay, love you." He kisses the top of her head.

"Love you too, pumpkin." He smiles at Rohan. "It was nice to meet you. I hope to see you soon." 

"It was good to meet you too, sir." Rohan looks back at Adilynne, watching her pick at her nails nervously. She notices him watching her, making her blush.

"Oh, um, right. This way." She leads him to the door.

"Addy? I thought...you said-"

"Don't tell anyone about that. I'm sorry for leading you on, I can't do this though. I don't have time. I'm sorry." The door shuts before he can say anything else. _**What? What just happened? Is she pushing me away because I know about her dad now? Or is it because she feels like she needs to give her dad her full attention? Does she think I'm a distraction?**_

*******

"Ahem." She turns to see her dad leaning against the doorway. "Why did you do that?" _**Damn it. How is he always so stealthy?**_

"I thought you went upstairs."

"I forgot to put my keys back and grab my phone. Why did you do that?" _**We're not having this conversation again.**_

"I don't have time for that right now. We've got things to focus on."

"Adilynne...you need to have your own life. Go out with your friends, go see that guy."

"I just don't have time right now. Between school and the cancer, my focus is split enough. I add anything else my prioritiesare going to start to deteriorate. He leaves in a little less than two weeks anyway. There's no point in getting to know him." _**I need to focus on Dad. He needs me and I need him. I can't let a man distract me from this. I'm not a child anymore, I can help.**_ Alex sighs.

"I can't make you do anything. But I hope you do." He walks upstairs, leaving her alone with her thoughts. _**But I want to be here for Dad. I can't be in two places at once. If I continue this thing with Rohan I'll be missing out on time with Dad...but if I stay with Dad I can't keep getting to know Rohan...and kiss him. Why can't I have just both of them?**_


	5. June 4, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Your support means a lot so feel free to leave me comments. I always love reading them! 😊❤

Her feet resting on the coffee table and a bowl of popcorn in her lap, she was equipped for another lazy night in. If she could ever find something on Netflix. _**Why is there nothing good to watch right now? Kinda wanna laugh, kinda wanna cry.**_ The doorbell rings. **_Who the fuck is that? It better not be him,_**

"Adilynne! Someone's at the door for you!"

"Tell him I'm busy."

"It's not Rohan." She frowns. _**This man knows me too well.**_

"Who is it?"

"Some guy from the circus."

"Which one? There's a million." She walks to the door, seeing Arjun standing there. "You look very different in blue jeans." She comments, looking at his casual attire. A gray shirt with a Boston Terrier Bulldog on the front, paired with light wash blue jeans and vans, from what she could tell, offsethis usual circus attire. 

"I get that a lot."

"So what are you doing here?"

"I need you to perform tonight." _**What? Did he just ask me to perform after I said no?**_

"Why? You've managed the past two nights."

"True, but just barely. He's great, but the crowd wants excitement and Talia still isn't ready to perform. Please? As a personal favor to me? I talked to Talia and she promises to be nice." Alex smiles at her.

"What's this about?" She blushes.

"I helped out the other night at the circus. Apparently, they think I'm good at the trapeze act. But the woman who does it now thinks I'm trying to take her job and you know I don't like drama." 

"You should do it! Ignore her, let it roll of your back. Can I come see it?" He looked at her like an excited puppy, making her smile. He'd always been completely supportive of her. You know those parents that paint their faces in the school colors, wear every piece of school/team pride and cheer unbelievably loud? That was her parents, her biggest fans.

"What? You want to watch me perform at the circus?" _**I shouldn't be surprised he wants me to do it. But I kinda am, it's the circus. Not many parents want their kids in the circus.**_

"Yes, yes I do. They need you or they wouldn't come here to ask." She sighs. **_Damn it, Dad._**

"Okay, one more night. Let me grab some stuff. I'll need to borrow another costume. Dad, be there at 6." She kisses his cheek, following Arjun out the door.

********

"Hey!!" Lottie runs up to her, hugging her. "I was hoping we'd see you soon." Blake runs over, holding Bobby's hand.

"Addy! You're here!" Bobby smiles at her.

"I haven't seen you in ages, did you get taller?" Blake smiles, rolling her eyes at him. 

"What are you doing here?" Lottie asked. Rohan walks out, looking down at his phone.

"Hey, Arj, I was thinking maybe I need to try something different since it's a solo act now. Some new tricks or something until I can get a partner." Adilynne smiles.

"Looks like it's your lucky day." He looks up abruptly, smiling. 

"Adilynne! Are you here for me or the show?"

"Oh definitely the show." Bobby winces.

"Ooh, ouch. That had to have stung." Blake pinches his arm. "Ow! That did sting." Adilynne smiles, walking up to Rohan.

"Maybe it was a little of both." He looks into her eyes. "It looks like you have your partner. Only until Talia is better though." 

"That'll work." Lottie takes Adilynne's hand.

"My turn for the costume!" She laughs, looking back at Rohan as Lottie leads her away. _**Look at the adoration in his eyes.**_

********

The outfit Lottie chose was an all black two piece, showing off her belly button ring. The top had a keyhole neckline, black lace overlining with a black bralette underneath. The skirt was matching black lace attached to black spandex material. Her make up had been done with a gray smokey eye, making the green in her eyes pop more, and red lipstick. Her hair in another bun with loose curls framing her face. Rohan looks at her, staring a little longer than he should've. **_I like that look too. And I like I make him look like that...it's pretty fun being hot._** He cleared his throat.

"I like that one better. The lace...it's, uh, it's nice." She smiles at him.

"I didn't think goth was your thing."

"First I don't have a thing...that didn't come out right. I meant I don't have a type. And second....I forgot my second point." She laughs, walking up to him. _**Adorable.**_

"So what's our act, partner?" He smiles at her.

"I like it when you call me your partner. Know what would sound even better?"

"What?"

"Boyfriend." _**Charmer.**_

"That was very smoothly done, sir." He bites his lip, pulling her close. He rests his hand on her lower back. 

"This one is really doing something for me." She blushes, trying to hide her smile. _**And this is really doing something for me.**_

"Maybe one day I'll let you watch me take it off." She winks at him, waltzing away. Blake walks up to her, looking behind her.

"Girl, whatever you said has him drooling." She smirks.

"Good. He's gonna have to put in a lot of work if he wants his shot."

"I knew I liked you." He walks over to them, clearing his throat.

"So, uh, we should go over the act." 

"Yes, sir." She bats her eyelashes at him. She takes one earring out, dropping it. "Oops." Bending over to pick it up, she catches him clearly checking her out. She stands up, her eyebrows raised. "Rohan, you weren't staring at my ass were you?"

"It was right there and I already told you you have a nice ass. I mean, what was I supposed to do? At least I was nice enough not to grab it." She smiles at him. _**What has gotten into this man? I like it...**_

"Maybe one day you will."

"You're a tease and that's rude." 

"Aww, did she cut you off or is she just not interested?" They turn to see Allegra helping Talia sit down. Talia winks at Rohan. "You don't have to suffer." _**So she wants to play this game?**_ Rohan frowns at Talia before Adilynne leans in, whispering in his ear.

"Maybe I want to figure out what else I can take." His grip on her hips tighten. 

"Holy shit." His eyes shined with desire, making her blush. Her hands slide up his arms slowly, using one hand to bring his lips to hers. The intensity in the kiss took by surprise, making her want more. _**This is definitely new. How can I kiss make me feel so much?**_ She pulls away, leaving them both breathless. "I could kiss you forever, babe." She smiles at him.

"We'll see how tonight goes." Allegra scoffs, making them both turn around. "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you were there." She looks back at Rohan. "Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment." He smiles at her, moving a strand of hair out her face. 

"You're something special, Addy." _**I'm playing a dangerous game right now.**_ She gives him another peck. 

"We need to focus." She gives him another peck.

"You're the one that keeps kissing me." _**Because you're an amazing kisser.**_

"It's hard not to." She lets go of him. "But I'm stopping...for now." 

********

She climbs onto the big hoop, looking down at Bobby's magician act. A flock of colorful birds fly around over the crowd, keeping all their attention. The birds circle around her when Bobby throws his hat up. She puts it on, waiting for the birds to clear. When they get called back, she smiles at the crowd, spotting her dad. A hand on each side, her legs crossed with her toes pointed. The hoop lowers her to the ground so she can climb off. She bows, handing the hat back to Bobby.

"Fancy meeting you here, lass." She smiles, shaking her head slightly. 

"You think you're so funny."

"I'm very funny." She takes a couple steps back, holding her hands up. Rohan swings by, picking her up. He throws her into a flip, she grabs the other swing a few feet above. She catches him this time, swinging him higher so he can grab the next swing. She meets Rohan's eyes, seeing the familiar look of affection in them. _**I will never get over how he looks at me like that.**_ At the end of the act he does a flip, landing on a trampoline, jumping off it and landing on the ground. She takes a deep breath, dropping into a flip before landing on the trampoline, landing into his arms. She waves to the crowd, seeing her dad beaming at her. 

"Is that your dad?"

"Yeah, he said he wanted to come watch." He lets go of her legs, still holding her waist tightly. She leans into him, looking into his eyes.

"I'm glad he got to see how amazing you are. I've never seen anyone be such a natural, it's almost scary."

"Almost?"

"It's mostly sexy."

"Oh?" They bow one more time, holding hands as they enter back stage. Arjun runs up to them beaming.

"They loved it! That was amazing, you guys." A girl with long brown braids smiles at them.

"You two really had the crowd going!" She holds her hand out to Adilynne. "I'm Hope, the one-"

"That does all those amazing tricks while on a horse, right? I thought you were incredible tonight." She doesn't catch the look Rohan had on his face but everyone else did. He couldn't hide how impressed he was with her quick memory, or that she instantly got along with everyone...well almost everyone.

"Aww, you're so sweet. It's great to finally meet you, Addy." She looks at Rohan sternly. "Keep this one." _**Oh really?**_ He rolls his eyes. A man with huge muscles and a strong jaw bites his lip as he looks at Adilynne. 

"If you don't I will. I'm Jakub." Rohan frowns at him.

"Hey, watch it. She's not a thing...and I have a head start." She smiles at Rohan, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Jealous, are we?"

"I don't do jealousy...I just, you know....want to keep your attention." Hope frowns at Jakub. 

"Boy, shut up. Let's leave them to it, you're up soon." Rohan takes her hand.

"Hey...do you mind if we talk?"

"I thought we were talking." She wiggles her eyebrows trying to keep the mood light.

"You know what I mean." _**Right...this conversation.**_

"Yeah, we probably should." He leads her to his room.

"This is the most private place we'll get." She looks around at his stuff.

"It's pretty empty."

"We move around a lot. There's no point in keeping much besides the necessities. Sometimes we stay at hotels and casino's. Sometimes we camp out on the buses or we make our own rooms with the tents like this one. Except this time Arjun used a bunch of like pop up walls or some shit so we could use portable A/C units because Texas is hotter than the sun. It's easier to move around if we have less though."

"I can see your point. I don't think I could live without this much color though."

"Your house is completely black and white."

"Not my room." 

"Maybe since I showed you mine you'll let me see yours." She sits on his bed.

"We'll see." He nods slowly.

"I...I don't know what this is. I keep getting these mixed signals from you. One day you're pushing me out of your house and the next your making out with me and flirting." _**I forgot I shoved him out of the house...**_

"I'm sorry."

"And then your dad...I just don't get it. He seemed really nice but you said he was overprotective. I thought I was starting to get to know you and now...I don't know. I just...I don't know where your head is at."

"I don't really know either. I'm sorry, I know I haven't exactly been very honest with you."

"You don't have to tell me about your dad. I just want to know what you want. The first night we met I felt a spark, then the next day when I saw you I knew it was a spark. Then you leave and don't talk to me. I go to your house and you act like you like me again, until your dad comes home and you push me away again. And then all evening you keep kissing me and shit. I just...I don't know." She sighs, looking down.

"Rohan, I like you. But I've never really done anything like this. The circus and having a connection with someone so quickly. I'm not good at the unexpected. The unpredictable."

"But I still don't know what you want. Do you want to date me, do you want to be my friend, do you want to get to know me?" She shrugs.

"I wish I had an answer. I mean, I do want to get to know you...and dating you has crossed my mind. But how would this work? You're in the circus. Which the only problem I have with that is you're going to be on the move constantly. You're in different cities every month."

"We do get a couple months off time..."

"Even then that's 2 months out of the year we get to be together. And...I know what it's like to be with someone that's gone all the time. You get bored or you feel lonely..."

"Are you worried I'm gonna be like one of those other guys?"

"Yes and no. Except not no....so just yes." He smiles.

"Being cute about it doesn't make it sound better."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do...I've never really felt this way before."

"Really?" She nods, looking at her hands. He sits next to her on his bed.

"So why don't we just get to know each other? No more pushing me away or mixed signals. Just getting to know each other. Then we can start to figure out what we want this to be." She looks at him a minute. "You'll have complete say on how you want this to go. No more kissing, I won't check out your ass anymore, just talking."

"Okay, we can do that...but I like the kissing." 

"Yeah?" He gets a mischievous glint in his eye. "So you won't be mad if I do this then?" He leans over, kissing her with a little more force. _**I need to push him away, I need to stop...but I can't.**_ She pulls him closer, deepening the kiss. He doesn't move his hands from her hip and knee, making her smile. "What?"

"Nothing. But you don't have to stay frozen, you know." 

"Yeah but...they kind of have a mind of their own and I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

"If I get uncomfortable, I'll tell you." She kisses him again. His hand runs to the outside of her thigh, his other hand moving from her hip to her back. He pulls her onto him so she straddles him. _**I definitely likes this.**_ She bites his lip, moaning softly. 

"Don't make that sound."

"But that means I like it."

"But I might lose the little bit of control I have." _**Maybe that's not a bad thing.**_ She kisses his neck, running her hands across his shoulders and chest. 

"You can lose a little bit." He grabs her ass, making her moan again. She kisses him again, pushing herself into him more. She bites his lip again, grinding against him. "Fuck, Adilynne. We need to stop." _**No, not yet.**_

"I don't want to yet."

"If we don't It's gonna go a lot farther than you want it to." She bites her lip, blushing. She looks into his eyes, her heart pounding. **_Maybe I want to...it...feels right._**

"But...what if I do..."

"That's a big decision you can't just make so quickly."

"I said I was waiting for it to feel right...and it does." 

"I would love to...but I don't want you to hate me afterwards." _**Could that happen? Am I making this decision because I'm caught up in the moment?**_ She nods, standing up. 

"You're right...that was stupid to say."

"No it wasn't. I just don't want to rush this." _**We don't have time for a wait and see thing.**_

"Time isn't exactly on our side with this, Rohan. What if we keep holding off and then you leave? Then..."

"What if we do and we end up falling for each other and then I leave?" _**It's gonna suck no matter what, but he was just saying the other day that we have right now.**_

"Either way, you're leaving. We have right now."

"We still don't know what this is and you're ready to just have sex for the first time, just like that?"

"You make it sound so classless...I was thinking it was..." She blushes.

"It was what?"

"Never mind." He takes her hand , pulling her so she stood in front of him.

"Please tell me."

"I was thinking it was...romantic." He smiles.

"Romantic? Losing your virginity at the circus, with a guy you barely know, is romantic?"

"Not when you say it like that."

"Then how would you say it?" She looks into his eyes, combing her fingers through his hair. 

"I'd be losing my virginity to a guy that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since I met him. To a guy that I, for the first time ever, feel something real for...I've never wanted to go this far. It never felt right...not until I met you." He sighs. 

"Babe, this is a big choice. And I'm honored you want me to be the one. And I want to...but I want you to be absolutely sure. Just give it a few more days to think about. Please?" She sees the worry in his eyes.

"You're right. I really should think about this. I'm sorry for putting you in that position." 

"Technically you didn't." She laughs, smiling at him.

"Dork."

"As long as you're the one calling me a dork."

"How about we do some more of this instead?" She kisses him, pulling him closer. "No sex, I promise." He smiles, pulling her closer. _**So basically I'm gonna wait until he tells me I'm ready? Yeah, pretty much.**_


	6. June 5, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you're going to get more of a look into her past, figure her out a bit more...plus it gets a little steamier. Comments and kudos encouraged. 😊❤

With one of her favorite books in her hands and a fresh cup of tea on the table beside her, she looks up at her dad. He reads the paper, sipping his cup of coffee. _**This is one of my favorite parts of our lives. The comfortable silence.**_ Movement out of the corner of her eye makes her look outside, seeing him walking up the walkway to their door. _**Rohan! He's here!**_ She squeals, running outside. He laughs, catching her in his arms.

"Hi to you too." _**Why did I miss him so much?**_ "You don't seem hesitant anymore." She looks into his eyes.

"I guess I decided to take a leap of faith."

********

He looks up in time to see her run to the door, looking out the window in time to see her jump on him. He chuckles to himself. 

"About damn time." He looks over at the picture sitting on the table next to him. A woman that looks just like Adilynne, but with blue eyes, smiles back.

 _ **You think this will be it, honey? I sure hope so. She needs someone.**_ He looks up to see them walking inside, holding hands.

"Good to see you again, Rohan."

"Good to see you again too, Mr. Smith."

"You were great last night. I'm really impressed."

"Thank you, I think Addy was better though." _**Smooth.**_

"She was amazing too. Never would've thought she'd try something like that. She's not one to take chances. How'd you convince her?"

"It wasn't just me, a few of the others helped convince her."

"Well, thank whoever else helped. I haven't seen her have so much fun in a long time." Adilynne blushes at their praise. _**Interesting...he's different from her other boyfriends.**_

"I was gonna make something to eat, are you hungry, Dad?"

"Sure, whatcha making?"

"One-eyed Jacks."

"Er, one-eyed what?" Alex chuckles, standing up.

"One-eyed Jacks is what her mom used to call them. They're basically skillet toast with a cooked egg in a hole in the middle."

"Ooh, I like those. Never heard them called that before though." They sit down at the table together.

"So, how long have you been at the circus, Rohan?"

"Uh, a couple years."

"What made you join?"

"I've always wanted to. I just was drawn to the excitement of the acts, the people, the traveling, the crowds. A sense of adventure I guess."

"Interesting. How's your family feel about it?"

"I haven't talked to them since I joined. They weren't happy about it. They think it's a waste of time and isn't worth anything."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I realize it's not exactly a stable thing, but the others are amazing people. They're like my family, they've always had my back." _**So far so good. Sounds like he has a lot of good influences.**_

"Well, they sound like good people then." She sets their plates down in front of them, sitting next to Rohan. "How long are you in town?"

"About a week and half left..." He replies, a hint of sadness in his voice. Alex looks over to see Adilynne poking at her eggs, lost in thought. _**So she does realize the risk she's taking. I hate seeing her so sad though.**_ He looks back at Rohan. 

"Do you ever stay in town longer? Or do you travel to nearby cities?"

"We spread out quite a bit. We rarely stay more than two weeks, only if we can't pack up and move for some reason."

"Maybe fate will be on your side." Rohan smiles at him.

"I hope so." Adilynne looks over at Rohan, smiling again. _**I haven't seen a smile like that from her in a long time. This is a very dangerous game she's playing.**_

********

She holds his hand, guiding him through the backyard.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm gonna show you my favorite place, well second favorite, in this whole place."

"Second favorite, huh? I don't even get to see first place?"

"You will. But I really wanna show you this place." They turn the corner around some bushes, a small garden covered in flowers appearing. A flower of every color spread along the little stone path, a white bench next to the path a few feet ahead of them. _**I swear I feel like she's with me every time I come here. It looks so perfect.**_ She turns the corner again, revealing a square shaped space. A small fountain with a swan with open wings in the middle. The water poured out from the swans mouth, facing upward. Four benches surround it on every side. Trees planted in every corner, providing shade.

"What is this place?"

"My mom's garden. She personally planted all these flowers. She made this her little escape."

"It's gorgeous."

"It is, isn't it? It was her favorite place on our whole property. Except anywhere I was. She always said where I was made it her favorite place, but this was always a close second."

"She sounds sweet."

"She was. She died when I was 7...cancer." _**So that's why she's so closed off when it comes to her dad being sick. Is that why she lied about him being strict? It's too personal to let just anyone know?**_ She sits down on one of the benches, pulling him to sit next to her. He puts his arm on the back, leaving a spot for her to cuddle into him. "You can ask."

"Ask what?"

"What you're thinking about."

"I don't know what you mean..." She smiles at him.

"I'm guessing it has something to do with my dad having cancer too."

"What? Really? No, of course not." She giggles, pushing him.

"It's okay. It is really hard to see him go through it though. It's still really early for him though, so he's not dying right now. It's stage 1, we managed to catch it early. Which is really rare. We found out about Mom's when it was already stage 4. So she didn't have a chance. She fought though."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this twice."

"Me too...but thanks. That's why I stay home though. I want to spend as much time with him I can. He did used to be really protective of me after Mom died so most of my childhood I didn't go out. It's not that he wouldn't let me really, I could tell it was hard for him to let me go. So I stayed because I didn't want him to be alone. And then when he got diagnosed it kinda gave me a PTSD type thing, so I really just stopped going out." They're quiet a minute.

"Is it the same kind?"

"No. Mom had a brain tumor, Dad has lung cancer."

"He seems like a really nice guy."

"He is. He's the best dad I could ever ask for. We're very close."

"That's sweet. I'm glad you have a good relationship with him." 

"I'd be lost without him. He wants to meet everyone else at the circus."

"He can come back stage after the show."

"I don't know...I don't want Talia to say something."

"She won't. Arjun heard about what she said yesterday before we went on...he was not happy. She wouldn't even look at me today." She smiles.

"I'm glad he's not putting up with it, but I wish she wasn't being excluded."

"She's not excluded, she's injured and throwing a tantrum about it."

"I guess so..."

"Hey, you should invite your friends tonight too."

"Why?"

"They haven't seen you perform, right?"

"I mean...true."

"Do you not want them there?"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want to share you." He laughs, kissing her temple.

"You won't be sharing me."

"But you're hot and neither one of them can stop flirting."

"I did get that sense the other day...you could always tell them to stop."

"It's useless, they don't mean any harm by it anyway."

"So you're okay with your friends flirting with me, but not Talia?"

"You had sex with Talia, it's different."

"I mean...yeah, there's that." She frowns, crossing her arms. He couldn't help but think of an angry toddler when she pouted. "What?"

"I don't like the thought of you two together."

"Then don't think about it." She glares at him, making him smile. "What? If it helps...it wasn't all that great. It just didn't feel right. Kissing you feels me more right than anything I ever did with her..." He takes her hand, tangling their fingers together. "I didn't even feel a fraction of what I feel for you for her." She smiles.

"Really?"

"Mhmm." She lays her head against his shoulder.

"I'll let that slide this time, you can't use that every time though." He laughs.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind." 

********

"Addy!!" They surround her in a big hug, making her laugh.

"Hi! Where's Dad?"

"He'll be here in a minute."

"So what did you think of the show??" 

"It was amazing! You were so great!" Chelsea beams.

"And you're outfit is looks incredible." Priya adds.

"And so did your partner." Chelsea whispers, looking behind Addy. "Speaking of which, here he comes." Adilynne turns to see Rohan walking over with Bobby. _**And so it begins.**_ They both smile at her.

"Lass! You were great tonight." He gives her a brief hug.

"Thanks, Bobby." Priya clears her throat. "Oh, Priya, Chelsea, this is Bobby and I believe you've met Rohan. Boys, this is Chelsea and Priya, my best friends." Priya bites her lip, looking Bobby up and down.

"It's very nice to meet you." He blushes at her gaze. Adilynne leans towards Priya.

"His girlfriend is actually part of the show. Sorry, hun." Priya frowns.

"Boo. If it doesn't work out you can always call me." His eyebrows shoot up.

"Uh...." Adilynne touches her forehead, murmuring to herself.

"Jesus Christ." Chelsea looks Rohan up and down.

"And do you have a girlfriend?" He stares at Chelsea a minute, glancing at Adilynne.

"Uhh...."

"I'm guessing that's a no then?"

"I mean, it's just-well it's...we-I- I mean..." Chelsea bites her lip.

"You're cute when you're flustered." Adilynne frowns but doesn't say anything. _**That's my line. Why is she so hard up on him? She doesn't even know him. Does he like this? Is this what it was like before?**_ Rohan meets her eyes but doesn't say anything. Bobby looks between then three of them, frowning slightly. _**What am I supposed to say? We aren't exactly dating, we're just...doing whatever we're doing. But I don't want him to see other people...I won't.**_

"So how long are you in town for? Any chance I might be able to see you later tonight?" Bobby raises his eyebrows, looking between Adilynne and Chelsea. He meets Rohan's eyes, giving him a 'What the fuck' look. Adilynne clears her throat.

"Actually, Chels, he's not single." _**Nope, this one's mine.**_ Chelsea frowns.

"Boo. Is she here too?" _**I hope he's okay that I said that...I basically claimed him as my boyfriend...**_ He smiles at her, looking back at Chelsea.

"Yeah, she is." They hold hands, unable to stop smiling. Chelsea notices their interaction, her eyes going wide. 

"OMG! I'm so sorry, Addy....but go you." Adilynne rolls her eyes, smiling. 

"Thanks. There are other guys though." 

"Speaking of which, here comes some of them now." Bobby points to Rahim and Tim walking over. She smiles at them.

"Boys! Guys, these are my best friends Chelsea and Priya. Girls, this is Tim and Rahim. Tim is one of the animal trainers and Rahim is one of the flexible workers. He does a bit of everything." Priya meets Rahim's eyes, her usual confidence apparently shaken. 

"Hi......" He shakes her hand, flashing his brilliant smile. 

"Hi, it's nice to meet both of you." Addy watches their interaction with interest. 

"He can lift 250 easy. And he's funny, plus it's adorable when he gets all flustered." Rohan frowns. "It's cuter when you do it though. Anyway, Priya is a model. She's actually on a couple ads that's hung up around town. Rohan leans over.

"Are you trying to set them up?" Tim looks between them, his face giving away that he's clearly weirded out by the amount of eye contact they were giving each other.

"Duh, look at their faces." Chelsea looks between them, smiling.

"This is adorable, love at first sight." Priya and Rahim finally break eye contact, looking away. Chelsea looks at Tim. "So, do you work with all the animals?"

"Not the snakes, I don't do snakes. That's for our guy, Noah. But I have trained the birds, elephants and horses."

"Have you done anything with tigers or any other exotic animal?"

"No, we don't like the idea of keeping exotic animals for our use. We wouldn't have the elephants if we hadn't rescued them from some shady guys. I have no clue what they intended to do with them but it wasn't good. They seemed like poachers. We've talked about letting them go, but we've basically raised them so it's hard to let go." 

"Aww, that's so sweet. Are y'all gonna get anymore after them?"

"Probably not. We've been looking into different shelters and programs to hopefully get them back in the wild where they belong. If we ever do it's gonna be another rescue type thing but next time we'll release them to someone who's better eqquiped to prepare them for the wild." 

"You are so compassionate, OMG. It's so hard to meet a guy so sweet." Tim blushes at her compliments.

"Thanks, it's a common interest with me and Arjun." Addy leans over to Chelsea.

"Tim is Arjun's right hand man. He's pretty powerful around here and the life of the party most of the time." Chelsea bites her lip, checking Tim out.

"Compassionate and powerful, just my type." Rohan puts his arm around Addy's shoulder.

"You totally did that so they would stop flirting with us."

"Yup, plus look at them! They'd all be so cute together."

"Are you gonna be the circus matchmaker now?" 

"I might consider it." He kisses her cheek.

"You're adorable." 

********

They laid in his bed, cuddled up. She had changed into a set of clothes she brought with her, a red skirt and a white lace crop top tied at the bottom. His lamp gave the room a soft glow, giving her skin a sun kissed tint. Her hair was down again, her make-up cleaned off.

"Everyone seemed to love your dad. Rahim seemed to be really into Priya too."

"Yeah, they did. Priya's definitely into him, she was practically drooling over him." He chuckles.

"Yeah, not very subtly either." His mind kept going back to what she had said earlier after the show. _**She definitely said I wasn't single. She claimed me. Does that mean she wants to be my girlfriend now? I thought we were gonna take this a lot slower...does she not want that? I don't want her to feel rushed...but it made me really happy to hear her call me hers. She claimed me.**_ "So I'm not single, huh?"

"Well...no...right?"

"I was hoping you'd saying something."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I already told you you're the only one I wanted." She looks up at him, smiling.

"You meant that?"

"Well, yeah." She sits up, resting her chin on his chest.

"So you're not mad I basically said we were dating?"

"Not even a little." She bites her lip, looking at his lips. Her eyes made his heart beat faster, silently hoping he'd never have to stop looking at them. _**Those eyes...they kill me. They're impossible not to get lost in. This girl already has me so addicted to her.**_ She scoots closer to him, drawing his lips to meet hers. Her leg goes over his hip, his hand runs up her thigh. She bites his lip, pulling him by his shirt onto her.

"You make it hard to say no."

"So don't say no."

"We talked about this, Addy." She looks into his eyes, making his heart almost give it out. "I don't-"

"Rohan...I don't feel pressured. Seeing Chelsea flirting with you...I hated it. I don't...I don't want anyone else to have you. And I only want you to have me. This is what I want." She kisses him softly, making him almost lose his train of thought.

"It's just a big decision."

"I've seen you the past, what, four or five days, all day. We've made out several occasions, we're open with the others about us, my friends and dad know about us."

"This is a really big step...I...don't want you to regret it. Why don't we take it slow?"

"What have we been doing?" He smiles.

"I meant we can do other things but not go there yet." She bites her lip.

"What kind of things?" He kisses her passionately, reaching under her skirt and rubbing her softly outside of her panties.

"This okay?" 

"Is that all you got?"

"Are you challenging me??"

"What if I am? What are you going to do about it?" He bites her lip, rubbing her harder making her lift her hips. _**She knows exactly what she's doing to me. I can't get enough.**_ He lifts the edge of her panties.

"Tell me when." He kisses her, reaching into her panties. She moans softly when he starts rubbing her clit with his thumb. He slides one finger inside of her, a soft gasp escaping her lips. He moans against their kiss. "Fuck you're so wet."

"Cause I've been thinking about being with you."

"Yeah?" He adds another finger, making her moan. "Does that hurt?"

"No." He fingers her slowly at first, the intensity building. "Fuck, Rohan." He moves to her neck, biting it gently. _**Everything about her is driving me crazy right now. Don't rip her clothes off, Rohan, don't do it. Fuck, I love how she says my name. I love the way she kisses me, the way she clings to me like she needs me like I need her. I've been hooked since the moment I saw her.**_ He fingers her faster, her moans getting louder. "Fuck, yes." He moans softly, kissing her again. She arches her back, whimpering loudly. 

"Are you gonna come?" She bites his lip, moaning again. He puts his fingers deeper in her.

"Oh fuck that feels good." He looks down at her, she leans her head against his arm. She moans loudly, lifting her hips up again, squeezing her legs shut. "Fuck!" He bites his lip, watching her orgasm. She stops his hand from moving, her legs shaking slightly. She looks up at him, her cheeks flushed with the post orgasm glow. He kisses her softly, taking his hand away. "I, um, that...that's...that's never...I've never felt..." His eyes go wide. _**Wait, what? She's never had an orgasm?**_

"Wait, was that your first orgasm?" She nods, blushing. "Well, don't be embarrassed. I don't care...I just would've done something else if I knew that was gonna be your first orgasm." 

"Like what?" He kisses her again.

"That's gonna have to wait." He lays next to her on his bed. 

"Tease." He smiles at her.

"I'm apparently gonna be responsible for a lot of first so we're gonna have to slow it down." She pouts, making him laugh. "Don't pout. We've got a little bit of time." She sits up, pulling on his pants.

"Let me at least return the favor." 

"We should just-" She pulls him up, kissing him. _**We need to slow down...**_ She reaches inside his boxers, moving them out of the way. He moans softly, tangling his hands in her hair. **_Fuck, how am I supposed to say no when I want this just as bad._** She bites his lip, gently pushing him to lay down. She licks up the shaft, twirling her tongue around the tip. She takes him all the way into her mouth. "Fuck." He moves her hair out of her face, seeing her gorgeous lips around his dick made it hard not to come. She sucks harder, switching between focusing on the tip and taking all of him in her mouth. _**I wasn't expecting her to be so good at this.**_ He lifts his hips instinctively. She looks up at him, her green eyes meeting his. "Fuck, I'm gonna come." She doesn't break eye contact when he comes in her mouth. He moans loudly. "Fuck." She sits up, licking her lips. "You're driving me crazy, babe." He sits up, pulling her by her legs and making her lay down. He pulls her panties and skirt off. 

"What do you want to do to me?" _**Don't say things like that to me.**_

"I'm showing you what I should've done for your first orgasm." She bites her lip as he nibbles the inside of her thigh, trailing down to between her legs. He puts his mouth on her, making her moan again.

"Oh fuck." He sucks her clit gently, her legs shaking slightly. He holds her hips down to stop her from moving. He loved the way she tasted, the way she shivered from him, the way she moaned. He fingers her as he plays with her clit with his tongue. "Fuck, I'm gonna come." Her breathing quickening, she arches her back. "Fuck, Rohan." She lifts her hips, her juices spreading across his tongue. He sits up, looking at her flushed cheeks. She sits up, pulling him by his shirt to kiss him hard. 

"You're not as innocent as I thought you were." 

"I wasn't like this until you. You're a bad influence...in the best way." Her kisses showed no sign of slowing things down, making him weaker and weaker. _**This girl is killing me.**_

"No sex, Addy."

"Okay." She kissed him again, pulling his shirt off. _**Don't sleep with her yet, don't sleep with her yet. Control yourself, man. Chill, slow it down...even though every time she touches me it drives me insane. Damn, what is she doing to me?**_


	7. June 6, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun bonding the girls with this one, tying everyone together, expanding on the depth of Adilynne. She starts rediscovering herself, realizing she's found love...with being in the circus. Comments are greatly encouraged and kudos appreciated. 😊❤

Her reflection in the mirror made her groan to herself again. This is the third outfit she put on that she instantly didn't like. She'd tried on a bell sleeved shirt and blue jeans, too innocent. That mini skirt and crop top, a repeat of last night's outfit but different colors. The black t-shirt dress she had on now was too laid back. Her dress falls to the floor, slipping on a pair of black skinny jeans and turning her attention to her shirts.

"Addy! Rohan is here." After checking the door was closed all the way, she scanned through her clothes.

"Send him here, I'm almost done!"

"Okay, I've got to get to my meeting! Love you!"

"Love you too!" She grabs an army green tank top and matching flannel. 

"Oh shit." She looks up and sees Rohan staring at her, making her smile.

"I thought you would've knocked like most people do."

"Well when you said almost done I thought you meant you were brushing your hair or doing your make-up, not standing here shirtless...." He blushes and looking away when she walks over.

"I would've thought after last night this wouldn't make you nervous anymore." She walks over to the clothes on her bed, picking up her tank top when she feels arms slide around her. He kisses her shoulder. 

"Not yet." **_I was hoping he'd stop me._**

"I thought you were uncomfortable."

"No, just a little nervous." He moves up to her neck, making her shiver. "Cold?"

"No." He grabs one of her belt loops, turning her around into him. He runs his thumb across her lip, tingles spreading from his touch. He kisses her without hesitation. She melts in his arms, getting lost in their kiss. _**Can he just kiss me forever?**_ She grabs his shirt, pulling him onto her bed. He gets on top of her, moving his kisses to her neck. She sits up, pulling his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. He pulls her to him, kissing her with heat. _**I love how he kisses me like he needs me like I need him. Everywhere he touches sets on fire, every kiss, every bite. He's killing him. I want him so bad.**_ They undress each other, their passion growing with each layer removed. The way he looked at her, laying there naked, made her stomach flutter. "What?"

"You're damn near perfect." He kisses her softly, taking his time playing with her. She makes him lay down, stroking him.

"Should we have a replay of last night?" She bites his lip, moaning softly. She didn't take her time teasing him this time, immediately sucking him the way he liked. She liked the way he looked when she looked up at him. 

"Fuck, Addy." She moans softly, his grip in her hair tightening. She goes until he fills her mouth, her moaning again. He gets on her, pulling her close to him. He kisses her neck. "Want me to return the favor?"She looks into his eyes. **_I don't want to wait anymore. I want him, I want to be intimate with him on a new level. He feels what I feel, I can see it._**

"Make love to me." He looks at her, hesitating. _**Is she really ready for this? I want to, she wants to. I've been putting it off for three days. Does this mean she feels as strongly for me as I feel for her? Is she ready for us to take this step?**_

"Are you sure you want to?" She takes the condom from his hand, putting it on him. "Tell me if you want to stop." She nods, looking into his eyes, laying back down. _**I can't believe she actually wants to do this...how stupid is this right now?**_ He gets between her legs, slowly putting the tip in. She winces. "Are you okay?" She nods.

"Keep going." _**Of course it's going to hurt, Addy. I got this.**_ He kisses her, feeling her relax more. He puts a little more in, stopping and moving slowly inside her until she tells him to keep going. He showers her face, lips and neck with kisses and nibbles, putting her at ease. When he's all the way in, he wipes her cheek.

"Are you okay?" **_Does she regret choosing me yet? Does she still want to do this?_** She nods.

"Yeah, just need a minute." 

"Okay." He kisses her, waiting until she moans before he slowly thrusts in her, being careful not to be too rough. **_This feels so intimate...this isn't just sex, is it?_** As it gets easier to move he slowly builds up the speed, the pain going away. She holds him close, not breaking their kiss.

"Fuck." One of her hands rested on his side, the other held onto his neck. _**This feels so right. Is this good for him? Does he feel this connection too? It's definitely bonded us, it gets better the longer we're together. No wonder Priya and Chelsea go on and on about sex.**_ He moves faster, moaning. 

"Fuck, you're so tight." He looks into her eyes, making her blush. _**Her eyes are so gorgeous, I love the way she looks at me. It's never been so intimate for me.**_

"It feels good now, you don't have to be so gentle." He kisses her, her getting lost in this moment. **_Damn, this is amazing. His lips never leave mine, I swear I can feel what he feels. I love the way he says my name, his moans are so sexy, I like the way he stays so close to me. I don't want this feeling to end. It's better than I could've ever imagined._** She was dizzy from all the passion. She felt the orgasm coming. "Rohan."

"Hmm."

"I'm gonna come." He groans, losing control of himself. _**Why is that driving me even more crazy for her?**_ He got a little rougher, making her moans louder. 

"Fuck, Adilynne." She bites his lip, lifting her hips. **_Holy shit._** She moans loudly, pushing herself into him. 

"Fuck!" She whimpers loudly. 

"I love that sound you make." 

"Yeah? Keep doing this and you'll hear it again." He pins her leg back, going deeper in her. She barely notices the pain, moaning loudly. "Fuck, yes." He rubs her clit, making her arch her back. She holds onto the sheets under them, biting her lip. _**She looks so damn sexy right now. Fucking come for me.**_

"I want you to come again." He kisses her hard, his heart pounding at the intimacy. He bites her lip, sending her over the edge.

"Fuck, Rohan!" He moans loudly.

"I'm gonna come." She whimpers, pushing herself into him. He moans loudly, thrusting into her as he comes. "Fuck." He looks down at her, her heart fluttering. "Are you okay?" She nods, biting her lip. _**We just had sex...and it was amazing.**_ He kisses her before pulling them apart. She points to the laundry basket on her desk chair.

"There's towels in there." He grabs one for her, handing it to her. The sight of blood took her by surprise, making her blush. _**Is that blood?**_ He looks over, pulling his boxers on. **_Is she freaking out now? Does she regret it already?_** He sits down in front of her.

"Hey, relax. That's normal, I promise."

"Really?" He nods, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Really. It's okay." She smiles at him gently. _**How is he so sweet?**_

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so sweet about all this." He kisses her.

"I care about you, I want you to be okay." She gazes into his eyes, feeling herself falling harder for him.

"It was more than okay."

"Yeah? Was I too rough?" 

"No, not at all. Was it good for you?" He kisses her again.

"I'm already thinking about next time. Literally the best I've ever had."

"You must have not had a lot of good sex if sex with an inexperienced virgin is the best you've ever had." He laughs, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek.

"It was. It was really hot knowing I'm the only one you've trusted enough for this...but it felt different for me this time." He looked into her eyes, suddenly feeling really vulnerable. "It was more intimate this time." Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

"Really? It wasn't just me?" 

"No, I felt it too." _**I'm definitely falling for this man.**_

********

Bobby looks over at her while he preps his stuff for his act. The look on her face made him curious as to what made her smile like that. They were much more affectionate together when they came back to the circus to get ready to perform.

"You haven't stopped smiling since you came back with Rohan. Care to share?" Her cheeks felt hot again, betraying her attempt to hide a secret.

"I feel really great about us. I really like him, it feels different now." _**What happened?**_

"Different how? Like you...love him?"

"I've never been in love so I don't know. But it feels different now."

"What changed?" Her already pink cheeks turn red, she avoids his eyes. "Ohh, I get it." Her glare makes him chuckle. "Hey, I'm not saying anything else, I promise. It's none of my business." He turns back to his stuff, letting the silence take over.

"Do you love Blake?" He looks over at Blake talking to Hope. **_She's so gorgeous...she's sweet, caring, feisty, loyal. She's funny, talented. I love her laugh, her smile. All I want is to be with her, day and night. Maybe I do love her._**

"I think I do. She's amazing." He looks back over at Adilynne. "So...what does this mean for you two? Like about your feelings."

"I don't know...how are we supposed to make it work? He's gonna be traveling all the time, I'll barely see him. We can talk on the phone but...it won't be the same. What if someone else makes him forget about me? What if he gives in to his loneliness?" He watches her smile fade, being replaced with worry. _**Is she doubting their relationship now? That face definitely says there's more to it than just sex. He hasn't stopped talking about her since they met.**_

"Who could turn his head? I don't think anyone could ever turn his head."

"It could happen, you know. I won't be there, he'll get lonely, some gorgeous woman throws herself at him...he gets distracted or lets her talk him into forgetting about me..." She looks down, hurt in her eyes. Bobby frowns, looking at her a moment. **_How do I put this so she doesn't get the wrong impression?_**

"Lass..." She looks up at him. "You won't be easy to forget. You're one of those people that leave an impression, and since Rohan gets your special attention he's definitely not gonna forget about you. No one can replace you. You're unforgettable."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And if none of that helps...maybe...you should come with us." She stares at him in shock. _**I kinda wish I hadn't said that...too late now. Ell well.**_

"What? And leave my dad? How can I do that? My whole life is here, everything I love is here. I can't just...that's crazy."

"A lot of us left everything behind to be here. It wasn't always easy, but it's definitely worth it. Not everyone is made for the circus...but some people just fit in. You're one of those people. Everyone here loves you, you're talented, you're pretty...and you'd have Rohan. You'd get to do what you've been doing all week, every single day. If you've never felt this way then that means it's special. That doesn't happen often." She looks over at Rohan talking to Tim. His eyes meet hers, giving her a small wave. 

"I don't even know if he wants that." She waves back, watching him turn back to Tim. **_Spending everyday with him...kissing everyday, cuddling every night, making love all the time. That does sound amazing...but he's never been tied down before._**

"Why not ask him?" She turns to Bobby, throwing an unamused look at him.

"You want me to just go up to him and say 'Hey, do you mind if I join the circus so we can be together?' Doesn't that sound creepy, following him around so he doesn't cheat?"

"You wouldn't be following him around. You'd be in this too, you'd become a part of this. Being with him would be a major plus."

"I can't ask a man after a week if he wants me to runaway with him. That's completely insane. And don't say take a leap of faith. Any guy would run if a girl he'd known a week asked to run off with him." 

"You want to?" Rohan stood behind her, making the blood drain from her face. Her eyes wide, panic slowly creeping up. _**God, he heard me...what the fuck.**_ "I mean...are you thinking about it?" In an attempt to regain control over her emotions she looked away.

"Of course not. That's insane. Excuse me." Escaping quickly, she leaves Rohan and Bobby alone.

"I thought we were passed that."

"Passed what?"

"The whole pushing me away thing." _**Is she worried I'll freak out? I would love that, I didn't think she'd consider it.**_ He looks at Bobby. "What was that all about?"

"She's scared to lose you, she thinks you're gonna forget her after we leave." **_She's absolutely amazing, I'll be thinking about her everyday. There's no way I'd forget her...especially after today. It changed something for me too._**

"I'd never forget her. Not after everything we've been through."

"Been through? Like what? Mate, it's been a week."

"We've been through a lot of stuff that's just between us two. But...I'd never cheat on her." Rohan looks in the direction she disappeared to. Bobby smiles when he sees the look on his face.

"You love her."

"What? That's crazy, no I don't."

"You mean like she thought it was crazy to ask you if you want her to run away to the circus with you?" Rohan smiles.

"Do you think she would've asked?"

"I think if she gets out of her head she would've." Rohan looks back in her direction.

"What should I do?"

"Show her how it feels to take a leap of faith. Make her feel like she belongs with us...I think she does. She fit right in from day one. Show her what she'd be gaining instead of losing." He sighs.

"How has this girl gotten to me so much? How has she become so important to me already? She's all I think about anymore."

"Cause you love her." He smacks Bobby's head, making him laugh.

"If you don't knock it off with that I'll punch you." Bobby rolls his eyes.

"Good luck with that, mate."

*********

Her anxiety wouldn't let her be near him, making her to do everything she could to stay away from him except when it was their turn to perform. As soon as they made it backstage she tried to escape again, feeling his hand take hers.

"Adilynne, please."

"What?"

"I want to talk to you. About what you said."

"I don't want to."

"Don't want to what?"

"Talk about it."

"But you do want to come with me?" She looks at him a minute, remembering what they did earlier that day. _**He was so gentle and sweet. It changed something between us, he felt it too. Whatever this is is strong. The way he looks at me, kisses me, touches me. It proves her really cares about me like I him. Waking up to him everyday, seeing him everyday...that sounds too good to be true. But what about Dad? If I go with Rohan, I'd have to leave Dad behind...and he's sick. I can't leave him behind. He's done so much for me.**_ She knew she could only choose one of them...and she knew who she had to choose.

"No, I don't. That's ridiculous. I barely know you." Her face looked unfazed, except her eyes. Her eyes showed the pain she refused to let him see, quickly running away. Lottie bumps into her, her face instantly getting concerned when she sees her tears.

"What's wrong? What did Rohan do? I swear I'm gonna kill him, where is he? I'm gonna curse him so bad he'll-" Adilynne smiles.

"Lottie. It's nothing, really."

"Then why are you crying?"

"It's difficult."

"Difficult how?" Adilynne looks around, making sure no one was close. Looking Lottie directly in the face at that moment proved to difficult, so she focused on her shoes while she talked.

"We took our relationship to a new level today...for the first time." Lottie looks at her a moment. "For my first time..." Lottie's eyes go wide, a smile tugging the corners of her mouth.

"He was your...first? That's so sweet. That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"It was amazing...but...he leaves soon. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's gonna become of us." Lottie hooks her arm with hers.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"We're having a girls night. I'll text the others."

********

The bar Addy chose was a low profile bar sophisticated bar, not over crowded just yet. The dress code was cocktail attire so every woman was wearing a nice dress and heels, all the men wearing button ups and slacks. The table were a dark mahogany, the seats were padded black leather and mahogany. The lighting was dim, giving it a calm tone, black and white pictures scattered over the walls. The girls convinced her to go all out tonight, a fitted dark green dress with silver glitter designs all over it. The black belt around her waist matched her black high heels, a choker matching the same color as her dress. 

"So what do you suggest? You do know this place better than the rest of us." Blake asked, looking over the menu.

"The bartender will be sending a round of drinks in a minute." Hope raises her eyebrows.

"What?"

"He knows me. He's been trying to get with me forever, we may not even have to pay for some of our drinks." Lottie smirks.

"I like the way you work, make him really work for your attention."

"Not intentionally. I'm not interested." Blake leans back in her chair.

"Mhmm. But you have captured a certain trapeze artist's attention." Adilynne blushes. After drinks are served the girls talk and laugh about all kinds of things. Their dreams, their goals, the boys a bit...except Adilynne. Even when Hope and Blake started questioning her, Lottie changed the subject.

"So, how are you finding being in the circus? Do you like it, hate it?"

"I love performing. I feel so free when I'm up there, it's just amazing. It's like I'm flying, like nothing can hold me back. I never considered any of this before, but now it just feels so right." Hope shrugs.

"The circus has a way of doing that to you. All it takes is one night and you're sold." 

"Definitely. I was sold the second I walked into that place." Blake agreed. Lottie crosses her legs.

"What's it like doing the trapeze act? I've always wondered but I've never tried it." Adilynne smiles.

"Why don't we give it a shot?" Blake raises her hand.

"I want to!"

"Me too!" Hope agrees. 

"Then let's go." 

********

They change into normal work out clothes, Addy getting a change of her own clothes Blake stored for her in her room. Adilynne shows them a few simple tricks, only a few feet off the ground. She loved the feeling she got when she was in the air, she felt like she was flying. The girls laugh, helping each other.

"I want to see you do one of your fancy tricks." Blake suggested.

"Please???" Hope begged.

"Okay, okay. I'll show you the good stuff." She climbs up the pole, jumping onto one of the swings. She gets a good momentum before flipping onto the other one. She hangs upside down by her legs, waving at the girls. She grabs the bar, letting go with her legs. She swings to the hoop, grabbing it on her way down from her flip. She climbs onto the hoop, waiting until it stops swinging. She balances on her abs, letting go of the hoop. She leans forward, hooking one leg over the hoop, pointing one leg up to stop her from falling without using her hands. The girls cheer. She grabs on with her hands, letting one leg down. She slowly leans back, hanging on with one leg. She climbs back on, climbing onto the top of the hoop. The rope in between her legs and her feet crossed t, she leans back and hangs upside down from the top of the hoop. She grabs on with two hands and lets go with her legs, swinging through the hoop a few times, doing different poses each time she makes it through the hoop. She climbs onto the hoop, looking down at the cheering girls. "Move that trampoline on the red X." The did as they were told. She leans back from the hoop, letting go and falling to the trampoline. She bounces off, doing a double flip. After a couple lower jumps she flips into the splits. The girls cheer, making her smile. 

"You were amazing! I can't get over how you can just throw yourself around like that." Lottie praises.

"I just do. I trust myself. I'm good at doing those ribbon tricks too, but we don't have those." Blake shrugs.

"Ask Arjun to get some. He may actually have some stowed away."

"I actually do." They turn to see a few of the others standing there with Arjun. Rohan leaned against one of the poles, watching from a distance. The boys had been watching her and the other girls without them noticing. They saw Addy show the girls some simple tricks, watched her perform her solo act. They were all thoroughly impressed with her skills. **_They all saw that? How much of it?_** Adilynne blushes.

"You do?"

"Absolutely. This is a circus, of course we have those. Rohan and Talia don't know how to use them so they stay packed away. I'll pull them out for you though." She smiles.

"Really?" Bobby walks over to her, smiling.

"You can do that stuff?"

"Yeah, it was part of my routine in my gymnastics competitions."

"You're full of surprises." She shrugs.

"I can be." Jakub walks over.

"You were amazing up there, maybe we should have you be a part of us permanently." Rahim nods.

"Definitely, did you see that one where she let go of the top of the hoop?" Tim nods.

"That was so sick." Noah, the snake charmer, smiles at her.

"I guess I should talk to you more." Bobby raises his eyebrows, looking at him. Jakub frowns at him.

"Hey, I met her first. Get in line." 

"There is no line." Rohan walks by them, putting his arms around her. "This one is mine. Go find your own super pretty and talented girlfriend. You can't have her." Bobby smiles at Rohan and Addy. _**They're perfect for each other.**_ He turns back to the boys.

"You should've known someone already had her. She didn't come back everyday just because I'm funny." He winks at her and Rohan, walking over to Blake. "Even though that's why most women come back. I'll let it slide this time." Blake rolls her eyes.

"What am I gonna do with you, babe?"

"Love me." 


	8. June 7, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like switching up the characters personalities, creating something new from them. Indulging in characters I've never really gotten into. I hope you're liking the way this is going. Comments and kudos appreciated. 😊❤

The ribbons Arjun put up were bright red, the material soft to the touch. She examined them carefully, the quality and durability of them impressing her.

"Thank you for getting them out for me."

"They needed some attention. Can I see what you can do?"

"I can try. It's been a while." Her instincts kicked in, going through the different tricks she used to be able to do. After some practice it was like she never stopped. When she does a few, she slides back down to the ground to an applauding Arjun beaming at her.

"You were great! You know...I don't have anyone to use these..."

"I can teach Rohan and Talia. It won't be hard for them, they're already acrobats."

"I was actually wondering if you'd consider joining the circus." She stares at him. **_Wait what?_**

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, we can make the trapeze act a three person act. Or even give you an act of your own."

"But...I have a whole life here. My dad is here..."

"I know it's a lot to ask. And you don't have to...but it just feels right."

"How can I leave him though? It's been me and him pretty much my whole life. And I have friends here, I'm going to school...I'd be giving up everything."

"It can be hard to leave everything behind and take a chance. Do you want to know why our saying is 'take a leap of faith'?" She nods, letting him lead her to the front row of seats center stage.

"When I was a kid, I loved the circus. I loved the different, the unexpected, the unpredictable, the magic. I loved it all. As I got older I stopped going as much. I was studying to become an accountant, like my dad. I had a plan, a future, goals. I had a good family, I lived comfortably. And then my dad got sick. Before he passed away he asked me if I was happy. I told him yes. Why wouldn't I be? I had everything most people want. A career ahead of them, nice things, a future. He said that wasn't happiness, that was contentment. And contentment leads to resentment. He asked me to think about what really makes me happy, what makes me feel alive. At the time I couldn't think of anything." He's quiet a moment before speaking again.

"After he passed I dove into my work and my schooling. I was drowning myself in this image of what I thought life should be like. The deeper I got, the more depressed I became. One day I got home from work, put my keys down and started taking off my suit. I looked in the mirror and saw the bags under my eyes. My eyes looked dull and I looked miserable. I looked down at the table, seeing a picture of my mom and I at the circus. I thought about what my dad had told me. And it clicked, I wasn't meant to live the kind of life that everyone thinks they're supposed to live. I didn't realize how stuck and trapped I felt until I got this circus going. I felt alive again. I felt happy, free. I finally understood what my dad meant."

"Wasn't it scary leaving everything behind though? Dropping out of school?"

"I didn't drop out. I finished, which is why I don't have to hire an accountant. But I finished for the circus, not for the career itself. It was really scary. My mom wasn't very happy, she didn't disown be but she tried to talk me out of it many times. She came around though. She's sad we don't get to see each other as often, but she loves that I'm doing what makes me happy. She's all the family I have left too...except everyone here. It's hard, I miss her all the time. But sometimes you need to do what makes you happy for you, or you'll never be happy. Trying to live a life you really don't want only makes you miserable. Trust me, I've done it. I see how you look when you perform. I saw the look on your face last night when you were up there alone, showing the girls what you could do. You looked free. Even just now watching what you could do there...you look happy. I can't make you be a part of this, nor do I want to make you. But think about it. Consider talking to your dad about it, see what he thinks and what he wants too."

"This is crazy though. Running away to the circus...that's the kind of stuff I read about in my books...could I really make it in the circus?"

"I think so or I wouldn't have offered to hire you." He pats her leg, leaving her to think alone. She looks around at the stage. Memories of the recent acts she performed replaying in her mind. _**The very first time it was like it awakened something in me. Some part of me that I'd been ignoring for a long time. I love performing. I love the audience, the costumes, the other performers. Everyone here makes me feel so accepted, like I have a place here. Like I belong here. I've never had that feeling before. I've always been left out...but here they encourage me to be different, to take chances, to live.**_ Bobby plops down next to her, interrupting her thoughts.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Thinking."

"About what?" 

"I don't know which road to take now. I have two options, both options I'd be giving up something I care about."

"Which option makes you feel complete?"

"What do you mean?"

"Think about your life after you choose each option. Which option makes you feel happy and complete? Who do you see beside you?"

"Is that what you did when you joined the circus? You never did tell me that story." He smiles.

"Maybe you'll get to here it soon. But right now, this is about you. Are these options staying here or coming with us?"

"Yes. I didn't think about it until you said it. And now I feel torn, caught in the middle. I don't know what to do."

"I didn't mean to upset you with it or make things harder. I just...you fit in with us. It feels like you belong with us, it feels right. And none of us want to see you go. We talk about it all the time."

"Really?"

"Of course. You're our mate now. We care about you."

"Who's we?"

"Me, Blake, Lottie, Hope, Tim, Arjun, Noah, Rahim, Jakub....Rohan." She blushes at his name. "I don't know where you two are at in your relationship, but I do know he really likes you. And I can see you really like him. You two make sense. But don't join because of him. He'd be a plus for you, but come because you want to be in our family. Come for you, no one else. Make this decision because it's what you want." She smiles at him.

"Thanks, Magic Man."

"Magic Man? I kinda like that." She rolls her eyes.

"I'll see you tonight." She gets up.

"Where are you going?"

"To try and figure this out."

********

She finds her dad sitting at his desk in the study. He smiles when he looks up and sees her.

"Hey, Addy Bear. What's up?" She looks at him a minute.

"I don't know what to do and I need help. I know what you're gonna say...but I still don't know." He sets down his pen and takes off his glasses, giving her his full attention. **_I love how he does that every time I come to him for advice._**

"I'm all ears." She smiles.

"Arjun offered me a spot in the circus. He's really impressed with what I can do. And I do love performing. I love the stunts and the people and the acts. It's all so...amazing. But...I'm scared to go. I don't want to leave you or this home. I know what to expect here. I know what it's like. Traveling with the circus is going to be unpredictable and new. I'm not good at new."

"Okay. Well this spot, what is it?"

"He wants to make the trapeze act a three person act or give me my own act with the ribbons." 

"Like that thing you used to do for gymnastics?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"And when you say you love the people...I hope you don't mean you love just one person. If you love him that's great, but don't go just because of him."

"No, no. I still don't know about that one. But I do love the other people there. I've become good friends with some of them. They're so accepting and encouraging. I would've never gave this a shot if they hadn't encouraged me to do it."

"What exactly do you love about being a part of the circus?"

"I love the feeling when I'm up in the air. I feel so free. I love seeing the crowd cheer because they like my act or my tricks. I like the outfits, I like helping with the animals, I like hanging out with my friends after the show, sharing stories and ideas for each others acts. I feel like I belong there." 

"So what has you reserved about it?"

"I love you. I don't want to leave you, especially with your cancer. I want to spend as much time with you as possible." _**My girl has become such a wonderful young woman, everyone is starting to see that now. I wish like hell she'd stay...but she doesn't belong here anymore. She found her place in the world. I can't protect her forever. The time to watch her fly on her own has come, Alex.**_

"I have years in me, Addy. And I'll keep you updated. I'll even travel to see your shows whenever I can. You've found your place. When you find your place, your people, you stick with them. You won't be leaving me behind. I'll still be your dad, you just won't see me everyday."

"And that makes me sad."

"But after being with the circus do you honestly think you can be happy with the life you were living before this? You'll be happy doing the same thing everyday, just me and you, here at home." She looks at him a minute.

"No..."

"It sounds like you have your answer then."

"But I'd be leaving everything behind for a maybe...what if it doesn't work out or I decide I don't like it?"

"Then you call me and I'll get you home. If you figure out it's not what you want you can choose another path at any time. You won't be stuck there forever. Ever since we lost your mom you've clung to me. Which I encouraged in the beginning because I needed you too. Over time it became apparent I depended on you too much. You stopped going out with your friends, stopped dating, stop doing things. But since that circus came to town I've seen you truly happy, and it's made me the happiest man in the world. I watched you make new friends, start dating, going out, laughing, smiling. You can't put your happiness aside because you're scared to leave me. I will always be here when you need me, I'm one phone call away. You know I'll always answer, I always do. We all come to a point in our lives where we have to go off on our own and follow our hearts. This is that point in your life." She smiles at him.

"How do you have an answer for everything?"

"Because I'm old and have gained a lot of wisdom." She laughs.

"You're not old." She stands up, hugging him. "Thanks, Dad."

"So when do you leave?"

"In about a week..."

"Good. That's enough time to embarrass you in front of your new friends." She rolls her eyes.

"You're something else, Dad." She squeezes him tighter. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Addy Bear." She smiles, sniffling.

********

Backstage she sees Talia standing beside Rohan, stretching. Disappointment hits her, her confidence fading when she sees them together again. Rohan laughs at something she says, her anxiety starting to flare up. Talia smirks at her when she sees her, like she knew how insecure Addy felt about her. With a forced smile she approaches them.

"Talia! Your foots better!" Rohan sees her, his smile fading. "I'm so glad you're better!" 

"Yeah, I'm sure you are."

"I am. You get to go back to doing what you love." Talia puts her arm around Rohan.

"Me too. I get my partner back now." Rohan shakes her arm off, frowning at her. He walks over to her, taking her hand.

"I'm sorry, but she is my partner. It is our act." The stabbing pain in her chest almost makes it hard to breathe.

"It's fine, I get it. I was just filling in. Temporary." 

"Well...I mean...we can ask-"

"No, it's okay. Really. I'm glad she's better. Things can go back to normal now." Talia walks over.

"Exactly my thoughts. It was great meeting you, but now you can go back to your normal life. We leave in a week and everything will be how it should be. It's almost a shame you have to give it up so soon. Almost." Rohan just sighs, looking down. For a minute she waits for him to say something, realizing he wasn't going to say anything to Talia. Her doubts came flooding back to her, reminding her of all the times she'd been played before. _**Here we go again. Just like the rest. I knew I didn't belong here.**_ She feels an arm go around her shoulder.

"What are you talking about? She's part of this circus too, Rohan or not. She's one of us now. Hey, lass, I need help tonight." She looks up at Bobby.

"With what? Do you need help choosing tricks?"

"Not really, though that'd be cool. I need an assistant for some of them. Can I count on you?" She smiles.

"Anytime, babes." She waves at Rohan and Talia. "Byyyye." Bobby leads her away by the hand. As soon as they're out of ear shot she looks over at him. "Thanks for that."

"She was being a major bitch. He wasn't exactly standing up for you." She shrugs.

"I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be. You need to stand up for yourself." 

"I don't see a point with people like her. She's gonna be like that to me no matter what. Anyway, did you actually need help tonight or were you just saving me?"

"I really do need help. That was true."

"Why not ask Blake?"

"She has her own act and I don't like mixing business with pleasure." 

"Probably a good idea..." He looks over at her, frowning. 

"What's up?"

"I think...I just figured out what I'm gonna do."

"About what?"

"The circus. After tonight I'm gonna go ahead and leave it to the professionals." 

"Why? I meant that bit about being one of us." 

"I know you did...but I don't belong here. I've been completely ignoring my schooling."

"But it's summer..."

"True, but I'm supposed to be taking extra classes to graduate sooner."

"You want to go back to doing the same thing everyday?"

"Yeah, I liked me life."

"That's just the thing."

"What?"

"You liked your life, but you love performing. You're giving up what you love for something you like." She shrugs.

"I've decided, Bobby. I'm staying here." He looks at her sadly.

"But now it's gonna feel like something is missing." She hugs him.

"I'm sorry. But not everything works out the way you want it to." _**I fell for a guy that never wanted me to be his number one. Talia will always be above me, matter more than me. I'm not gonna go with them to keep being pushed aside. She can have him, he cares more about her anyway.**_

"Please rethink this. I'll talk to her, or maybe Arjun. We want you to be a part of this. We all think you're the perfect addition to our family, you've fit in since day one. It's like you were meant to find us. Blake and Lottie adore you, which you're great influence for Blake because you balance out Lottie's goth thing." She smiles. "I know he's being an ass right now, but come for us. Join for us and for yourself, not him. Please?" She shakes her head, fighting off the tears.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. After tonight I'm going home for good. I belong here, I don't belong with y'all. I'm gonna go get dressed now." Bobby sighs, looking over to see Rohan had been watching them. He shook his head, turning around to get away from him. _**Fucking numpty.**_


	9. June 7, 2019: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exciting incident!!! This was really fun, a lot of emotions running high. Drama. The good stuff. Comment to me your thoughts. 😊❤

"Addy Bear! You were great!" Her dad hugs her, holding out his hand to Bobby. "You too, Bobby. Good to see you again." Bobby smiles at him. 

"You too, sir."

"Call me Alex." He looks at her. "Did you tell him the good news?" 

"No, actually-"

"What good news?" Alex smiles at Bobby.

"She's decided to take Arjun's-"

"No, I decided it's not for me. I'm, uh, I'm staying here." Alex frowns at her.

"What changed your mind?" 

"I just, when I saw Talia was better I actually felt relieved. It's a lot of stress performing and it takes a lot of dedication. I remember why I gave up gymnastics." She could feel Bobby watching her. Alex sighs softly.

"Oh...well...if that's what you want. I'll see you at home then? I had a client call me during the show and I need to go call them back."

"Yeah, be home in a bit." Bobby frowns at her.

"You were gonna come with us?"

"No."

"Your dad just said that. You're telling me he's lying?"

"My dad isn't a liar."

"So then you're lying? One of you aren't being honest and I think I know who." She sighs. 

"Fine. I was gonna tell y'all tonight that I decided to join. I was gonna come with you all...but then I changed my mind."

"Why?"

"What am I going to do? Talia won't stand for me to join their act, Rohan made it clear it was _their_ act, I'm not good at anything else."

"What about the ribbon thing?"

"That's hardly a show stopper." 

"So you're gonna let Talia scare you off? You're gonna let her win?"

"This isn't a competition, Bobby. There is no winning and losing. I don't belong here, I don't have a place here. I just invited myself in here and just...it's not for me. It's unpredictable and I'm not good with unpredictable. It's just...it's clear I don't belong here."

"How? What makes you think you don't belong here?" She takes his hand, pulling him to the curtain. They watch Talia and Rohan perform a few tricks. 

"She's not scaring me off. Their chemistry is scaring me off. He can't choose between us and to me that means he's chosen. I can't get between them again, they...it's just something else I can't compete with. The way he said it was their act...it made me realize I'm not gonna be his priority. You're right. He didn't stand up for me. And I can't do this again. Every single guy I've been with treated me like I wasn't important to them, I was never a priority. It almost destroyed me the last time." Her voice breaks, her eyes watering. "I almost drowned trying to prove I deserved to be made a priority. Trying to prove that I'm worth something. I wanted them to see me as someone they needed and they didn't. And with him..." She sniffles, a tear falling. "I let myself fall into the same trap. I thought it was different this time...the more I think about earlier, the more it makes sense this is how it ends. This is how it always ends..." She shakes her head. "I can't...I just can't." She runs off before he can say anything else.

********

Bobby walks up to Rohan as soon as he comes back stage.

"We need to talk." Talia takes Rohan's hand.

"Actually, we were-"

"No. You weren't. Ro, please. Come on, mate. It's important." Rohan frowns.

"What's wrong?" Bobby glances at Talia. He turns to her. "Give us a minute, I'll catch up with you." He looks back at Bobby. "What's going on, what's wrong?"

"You're stupid is what's wrong."

"What do you mean?" 

"You...mate, who are you? How can you just...I just..."

"What? What did I do?"

"You lost sight of what was important in a matter of minutes. You just messed up everything."

"What do you mean?"

"You had a choice to make but by not making it, she chose for you."

"She?" He looks around. "Where's Adilynne?"

"You just noticed she's gone? She should've been the first person you looked for when you got done...she left halfway through your act."

"What? Why?" 

"Because you stood there and let your 'partner' disrespect your girlfriend. What's worse is she said she's used to it. She's used to guys not fighting for her. Instead of standing up for the girl you actually want to be with, you let Talia walk all over her. And then you made her feel like she wasn't important by pulling that 'It's our act' shit."

"She said that?"

"Yeah, she did. She said she couldn't come between you and Talia again, that she couldn't do this again. She thought it was different and you proved to be like the other guys that never made her feel important. Mate, she said she used to fight to prove she was good enough to be a priority...she almost destroyed herself trying to be enough. And now she's done fighting. She gave up. And you just...you're why she ran off crying. I just don't get it." Bobby turns to walk away. "Oh, and by the way." He turns to face him. "She was gonna tell you she was coming with us. But then...you made your choice so she made hers. So you made all of us lose something." He walks away. Blake finds him, frowning. 

"What's wrong?" He told her everything that happened between Talia and Addy. Everything Addy and Alex had said. Blake's face turns red. "Are you fucking serious??? This mother-Lottie!!!" Lottie pops around the corner.

"What?"

"It's bad bitch time, let's go." Lottie smiles.

"Lead the way."

"What are you doing??" Bobby follows them. Blake doesn't turn around.

"I'm giving both of them a piece of my mind." 

"Catch me up, what happened?" Lottie asks. Blake rolls her eyes.

"Talia was a bitch, Rohan was a pussy and let her treat Adilynne like shit, he also made Addy feel like she wasn't important. And because of that she changed her mind on coming with us."

"She was gonna come with us? Oh fuck no." Lottie quickens her pace.

"Girls, I really don't think-"

"Too late." Blake finds Talia rubbing Rohan's back. "Ima give you two seconds to get your hand off before I break it." Talia raises her eyebrows. 

"What did I do?"

"You know damn well what you did. You're fucking pathetic. You got rid of her now you're playing the sympathetic friend card pretending to care he's upset he lost this amazing woman when we all know you're happy she's gone. You're so insecure and jealous you just have to tear people down. Especially someone as sweet as Addy."

"She was trying to take my spot."

"No, she wasn't! She knew it was your spot, your act. She discovered she loved it, but knew it wasn't permanent. But she found her home. She found her place and you pushed her out of it." Rohan stands up.

"Can we stop this?" Lottie moves Blake out of the way.

"Don't you dare stick up for Talia. If you can't stand up for Addy, you can't stand up for Talia. This is your fault too. You just fucked up the best thing that happened to you. She gave you everything, literally." He frowns.

"What do you mean?" She glares at him.

"You know exactly what I mean." Guilt shows in his eyes.

"How'd you know?"

"She told me. Which makes this so much worse. You're no better than the other losers she tried to be with." 

"You think I don't know that?"

"Apparently not since your still letting your 'partner' be all over you when the girl who's heart you just broke is at home, crying. For good." Noah and Rahim run over.

"What's going on??" Blake glares at Talia.

"Talia ran Addy off by being a territorial bitch to a man who doesn't even want her." Lottie glares at Rohan.

"And Rohan is the idiot who stood by and watched Talia treat her like that. He didn't even stand up for her. He left her to fight on her own." Noah frowns at Rohan.

"Are you serious right now? I thought she was your girlfriend, you always stand by your girlfriend." Rahim shakes his head.

"Bruh...." Rohan turns to them.

"You weren't there, you don't know what happened." Bobby steps forward.

"I was, I saw it happen! Did you not see the look on her face?? She counted on you to be different, to care for her. And you let her down." Allegra walks over.

"What the hell is going on?" Blake turns to her.

"You and your medically enhanced ass get out of here. I have no patience for you."

"Um, this is all real, honey. I'm sorry you're insecure about you looks. But back to the point, what's going on? Why is everyone yelling?" Talia glares at the others.

"They're mad Addy is a big cry baby that can't stand up for herself. Her little innocent act fooled them into thinking she wasn't trying to take my act." Allegra scoffs, glaring at the others.

"She's an adult, she can fight her own battles. And if she's too scared to fight them then maybe she should stay home so Daddy can protect her. You really want someone who's a spoiled brat to be in this?" Noah glares at Allegra.

"Do not talk about her like that. She's not spoiled, you are. She is selfless and caring. She was supportive of all of us, even you're dumbass. She fixed your costume before you went on stage last night so it didn't come undone while you were out there. She's taken her time to care for all of us, put her college classes aside to help us out while Talia couldn't perform. All she wanted was to feel loved and accepted." Lottie crosses her arms.

"Maybe Noah deserves Addy. He's standing up for her, no problem." Rohan returns the look she gave him.

"What the fuck, Lottie? I thought you were my friend, but you're encouraging my girlfriend to leave me for this guy?" Rahim frowns.

"What's that supposed to mean? You mean the guy who actually sees how special is and is standing up for her, so she actually has someone fighting for her? Don't get mad you were too dumb to see how amazing she is. Any of us would jump at a chance with her, but she chose you. And you fucked it up." A few others come over to see what was going on, some taking Talia's side. Jen and Elisa, some of the dancers, stood by Talia. Jakub and Hope stood by Blake and Lottie. Arjun runs over with Tim.

"What the hell is going on??" No one answered, the only thing he could get out of all the yelling was 'Addy'.

********

She opens the door, staring at him.

"Arjun...what are you doing here?"

"All hell has broke loose and I need help fixing this. And I need you."

"What happened?"

"Everyone has turned on each other, everyone is fighting with each other. There's so much yelling and fighting that I might actually have to get police involved." 

"Oh my God, let's go!" She grabs her jacket, running outside.

********

She walks in to the exact scene she imagined. The entire group was split in two, arguing with each other. She looks at Arjun in horror.

"I told you, all hell broke loose." She frowns, trying to yell over everyone. "It's no use." She looks around, getting an idea. She walks up to the elephant named, Missus.

"Sing, Missus." The elephant trumpets, making everyone stop. They turn to see her standing in front of the elephant, her arms crossed. She glares at all of them. "You're all gonna shut the fuck up a minute and listen to Arjun. The first person that talks when they aren't spoken to gets slapped." Arjun smiles at her.

"Remind me to talk to you later." He looks back at the others, his face getting serious. "The only people that talk are the ones I personally ask to talk. But before that, I've got to tell all of you how disgusted I am. I built this whole thing, this circus, the acts, the family. This circus is my life and it became your lives too. Until now I thought we were all coexisting in peace. We have our differences, sure. But so does every family. The one thing we had in common was acceptance and the love of the performance and our people. I'm not going to stand here and let you all destroy what I've worked so hard to build." Everyone stays silent. "Now...Rahim, and only Rahim, tell me what this is about." Rahim clears his throat.

"Uh, basically half of us think Talia and Rohan were out of line for how Addy got treated and the other half think Addy doesn't belong or tried to take Talia's act." Addy's eyebrows shoot up. _**They're all fighting over me? Maybe I should remember who's on my side.**_ Arjun's frown deepens.

"So this is all about Addy? What the hell is wrong with you?? You're gonna tear this apart because of-son of a bitch." He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He takes a deep breath. "Talia, I told you to behave. What did I tell you would happen if you didn't?" 

"You weren't actually serious..."

"Yes I was. I told you how important it was for us to all get along. You may not care about this place, but I do. It's not all about you and your act. Everyone else here is just as important. Stop acting like a child. You're out of the act until you can show me you're not gonna start shit anymore."

"What?!? What am I going to do then!?"

"You're gonna help whoever needs help. I don't care if it's cleaning animals pens, sewing a costume, or getting a glass of water." Some people started protesting, some shouting at Addy. Bobby frowns, standing by Addy.

"OI!!!! Shut up!!!" He puts a supportive hand on her back. Arjun glares at the ones who did the outburst.

"When I say something, it goes. I am the one in charge. I told her not to start anything and to treat Adilynne like one of us. She decided to disrespect me by doing what she wanted so now she has to deal with the consequences. She let her jealousy get the better of her and tear another person down, someone who has a place here. And instead of making her feel accepted, like we did for every single one of you, she made her feel like she didn't belong here. "

"She actually told her she didn't belong here." Bobby interrupted. Some of the people who were on Talia's side stared at her in shock. Talia frowns angrily, tears in her eyes. Arjun looks at Bobby.

"What else happened?"

"I told Rohan he was stupid for sitting back and letting Talia walk all over Addy. He made her feel like she wasn't important, which as her boyfriend, it's his job to make her feel like she matters. He didn't even try to make it sound like she was just as important to him, if not more." Addy looks up at Bobby in shock. "I overheard...everything." She blushes, looking down. "He let his jealous ex-girlfriend run his girlfriend off right in front of him and did nothing." Arjun holds his hand up.

"Okay, after that what happened?"

"I vented to Blake about my frustrations and it went from there. So that, I'll apologize for. But I'm not apologizing for calling him stupid. He is." Arjun shrugs.

"We'll get to that later." He turns to Addy. "Love...I'm sorry. You're caught in the middle of this so I have to bring you into this." 

"Why are you sweet with her??" Everyone turns to Allegra. Adilynne gets a mean look, taking a step towards. 

"I have done nothing to you or anyone else. What you have against me is your own personal insecurities. Do not throw that shit on me. He said not to talk unless spoken to. Respect him enough to listen, he's why you're here in the first place." Allegra rolls her eyes, not saying anything else. Lottie and Blake high five each other. Arjun clears his throat.

"I'm sweet with her because she was the one that stepped up and helped out when she didn't have to. She could've easily told me no but she didn't. She's why any of you are getting paid what you should've this week. Her act brought more people in, because they knew her." Adilynne looks at him confused. "I'll explain later. Anyway, I'm sorry about Talia and Rohan." Rohan opens his mouth. "Don't." He closes it again. "Things get emotional here a lot, we love each other...usually. We're protective of our own, most of them were just because they were worried Talia was being replaced. I know you weren't trying to replace her, you know you weren't trying to replace her, but it wasn't available for everyone to know. It wasn't personal. I told you yesterday we would figure something out, I really do want you to be a part of our family. I hope you'll consider it still." For a second she almost reconsidered, quickly deciding against it. She forced herself to only look at Arjun as she spoke. 

"I'm sorry, but no thank you. I've caused a whole bunch of trouble without even knowing it. I'm breaking up your family, I can't do that. I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I can't accept it. I just...they're right about that. I don't have a place here." Bobby frowns, clenching his jaw. Arjun notices.

"Yes?" Bobby looks at him a minute.

"Everyone belongs here. That's why we're a circus, we're a home for the black sheep. A lot of us really want her to be a part of our family, we've really bonded with her. It won't feel the same anymore...you do have a place here, you do belong here. Do you think _we_ -" He glares at Rohan. "Would've stood up for you if you didn't?" A lot of people nod in agreement. Adilynne looks up at Bobby.

"I appreciate that, I really do...but I'm sorry. I've already decided." She looks at Rohan. "I clearly don't belong in this lifestyle. I don't have a spot here and I should've seen it from the start. I never belonged, it was just a silly dream." She looks around at everyone. "It was great meeting all of you, I'm gonna miss you a lot. But we can still stay in touch. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. I promise I wasn't trying to replace anyone, I was just filling in. I never wanted to take her spot. I'm sorry it came off that way." She looks at Arjun. With a faint smile and a squeeze of Bobby's hand she leaves. Arjun sighs, looking around. 

"I can't believe you. All of you. She's one of us. Someone who didn't feel like she belonged in her life. Someone that felt like she was missing something. Someone that felt like she didn't have anyone but her dad and two friends. And then she felt accepted here, loved here, like this was the place she belonged. Bobby was right when he said that's what the circus is. Everyone has a place here, even her. You ran her off out of a single persons pure jealousy. Most of you haven't even talked to her. If you'd given her a chance you would've figured out all of this." He shakes his head, looking at all their guilty faces. "Go to your rooms, we're done for the night." He looks at Rohan. "My office, now." Rohan sits down at the desk, a stern look on his face.

"I don't need to be scolded. I am an adult."

"You aren't exactly acting like one, are you? What is going on with you?? This isn't you. The Rohan I know believes in fair treatment, in acceptance. And I would think he would believe the girl he's dating doesn't deserve to be talked down to. I would think he would know to stand up for her, make her feel loved. I get it, Talia's your partner. You're close...but Addy was supposed to be your _life_ partner. Not just your performance partner. Up until tonight I thought you cared about her better than that."

"I do."

"Then how come instead of treating her like a girlfriend you acted like you were kicking her out of the act?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"When you say the words 'this is our act' it's gonna be taken that way. How could you choose Talia over her?"

"I didn't choose Talia."

"Yes you did. You chose her when instead of standing up for Addy you ignored her behavior and told Addy she wasn't performing with you. We both know enough about her to know that that hurt her. You know she's always felt left out and you pushed her out that door with Talia."

"I didn't mean to. I do care about her, I didn't think she would take it that way. She's been so understanding, I thought she would get it. I didn't say anything to Talia because I planned on asking her to stop in privacy."

"Asking? No, when you care for someone like that you don't ask for a bully to be nice. You tell them. And don't wait to do it in private where they won't get embarrassed or they can make up excuses and con you into believing them. Do it in front of people so they feel the humiliation they made the victim feel. I don't stand for bullies and enablers. And you're being an enabler. Addy needs to know you care about her more than Talia. Your life partner is supposed to be above everyone else. Something can always happen and you get given a new performance partner. But a good woman like Addy is hard to come by. Trust me, I've looked. I can name five guys right now who would jump at a chance to be with her. You're not the only one that sees how special she is. You have two things to do. One, make Talia understand she cannot treat people the way she treated Addy. Make her understand you aren't her property and she doesn't decide who you see. If she can't control her jealousy I will kick her out of the circus, not just her act. I will not allow toxic people in this place. And two, get off your ass and get Addy back. She has a place in our family and since you messed this up you have to fix it."

"How?? You saw the way she looked at me. I...I really hurt her."

"And you saw the way she spoke to everyone. Even Allegra. She may be sweet and sensitive but she's also really tough. She just doesn't understand how tough. If you don't want to fix it with her, I can go ask any of those other guys to bring her back." He frowns. "Don't like the idea of another man becoming more important than you?"

"Well no. She said she wanted me, she doesn't want anyone else."

"She could still make someone else more important than you and still want you."

"How? That doesn't make sense."

"The exact same way you did with Talia." Realization hits him, making him sigh.

"I fucked up so bad."

"Yeah, you did. Now get out of my office and go get her back."

"What do I tell her?"

"Figure it out. I'll give her whatever she wants to come back." Rohan groans, getting up and walking out. Tim walks in, whistling.

"That, uh, that was interesting." 

"Tell me about it."

"What'd you tell him?"

"Basically that he was stupid for letting Addy go and treating her like that. There's at least five guys here who would jump at a chance with her."

"Like who?"

"You, me, Noah, Rahim-"

"Those two have barely talked to her."

"So? Who were the ones that stood by here when this shit started?" Tim shrugs.

"Okay, good point."

"Exactly."

"Whatever, who's the other guy."

"Jakub." Tim rolls his eyes.

"That guy can't settle down with a girl more than a week."

"She is a special kind of woman though. I think if she gave him a shot she'd get him to settle down."

"What is it about her that's so...I can't even think of the word."

"It's just her. The way she acts, the way she talks, the way she holds herself. She's gorgeous of course, but it's deeper than that. She's..." He shakes his head. "Rohan is so stupid. Why would he let Talia do that? How could he look Addy in the face and not do everything possible to keep her smiling?"

"I really don't know. I wish I had that chance. I swear I'd do whatever it takes for her to smile at me."

"Same. Is it bad I have such a big crush on one of my employee's girlfriend?" Tim smiles.

"At this rate, she's fixing to be his ex if not already. So techinically one of us could take a shot..."

"Tim..."

"I know, I know. It wouldn't be right. Though we could definitely show her we'd treat her a lot better than he has."

"You have a point...but it's still a no. Anyway, I've got shit to do, go on."

"Yes, sir." 


	10. June 11, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly really love this chapter. It's so extra, just my style. Lol. Did a couple touch ups, let me know if you're loving it or not. 😊❤

Her phone rang, making her roll her eyes before she turned it off. _**I haven't talked to anyone in four days, when are they gonna stop? It's not happening, I don't belong there. I belong here, at home with Dad. I can't leave him alone anyway. He'll get lonely.**_

"Adilynne!"

"Yeah?"

"Come here a minute, please." She follows the sound of his voice to the front door, frowning as soon as she saw Rohan.

"I have something to do." It took everything in her to just go upstairs instead of telling him off again.

"Adilynne Mae, get your ass down here." She turns to her father angrily.

"No. I'm not talking to him. I'm not going. I'm not talking to any of them right now, but especially not him. Do not ask me again." She storms upstairs, leaving her dad stunned. _**He may be my father but he's not gonna make me talk to him. I can't believe I was so stupid to believe it was different this time. He couldn't stand up for me against Talia, his bitter ex-girlfriend. What the fuck, Addy? What is it about you that attracts these kinds of people?**_ She walks in her room, slamming her door. Looking at her bed, remembering their first time, hurt more than she wanted to admit. Snatching up a book she sat in the reading corner, trying not to think about him anymore.

********

Alex frowns at Rohan.

"What exactly happened? She won't tell me anything, which is new. She tells me everything."

"Everything everything?" He raises an eyebrow.

"If you're talking about sex stuff, no." Rohan blushes.

"Not what I meant but good to know. Uh, I...messed up."

"Well no shit."

"Talia, my partner for the act...was being a bit rude to her and I didn't exactly stop her. And I said something stupid that I meant one way but she took it another way. And thinking back to it now, I definitely should've said it another way. And then everyone else turned on each other, half on Talia's side and half on Addy's side, and then Addy and Arjun had to fix it all. But she's still really mad at me for letting Talia talk to her the way she was and making her feel like she wasn't important." Alex stares at him a minute.

"Is she important to you?"

"Of course she is. I lo-like her a lot. It's been really hard not talking to her the past few days. Bobby was right, it feels different there now."

"What do you mean?"

"Bobby said that without her there it wouldn't feel the same anymore, and he was right. It just doesn't feel right."

"Well, I know Addy. When she's hurt she shuts down. Showing up won't make her talk to you, it makes her even more angry. It's gonna take more than this to get her to talk to you. And before you ask, no. I won't try and talk her into talking to you. She's an adult and has full control over her life. If she doesn't want to talk to you, that's her choice."

"Yes, sir. I understand...what do you think would get her to talk to me?" Alex thinks a minute.

"She's a hopeless romantic. She's reserved, but she loves big gestures." Rohan thinks a minute, pointing at him.

"Thanks, that actually really helps." He walks out the door.

********

"Did you talk to them?" Lottie nods.

"Yes, they're getting her here."

"Does she know it's here they're bringing her?"

"Nope. They said they're having a surprise girls night...which is apparently common with them. They often surprise her with girls night." He smiles.

"Good. Lottie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm nervous." She raises an eyebrow.

"You've performed crazy stunts in front of millions of people, and this makes you nervous?" **_I'm gonna basically beg this girl I just met a week ago to take me back and run away to the circus._**

"It's not just a performance though. I'm about to make a fool of myself to try and get her to talk to me."

"So? You make a fool of yourself on the daily." He glares at her.

"This pep talk is helping me so much, I'm so glad I chose to talk to you."

"Lozza, give the lad a break." Bobby walks over. "Shoo, I got this." Rohan smiles at him.

"Thanks for that."

"Anytime. Now, no need to be nervous."

"Easy for you to say. You didn't make the most important woman in your life feel like she didn't matter."

"True...but now you're making up for it. Look, ignore anyone else. No one matters. Look at her and only her. Focus on what you're trying to prove to her." Rohan sighs just as Blake runs over.

"She's here!" She leads him to the curtain, peeking out. They get there in time to see the girls take off her blindfold. She frowns, turning to walk away. Priya catches her hand, keeping her still. "They don't seem to be having much luck...." She pulls her hand free, walking away. Chelsea jumps on her, making Bobby laugh.

"Damn, Chelsea doesn't take no for an answer." Rohan shrugs.

"That one is definitely unique." They managed to get her into a seat, Chelsea sitting on her. Blake giggles.

"I like that girl, does she wanna join too?" Bobby bites his lip.

"Depends how you mean 'join'." She rolls her eyes, hitting his arm. "Ow, I'm kidding. You're more than enough, babe." She smiles.

"I better be."

"You have at least three personalities. I've got all the girls I need in one." She hits him again. "Ow! That one hurt."

"Good." Arjun comes up to them.

"Are you ready?" Rohan turns to him, taking a deep breath.

"No." Arjun smiles.

"Do it anyway. Take a leap of faith." Rohan smiles. They run through their acts as normal, nothing special planned yet. They skipped the trapeze act, since Rohan didn't have a partner, keeping the rest of the schedule. Addy lightens up, smiling when she sees her friend's acts, cheering them on. When the last performance ends Arjun takes center stage, as usual. Except he doesn't dismiss the crowd, ending the show. Intentions by Justin Bieber starts playing over the speakers, the bass thumping loudly. Arjun smiles, holding his hands out. The dancers run out onto stage, performing a new routine. Lottie appears a minute later, smiling and waving to the crowd. Arjun takes her hand, spinning her. He pulls her out, pulling her back in, pulling her out with his other hand. She lets out a breath of fire, the crowd clapping. She breathes fire on two sticks that one of the dancers threw at her. They created a huge flame. She twirled and tossed the sticks, creating shapes in the air. She somehow throws something on the floor, a huge flame flaring up. It dies out almost as quickly as it appeared, revealing Bobby. He smiles at the crowd, making them cheer. Adilynne looks at them confused.

"What are they doing?" She asked herself. Bobby takes off his hat, bowing. He makes a huge puff of smoke appear, covering the stage behind him. He throws his hat up, an elephant trunk reaching out from the smoke. Missus walks out of the smoke, handing the hat to Rohan standing on her beck. The crowd claps again, cheering. Adilynne frowns, crossing her arms. Rohan jumps off her back, landing next to Bobby and Lottie. Missus trumpets, walking towards Adilynne. She reaches for Adilynne, making her smile. The spotlight points at Adilynne petting Missus trunk. Blake and Hope stand up from behind her. They each take an arm, helping her onto the edge of the rail. Missus turns for her to climb on with the help of Blake and Hope. The elephant walks back to the stage, kneeling so she can get down. Rohan holds out his hand, she hesitantly takes it. He pulls her close, looking into her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I was stupid and an ass. I should've stood up for you, I haven't been a very good boyfriend. I should be making you feel important everyday and I didn't. I swear I'll work everyday to make sure you know how much you mean to me. Do you forgive me?" She smiles at him.

"I guess you've earned it." He smiles at her, leaning his head against hers. 

"So does this mean you'll become part of our family? I mean, we all put a lot of work into this." She looks around at their friends, smiling at them.

"You make it hard to say no...so yes." He kisses her, the audience going crazy. She laughs, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. His eyes never shined so brightly, staring into hers. 

"I missed you."

"I missed you too." He kisses her, making the sound of the crowd fade. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our newest member, Adilynne Smith!" She smiles, turning to face the crowd. She looks up at the hoop being lowered down. She laughs, climbing onto it beside Rohan. Bobby pulls lilies out of his sleeve, throwing it up to Rohan. He catches them, handing them to her. She blushes.

"You really went all out."

"You're worth it. I want the world to know how I feel about you." She kisses him again before they turn and wave to the crowd as they get lifted higher and higher, the lights going out at the end of the song. 

********

They make it back stage, their friends surrounding her in hugs. The other performers smile at her, making her blush when she realizes they're all looking at her. Arjun clears his throat. He opens his mouth to speak when Rohan beats him to it.

"Meet our newest member, Addy." He pulls her close, his hand on her hip. "And I better not see anyone treating her badly. She's one of us now, treat her like it." Everyone, except two of them, clap. He kisses her cheek, making her heart flutter. When everyone finally clears away Arjun looks at her.

"I guess we have some stuff to discuss...but it can wait until tomorrow. I have a feeling your night of surprises isn't over." He winks at her, walking away. Rohan leads her away to his room. 

"What did he mean by that?"

"This." He opens the wardrobe to reveal several new costumes.

"What are these?"

"They're for you. And a tailor is coming tomorrow to make sure they fit you perfectly." She looks at him with surprise. "They're only here until our next stop when you get your own room and stuff." She looks at him with amazement. "Oh this was Arjun's doing, I'm just the messenger...but I do have something else for you." He reaches into his dresser, pulling out a box. "Open it." Inside was a little heart locket with a rose on it, inside was a picture of her parents. She smiles at it, tears falling. She sniffles, looking up at him.

"You got me this?" He nods, pulling her close.

"That way you always have a piece of them with you." She kisses him hard, throwing her arms around his neck. She leads him to his bed, climbing on him when he sits down. She pulls his shirt off him, running her hands down his chest. She bites her lip, looking at him. She looks into his eyes, pulling her shirt off. His hands run up her back, caressing her skin softly. She stands up, slipping her skirt off. She gets on him again, kissing him. 

"Make love to me." He lays her down, getting on top of her. He explores her body, kissing, licking, nibbling almost every exposed part of her skin. She finishes undressing him, pulling him onto her. He grabs a condom, kissing her. She winces when he first goes inside her. 

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. Keep going. It's not as bad as before." He moves slowly, waiting until she told him before he speeds up. She moans softly against his lips. 

"I like that sound."

"Yeah?" She holds him close, unable to stop kissing him. He softly runs his hand up her arm, taking her hand in his. He tangles their fingers together, looking into her eyes. He swallows a lump in his throat. 

"I missed the way you look at me." He kisses her gently. "The way you kiss me." She holds him closer. "They way you hold me." She pulls his lips to hers, her hand in his hair. He moans softly, pulling her up to straddle him. He bites her neck gently, sending goosebumps over her body. They take their time holding each other, soaking up every moment together. She loved the feeling of his hands on her, roaming up and down her body. She liked it when he bit her, sucked on her lip gently. She liked the shivers she got when he whispered in her ear. She looks into his eyes, biting her lip.

"I'm gonna come, Rohan." They don't look away from each other a she got closer and closer. 

"Adilynne....I-" She rubs her thumb across his lip softly, stopping him from talking.

"Not yet." She kisses him. "I feel it too, but not yet." She moves faster, making him moan.

"Fuck, Addy. Please tell me your close." She nods, grinding into him with each movement. She lets out a loud whimper.

"Fuck, yes." She orgasms, clinging to him. He holds her hips, pushing her onto him harder until he comes a minute later. For a minute she holds onto him, afraid to let go. He looks into her eyes, moving hair out of her face.

"You're so beautiful." She blushes.

"You're just saying that to get lucky."

"I mean, I already did. Unless it'll make it happen a second time." She laughs, standing up, tossing a towel at him. Afterwards, they lay in bed wrapped in each others arms. She sighs with contentment. 

"I've never had this before."

"Had what?"

"This level of intimacy." She looks up at him. "Is that...weird?"

"No. It means we really care about each other. That you really trust me." He kisses her forehead, making her smile. "I'm really sorry I made you feel the way I did. I didn't mean to."

"I know..."

"I don't want to mess this up with you. I've never felt this with anyone else. Call me selfish, but I never want to stop feeling it." She smiles.

"Me too." 

"I'm happy you're coming with us."

"I am too. I'm nervous though...what if I don't find my place?"

"You'll find one, you definitely belong with us. None of us are letting you go any time soon."

"Yeah? Am I dating you or the whole circus?"

"Just me, I'm not sharing you. These other lads are much better than me at a lot of stuff and I don't wanna chance you finding out who." She laughs.

"I don't think any of them are gonna turn my head."

"Got that from Bobby, huh?"

"Yup. He's something else."

"He's why you're here."

"What do you mean?"

"He was pissed the day you left...he called me stupid. A lot. Which was true but damn. He said I made all of us lose something. And then he told Blake and she told Lottie and they came and yelled at me and Talia. Then Noah and Rahim came over and yelled at me. I've had a lot of yelling the past few days."

"It's good to know I've got a lot of people backing me up."

"You definitely do, I think they like you better than me."

"Well I like you better than all of them." She kisses him.

"Then I'm a very lucky man." She snuggled into him closer.

"So I have to get my own room?"

"You don't have to...I just thought you would want to. Do you?"

"I figure that either way one of us is going to end up in the others room...so maybe we should just stay together."

"You really want to?"

"If you want to."

"I would love that." He kisses her deeply, loving the way she responded to him. She straddles him, making him smile. "Already?"

"You started this." 

"I'm glad I did then." 


	11. June 14, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of roadie life! Get a bit more of an idea of how they live on the road. A little jealous, not gonna lie. But anyway, introductions to more characters here. I'm excited to tie them all together. Comments and kudos appreciated. 😊❤

She puts down the box, taking her phone out of her pocket.

"Hey, Dad. What's up?"

"Are you still in town?"

"Yeah, I told you we weren't laving until this evening."

"Good. You and Arjun meet me outside in 5 minutes." She looks around, spotting Arjun.

"Okay...."

"Love you."

"Love you too." She walks over to Arjun. "Hey, my dad wants us to meet him outside." He frowns.

"Why?"

"I have no clue. All he said was for me and you to meet him outside."

"Okay...I guess we should go then." They walk outside together, waiting. "So, he didn't say why?"

"Nope. All he said was he wanted us out here."

"What do you think it is?"

"No clue." A minute later they hear a loud truck horn. They look up seeing several big vehicles rolling up, Arjun's mouth drops. Three huge RV's stop in front of them followed by new trucks to hold the equipment as well as new trailers for the animals. Her dad turns off the front RV, stepping out.

"Mr. Smith...what is this?" 

"I happened to see the buses you were using for transportation. It can't be comfortable to be on that for hours on end. And I really like that you have very little animals in the first place and want to help you take care of them as much as you can. So I got them new transportation too."

"But...how...I mean...I can't accept this."

"Please do. You accepted my daughter in with open arms. I know you're gonna take care of her, and for that I'm forever grateful. You gave her a place she felt loved in, accepted in. You stood up for her when she needed someone. And I think you're an incredible guy. I hope she doesn't get in trouble for this, but she also told me your story behind starting this circus. And I commend you for going after what you wanted. Please accept it." Arjun looks at him for a long time, tears in his eyes. He sniffles, smiling at him. 

"You've made it impossible to say no." He hugs Alex, Adilynne watches off to the side, unable to stop her tears. _**I've never felt so blessed to have such a selfless father before. I feel so incredibly lucky I have these two in my life.**_ After a minute they pull apart.

"So each RV can fit 12 people comfortably, if need be I'm sure you can fit a couple more people. I figured you have people who take turns driving the trucks so at least 8 of your crew will be driving. They are fully furnished and stocked in the kitchen and for necessary survival supplies. Toilet paper and what not. And the bathrooms are all set up and ready to go. I got everyone a new pillow too. Just because. Granite counters, both couches pull out to fit two or three people, a king size bed in one room, a pull out bunk that fits two. It's got a TV in the living room and the bedroom, marble shower, full kitchen set up, button release on all cabinets and drawers so they don't fly open. Plenty of storage space for everyone's necessities. A spare generator is in the compartment. This is full on top of line, ready to go." 

"Woah, what's all this???" They turn to see everyone coming outside. Arjun smiles at Alex gratefully, turning to the crew.

"Mr. Smith has graciously donated us with new transportation for us, our animals and our equipment. We now have kitchens and places to sleep! And bathrooms!" Everyone goes crazy, all talking at once. "Hey, hey! Calm down. We need to figure out all this new stuff. And because of recent events, I'll be assigning who stays in the same RV. If you have a special request, you can ask me. And just like before we will have someone awake with the driver, we'll do the driving in shifts. Now thank him for his generosity." Rohan walks over to Adilynne.

"Did you know??" She shakes her head, sniffling.

"I had no idea." He wipes her tears away.

"I hope those are happy tears." She looks up at him.

"They're 'I have the best and most supportive dad in the world' tears. And 'I'm very grateful for everyone in my life' tears." He smiles kissing her softly.

"I'm grateful you came into my life."

"Really?" He nods.

"I didn't know how unhappy I was until I met you." She looks into his eyes.

"You mean that?"

"More than anything." Arjun walks up to them smiling.

"Isn't this incredible? There's beds and a kitchen and bathrooms! We can sell all the old buses and trucks. We can down size on all the extra furniture we carry around. Our animals can travel in comfort, our equipment will easily fit in those two semi's over there. I don't...how...why? I just...I never thought you would all get to live like this...." Adilynne rubs his arm.

"Hey, you've poured your soul into this. You've accepted everyone of us without question. You love all of us like we're your actual family. You're kindness and good heart was gonna pay off one of these days. Now you don't have to worry as much about all of us being okay." Lottie, Blake and Bobby walk over.

"We've voted that so far we want us five together." Bobby states. Addy looks at them confused. "Use three and you and Rohan." She smiles.

"Really?"

"Duh. You're one of us now." She wraps an arm around Rohan, leaning against him.

"I've never belonged anywhere before." Talia walks up to Arjun.

"So how is the sleeping arrangements going to work? We're obviously sticking with our partners, but how is it organized? Is it going to be performers in one, workers in another?" Arjun looks over at Rohan, looking at the rest of them.

"That's a little more difficult. Most of the acts are single performers and our acts would make it a bit uneven. I guess it depends what partners want to stay together." Talia smiles at Rohan.

"So that means we're good, right?" He raises his eyebrows. Blake, Lottie and Bobby all three cross their arms. Adilynne stands besides Arjun, both of them taking a step back. Adilynne leans over to Arjun.

"We're only getting involved when they start yelling, right?"

"Yeah...I'm curious to see what he does now..."

"Me too...is it bad I don't even know if my own boyfriend will choose me or not?"

"A little bit...." Rohan clears his throat.

"Look, Talia, you know that I care about you. I've always got your back and I'll be your friend. I love performing with you." Adilynne looks down. "But, I don't think it's a good idea for us to live together. Me and Addy are going to be living together and right now I can't trust that you'll treat her right. I don't want to have to worry about you being mean to her and making her want to leave. The next time she walks, so do I. And until I feel like you get that and accept it, and that you will get along with everyone else, no. We won't be." Adilynne smiles at him, trying to control her emotions. Talia frowns.

"Wait, so you're gonna choose her over me? We're partners, we do everything together. We talk about everything together, we've always traveled together and sat together on the bus. And now because of her you're going to ditch me?"

"I'm not ditching you. I'm still your partner. And we did used to do all of that, but now I've got a life partner. And she comes before anyone. I'm not gonna risk losing her again because I'm trying to save your feelings. We're still in an act together and we're still friends, but from now on she's gonna be the one next to me. I'm gonna choose the one I love over everything." 

"The one you what?" _**Shit, I didn't realize I said that out loud...**_ He turns to look at her, seeing her eyes wide. Everyone stares between them, their mouths hanging open. He walks over to her, taking her hands in his. He tangles their fingers together.

"The one I love. I love you, Adilynne." She stares at him for a minute, not sure what to do. She looks over at Bobby. He smiles at her. _**Take a leap of faith, right?**_

"You don't have to say it back, but-"

"I love you too."

"You do?" She nods, running her hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders.

"I do. I love you too, Rohan." She could feel his emotions through their kiss. His arms around her waist, he picks her up to spin her around and making her laugh. He sets her down, his hand on her cheek. 

"I'm so glad you said it back. I was really nervous I just fucked this up again." She laughs, wrapping her arms around his waist. 

"You didn't..." Her dad meets her eyes, giving her a thumbs up.

********

The sun slowly sinks down, the sky turning orange. She looked up at the clouds, her dad walking beside her. 

"What you did was really sweet of you, Dad."

"Hey, Arjun is an amazing man. He works so hard for his people, trying to give them everything he can. He just needed a boost." They're quiet for a moment. "Your mom would be proud of you." She plays with the locket she wore around her neck.

"You think so?"

"You've grown so much in these two weeks. She would love to see the woman you are now. You opened your heart again, you've found where you belong, you've found loyal friends and a decent guy. You've discovered what you want to do, what you love to do." She smiles at him.

"It's gonna be hard not seeing you everyday though."

"It's gonna be hard on both of this. But I can't hold you back anymore."

"You didn't hold me back, I held myself back. I got too scared of getting hurt anymore, I stopped trying. But these people...this circus...it's taught me sometimes you have to risk it all to be happy." He smiles, putting his arm around her.

"You sound just like her too. She would've said the same thing." She looks up at him and sighs.

"I miss her. I wish she was here. You wouldn't be lonely, she could meet my friends and Rohan. She could see me perform." He wipes a tear away from her cheek.

"She's watching it, she sees it. She may not be here but that doesn't mean she doesn't see everything. I won't be lonely, I'll be just fine." She hugs him tightly, letting herself shed some tears. 

"This isn't goodbye, right?"

"Of course not. It won't be goodbye for a long time, I promise. It's a see you later." For a minute they just hug each other. She pulls away, wiping her face. 

"I guess we should head back...they're probably loading up now."

"Okay." They walk back slowly as she holds onto his arm, leaning against him.

********

Rohan turns to see her walking back with her dad, her eyes red. His heart breaks seeing her so hurt. Bobby and Blake walk over, following his eyes. They both look at each other sadly, looking back at her. Lottie comes over with Arjun and Tim. One by one, the people sharing a RV with her came over, stopping to watch them. Blake, Bobby, Hope, Noah, Lottie, Arjun, Tim, Rohan, Gary, Jen and Rahim. They stop, looking at each other. He says something, she nods. Fresh tears fall, his own tears gleaming down his face. She gives him a hug, holding on tightly. She pulls away, walking the rest of the way over to them. Alex looks at all them.

"That's my whole world you've got. You take care of her, don't let her fall." Arjun smiles at him.

"We promise we'll take care of her. She's our family too now. We take care of our own." Alex smiles at him.

"Good." He squeezes her hand. "I'll talk to you soon, honey. Be safe." She nods. He turns and walks away slowly. They start loading up onto the bus, her clinging to Rohan's hand at the back of the line. Rohan makes it the top of the stairs turning to look at her. She looks back at her dad, looking at Rohan. 

"Hold on." She runs towards her dad. "Dad!!" She throws her arms around him again when she gets to him. Rohan watches her with a sad smile. She pulls away holding out her hand for a handshake. Everyone looks at each other confused. Alex smiles, shaking her hand. She slaps her right hand against his right hand, then her left hand against his left hand, they double high five, bump elbows, fist bump, making it explode at the end then bring their hands together, hooking their pinkies together. Alex kisses her cheek, making her turn around and gently pushes her to their direction. She waves at him, running back over to them. She smiled up at him. "For good luck." He holds out his hand.

"Ready to take that leap of faith?" She looks at everyone else smiling at her, looking back at him. She takes his hand, getting on the bus.

"With y'all by my side I am." He kisses her hand.

"Good thing we're here then." She sits down on the couch beside Rohan, a girl with golden blonde curly hair sitting next to her.

"Hi, I'm Jen. I know we've seen each other but we never actually spoke. I'm one of the dancers with Blake." She smiles at her.

"It's nice to meet you, Jen." Noah pats Gary's back.

"This is Gary, our universal handy man. I'm telling you he can fix anything." Lottie smirks, looking him over.

"Mmm, why haven't we met before then? I know I've broken my bed plenty of times." His jaw drops. Arjun clears his throat from the drivers seat.

"I usually just throw them out and got a new one...you need to stop doing that by the way. I get a notification every month from Amazon asking if I'm ready to order another bed." Everyone laughs, she shrugs. 

"Maybe you should just start fixing them again."

"If I send Gary in to fix it he's gonna leave with it broken into more pieces." Gary shrugs.

"Sounds about right." Bobby points at Jen and Gary.

"So who was on Addy's side and who was on Talia's side?" Arjun calls from the front.

"Bobby!"

"What, it's just a question. I won't hate them." Jen blushes.

"I was on Talia's...." Bobby looks her.

"I'm gonna need you to sleep on the floor then." Blake hits his arm. "Ow! I'm just kidding, she's with us so she realized who was in the right. We're good. I was joking. I'll even give her my spot...next to you. Maybe you can hit her."

"Don't say something stupid then." He smiles at her.

"You know you love my humor." She rolls her eyes, smiling.

"Shut up, McKenzie." He looks at Gary.

"What about you?"

"Oh, I was the one moving shit away from you all so no one started breaking chairs on people." Everyone laughs, Bobby shrugs.

"We weren't far off from that until Addy made Missus sing." Rohan smiles at her.

"By the way, you looked really cute right then."

"How?? I was pissed...mostly because you're stupid but also because everyone else seemed to have caught it." Blake gasps.

"We were fighting for you!" 

"I know, I'm kidding! I appreciate what you all did for me. I don't have many people who stand up for me." Hope shakes her head.

"No, hun. It's you _didn't_ have many people who stood up for you. You have people now." 

"True, you have a point. Now about this cute thing." Rohan chuckles.

"You were standing in front of this giant ass elephant with a mean ass look. But you looked so short you almost looked like an angry toddler." She gasped.

"An angry toddler?? Are you gonna start making fun of my height too?? I've already got Bobby doing it." Tim laughs.

"Pay back for calling me little man! Yes!" She rolls her eyes.

"Hush up, little man." 

"That hurts, Addy. Who do you think chose your costumes?" 

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah. I have good taste in clothes and you're gonna look great in all of them. She smiles at him.

"I'll give you that one. So who's spooning who? I call dibs on Lottie and Noah." Rohan frowns.

"What about me? I'm your boyfriend." She laughs, hugging him.

"I'm kidding. You will of course be with me."

"I better. You can't share a bed with Noah." Noah shrugs.

"I wouldn't complain."

"And that's why you won't be sharing a bed with her." She laughs again.

"Babe, relax. You're mine. I choose you. Pokemon go!" Rahim beams at her, pointing.

"You like Pokemon too??? We're gonna be great friends. Do you read comic books?"

"I do not, but I'm not opposed to trying a few out. I read a lot."

"Where have you been?"

"Austin, Texas." She sees Rohan pouting. "What?"

"You've got a lot of stuff in common with everyone you could easily be a great match for anyone."

"Not really."

"How do you figure?"

"Because I love you. And we share the same passion. I can't take Rahim up there and expect him to catch me. You I know I can always count on." He smiles, pulling her closer. 

"Always." Hope rolls her eyes. 

"Anyway, so we usually have a weekly girls spa night. Face masks, paint nails, etcetera. You're definitely down, right?"

"Definitely! Plus it gives us time to gossip about the boys." The boys smile and shrug.

"I'm not complaining if you lot talk about my sexiness." Bobby adds. Blake throws a pillow at him.

"Shut up, babe. We'll be talking about Noah or Gary probably." Bobby frowns.

"That hurts." Noah and Gary wink at the girls.

"I'm okay with that." Noah says with a smile.

********

Arjun listens to the group behind him laughing and joking. He loved their banter, loved hearing them all getting along. He looks over at Tim sitting next to him, glancing back at the others. He faces forward again, smiling. 

_**This is what I imagined when I started this. This is the life I wanted. I'm living the dream. I've got an amazing show, an amazing family, everything I could want. Now I know why Dad asked me all those years ago if I was happy. This is what he wanted for me. They finally get what they deserve. I will forever be in his debt, Alex Smith is the most amazing man.**_ He glances at Addy, laughing with Bobby about something. He looks back to the road. **_He raised an incredible daughter too. The Smith's are a special breed, completely selfless and pure. I don't know why Jen chose this city, but it brought us to Addy. I'm gonna have to thank Jen later._**


	12. June 17, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New beginnings, friendships getting stronger, cute outfits. That's what makes good stories, right? 😊❤

The silhouettes of the trees flashed by the window, the sun slowly peaking up over the horizon. The past few days had been so much fun. She felt so comfortable with everyon, Lottie and Bobby quickly becoming her best friends.They stopped a couple times a day so everyone could mingle, so they could care for the animals, stopping to eat dinner together every night. Each RV would make a main dish and 3 or 4 side dishes. Their group were the dessert providers, which Bobby discovered he was really good at. She looks over at him driving, smiling. He glances at her and smiles.

"What's up, co-captain?"

"I was just thinking about the past few days."

"It's been fun, I've never seen everyone so happy."

"I've never felt this happy. Not since I was a kid." He frowns.

"Why?"

"My mom died when I was 7. Her and my dad made me their whole world, she made everyday an adventure. After she died it got harder to find the little things to be happy about. I had moments, but I haven't been consistently happy like this in a long time." She blushes, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, I killed the mood."

"Not at all. I get it."

"You do??"

"Aye. My mum died when I was about 9. All we had was my dad. He was okay at first."

"What do you mean at first if you don't mind me asking?" He hesitates a minute.

"He became an abusive drunk." She frowns.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He shrugs.

"Life has a funny way of you sending you down the path you're supposed to go."

"What do you mean?"

"I had a little sister. When I got old enough to move out, I stayed. I had to. Because I was the only one who could keep her safe from him. If I was there he wouldn't turn on her."

"Why didn't you take her with you?"

"I had no legal rights to her. She's two years younger and by the time we made it through all the legal stuff and go us both out, she'd be almost an adult. But as soon as she turned 18 she left. We talk all the time still, but neither of us talk to our dad."

"How did you end up in America?"

"I had a mate who moved to America with his husband. After my sister moved out I came here to get as far from Scotland as I could. I was walking by some street magician, he was awful. He was not doing anything right. I showed him a few tricks, Arjun and Tim saw me and asked if I wanted to run away to the circus."

"And you said yes, just like that?"

"Aye, what did I have to lose?"

"I guess that's fair." He smiles.

"It's the best decision I ever made. I don't regret it one bit." She smiles, looking at him curiously. "What?"

"What got you into magic?"

"Before my mum died my dad taught me all kinds of tricks. And then when he was still sober the first couple years I learned new ones to make him and my sister laugh." She gives him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry you're life sucked." He laughs, glancing at her.

"Thanks, lass. I'm sorry we dragged you out of your life as a hermit."

"I was not a hermit!"

"You so were! You did the same thing every single day, willingly. You were willing to let all this go just to be able to say you knew what was gonna happen tomorrow. You wanted to be a librarian."

"Hey, that one is still a thing."

"How are you in the circus and still want to be a librarian? Those are polar opposites."

"I don't know, but I'm both."

"I've never met anyone that could be both." She shrugs.

"Now you have, you're welcome." He smiles, shaking his head. She readjust in her seat. "Okay, now the big stuff-"

"Talking about losing our mums as kids wasn't big?"

"It was...but big stuff for our lives now."

"Okay..."

"Do you see yourself staying in the circus for the rest of your life?"

"Dinnae ken. Probably not the rest of my life, no one wants to see an old man performing magic tricks." She giggles.

"But definitely something exciting."

"Do you want to get married?" He's quiet a minute, thinking. She studies his face, waiting.

"Yeah, I do. If I ever meet the right person I want to get married. But if I hesitate even just a little I won't do it."

"What about kids? Do you want kids?"

"No."

"How come?"

"I don't want to be responsible for kids, how they act as adults reflects on me. And I'm funny and shit, but I can't handle kids for more than a few minutes. I don't mind the marriage thing if she's okay with the unpredictable. But I can't put kids through that, they need stability. I'm not stable. I never will be. And don't tell me I'm gonna change my mind, because I'm not."

"I wasn't gonna say that." He frowns.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't want kids either. But because life is unpredictable and when it's my time, I'd rather leave behind a sad spouse who understands loss and knows what's going on than a child who doesn't know that goodbye means goodbye for good. You go in one day, smile and laugh with them. Then you say goodbye and walk out, the next day they aren't there anymore. I never want my kids to feel that. And it takes a lot of work to bring a kid into this world, I don't think I have it in me to do that. And I really don't want to give birth."

"I can't figure you out. I had you pinned as the type that wanted kids and marriage and all that. This was just the bit of adventure you wanted before settling down."

"Nah, I'm not gonna settle down any time soon. And the only kids I'll have is dogs...if I ever get one."

"What's your favorite dog?" She thinks hard.

"I don't know. German Shepard's, Huskies, Dalmatians and Boston Terrier Bulldogs are my top four."

"What the hell is a Boston whatever?" She smiles, pulling out her phone, showing him a picture she pulled up.

"These, aren't they so cute??"

"They don't have noses, how do they breathe??"

"They have noses they're just tiny."

"They have big eyes and no tails, how are those cute??"

"Hey, don't hate on my future dog."

"My bad....I'd choose the German Shepard though."

"Is that your favorite?"

"Aye. Dinnae ken why." He looks at the GPS. "Get everyone up, we're almost there." She smiles.

"Aye-aye, sir." She salutes him, getting up. 

********

She crawls onto the bed Rohan slept in. She kisses his neck, making him moan softly. He opens his yes, seeing her.

"I like waking up to this."

"Slow your roll, Bobby told me to wake all of you up."

"I just need 10 minutes." He kisses her, pulling her closer to him. He pulls her leg up over his hip, grinding into her. 

"Babe...what if someone wakes up? I'll make it up to you, I promise." She bites his lip, wrapping her arms around his neck. He forces himself to pull away, smiling at her.

"You're lucky you're so cute." She winks at him, turning to get everyone up. 

"Bobby said we're almost there!" After everyone is up she walks back over to Bobby, sitting down. She sees him smiling. "What?" He shakes his head.

"Nothing."

"What is it??" He chuckles pressing a button on the dash. The screen for the GPS turns into a camera to see inside the back of the RV. She looks at him confused.

"I, uh, I checked why I hadn't heard anyone get up yet and then very quickly had to turn it off." She blushes.

"How much did you see?"

"The only thing I saw was you on him and I changed it. I didn't see anything past that. I didn't want to, no offense."

"No offense taken...thanks for not watching and being a pervert."

"Says the person that just fucked her boyfriend in a room full of people."

"Sleeping people....besides we didn't do it. I didn't want Noah to wake up and see it."

"Hey, I'm not judging. He probably would've liked it if I'm honest. I've definitely done a lot worse than that though." 

"Ooh, do tell."

"Nope, that's a story for another time. Go get dressed." She frowns, crossing her arms.

"No."

"Addy Mae, go get dressed." She glares at him through squinted eyes.

"No. Not until I hear this story."

"Do not make me use your whole name." She stares at him, not moving. "Adilynne Mae Smith, get your ass in there and get dressed." She groans, standing up.

"I hate it when you use my whole name!" 

********

She gets off the RV, hooking arms with Jen. 

"Are we doing a touristy stop or are we setting up for camp?" 

"We're setting up for camp. Are you excited?" 

"Yes!!"

"Have you figured out your act yet?"

"No, not yet. I just don't know what to do."

"What about those ribbon things you were talking about?"

"That's not really exciting as a one woman show."

"So spice it up, add something else to it." 

"Like what?" Her brows furrow, deep in thought. 

"I'll get back to you on that." She smiles at her, walking with her inside the casino.

"So do we all get our own rooms or do we share?"

"We usually share, but only because we want to. You can get your own room if you like. Why? Care to room with me?" Rohan comes up behind her, kissing her cheek.

"Sorry, Jen. She's staying with me." He grabs her ass. "We need some alone time." Addy blushes, smiling.

"He does make it hard to resist."

********

Her and Rohan help everyone else get ready. Bobby frowns at her.

"Why not you and Rohan go on?" She helps adjust his collar on his shirt.

"Because Talia hates me enough. She'll definitely think I'm trying to steal her act if I go on. And I almost ripped this apart because of me performing last time. I can't do that again." She buttons to cuffs on his sleeves. 

"But you're not trying to take her act, you're filling in until she gets put back in."

"Which she's out because of me."

"No, she's out because she couldn't control her jealousy. If she fixes her attitude Arjun will put her in." She shakes her head.

"I'm not going on, Bobby. Drop it." She helps him put his vest on. "Now, you're ready. Lookin pretty flashy, Magic Man." He smiles.

"Thanks for helping." She high fives him.

"I got you, boo." 

"Shit!" She sees Jen frowning at her shoe. She walks over.

"What's wrong?"

"My shoe broke! What am I gonna do?" She takes the shoe, looking over it. She walks over to the 'Fashion Emergency' box with Jen close behind her. She frowns, looking through it.

"Damn it." She thinks a minute. "Oh!!" She puts the shoe on the table, taking her earring out. She pushes it through, connecting the strap to the earring. She bends the earring to keep it in place, placing one of those little circle band aids over it so it doesn't hurt her. "Voila. Your shoe is fixed." Jen smiles at her.

"You're amazing!" She hugs her tightly. "Thank you!"

"Any time, hun." Jen runs over to the other dancers, going over their routine. Adilynne stands by the curtain, watching everyone go on one by one. Rohan wraps his arms around her, kissing her cheek.

"You are amazing." She smiles at him.

"Why?"

"Because you've been running around like crazy helping all our friends get ready."

"I need to do something, I'm anxious."

"How come?" She watches through the curtain.

"I want to make sure their acts go well, it's really important to them they do well." He smiles.

"I have the best girlfriend ever. So selfless and loyal." She blushes.

"Are you sweet talking me to get me into bed, sir?" He kisses her neck.

"What if I am?" She bites her lip.

"I really, really want to...but you know our absence would be noticed." He smiles.

"See, you're loyal. You just don't want to miss anything." She looks over, seeing Talia watching Jen dance. She walks over to her and smiles.

"Hey, Jen told me you helped her with the dance they're doing." Talia looks at her suspiciously.

"Yeah..."

"It's amazing. Do you have experience at dance?"

"I wasn't on a dance team or anything, but my mom is Latina so she taught me a lot of dances."

"She did a really good job then. You're a woman of many talents." Talia gives her a small smile.

"Thanks." 

"You're welcome." Jen comes backstage with Blake. Talia and Addy both walk over to them. Addy hugs Blake. "You were both incredible!" Talia kisses Jen's cheeks.

"You were flawless, hun!" Jen smiles at both of them.

"Thank you!! I couldn't have done it without Talia." Adilynne smiles at Talia.

"The friends who are willing to do whatever it takes for you to succeed are the best friends to have around." Blake raises her eyebrows, looking between them. 

"Addy!" She turns to see Hope running over.

"What's up, babes?" She turns around.

"My zipper is stuck. I can't get it up all the way." She looks at the zipper, examining it. She frowns. 

"Give me a minute."

"I know what to do!" She looks over at Talia.

"Please, do tell." Talia smiles.

"I'll be right back." She runs off, turning the corner. She comes back a minute later, Vaseline in her hands. "Here." Hope turns around, Talia pulls the zipper down a little and gently rubs a light layer of along both sides of the zipper where it got stuck. She zips it up, taking the bottom of her shirt and wiping off the excess. "There." Hope smiles at her, hugging her.

"Thanks, hun." 

"Learn something new everyday. Where'd you learn that one?"

"My mom."

"Well, kudos to you." Talia smiles at her.

"Thanks." Jen smiles at both of them, Blake looks at them confused. 

"I have no clue what's going on..." Talia looks at Adilynne's clothes.

"Wait, why aren't you dressed?"

"Oh, I'm not going on."

"But why?"

"Because..." She blushes. "I didn't want you to think I was replacing you..." Talia stares at her a minute.

"Well, what about Rohan?"

"He doesn't want to go on without one of us." Talia let's out a small sigh.

"You should be out there."

"What?" Addy looks at her confused, making her smile.

"You should be out there. You're great, you both make a great team." Adilynne stares at her a minute. Arjun walks by, Talia calls after him. "Arj! Addy and Rohan are going on after Bobby." Arjun smiles.

"Sounds good. Bobby! Change of plans!" Adilynne still stares at Talia. She takes her hand, quickly walking away.

"Come on, we don't have a lot of time." Talia looks at Rohan as they walk by. "Go get dressed, now!" He looks at her confused, seeing her holding Adilynne's hand. "Don't ask questions, do it!" A few minutes later Talia takes a step back, smiling. "You look great." Adilynne looks down at the silver dress she put on her. 

"But what about the skirt? It's long isn't it?" Talia steps up, showing her a clip attached to the skirt.

"It detaches, for dramatic effect...and convenience."

"Oh, cool!!" She takes her hand.

"Now let's go!" They approach Rohan. "I trust that you can finish getting her ready, I need to go make sure Hope's zipper is still good." She smiles at them, running off. Rohan smiles at her.

"What was that?" She turns and smiles in Talia's direction.

"I don't know, I guess she doesn't hate me as much anymore."

********

She stands on Missus, balancing as she walks out. She smiles at the crowd, bowing. The hoop lowers down to her with Rohan on it, she steps on. She kisses Missus trunk, waving down to her. Rohan smiles at her.

"Are you ready?"

"Always." She unclips the skirt, tossing it aside. "Let's do this." She grabs the rope near her, being pulled up quickly. She swings her legs, tucking them in to make it spin. When she's high enough she lets go, catching hold of the swing on the way down, doing a spin over it before sitting on it. Rohan does the same. She stands up and turns around to face him. She starts swinging while he stays sitting. She jumps, he hangs down and catches her, throwing her in one swift movement. She catches the swing behind him, the crowd cheering for them. Towards the end, she jumps onto her assigned pole from her swing, Rohan doing the same on his. She grabs the rope, jumping off and making it swing around. After she circles the stage once, Rohan jumps onto the rope. He has one arm around her as they both hold on. He looks into her eyes, neither of them saying anything. They slow down, being lowered back down onto Missus. They let go, still holding onto each other. He kisses her softly, the crowd cheering for them. She looks out to the crowd, waving. They step down onto the ground, Missus hands her her skirt, making her laugh. She takes it, kissing her trunk. They hold hands and bow. She looks out at the applauding crowd, relishing the sense of freedom she felt.


	13. June 20, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like making people bond. It's nice, right? Let me know what you think so far. I accept comments and kudos as currency thanks! Lol. 😊❤

It was practice time, everyone working out the finishing touches for their acts. Rohan, Talia and Adilynne stand together, trying to polish off their act for the night.

"Good, you're all together." Arjun announces as he approaches them, gaining their attention.

"What's up?" Talia asked with a worried expression.

"Do you feel like performing?" It takes an entire 60 seconds for it to register what he had asked her.

"Are you serious??" She smiles at Addy, her smile quickly turning to a frown. "What about Addy?" 

"That depends, what do you want to do Addy? Is it gonna be a three person act or still a two person?" 

"How about tonight just you two perform?" Rohan frowns at her answer. "Hey, this is her first night in forever. The focus should be on her." Talia looks at her worriedly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go for it. You two are a great team. You haven't been able to perform in forever, this is your night." Talia hugs her tightly, making Addy smile.

"Thank you."

"Of course, hun." 

"But I want it to be a three person act."

"No, really. We haven't even practiced for a three person act. We need to practice that before we try it. If we don't someone could get really hurt and none of us want that to happen." 

"But you're part of this too." She added.

"But this is your night. If you still want to we can practice a three person act tomorrow but today you need to practice. It's been a while and I don't want you getting hurt."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"100%." Talia sighs.

"Okay..." Adilynne squeezes her hands.

"You're gonna be amazing. Let's go choose your outfit!" Addy grabs Talia by the hand, running off. "Wear red!" Addy yelled over her shoulder, making him smile. Arjun sighs, looking like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He instantly looked younger, most of the worry disappearing from his features.

"Who knew they could do it?" 

"Do what?"

"Actually become friends."

"Is that why you put Talia back in?"

"No, I put Talia back in because I've been watching her help Addy get ready every night since opening night. She's been helping her practice, giving her tips. She figured it out."

"Who?"

"Talia."

"What exactly did she figure out? That Addy isn't trying to replace her?"

"No, she figured out what a family is supposed to be like. She learned what it means to be a family." Rohan smiles at him.

"You're sneaky. You knew exactly what you were doing, didn't you?"

"I'm not the ring master for nothing." Arjun walks away, leaving Rohan shaking his head.

*******

Talia looked around anxiously, something Addy had never seen before. She usually radiated confidence, but right now she looked like a little kid on their first day at a new school. 

"I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? I've done this a million times." 

"Because all great performers get nervous once in a while. This is your debut night. This is the night you show them who Talia is. And you're gonna be great."

"Oh God. I'm nauseous." Addy smiles, looking around for her Magic Man.

"Bobby!" He looks up from getting his stuff ready for his act, a dread hanging over his eye. 

"Yeah?"

"Code yellow!" He smiles at her.

"On it!" A minute later he comes over with mint and ginger, holding them out to Addy. Talia looks at Addy gratefully, her confidence slowly coming back to her.

"You're a genius."

"No, this is Bobby's trick. I've just had to use it many times. That's why we have a code for it. Instead of yelling 'I'm gonna fucking puke my guts out' I yell 'code yellow' and it's a lot less embarrassing." Talia laughed, giving Bobby a confused look.

"Why code yellow?" 

"It sounds cooler, dinnae ken." Rohan walks over to them, looking a little pale himself.

"We good?" Addy puts the ginger in his hand without saying a word. He admires her a second before taking it.

"Can we go over it one more time?" Talia twisted her hands anxiously, her confidence fading once again. 

"Of course." Adilynne steps aside.

"I'll see you two after. You're gonna be great!" With a quick kiss for Rohan and a final comforting squeeze of Talia's hand she leaves them to practice. 

********

From the curtain she watches them performing, grinning from ear to ear. Bobby stands beside her, nudging her to get her attention.

"How'd you two get so close?"

"A common interest...or two." A skeptical look in his eyes as he looks at her mischievous smile.

"What does that mean?"

"Don't worry about it. Aren't they great? They're doing so good. I wish I could get closer." 

"Here, follow me." They sneak along the curtain, camouflaging into the shadows. Addy pulled on Bobby's sleeve excitedly, reminding him of a little kid.

"Watch this one, it's a new move. Come on, get a good momentum...." Talia soars through the air towards the swing, suddenly missing the swing. "She missed the swing!" Before she had time to think she found herself using the trampoline, catching enough momentum to swing on the rope just in time to catching onto the rope and swinging in time to grab Talia before she hit the ground. The face Talia gave her made her smile.

"Are you freaking superwoman or something?"

"I might be. I'm gonna let go now."

"What?!"

"Don't worry, the others are under you. Ready?" She nods, letting go. The others catch her and set her down, catching Addy when she lets go. The crowd applauds and cheers for them, Talia throwing her arms around her.

"I'm so sorry for being such a bitch." Addy laughed, squeezing her back.

"Talia, you don't need to apologize. It's in the past, we're friends now." Rohan finally makes it over to them, a small tremble in his voice.

"Are you both okay?? What happened? Was it something I did?" Talia puts a hand on his arm, making him stop.

"Ro, relax. No, it wasn't you. Sometimes these things just happen. I'm fine thanks to your superwoman girlfriend." Relief washes over his face, turning to smile at Addy.

"You did look like superwoman though. Kinda hot." She rolled her eyes, trying to hide the pride she felt at his compliment.

"Later, babe." Talia and Rohan take their final bow for the crowd, everyone else watching from the side. Talia held her hand out for Addy to come join them, the others pushing her out there. She sighs, taking Talia's hand. The three of them take their final bow together, a new sense of companionship between them.

********

Arjun couldn't hide the pride he felt in seeing the three of them standing together, like a team. Tim stared in disbelief.

"So you did it."

"What do you mean?"

"You made them family." 

"I didn't do anything. They did this on their own...but I've never been more proud in my life. It's situations like theirs that's why I started this. Bringing people together, giving them a family they didn't have." 

"One big happy dysfunctional family."

"Exactly. The best kind of family."

********

Addy's on her way to change so they can meet up with the others. Movement from the side of her sight made her look over, seeing Noah and Rahim taking care of the animals. 

"You two need help?" They look up, smiling when they see who it is.

"You don't have to, we've got it." Noah replied.

"Come on, we're all a part of this. I can do my share." Rahim gets a little bit of an uneasy look, clearly uncomfortable.

"Performers usually don't help much with this part though." 

"Bobby's done it before though and he's a performer."

"Bobby's different. He's a really good friend of ours, he'll help literally anyone." She smiles.

"I've noticed. Come on, give me something to do." The boys look at each other, having a silent conversation. Rahim smiles, handing her a grooming brush. She gets to work on the white mare Hope rides. "So is this all you two do?" Noah shakes his head.

"No, we kind of do whatever. We go wherever we're needed."

"Is this a last minute career choice or did you wanna do this for a while?" Noah chuckles.

"I was a librarian."

"No way! I was studying to become one. Mostly because I love books."

"That's exactly why I became one!" Rahim raised his eyebrows, amusement in his eyes.

"I thought it was weird I met one person who actually wanted to be a librarian, now I know two." Addy throws a hand full of oats at him, making him laugh. "Hey! I'm kidding, I'm sorry." 

"Dork. Are you saying you don't like reading?" Noah shakes his head.

"He reads too, don't let him lie to you."

"Comic books aren't reading. They have pictures." 

"Yeah, classifying it as a picture book. So you do read." Addy adds. 

"Not the same, but okay." Gary walks by the stables, seeing Addy standing there brushing the mare. He gives her a curious look, walking over to them.

"Are you making Addy do your work?" Addy laughed at the faces the boy's were making.

"No, I voluntold them I was helping." 

"Really? Why? Performers don't usually do the dirty work."

"Because we're a family. Family helps each other, right? Why should the people not in acts have to do all this and we don't? That's not what a family does." The three boys smile at her. Gary points at her.

"I like you. You're a good addition. I also seemed to have noticed you and Lottie are close." Rahim rolls his eyes.

"Here we go." Gary pretends not to hear Rahim's shade.

"Do I have a chance?"

"Well, she definitely thinks your hot. Do you want me to see what I can find out?"

"See, I knew this was gonna work out. You definitely belong here." She smiles.

"I try." Jen and Hope walk over when they see Addy working with the three boys.

"What are we doing over here?" Jen asked. Gary nods in Addy's direction while he helped Rahim clean out one of the stalls.

"Addy offered to help finish up." Hope gives her a strange look, a smile slowly appearing.

"Aww, that's so sweet of you. Here, I'll help." The three boys looked like they were waiting for her to say just kidding. "What? The sooner we get done the sooner we can all go hang out, right?" Rahim smiles, standing up straighter.

"True." Jen picks up the animal feed.

"I'll help too." The boys admire Addy a moment, Noah nudging her.

"I'm happy you came around. I think you're a great addition to our group." She beams at them.

"Thanks. I'm glad we can help." Rohan and Bobby enter the stables, Rohan sliding his arms around her.

"What are we doing in here?"

"We're helping the boys get done so we can hang out sooner." He stared at her in disbelief, the look quickly turning to admiration.

"I love you." Gary leans over, talking to Addy in a low voice.

"If you two don't work out, my bed is always open." Noah pushes Gary.

"Gary! Can you not hit on her...especially in front of her boyfriend! Really?"

"It was just a suggestion. I'm just saying." Jen rolls her eyes, smiling.

"I swear you're too much, hun. You're a worse flirt than Lottie." Bobby shakes his head, smiling.

"Lottie is not a good influence on you girls. Ro, watch her with Addy. Before you know Addy will be making BDSM comments too."

"I adore Lottie." Addy adds. Bobby gives Rohan a sympathetic look.

"Too late. Take it from me, in about another week her Lottie and Blake will inseparable...not in a good way either." Rohan smiles, helping out like everyone else.

"Hey, I like Lottie. I don't mind them hanging out."

"Better not cause it's happening. Addy's my girlfriend too, I'm gonna teach her how to be a freak." They turn to see Lottie walking over, smirking. Bobby pats Rohan's shoulder.

"It's definitely too late, mate. Lottie's about to steal your girl." Lottie pushes Bobby, making him smile. "Come on, you know I love you." He tries to hug her, getting a shove from her instead.

"Fuck off." She said playfully.

"That's my job." They see Blake walk in. "What are we all doing?" Addy motions to everyone working together.

"Helping get this stuff done so we can all hang out." 

"Lets do this shit." Bobby smiles shaking his head.

"I have a feeling you girls are about to make our lives very interesting." Rohan kisses Addy's cheek.

"And my girl started it all. I feel oddly proud of that." Hope looks around a minute, looking back at Addy.

"How did we manage to have fun without Addy? Like, why haven't we been doing this?" Noah and Rahim meet each others eyes, shrugging. Addy smiles, looking around at all her friends laughing and talking. _**I've never had so much fun doing chores. I love the circus life.**_

"So, Lottie, you were telling me earlier you can use damn near anything to make it sexy. What would you do here?" Addy asked playfully. Bobby groans in defeat.

"Oh no, Lottie's already gotten a hold of her." Lottie swats his arm.

"Fuck off, Bobs. Anyway, there's that rope you could use to tie someone up with. That pile of clean hay is soft enough to do some bits, probably make you itchy though. That can be a kink too. There's-"

"Hey, let's not give her any weird ideas. I quite enjoy not being tied up, thanks." Rohan interrupted, making Addy laugh.

"Come on, babe. You don't want to experiment a bit?"

"Not with that stuff, I'm good." 

"I feel you, I'm the exact same way." Blake agreed, giving Bobby what looked like an annoyed look. He gave her a charming smile, leaning against the wall to the stall for the horses.

"What? You can't tell me it's not intriguing. Makes things interesting." Lottie smirks.

"I'm with Bobby on this one." Blake rolls her eyes.

"I'd rather not be treated like an animal, thanks." Gary shrugs.

"I honestly have a pretty open mind to sex." 

"I'm down to try different positions, but nothing too crazy." Rahim chimed in, making Gary smile.

"I've got this great move you should try out then. It's called the helicopter." 

"The what??" Hope asked, a slight look of disgust on her face. He smiled.

"The helicopter, it's easier to show than explain."

"Ooh, ooh! Use me!" Bobby raised his hand excitedly volunteering. Gary motions him over, getting him into position on his back, his legs up. Gary thrusts, swinging his arm around. Everyone busts out laughing, tears streaming down Addy's face. 

"That is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen." Gary shrugs, smiling. He takes the jokes with ease, not letting them offend him. 

"I'm telling you it works. Maybe I can show Lottie some time." Lottie shakes her head quickly.

"I don't kink shame...but don't ever come at me with that move. I will literally run away." Rahim winces, patting Gary's back.

"You might've just ruined your chances, man."

"I didn't say that...but I'm serious about that move. Keep it away from me." He shrugged, smiling.

"I'll try something new for you if you do for me." She squints her eyes, trying not to smile. 

"We'll see." Addy shakes her head, going back to grooming. 

"I'm officially glad I joined the circus." Rohan kisses her cheek again.

"Me too. Perfect addition."


	14. July 21, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever had a stupid fight over something that's definitely a personal problem? I have...a lot. 😁 Comment me your opinions! Kudos are cool too. 😊❤

The feeling of his lips on her neck sends tingles through her body, making her moan. Rohan scoots closer to her, his hands running over her body. She buries her face in the pillows, groaning.

"Babe...I'm trying to sleep."

"But I want you to wake up." His hand goes to her ass, squeezing hard. She feels the strap to her nightgown slide off her shoulder, being replaced with his lips. She bites her lip, looking up at him. "Good morning."

"Good morning." His kiss firm, waking her all the way up. His body pressed against her, instantly making her wrap her leg over his waist.

"Happy birthday." She felt his hard cock rub against her as he kisses her. She whimpers, pulling him on top of her. 

"It is a very happy birthday to me." He grabs a condom from the table beside their bed. "Thank God we got our own room at this stop." 

"Otherwise I would've had to kick the others out." She giggles.

"Oh really?"

"Mhmm." His kisses grow more passionate, he teases her. She bites his lip gently, her hands in his hair.

"Are you gonna play with it or are you gonna fuck me?"

"I love it when you talk to me like that." He puts his cock inside her, making her moan again. "Fuck, I like that I'm the only one that gets to be with you like this." She smiles at him.

"You mean you like being the only one to ever get this far?" 

"Is...that a bad thing?"

"No, you don't need to hide it though."

"Then it's really fucking hot I'm the only dick you've ever had. Major ego boost." She wraps her legs around his waist.

"It's hot for me too."

********

Lottie groans.

"When are they coming?" Blake wiggles her eyebrows.

"Oh they're coming alright. Just not down here yet." Lottie rolls her eyes.

"Bobby's horrible jokes are rubbing off on you." Bobby pretends to be offended. 

"That hurts, I'm hilarious. That was a good one by the way, babe." They high five before he puts his arm around her.

"Thanks, I try." Jen comes running in.

"They're on their way down!! Hurry, hide!" In an instant the lights are off, everyone finding a hiding spot. Rohan and Addy's voices break the silence, slowly growing louder.

"I just asked what we were doing, I didn't mean anything by it."

"It wasn't that, it was the way you acted when I said nothing. I'm not your parents."

"I never said you were. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"Just stop." They come inside the doors. "Why are the lights off?"

"Babe, I want to talk about this."

"Well I don't. Not right now at least." He turns on the lights.

"When then?"

"When I feel like it."

"That doesn't give me a time."

"Because I don't know when that'll be." 

"So you're just gonna throw a tantrum like a two year old? You're being childish."

"I'm being childish? You're the one getting upset because I didn't have any huge plans or surprises like your parents did. Where the hell is everyone?" Everyone slowly comes out of their hiding spots. Rohan and Addy look around, their faces turning red. Her eyes water seeing the look on everyone's faces. Tim clears his throat, attempting to ease the tension.

"Um, surprise?" They turn away, walking in opposite directions. Everyone looks around uncomfortably. "Dude, what just happened?" Jakub rolls his eyes.

"They had a fight."

"Fucking obviously. But why are they acting like that? They've never fought...okay well not never. But not since we started traveling with her." Bobby frowns, looking at Talia. She nods with understanding.

"Bobby and I are gonna go talk to them, see if we can get this figured out." 

"Why you two?" Hope asked, her arms crossed.

"Because we're their best friends, that's why. Now chill and let us see if we can fix this before her dad comes."

********

Talia finds her in their room, opening the door slowly.

"Hey...I was hoping I'd find you here." She smiles at her sadly.

"Yeah..." She sniffles, rolling the tissue in her hand. 

"Addy..."

"I know. He was right. I was being childish to expect anything special today. It's just another day like any other." Talia frowns, sitting next to her.

"No, it should be special. Your birthday only comes once a year. You weren't being childish. Were you expecting something extravagant like your parents did?"

"No, just...I don't know. Something. I guess that's the spoiled part in me, I need to work on that."

"Addy, stop that. Stop putting yourself down and blaming yourself. As far as I could tell your both just...stressed out."

"What do you mean?"

"I've known Rohan a long time. And sometimes he needs alone time to clear his head. But he hasn't had any since you two got together."

"He could just ask me. I would've told him yes."

"I don't know why he didn't just ask you, that's where I think he's being stupid." Adilynne shakes her head, hugging her knees. 

"Can you do the show tonight without me? I need some space for myself too."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet." 

"I don't want you walking around alone. We don't know this city."

"I won't go far. I promise. And I'll have my phone on me." Talia stares at her a minute.

"Addy...don't push us away, okay? If you need space, we can give you that. But don't push us away and stop trusting us...please? We all care about you."

"I know. I promise, I'll check in with y'all. I won't push you away. If I need to talk I've got a bunch of people to talk to." Talia puts an arm around her, rubbing her arm.

"I'm sorry your birthday started out like this." Addy just shrugs, not able to form any words.

********

Bobby finds Rohan in their RV, frowning on the couch. 

"You alright, mate?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." He plops down on the couch beside him, pulling out his phone.

"Should I have planned something big?"

"What do you mean?"

"She's used to her birthday being a big deal. Should I have done something big like she wanted?"

"I don't think she wanted something big, I think she wanted something special."

"I woke her up with morning sex."

"Okay...but you have sex all the time. So if that's all you had planned on giving her today then she has a right to be mad."

"I got her a present too. I'm not that kind of boyfriend."

"Well what is it?"

"It's a ring with both our birthstones in it."

"Aw, that's cute."

"Bobby."

"Sorry, anyway. Uh, what exactly happened? I'm gonna need some more details, mate."

"She told me how her dad always made a big deal out of her birthday. She told me a few memories she had from her birthday growing up. It was crazy extravagant shit. One year, she got dressed up as full on princess, ball gown and tiara and everything, and they had a ball themed party for her."

"Damn, that's extra extra."

"I know. I can never come up with something like that."

"How old was she?"

"Like 5."

"Then it makes sense why they did that. Every little girl wants to be a princess for a day." 

"But even now, I can't live up to that expectation."

"Did she say she wanted something extravagant? Some crazy thing planned?"

"No."

"Okay, so what did she say that made you think she wanted some big plan?"

"She told me about the princess thing and then asked what we were doing today."

"Okay, and?"

"And then I asked what that was supposed to mean and then we started arguing." 

"Jesus-Rohan. You really..." He sighs, rubbing his face. "She never said she wanted some big thing, you assumed she meant it that way. Why..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Mate, never assume the worst about someone you're dating. Be open to hear them out before you jump to conclusions. Maybe she meant it innocently and you overreacted because your ego was bruised." Rohan frowns.

"My ego isn't bruised." Bobby looks at him with annoyance. "Okay, it is a little bit. I just...I want to make her happy but what if I'm not enough. She's used to really nice things, being the center of attention. What if I can't give her all of that?"

"Have you asked her what she wants out of your relationship?"

"No."

"Then you should. But take some time to yourself first. You two haven't been apart for more than an hour since she came with us. It's important to take time to yourself or you start fighting over little things....like this." Rohan sighs.

"Alright..."

"You really just ran with it, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"I had no idea you were so dumb, damn. I'm not grasping the link to make you assume something like that. She's never acted like she was spoiled or expected special treatment. Hell, she got the other girls to start helping out with chores without even trying."

"I know, I know. I don't need you to tell me I'm stupid."

"As long as you already know...you know I don't think you're stupid, right?"

"Yeah, I know...kinda am right now though...can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Will you go check on her?"

"Aye. You just take some time to clear your head."

********

Rohan paces back and forth in the lounge area of the tent. Everyone else sitting around, watching him drive himself crazy with worry. 

"Has anyone heard from her?" Everyone shakes their head. "Her dad is gonna be here any minute. She should be here by now." Talia shrugs.

"Hun, she wanted to take time to herself today. She wasn't exactly feeling the group thing. She barely tolerated me long enough to talk to her. She flat out refused to talk to Bobby." Bobby pouts.

"That really hurt my feelings." Blake rubs his back sympathetically. 

"I'm sorry, babe. She's just feeling a lot of things right now. I know it wasn't personal." He smiles at her.

"You're sweet." He kisses her cheek. "But she still hurt my feelings." Rohan rolls his eyes, pacing again. Alex walks in, smiling at everyone.

"Hey! Where's Adilynne?" Everyone looks at Rohan, making his nerves worse. "What?" Rohan clears his throat.

"Uh, it's been a bit of a stressful day. She wanted to be alone today...and now she's not answering our calls."

"What did she say before she left?" Rohan looked at Talia. She sighs.

"She said she needed to go somewhere to clear her head. She needed to have some reflection time, try and figure things out. But she didn't say where. When I asked she said somewhere she could connect with her mom." Alex smiles.

"I know exactly where she is." Everyone stares at him expectantly, Talia motioning with her hand.

"Are you gonna tell us?"

"No. But since I have a feeling this has something to do with you-" He points to Rohan. "I'll tell you." 

********

The top of the lighthouse gave her a perfect view of the sunset reflecting in the ocean. She held onto the rail, embracing the warm salty breeze. The clouds above her looked like fluffy orange whipped cream, reminding her of all the times her mom would cloud watch with her. When she was a kid she claimed they looked like orange sherbet, making her mom laugh. A longing filled her chest, bringing her down again.

"I wish you were here, Mom. You'd know what to say." She wipes away another tear, crossing her arms. _**I feel so stupid. Was this all a mistake? Should I have stayed home? Is he getting tired of me already? Do I talk to him yet?**_ Her hands run through her hair. _**Why did it have to be today?**_ _**It's like I just...I don't even know. What do I do?**_ The waves dance in front of her, singing what her mom called the song of the sea.

"Hey..." Rohan stood a few feet away, his expression unreadable. He was wearing her favorite color on him, dark green t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a skull and roses on the front, paired with black jeans. Quickly scolding herself for her wandering thoughts she forces herself to look away.

********

He watches her for a moment from the ground below. He sees her wipe her face after looking up at the sky, making him look around in confusion. _**Did she feel rain or something? I don't feel anything...maybe it's because she's higher up?**_ He shakes his head, heading to the top. When he gets up there he freezes, taking notice of how beautiful she looked. Her skin glowed from the sunset, the ocean sparkling like a million diamonds in the background, the breeze making her curls dance around her, her eyes popping against all the orange and yellow hues.

"Hey..." An ache filled his chest when he saw the tear streaks on her cheeks. The vulnerable look in her eyes made him feel even worse for being such an ass. She quickly turns around, facing away from him.

"Tell Dad I'll be back later. I need some space."

"Addy, please. Wait, how did you know he was here?"

"Do you know why I'm here?"

"No..."

"That's how."

"Addy...I'm sorry. For what I said and how I acted. I just...I assumed you meant...it felt like...I guess I felt like...." He sighs. "I'm sorry. There's nothing else to say." She turns around, looking at him angrily.

"Nothing else to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say what you want to say, not I want you to say." He looks at her a minute.

"I think I understood that...but maybe not." She rolls her eyes.

"I'm sorry doesn't exactly cut it. Do you not remember our fight? The things you said? The way you yelled at me? The way our friends looked at us?" 

"I said a lot of things I didn't mean, okay? I just felt inadequate compared to what you're used to. I'm worried if I don't do shit like your parents did that you're gonna leave. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I should've talked to you about it. I just...didn't know how. It's hard being your boyfriend."

"And you think it's easy being your girlfriend? Constantly reminding you that I'm not like any of the others, trying to make sure you don't get distracted by all the women that throw themselves at you, trying to do everything I can to be good enough."

"Good enough? What are you talking about?"

"I have to prove I'm good enough to be your girlfriend, that I deserve a spot in your life so you don't regret choosing me." He walks over to her, frowning.

"What makes you think you have to prove anything?"

"I've heard about the other women you've been with. I've gotten to know how amazing Talia is. Especially, since she was your last girlfriend. I have a lot to live up to. She's talented, pretty, funny, sassy. She set the bar really high and I have to prove I'm just as good as her. I-"

"Adilynne, stop." She stares at him. "Is that why you're always trying to do everything for me?" She doesn't answer, making his heart break. "You're trying to prove to me you deserve to stay with me? That's not how this works. I didn't choose you because you did things for me. I didn't choose you because you proved something to me. I chose you because you stepped up when you didn't have to and helped us. I chose you because despite her being a bitch to you, you still took the lead in your friendship with her. I chose you because when all hell was breaking lose you were more furious no one was listening to Arjun than the fact we were all fighting over you. I chose you because you literally jumped through the air so Talia wouldn't get hurt. I chose you because even when I was stupid and cowardly you stood up for yourself and walked away when it wasn't what _you_ deserved. I don't want the Addy that thinks she has to prove something to me. I want the Addy that makes me want to be better so that I'm good enough for her. I want the real Addy that loves being thrown through the air, that has a special bond with Missus, that's managed to bring everyone in the circus closer." He takes her hands. "Stop trying to be someone you're not, be you. That's who I fell in love with." 

"But what if I'm not good enough and one day you decide you don't love me?"

"I don't think there's anything you could ever do to make me stop loving you. But regardless of me, always be who you are. Not who you think you should be. Don't wake up each day trying to prove to me you deserve me, wake up everyday and try to prove to yourself why you should love yourself." She sniffles, wiping her face again. He takes her hand, kissing it. "I love you today, and that's all I care about. And when I wake up tomorrow I will still love you. I will always love you, rather we make it or not. I will never love anyone like I love you. If for some reason we don't work out, which I hope we do, anyone after you will have a high standard to live up to. You're the one that they're gonna have to try and beat." She hugs him, holding him tightly.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do." She looks up at him, he sees the mixed shades of green in her eyes. "There's not one person on this earth like you. Own that shit, don't talk yourself into thinking it's not special enough." He puts a hand on her cheek, wiping tears away. She looks at him a moment.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I do. I made you to feel the way you did. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I would've been just happy if we laid in bed together all day, doing nothing. I just wanted to know what outfit to wear." He smiles.

"You asked so you knew what clothes to wear? That's what it was about?" She nods, a soft giggle escaping. "Wow, I really drew that way out of proportion. I really messed this one up." 

"We both kinda did."

"We're performers, we're dramatic." She giggles, leaning her head against his chest. 

"We really are." For a minute they just hold each other, not saying anything. "Can we get something to eat now? I'm hungry." He laughs, kissing her temple. 

"Of course we can. Your dad was making arrangements when I left."

"Fuck yes. I love that man so much." 

"I think everyone does."

"They better." 

"Pretty sure he doesn't like me though..."

"He does, he's just protective. He hates seeing me upset."

"That makes two of us."


	15. August 30, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a touchy subject for all couples. Kinda hits the fan pretty quickly...anyway, it gets incredibly emotional in this one. You've been warned. And intimate. Comment and kudos. 😊❤

"I'm sick of you calling me crazy!" Everyone looks up towards the door way, Addy exchanging an uncomfortable look with Rohan.

"I'm not calling you crazy!" Blake and Bobby stop outside the doorway, arguing...obviously.

"Telling me I have multiple personalities is calling me crazy."

"How else do you want me to explain why you're so hot and cold all the time??"

"Uh, I'm a woman. I have hormones like every other woman. I get stressed dealing with your childish jokes all the time."

"You get stressed out about jokes? One, if you're stressed out by jokes you need to take some time to yourself. Two, you used to love my jokes. You even said they were what drew you to me."

"I did and they were, until it started being a joke a minute. We used to be up all night talking about all kinds of things that actually meant something. We used to talk about real stuff, now all we talk about is dumb stuff."

"Because you keep talking about settling down and having kids."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I. Don't. Want. Kids. We've been through this a thousand times, it hasn't changed once."

"With me or with anyone? What's so bad about kids?"

"With anyone! There's nothing bad about them it's just not my thing. I don't want kids, I might not even get married."

"So am I just wasting my time then?"

"Are you saying we get married and have kids or we're done?"

"Well not right now."

"But that's what you're gonna tell me whenever you decide you're ready for all that."

"Maybe you'll be ready too by then. It won't be until years from now."

"No, I won't. I don't want to have kids, I don't want to be a dad. I don't want to go settle down in nice little flat somewhere and go to the same boring job everyday. We've already talked about this, why do we keep having the same fight?"

"What's wrong with that? I'm sorry I want to build a life with you, build a family with you. It's so much better than it sounds. Your job could be something you love to do. Like baking. You could open up a bakery, you're amazing at baking."

"I don't want to be a baker."

"Then what do you plan on doing with your life?"

"This until I feel like I've gotten as much out of it as I can."

"You're just gonna be in the circus the rest of your life?"

"Probably not the rest of my life, but so far that's all I see me doing. I don't like to plan that far ahead, it makes life feel miserable when it doesn't go how you want it to."

"No one wants to stay in the circus forever. Life isn't always miserable, why do you keep thinking life is just gonna fuck you over? Everyone wants kids and marriage and to settle down."

"No, not everyone. Not everyone wants that, not everyone is made for that. There's nothing wrong with people that don't want to have kids."

"Really? Do you actually know anyone who doesn't want kids?"

"A couple people actually. It's more common than you think, especially in the circus."

"Who then?"

"It doesn't matter who. What matters is you keep pressuring me to do something I don't want to do."

"I don't think you actually don't want to do it. I think you're just scared."

"Blake, stop. I don't want it, that's it. Why do you keep pushing this when you know how I feel?"

"I just find it hard to believe that apparently so many people don't want kids."

"It's not apparently, it's a real thing. Why are you so close minded about this?"

"Well you won't tell me who so I have to assume you don't actually know anyone."

"Oh my God, Blake." He groans. "Adilynne doesn't." Blake walks into the room, Bobby on her heels.

"I find that hard to believe, she's the exact type that would want kids. Right, Addy?" Everyone turns to look at her, making her sink lower into the couch.

"Don't drag her into this, she's an example not a part of this."

"Oh stop. I'm not dragging her into this, I'm proving my point. You want kids, right?"

"Um, I'm really not in this. This is something you two should really go discuss privately..." Blake frowns, crossing her arms.

"Just say yes."

"She's not saying yes because she doesn't want kids." Blake looks at Rohan.

"I'm sure you two have talked about it. She wants kids right?" Rohan frowns, looking at Addy.

"We've never talked about that...do you want kids?" She sighs, rubbing her neck.

"I'm not ready for this conversation yet."

"Why? You're ready to basically live with me and tell me you love me but not ready to talk about kids?"

"No, not really."

"Why? How many kids do you want?"

"Ro, stop pushing her. Drop it." Bobby tried to intervene.

"I'm not pushing her, Bobby. It's a legitimate topic couples talk about. You want kids, right?" She sighs, looking down at the ground.

"No. I don't." Blake stares at her in shock.

"How could you not want kids? You'd be a great mom. You're so sweet and caring and-"

"And I know. They'd be pretty, smart, have good heritage. They'd be educated and cared for. Yeah yeah, that's all great. But what about the fact I'm gonna have to be the one who's gonna take care of it 90% of the time? Or that I'd be putting my body through hell to have this tiny human screaming at me all the time? Or that everyone would only see me as a mom. I'd never be Addy again. Only so and so's mom." Rohan frowns.

"You don't think I'd help with my own kid?"

"I literally didn't say that."

"You said you'd take care of it 90% of the time, meaning the father wouldn't be helpful."

"Who said you were the father? We never talked about us having kids so this whole thing is an if on my part."

"Do you want to get married?"

"Yeah, I want that I just don't want the kid part."

"How come?"

"I just said why."

"No, no, no. There's got to be more to it." Hope scoffs.

"Why? Because she's a young woman who doesn't want kids?"

"Yeah, every woman wants kids." Rohan replies, making Lottie frown.

"That's totally sexist! Not every woman wants kids."

"Let me guess, you don't?"

"Well, no. I do. But that doesn't mean Addy has to or Hope." Blake looks at Addy and Hope.

"You two really don't want kids?"

"No." They both said in unison. She looks at Bobby.

"Did you somehow make this a thing for people in the circus to not want kids?"

"What? How can I do that? Everyone can have their own opinions. Like Ro wants them and I don't." Rohan looks back at Addy.

"You've never pictured us settling down and all that?"

"Well....no."

"What? Why?"

"Because...I don't like making plans as big as that. A million things could go wrong. I can make plans for what I'm eating tomorrow or a doctor's appointment next week but planning out my future like that is just asking for disappointment. That's why I like predictable."

"You're in a circus...the most unpredictable place on earth."

"I know. Which is a big step for me. Which you were real happy, and supportive of, about two and a half months ago."

"Yeah, when I thought we had a future." She stands up, frowning at him.

"Are you saying we don't have a future now because I don't want kids?"

"How are we supposed to when I want them and you don't? You want one of us to just cave so we can resent each other in a few years?" 

"We love each other! That should be more important than the future."

"Are you gonna change your mind on kids?"

"Are you?" Hope rolls her eyes.

"Does it matter? Do you want to be with her or not?" Noah frowns.

"Um, if they don't have the same life goal then what's the point of starting something?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means it would be stupid to continue a relationship that has no future because both people want different things. Sometimes love isn't enough."

"So all this flirting with me, are you just gonna stop that now? If that's how you feel then maybe this shouldn't happen at all." Bobby frowns at him.

"Hold on, so all that stuff that we've been told about them loving us for us, that we're all they could ever need, we can get through anything as long as we're together...none of it was true? We're gonna be abandoned because we don't want kids?" Blake shakes her head.

"That's not what I said."

"But you're trying to pressure me into something I don't want." Addy looks at Rohan.

"What about you? Are you abandoning me because I don't want kids? Is every promise you ever made to me shot? Did I make a mistake by giving _everything_ to you and taking a stupid leap of faith?" He stares at her a minute. His voice is quiet, irritation in the edge of his voice.

"I...I don't know." She takes off the ring and necklace he gave her.

"I do. Congratulations, you're free." She throws them in his lap. "Look at that, I just planned the rest of our future." She rolls her eyes, walking away angrily. Bobby frowns at Blake.

"Wow. You really had to drag her into this?" 

"You dragged her into it."

"No, she was an example. You actually brought her into it. I told you to leave her out of it and you pulled her in anyway, now you've torn their relationship apart."

"I didn't think they'd break up..."

"What do you expect when you bring such a touchy subject into a couple that was no where near ready to have that talk? They've been together two months, they weren't there yet and you just forced them to go there. Not everyone is fit to start having these conversations right away. I wasn't but you pushed anyway. Why do you have to keep pushing, Blake? Why can't you ever let things go?" Blake stares at the ground, clearing her throat.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"There's nothing to say. I'm out. I'm not doing this. Fuck all this shit. I fucking can't." He walks off. Blake looks at Rohan.

"I didn't mean to break you two up...I didn't know...I thought..." He holds his hand up, standing.

"Just stop, Blake." He walks away. Everyone looks around at each other, not saying anything else. Jen speaks softly, sadness etched in her voice.

"Does this mean our family is breaking up?" Rahim sighs.

"I don't know...I hope not...but I don't know."

********

Rohan knocks on her door, leaning against the doorway. Her voice comes from the other side of the door, shaky like she's been crying.

"I don't want to talk."

"Addy...please..." 

"I have nothing to say."

"We need to figure out what to do."

"There's nothing to figure out. We have different plans for our future and I fixed the problem you couldn't figure out. Apparently love isn't enough." Her voice breaks at the last sentence. He closes his eyes, leaning his head against his arm.

"Adilynne...please come talk to me. I want to fix this." She opens the door, staring at him angrily. 

"How can we fix this? You made it very clear you don't think we have a future because I don't want kids. You said you didn't know if you were gonna abandon me or not. What do you want me to do? Sit there and hope every single day you're not gonna break up with me because we want different things? I can't live on a maybe every single day."

"But I don't want to lose you."

"Oh, now you figure it out. Now you know what you want. After I make the choice it's no longer an if. How are we going to make it back from this?"

"I don't know, but I want to try. I love you. I don't want anyone but you." 

"Our relationship is being torn apart by kids we don't even have! I didn't want this yet, I didn't want this conversation yet. I knew it was gonna end and I was hoping it wouldn't. I was hoping I would be wrong and that I wasn't stupid for choosing you. That I wasn't stupid for running off to the circus with you." Tears pour down her face. "That I wasn't an idiot for falling completely head over heels in love with you." He reaches towards her to wipe away her tears, she pulls away. "Don't touch me." 

"Addy...lets just leave this to worry about in the future. I don't know where we'll be either, but I do know I want you. I know that if I wake up tomorrow morning and you're not there that it's gonna crush me. I know that if I go without being able to kiss you it's gonna kill me. I know that if you left or if I left...half of me would still be with you." 

"You didn't fight for us, again. How many more times am I just supposed to forgive you and keep giving you everything when this keeps happening? You told me I didn't have to prove to you I was enough...but now it feels like I have to prove I'm enough without kids in our future. One of us is going to have to convince the other one to change their mind or we just break up."

"I am fighting for us. I don't want you to prove anything. I want to love you for you, I do love you for you. We can figure this out, we have time. This kids thing wouldn't happen until we're in our 30's. I don't know where we'll be, but I do know I want you in my life. I love you more than anything and I can't lose you, I'm not ready to lose you. I've given just as much as myself to you as you've given to me. Maybe not that one specific thing, but everything else. I've shared secrets with you I've never told anyone, I've let you in more than I have anyone else. I've become so dependent on you that if I don't see that beautiful smile, my day sucks. I don't feel complete until your arms are around me." Her tear streaked face makes his heart break more. "Please, Addy...don't end this yet. Let me love you..." He looks into her vibrant green eyes, seeing his whole world looking back at him. She hesitantly steps aside, letting him in. He pulls her into a passionate kiss, salty from their tears.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He pulls on her shirt, her shorts, tying to hold her as close as he could. She held onto him tightly, not letting him go once. 

"I need you. I need to feel close to you again." He pulls off his shirt, kissing her.

"I'll do anything you want." He pushes her against the wall, trying to show her how much he loved her. Her shorts slide to the ground, his hands roaming her body before landing on her ass. She moans against his lips, unzipping his jeans.

"Condom." They finish taking of their clothes until they're standing in their underwear. He takes a minute to look at her in her bra and panties. The way she looked at him made him want to cry and smile at the same time. "Touch me." He kisses her hard, moving her panties aside. A moan escapes from her when he puts his fingers in her. She bites her lip, jumping up and wrapping her legs around him. "Make love to me. Right now." He carries her to the bed, laying her down. He pulls the rest of their clothes off quickly, wasting no time connecting them. He refuses to break their kiss as he poured all his love into showing her how much she meant to him. He finally breaks their kiss, biting and marking her neck and chest. "What's all that for?"

"You're mine and I want everyone to know it." She bites her lip, looking into his eyes. 

"Do you love me?" The worry in her eyes scared him, making him feel like he was losing her.

"More than anything else in this world." Her kiss made the rest of the world melt away. The only thing he could feel was her, the only thing he could hear was her, the only thing he wanted was her. Their sweaty bodies combining, their souls connecting, their hearts becoming one. He felt the wall still there, trying so hard to knock it down. Everything about their time together made him try harder for her to feel what he felt. Her moans growing louder, her touches becoming more urgent.

"Fuck, Rohan." The way she said his name was so different this time, like she needed him too. His anxieties pushed to the back of his mind, soaking up the time they were together. When they finally finished they laid beside each other, holding on close. The worry was still in her eyes, making him scared about what would happen to them.

"When I wake up tomorrow, are you going to be here?" Every second she spent looking at him made him worry more and more. He knew exactly how this would end, completely ignoring the smart choice. _**This is such a bad idea, I need to walk away. One day we're gonna end and it's gonna kill me...but I can't leave yet. I can't walk away.**_

"Nothing in this world could drag me out of this bed." Cuddling into her more, he holds her tighter hoping she would still be there in the morning.


	16. August 31, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a little more difficult to write...I just couldn't get my thoughts into words. So let me know what you think! 😊❤

She wakes up in their bed still tangled in his arms. The thump of his heart beat making her sigh as she thought about yesterday. _**How long until he hates me? Why did this have to happen now? We were doing good. Stupid Blake...she didn't mean to. But I'm still so mad she dragged us into it. I'm sorry her and Bobby are having issues but that doesn't mean make my relationship crumble. She didn't know...I know I shouldn't be mad at her. Part of me isn't but the other part that is is stronger. Because of her I'm in a relationship that I know won't last. One day we're gonna break up. And that hurts to even think about. Why can't marriage be enough? Why can't promising to love him forever and to stand by his side in front of all our friends be enough? Why does he need to have kids? I can't even talk to him about it...it'll end in another fight. I can't do that right now. I need him too much.**_ He squeezes her tighter, telling her now he was awake.

"Good morning." 

"Morning." She looks up at him worriedly. 

"Are we going to be okay?" He rubs her cheek gently with his thumb, his eyes full of a thousand different emotions.

"Yeah."

"Are we going to make it?"

"I hope so." She cuddles into him again, closing her eyes. She tried to ignore the breaking feeling inside of her, tried to let his love consume her again. _**We can't pretend yesterday didn't happen. We don't have a future we both want. One day we're gonna break up and that's gonna be it. Do we stay together because we love each other or do we break up to try not to hurt each other more in the future? He's here but it doesn't feel the same...**_ They laid like that until Arjun texted Rohan for them to meet downstairs. As soon as he gets up, the space beside her instantly felt ice cold. They get dressed, walking downstairs together. He was beside her, holding her hand...but it felt like he was a million miles away. _**Does he regret getting back with me already? Is he starting to resent me now? Is he angry with me now?**_

"There you are." She hadn't noticed they were with the rest with her sitting in Rohan's lap. The way he held onto her tightly comforted her just a little, knowing he was scared to lose her too. They felt everyone staring at them, trying to only focus on each other. Arjun sighed, looking around at everyone. His skin was dull, his eyes not their usual warm brown. The weight of all their fighting was taking it's toll, making her feel guilty. 

"We have a lot going on right now, personally. I cancelled last nights show but we need to do something tonight. I need to know who can perform and who can't. If you can't I won't be mad. I want you to be okay, but I need to know what to do. So if you can perform, raise your hand." Everyone except Blake, Bobby, Rohan and Addy raise their hands. Arjun looks at the four of them, his eyes filled with sadness. "Okay, everyone except those who did not raise their hands can go." Everyone except Lottie, Rahim, Gary, Jen and Talia left. "You all raised your hands, you can go." Lottie looks at the others, speaking for all of them.

"We want to stay." 

"They're one of us." Talia adds. Arjun looked to them for their opinion, getting no response.

"Is that okay with you?" He rubs his face, sitting down to look at all of them. "I need to know what happened. I can see it's hard for all of you, and I'm so sorry. But I need one of you to tell me what happened." Blake clears her throat.

"Bobby and I got in a fight, I dragged Addy and Rohan into it which then put a wedge in their relationship. Bobby and I broke up and the last I heard they did too. But it doesn't look like it now." Arjun meets Addy's eyes, she knew he could see right through their act. He looks down, running his hands through his hair.

"What was it about?" 

"Kids." Her and Bobby spoke in unison. Arjun stays quiet a minute, thinking.

"So I assume some of you want kids and some of you don't. Is that what this is about? Guys...you still have a lot of time to think about that." Rohan speaks this time.

"We know that." Arjun looks between her and Rohan.

"Then why are you two clinging to each other for dear life, but both of your faces are saying what neither of you want to say?" Adilynne frowns.

"Because we're still working through it. We're not pretending it didn't happen or that it's not there." Rohan holds her closer.

"We love each other. We have each other today, right now. We're in this together, today. We can't focus on what might or might not happen in the future, years from now. We don't know what the future is like." Lottie smiles at them, giving Adilynne more confidence.

"We know this isn't going to be easy, we know the future is foggy, we know there's cracks that weren't there before..." She finally looks into his eyes, the warmth slowly coming back. "But we want to work on this, we want to be together, we want each other. We're choosing to keep committing to each other. That matters more than anything." His eyes shine, real happiness shining in them.

"We're gonna be okay." For the first time since the fight she felt like they might have a chance. Arjun looks between Bobby and Blake.

"I think you two need to go have a conversation. No matter what, together or not, you two need to work through this. Do you want someone there or do you think you two can handle this on your own?" They look at each other a long time before Bobby finally answers for them.

"Can the three of us talk in your office?" 

"Of course." They get up, walking away. Rohan gets her attention.

"Wanna go for a walk?" She smiles, taking his hand as she stands.

********

Talia watches them walk away, still worrying about their relationship making it.

"You think they'll make it?" Jen shrugs.

"I hope they do." 

"Me too." Rahim looks at her skeptically.

"Do you mean that or are you just saying that to look like the good guy?" She rolls her eyes.

"I mean it. Me and him aren't meant to be. But those two...I've never seen anyone look at each other like that." Gary looks down.

"I hate to be that guy...but I don't think they will." Rahim frowns at him.

"Bruh..."

"I'm sorry, I want them to but did you see that fight yesterday? That's gonna happen a lot as the time passes. That specific fight. They can love each other all they want but the fact is they want different things. Either Addy is gonna have to cave and have a kid she doesn't want or Rohan is gonna have to cave and learn to be content with just her. And if they don't put in enough work one of them is gonna end up resenting the other. It's gonna have to be a whole lot of constant work to keep each other happy." Lottie shakes her head.

"You have to believe in love. You have to believe it can happen. Maybe one day one of them will change their minds, we don't know that. All we know is that right now, they choose each other." 

"Exactly. If they choose each other today, then that's all that matters. Love isn't easy, it's a ton of work and so far they want to put in the work. They believe it's worth it and as long as they think that I do too." Lottie smiles at her.

"You are a good person."

"I'm just a brat sometimes, we all knew this." Jen nods.

"You really are."

"I'll fight you." She sticks her tongue out at Jen.

"Try me." She returns the playful threat.

********

"I know we said we'd leave this part for later but maybe it'll help us get through this. Maybe if we understand why each of us feel the way we do, maybe we can figure out how to make us both feel secure in our decision."

"But...what if...we-" He pulls her to him, looking into her eyes.

"We won't break up. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week. I chose you and you chose me, remember?" She smiles and nods.

"Okay..."

"So...how come you don't want kids?" 

"I was just a kid when my mom died...that hurt me so deeply. I couldn't even understand what she meant when she said goodbye the last time I saw her. One day she gives me a hug and kiss and tells me goodbye and the next she's gone. That was really hard for me to work through. If we have kids...I can't promise I'll never let them feel like that. I can't stop that. I don't want to take a chance of them feeling what I felt. I don't want them to hurt like I did." 

"You are the most incredible person I know."

"What? How? You didn't think so yesterday."

"Because I thought you didn't want them because you'd rather be able to do whatever you wanted when you wanted. That you'd rather have a hot body than bring life into this world. And those are probably a factor...but you feel so protective of imaginary kids that you don't want to even have them so they don't get hurt. You know what that's called?"

"What?"

"Love. When you love someone you do everything you can to protect them. I don't blame you for not wanting kids, I didn't go through that. But I did have unsupportive parents. My family didn't believe in me and that hurt. I've always wanted a supportive family. And if I found the person I was meant to be with, we would make little people half me and half them, our kids would never feel like we don't support them or love them, they would know they could come to us for anything. I've just always pictured it like that."

"You don't have to have kids for that supportive family. Babe, look around. We have a huge family that supports us in everything we do. No matter what they're by our sides, encouraging us, building us up, taking care of us. You already have that family." He smiles, hugging her.

"So you don't want kids because you don't want them to get hurt, and I want kids because I want a family that loves me...you think we have parent issues?" She laughs.

"Oh, definitely. We have some serious abandonment issues that manifested in very different ways." He looks into her eyes.

"Do you think we can make it now that we know why we feel the way we feel?" 

"If we don't decide our future right now, then yes. We'll leave the future in the future, where it belongs. We'll focus on the now."

"Good plan." He kisses her, biting her lip. "Know what I've been thinking about?"

"Hmm?"

"Last night." The heat crawls up her neck to her ears. 

"That was definitely hot."

"I thought it was great before...but after last night I don't think I can stop trying to do it again." She grazes her lips across his neck, standing on her tippy toes.

"Then maybe we should go back upstairs. We have one more night off."

"I'm taking that as a challenge."

"Ooh, please do." He drags her after him, back upstairs. 

********

Arjun points to the two chairs in his office, shutting the door behind them.

"Sit." They look at him sitting behind his desk, both of them looking so broken. "Now, why don't we start by hearing what Blake has to say."

"I just don't get why he doesn't want kids or to even talk about having kids. He would be an amazing dad, kids love him. I know he could be a great dad, why not give it a shot?" Arjun looks at Bobby.

"Because I don't want to be a dad. I don't want to have kids. You noticed how you said 'could be'? Because I also could be a horrible father. Just because kids like me doesn't mean I'd be a good dad. I have no clue how to even take care of a bairn."

"You could give it a shot. Next time we're close to my sister we can ask to babysit Elena."

"I don't want to watch your sister's bairn either."

"You don't even want to try?"

"No, I don't. Why is it so important to decide this right this second?"

"Because you keep telling me to push it off until later. We've been together 9 months!"

"Exactly! We haven't even hit a year yet!"

"I want to know where we are! Is it a commitment thing or money thing or stability thing?"

"No! It's a me thing! I don't know what a good dad looks like, how the fuck am I supposed to be a good one if I don't know what they do! My dad was an abusive alcoholic, I have no idea what a good father does! He ruined the whole dad experience for me! I refuse to bring a child into this world that I can't properly love or care for. I refuse to give my old man a chance to try and fuck up their life too. If he finds out I have a kid he's gonna hunt me down! We're lucky he doesn't know about you or he would be here already! I'm not letting him fuck up anything else I love!" He stands up, slamming the door on his way out. Blake turns to Arjun.

"Did you know about his dad?"

"Yes. He didn't tell you?"

"No...why wouldn't he?"

"It's a difficult subject for him. But maybe you better understand why he doesn't want to do this part." She sighs.

"I do, but I wish he wouldn't let his past trauma dictate his life still."

"I wish that too, but so far he does." Her hands run through her hair, her eyes watering. 

"I just want to love him and be with him. Why can't we do that?"

"Because this kids thing is obviously something you both feel very strongly about. Is there any chance you're gonna change your mind on it?"

"No, I've always wanted to be a mom. I've always imagined marrying the perfect guy and settling down and buying a house and starting a family."

"Absolutely none of that sounds like something Bobby would do."

"I know, but I couldn't help but fall for his silly Scottish thing."

"Okay, that's wonderful. But at the same time you can't willingly go into a relationship with someone who is the complete opposite of what you want and then expect them to change. That's not fair to him. He's decided what he wanted a long time ago, as did you. If you aren't willing to change your mind, why should he have to change his?" 

"So you think we need to stay broken up?"

"I think it's best for both of you. I'm sorry, I want you two to be together and happy. But you both have such strong and different opinions on this I don't think you two would ever be able to compromise without one of you being unhappy. And that's not fair to either one of you." She wipes tears away.

"But I love him."

"I'm sorry, Blake. Sometimes love isn't enough." He comes around, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry." 

"How is fair Rohan and Addy get to be together and we can't?" Arjun sighs, sitting beside her.

"Look, I don't like to put my personal opinions about couples out there...as the boss I have to stay neutral. But between us...I think they need to break up too. I hate that and I wish I didn't think that...but they both feel just as strongly about this kid thing. I think forcing something that has an expiration date is gonna make them toxic for each other. I think one of them is going to start making mistakes they can't come back from because they're so far in their head they won't be able to tell right from wrong until it's too late."

"So you don't think they'll make it?"

"No...I don't. I wish they would...but I can't see that happening. It's wonderful that they love each other so much they're willing to try. But at the end of the day it comes down to they want different things from each other they won't be getting. The longer they force this the more it's going to break them both. They should let each other go and wait for people that want what they want." She leans against his shoulder.

"I think you should tell them this...they're going to force this until it falls apart otherwise."

"I can't influence their personal choices like that. And it could always end up with both of them hating me and I don't want that either. This has to be their choice, not mine." 

********

The sight of him made her want to run away and hide even more. The pain growing as she stared into his amber eyes.

"What do you want, Blake?"

"I wanna talk, please? I promise I won't pressure you about anything. I just need to get this off my chest and then we can be done." He looks at her a minute, stepping aside.

"What is it?" He turns to her, crossing his arms. She saw the guarded look in his eyes, her heart aching.

"I'm sorry for pushing this on you so much. I'm sorry about your dad and never trying to figure out why you didn't want them. I never knew about your dad."

"It's not exactly something I like sharing."

"And that's understandable. I'm not gonna push you to talk about either of these anymore. I'm sorry it took so long for me to see that this was hurting you." 

"So what do you want then? What are you saying? You're gonna give up on kids?" She looks at him a long time, his amber eyes making her feel dizzy. The hope in his face almost made her start sobbing, clinging to the strength she had left.

"No. I'm not." He looks down at the ground. "It's not fair to either one of us to push so hard in opposite directions. We both feel really strongly about this. And that's okay...but that means that we aren't good for each other anymore. We aren't meant to be. If we stay together one of us is going to give up what we want and then we'll be unhappy and resentful the rest of our lives. That's not fair to either of us." He looks into her eyes, tears falling from his.

"So this is it then? We're officially breaking up?" She nods, sniffling. Her voice cracks.

"Yeah, we are. I'm so sorry." She steps towards him. "Can I have a hug?" He nods, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She cries softly, her hot salty tears pouring down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Blake." She looks into his eyes, putting a hand on his cheek.

"I'm gonna go now, okay?" He nods.

"Okay." She gives him one final kiss, forcing herself to walk away. Once in the hall she leans against the wall, feeling her heart break. 

"Take a leap of faith, right?" The sobs start to take over, her world crumbling around her.


	17. September 5, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one shines a light on her and Bobby's friendship a bit more. Let me know how you're liking the story so far, loves. 😊❤

"Where's Bobby?" Addy looked at Noah and Rohan. Rohan shrugs. 

"He doesn't want to talk to us right now. He keeps telling us he needs space." 

"Where is he? His room?"

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna try." Noah raises his eyebrows. 

"No offense but if he won't talk to us, I don't think he'll talk to you. We're closer than you two are."

"Also, he called me his best friend the other day so...fuck off. We're closer than you think so I take that as a challenge, plus I have a way of getting through to people." Rohan smiles.

"That she does. Good luck, baby. I bet you can get him to talk." She kisses him.

"Good answer. I'll catch up with you later. Love you." 

********

She knocks on his door.

"Bobby? It's Addy." Nothing. "If you don't wanna talk that's okay but I need to see you. I need to see if you're okay." A minute later he opens the door. She looks into his amber eyes, seeing their usual sparkle gone. 

"I don't want to talk about it." He walks back over to his bed, sitting down. She sits next to him, opening her book. "You brought a book?"

"Well yeah. I figured you wouldn't want to talk. But I don't want you to do this alone...but I'd get bored staring at the wall." He smiles faintly. For a long time neither of them say anything. 

"I loved her." Setting her book down she turns to give him her full attention. "I never thought this kids thing would be such a big deal. I always thought if you loved each other, you make it work. Like you and Rohan. But maybe we just didn't love each other enough. Maybe I just wasn't enough to keep her around." 

"Hey, don't blame yourself. I don't think you two didn't love each other enough, but maybe you loved each other too much." 

"What do you mean?"

"You loved each other so much you wanted what you both wanted so badly. She loved you so much she wanted a family with you more than anything. And you loved her so much you wanted you and her going on adventures together for the rest of your lives. You both wanted it so strongly, there was no compromise. And that's not a bad thing. Some people don't love at all." He sighs.

"At this point, I kinda wish we were never together."

"That's okay right now. One day you'll see what you learned from this relationship and it'll help you with the next one." 

"I don't think I wanna do this dating thing anymore. It just never works out. Either I'm not husband material, she wants kids, I'm too immature, their ex came back...something. I don't think I'm supposed to be in serious relationships." She scoots over.

"Come here."

"What?" She pats her lap.

"Lay your head down. I know, but trust me." He lays his head down in her lap. She starts playing with his hair, feeling him start to relax. "I do not believe for a second that you aren't meant to have someone. I believe with all my heart your person is waiting for you, they just don't know it yet. You're the whole package. You're handsome, sweet, funny, caring, generous, loyal. You're talented and smart. The crowd loves you, your friends love you. And you are the most selfless person I know. You stayed in an abusive home, just to protect your sister. You took all the hits, so she didn't have to take any." He looks into her eyes. "Yeah, I remember that conversation." He sighs, cuddling into her lap more. 

"I don't think I'm gonna find her here."

"If you say you're leaving the circus I will literally fight you. You're not going anywhere." He smiles.

"You're gonna fight me?"

"100%, no hesitation. I can throw hands. I may be small but I'm mighty." He laughs. 

"You're like a toddler that thinks they're all tough."

"I am tough!" 

"Okay, lass. Whatever you say." 

"Don't make me kick your ass right now, Bobby. I'd hate to break your ribs while you're dealing with this."

"Damn, break my ribs??"

"Hey, you started this. I told you."

"Okay, I'll let it go...for now. But you wouldn't win. I'm like 10 centimeters taller than you. And stronger."

"That's only 4 inches."

"Quick maths." She smiles.

"I always did good in school. So do you feel any better?"

"A bit. This hair thing works pretty good." She chuckles.

"My mom used to do this when I was little. She did it the last time I saw her...I told her I was scared about her being sick. She held me like this for hours, not moving a muscle until I felt better...it's the last memory I have of her."

"You never told me that before."

"I never told anyone that before. My dad is the only other person that knows about that. He took over and did it after she died."

"That's really sweet of him. You can see how much he cares about you." 

"I got really lucky there. After Mom died he would take me on a daddy daughter date once a week. Every weekend we would have a picnic in the backyard. If it was raining we'd make a fort and have one inside. Every time we talk and I'm upset he stops whatever he's doing and gives me his full attention. Like I'm the most important thing in the world."

"So that's where you got it from."

"Got what?"

"You do the same thing. If someone's upset you stop whatever you're doing and look at them directly. You did it a few minutes ago with your book."

"I didn't realize I did that."

"It's nice. You should keep doing it, I like that you pay such close attention to someone who needs help. That's where what you got from your dad shows. You're heart." 

"That's the best compliment I've ever gotten. You remind me of him, you know"

"I do? How?"

"You're so selfless like he is. You're caring and sweet like him. You're easy to talk to, you always try to make everyone feel better. Give it a few years and you'll be just as wise. You're funny like him, have similar sense of humor."

"No fucking way." He sits up. "He seems too proper all the time."

"He is to new people but I promise in time he'll show you his real humor."

"That's amazing, is he looking to adopt?" She laughs.

"I can ask."

"Don't actually ask. That's silly. He doesn't want to adopt a grown man."

"I'm not sure about grown man..."

"That hurts, lass." She laughs, picking up her phone. "What are you doing?"

"Relax, I'm texting Rohan."

"Oh." He lays down in her lap again. "Have you talked to her?"

"Yes. She's hurting too. But she's adamant this is what's right for both of you...but it's hurting her just as much. We found her in the hall crying yesterday." He sighs.

"At least I know she cares..."

"Of course she does. You two cared a lot about each other." Her phone dings, making her smile. "Dad says yes by the way." He sits up, frowning.

"You actually asked him??"

"Yup. He said he'd love to have a son. Especially a Scottish son." He smiles, shaking his head.

"You little liar."

"But you love me." She sticks out her tongue. "You know that means you are invited to all family functions now?"

"Wait, he's serious?"

"Of course he is. He doesn't ask questions but he said he has a feeling you don't have what me and him have."

"When did he say that?"

"A few weeks ago when I called him."

"You two really do talk about everything."

"Absolutely everything...except my sex life. Other than that we talk about literally everything, he's my best friend." Bobby smiles.

"That's really sweet. It's cute you two are so close."

"He's my world. And I'm his. So Rohan better not fuck up because my dad is a nice guy, until it comes to me. Hurt me and he's a much different man."

"Does Rohan know that?"

"I hope so. I'd hate to have to deal with a funeral right now." Bobby laughs. "There he is! There's my Bobby!" She hugs him, making him smile.

"You're something else."

"I know. Now, it's dinner time. Are you hungry or you wanna hang out a bit more?" He thinks a minute.

"I could use some food."

"Amazeballs."

"Er, what?"

"Amazeballs. It's like amazing but better. I got it from Chelsea."

"Right....moving on." He stands up, stretching.

"Let's go, B."

"B?"

"I think it stands for bitch but I don't really know. I figured it works for you though cause you go by Bobby."

"You just wanna get away with calling me bitch all the time."

"Maybe a little."

"Rude. I'm not down with B."

"Fine, I'll still with Magic Man."

"I actually like that one."

"Then Magic Man it is."

********

Bobby and Rohan sit on either side of Addy for dinner. Noah, Talia and Gary sit cross from her. Lottie beside Gary, Jen next to Noah. Addy looks around at the others.

"Bobby said that I'm like a toddler that acts all tough, do you all think that??" Talia rolling her eyes.

"Ignore it, he picks on me for being tall. He's just mad I'm taller than him."

"Hey, I do not have a problem with you towering over me like a giant." She laughs. 

"I'm two inches taller." Gary shrugs.

"I don't know, two inches can make a lot of difference."

"Rather it's for a haircut, heels, or dicks. Two inches matters." Jen chimes in. Noah smiles. 

"I think it matters most with that last one though. You can buy new shoes and grow your hair out. You can't fix that last part." Gary looks over at Bobby.

"Bad news, Bobby. You can't be helped then."

"Have to make jokes cause you're self conscious, mate?" Everyone erupts in laughter, Addy wipes her eye.

"Y'all need to chill. I'm trying to eat, I don't wanna choke....yet." She winks at Rohan. He pulls her closer, whispering in her ear.

"You know not to play this game, I'll take that as a challenge." She blushes, smirking. 

"Down, boy. It's gonna have to wait a bit." He pulls her into his lap.

"You're gonna owe me for making me wait."

"Noted. Now anyway, I am not an angry toddler." Bobby smiles.

"You definitely are. I know I'm not the only one that thinks so." 

"You kinda of are, sorry, Addy." Noah agrees. Gary nods.

"Pretty much. It's cute though." Jen shakes her head.

"I don't think so. You're short but you've got a ton of attitude when someone pisses you off." 

"I've seen it. A few times." Talia adds, winking at her.

"But you get the sweet side now." She bats her eyes at her. "Only Ro gets the attitude for now."

"It's one of my favorite things about you, I love that you're so sassy." She smiles at him.

"Play your cards right and it'll stay just you. Otherwise I might have to give Noah a shot." Rohan's jaw drops.

"That's cold." Noah shrugs.

"I'm not complaining." Rohan throws a French fry at him, making him laugh. "It's not a secret she's the one most guys have a crush on here."

"Well she's taken so crush on someone else. Lottie's cute."

"She scares me a little bit..."

"I love that about her. She's so sassy and got so much damn attitude. I love it." Gary admits.

"Good thing she likes you then." Jen answers. "Take your shot. Just remember the no sex rule on the RV during travel days." 

"Ro and Addy have definitely broken that rule." Bobby confesses. Addy hits him.

"Bobby!" He laughs.

"What? You have. What else would you do in a shower?"

"Shower."

"Yeah, afterwards maybe." Everyone looks at Rohan.

"I really want to say we don't do that...we definitely do that. Shower sex is great." She covers her face.

"I can't believe we're talking about this." Gary leans over to them.

"So how is it? Is it like a pin against the wall thing or bent over type thing?" Talia hits Gary.

"Gary! Don't intrude on their sex life." She leans over. "It's both, by the way." Rohan blushes looking at Addy.

"You tell her that stuff!"

"What? No, of course not." She tries to hide her smile. He groans, hiding his face against her.

"Does no one else think that's weird?" 

"That your ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend are best friends and probably talk about your dick? Nope." Bobby answers before popping a fry in his mouth. Rohan looks between them.

"Do you really talk about it?"

"They probably talk about your moves too. Stamina, girth, any weird marks." Jen pushes Bobby's arm.

"Stop tormenting him!"

"I'm not tormenting him! Girls talk about literally everything. Any freaky stuff, any weird things, if they're a good lay or not. Guys do it too. We know stuff about Addy." Addy frowns.

"Like what??" Noah smiles.

"Your freckles. The sounds you make, you're special talent, stuff you're into." She sighs.

"I would be embarrassed but Talia and I do the same thing...and Lottie...and Hope. They know _all_ about Rohan during sex."

"Babe!"

"You have no right, it was just admitted you talk about me!"

"Because...it's nice."

"Nice?"

"No, he never says it's nice. He usually says it's really intimate or passionate. Best he's ever had, stuff like that." She smiles at him.

"Oh really?" He blushes.

"Maybe." She kisses him.

"If it's only maybe I need to try a little harder. Do that one thing you've been wanting to try." He bites his lip, his grip on her hips tightening.

"Don't tease me, Addy."

"Who said I was teasing? How do you know if I'm serious or not?" He looks at her a minute.

"Can we go now?" She laughs.

"Yes, we can go." He drags her away. "Bye y'all!"

********

Blake walks up to Addy.

"Hey, can I talk to you a second?"

"Yeah, of course." 

"How's Bobby doing? Honestly and truly, how's he doing?" She clears her throat. 

"Uh, he's a bit hurt right now. It's kind of hard on him, but he's starting to come around. He'll be okay." She nods. "How are you doing?"

"I'm miserable. I miss him so much, it's hard to eat, hard to sleep. I want him back...but we can't come to a compromise on this. And it's not fair for us to ask each other to cave. But it's really hard, I really love that funny Scotsman." Adilynne hugs her tightly. 

"I know, I'm sorry. It's hard. Do you think you'll still be able to be around each other on the RV?" She sniffles, dabbing the corner of her eye.

"Honestly, no. I was gonna ask Arjun if tomorrow I could switch with someone else."

"I wish you'd stay, but I understand. Do you want us to go talk to him now?" She nods.

"Thank you."

"Any time, babes. That's what I'm here for." She puts her arm around her, walking with her to Arjun's office.

********

"What's up, lass?" She sighs.

"I wanted to tell you now so you weren't blindsided. Blake is moving buses. She says it's gonna be too hard for you two and she doesn't want to risk you two getting back together. She's afraid it's just gonna end the same way." He bites his lip, looking down.

"I guess I can see that."

"I'm sorry, hun." She rubs his arm. "I know it's hard." He clears his throat.

"I'll be alright. I'm a little relieved I won't have to see her on the RV...I miss her. And I want to be that close to her...but I think she's right."

"I hate to agree...but I do." She hugs him tightly, trying to help heal her best friend's heart. He sniffles.

"Thanks, Addy. I'm glad we have you."

"Of course, any time, hun. I love y'all."

"We love you too."


	18. October 2, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the turmoil of these poor people. 😭 I feel kinda messed up for making them feel this...but ell well. 😊❤

Most of the guys were split between unloading and setting everything up to open the following day. Bobby looks over at Rohan while they finish unloading.

"So how are you and Addy managing with this kid thing? How are you making it work?"

"A lot of sex. A lot. If we're having sex, we can't talk about it. Or think about it."

"Mate, that's not healthy. Don't you love her?"

"More than anything. That's why I don't want to talk about it with her. I almost lost her once because of it. But now she just laughs or I see her talking to someone...and I just think 'Man, she would be an amazing Mom. She's so sweet and caring. Our kids would be gorgeous. And if they had her eyes, they'd be heart breakers'. And then I remember she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to wake up to our kids jumping on our bed. She doesn't want to make this circus thing a family thing. And then it just hurts because I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me."

"What makes you think that?"

"What if I'm why she doesn't want kids? What if she thinks I'm not gonna be a good dad, or I'm not husband material or whatever. What if she doesn't love me as much as I love her? Maybe I'm not good enough."

"Mate, it has nothing to do with you. It's a really personal thing with her."

"Well, I know that. It has something to do with her mom. Which doesn't help me."

"How?"

"Because...it shows me how good of a mom she would be." Bobby looks at him confused. 

"I'm not catching on."

"She already feels so protective of these kids, she refuses to even give them a chance to get hurt. She already loves them so much, she'll do anything to stop them from feeling what she felt. She doesn't want her kids to hurt like she hurt."

"Ooooh. I mean...that does make sense. But...if you feel so strongly about this why are you two trying to force your relationship?"

"Because thinking about not waking up next to her is the scariest thing I can imagine right now. I can't not have her."

"But you can't use sex to avoid it. No matter what it's still there and ignoring it is just gonna make it worse."

"I can't let her go yet. I can't. She's literally my everything. I feel completely empty without her. I can't sleep without her next to me. She's my lifeline." 

"Ro, I don't think that's healthy. I don't think you should be so dependent on your partner like that..." 

"It's working for us right now. That's what matters."

"You need to talk to her about this. It's not healthy to just ignore your problems. Figure out a way to work through that benefits your relationship instead of burying it."

"I know, I know. I just...I'm scared. I almost lost her once...I can't lose her again."

"But this is a big thing now. Yeah it came up way before you two were ready for it to, but it did and now you need to deal with it. Ignoring the problem is only going to make it grow."

"I know...I'll talk to her. When I can figure out what to say and the right time."

"Okay. That's all I'm saying."

********

Jen looks at her with concern. 

"Addy?"

"Huh?"

"You've been putting blush on for 10 minutes." 

"Oh shit." She grabs a makeup wipe, cleaning her face. She sighs, running her hand through her hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I have a bad feeling. It means something bad is going to happen...and it's never been wrong." She rubs her back. 

"Hey, don't focus on that. Focusing on that is only going to get you or one of the others hurt during your act."

"You're right. I need to stop thinking about this. You're so right." She forces herself to focus on makeup, Jen looking over at her with concern. 

********

She smiles at the crowd when her spotlight comes on. Her and Talia grab onto their ropes, swinging in a circle in the air in opposite directions. She focused on her act, letting the flying feeling take over. Their ropes start wrapping around each other, drawing them closer and closer. When they reach close enough they each hook an arm around each others waist, tucking their legs in. Talia keeps her smile but looks at her.

"Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine. I'll explain later." They hook their legs to stop.

"Is it you and Rohan?"

"I don't think so. Ready?" Adilynne unhooks her leg, holding her hand out. Rohan grabs her hand, throwing her in the air to another swing. He repeats the same act with Talia. Talia hangs from her bar by her hands, Rohan grabs her ankles. The crowd gasp as he swings her upside-down. Addy hangs from her bar by her legs, Talia grabbing her hands. They throw her, she does a series of flips before crossing her arms and letting herself fall, being caught by a group of their pre-planned assistants. They let her down, she bows at the crowd. Talia does the same thing, standing beside her. They face each other.

"You sure you got this?"

"100%." Addy holds her hands together, Talia stepping in it. Addy helps Talia get some momentum to get higher, Rohan catching her. Once they finish Rohan stands between them, holding their hands. He clings to Addy's hand tighter.

"Are we okay?"

"Of course we are."

"Good." She couldn't get past the feeling she had.

********

Even being wrapped in his arms didn't make the feeling go away. It had been eating at her all day, taking up most of her thoughts.

"Ro?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay?"

"Of course we are, why?"

"I have a bad feeling. It's never wrong...but I'm worried about what it could be."

"Don't worry, babe. We're good, I promise." He kisses her head.

"So there's nothing you wanna talk about or anything you're thinking about? You're happy?" He looks into her eyes, trying to think of words. She sits up, looking at him worriedly. "I knew it. Somethings wrong, what is it? Is it something I did? What can I do to stop it? What-" 

"Adilynne. Breathe. Relax."

"You hesitated. Why? What's on your mind?" He sighs, running his hands through his hair.

"I'm still trying to move past the baby thing."

"I thought we worked that out..."

"We talked about it and everything. I don't hate you for it or anything...I just...it's hard to stop seeing us without it for me. A million times a day you do something or say something and I just think 'Wow. She would be an incredible mom.' And then I remember you don't want that. I'm not mad or anything...but it's hard to let go of."

"So...you're sad we won't have that?"

"Yeah. Obviously, I'm not gonna force you to do it. I know it's just not in your cards." She looks down, playing with the blanket. "What?"

"You said in my cards...instead of ours."

"Well I'm not asking you to do what you don't want to do...are you asking me to do what I don't want to do?"

"Are you saying this is still something you really want?"

"Well yeah. Just not for a long time. I wanna be with you until it becomes time."

"Wait, how exactly do you plan on doing that? Are you going to stay with me until you decide you're ready to be tied down and then break up with me? Or are you gonna stay with me and knock someone up to get your kids? I'm not getting how you plan on doing this."

"I just meant I want to be with you as long as I can."

"But you do see this ending? You don't see me as your last? I'm just something to pass time until you want to start a family?"

"No, you're not something to pass time. I love you."

"Just not enough to see a future with."

"I do see a future with you. We just don't see the same future."

"And I get that but we decided to leave this to talk about in the future."

"You're the one that started this."

"Because I knew something was wrong! And I was right!"

"What's wrong?"

"You don't see us staying together and getting married. You don't see us building a future. You just see us being together until someone better comes along."

"Not someone better, just someone that wants what I want." She glares at him, getting out of bed. 

"So I am just to pass time then? Thanks for clarifying that." She starts getting dressed.

"Addy, wait. I didn't mean it like that. Please let me try and explain."

"You already did."

"No, I didn't. Not very well." He pulls on his boxers, walking over to her. "Please?" She crosses her arms.

"You have two minutes."

"I don't want this to end. I want us to have a future, build a life together. I want you forever. Me and you and the circus. But I know that we both want different things. And that scares me. I'm scared we're gonna end up like Blake and Bobby...I don't want that. I want us to figure out how to stay together. For the rest of our lives."

"Until you find someone that wants what you want."

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not gonna stay with you until someone else comes along. I don't want anyone else. I want you. I meant that if we end up like Bobby and Blake...it'll be someone else. And I don't want that. I don't want anyone but you. I'm not going to use you until I meet someone else. I'm going to be with you but I'm worried that one day we'll have to break up...and that kills me. Thinking that one day you might not be mine...I'll have to watch you smile for someone else. I'll have to see you wrap your arms around someone else, see you fall for them, watch you build what you want with them. And I hate that. I want me and you forever."

"So then stop thinking about Bobby and Blake. Think about us. We can deal with that when the time comes, but stop comparing us to them. Stop putting an expiration date on our relationship. Let's plan for a future with each other until we get to the future." He puts a hand on her cheek.

"I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean it like that, I swear. I want to stay with you the rest of my life."

"Then let's plan on that for now. Anything else, we'll figure out."

"Okay. Then we'll end up together." He wraps his arms around her, hugging her tightly. She sighs, snuggling closer into him, the nagging feeling still there.

********

Noah sits down on his bed, Rohan pacing in front of him. Rohan snuck out after Addy went to sleep, needing to talk out his thoughts with someone.

"Noah, what do I do? I told her I'd stop but it got worse. I can't stop thinking this is it. I feel her slipping away from me. What am I supposed to do?"

"I wish I knew the answer. But it's not unexpected to be thinking about it so much right now. You two just had a fight about it."

"But she's slipping away. A wall is coming between us, I feel it. The only time it's not there is when we have sex. But I'm only human, even I have limits."

"Are you actually complaining about having sex with her?"

"No! It's amazing, I love being intimate with her like that. But it only does so much for us now. She is the love of my life, and I'm going to lose her."

"How do you know for sure?"

"How can we stay together when we keep coming back to this? We want different things...how can we make it work?"

"Compromise."

"How the fuck do you compromise on having and not having kids?? It's either you do or you don't."

"Maybe foster kids."

"She doesn't want the responsibility of having kids. She wants us to be free to do whatever we want, when we want."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Ro. I really don't. I don't have an answer for you."

"It's just...this is so...fucked up. I love her. Can't that be enough?"

"For the time being. But at some point you two will have to face this issue. You two will have to decide if you'll stay together or not. It depends who's willing to cave."

"That sounds so toxic though. We stay together until one of us can convince the other to change their minds? What is that? Her dad would kill me if he heard that."

"That's what you're going to do. I hate to say it but I don't see this working out. You're still fighting about this. And you already feel the end coming."

"I don't want it to come though."

"Then stay with her. Be with her. Love her. Soak up what time you have left together before the inevitable happens."

"So just stay with her when we know it won't last?"

"You don't want to break up so what else can you do?" He sighs, sitting next to him.

"I love her more than anything else. And loving her right now...knowing we don't have a future. It sucks. I hate it..."

"So what are you going to do? Let her go or stay with her? I have no doubt she loves you more than anything. You two have a lot of love for each other. And that'll be great for now. This doesn't happen often. Take advantage of the time you have with her. Go back to your room, get in bed beside her and hold her. If you don't...I know three guys that will. If you don't keep her, someone else is gonna take your spot."

"Like who?"

"That's not my place. But I say go love her. Go be with her. Stay until you absolutely can't anymore. Be selfish for once and take advantage of the time you have together. Cherish her everyday until you can't anymore." He stands up.

"You're right. I'm gonna stay with her. I'm gonna be there by her side everyday. I need to take advantage of the time we have left...thanks, man."

"Any time. Now go to bed, I'm tired." Rohan smiles.

"Whatever. You just want to dream about Addy." 

"I know it's pointless but I'm gonna deny that."

"Which makes being her boyfriend even sweeter." 

"Oh now you're rubbing it in my face? If no one has told you today you're an amazing friend."

"I'm kidding, I'm sorry. I really do appreciate you letting me talk this out...even though I know at least two of those three guys are you and Arjun." Noah shrugs.

"Hey, you know. She's a catch."

"Which is why I should be with her right now, soaking up as much time with her as I can."

"Exactly. Goodnight, Ro."

"Goodnight, No."

"Really?"

"Just saying."


	19. October 31, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you say, drama? I can. Drama. 😁 Exciting incident! Lmk if you like it. 😊❤

Rohan holds onto her hand, leading her inside. Blake bumps hips with her.

"Come on, relax. It's gonna be fun!" She looks around at the club packed with people in costumes. _**There's so many people here...I'm not sure I can do this.**_ Rohan turns to her and smiles.

"You've got me here, remember? I've got you." She smiles, moving closure to him. _**True, he promised to stay right beside me.**_ After a few drinks she manages to loosen up, following Rohan and the group to the dance floor. She turns to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"I'm glad I let you talk me into coming out tonight."

"Me too. I've got the hottest girl here dancing with me." She bites her lip.

"Save it for when we make it home." He kisses her neck.

"You make it so hard to. I've never wanted a cop to arrest me so badly before."

"Play your cards right and I promise to use these handcuffs on you."

"We could go find a place right now."

"I'm not doing it in public."

"Why?"

"Because it's public and I don't want to get caught."

"That's what makes it hot. They'll just tell us to stop." She frowns at him.

"You've done it in public before?"

"Yeah, you haven't?" She stops dancing, looking at him. "Oh yeah...sorry." She clears her throat, forcing a smile.

"It's okay. But I still don't want to do it here."

"Come on, Talia would do it." She steps out of his arms. "Addy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. I-" She held up her hand.

"I'm gonna go get a drink and give you a few minutes to collect yourself." She walks away to the bar. Jen and Bobby sit next to her, Jen's arm around her.

"What's going on, Mrs. Officer?" She forces another smile.

"Nothing, Lil Wayne, just needed to cool down." Bobby looked at her a minute.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great. I just needed a drink. How are you doing? There's a lot of cute ladies around." She nudges him, making him smile.

"You got me there. I haven't really seen any that are my type though." She looks around.

"What about that redhead?"

"She is bonnie."

"Really? You know her?"

"Bonnie is Scot for beautiful."

"Oh, well then that lass is bonnie." He laughs.

"There we go! Now you've got it." 

"Jen and I will be your wingmen...wingwomen?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Dinnae ken...I'm not sure women appreciate other women trying to help guys to get laid. Hey, where's Rohan? He's a good wingman." She looks around.

"I don't know." **_Maybe he's actually trying to chill out. I can't believe he was acting like that, was it all the drinking? He has had quite a few drinks. Maybe I need to catch up to forget that conversation._** She looks back at the bar, downing her drink and ordering another one.

"Woah, slow down, lass. We don't need to carry you home." She smiles at him.

"I'll be fine...after I pee." She gets up. "Will you watch my drink?"

"You got it." She looks at Jen. 

"You need to go?"

"No, but I need to go talk to that guy dressed up as a baseball player." 

"Get it, girl." She winks at her, turning to the bathrooms. Turning the corner she hears giggling, freezing when she sees where it came from. A skinny girl with short blonde hair was grinding on Rohan. The woman leans forward and whispers in his ear. She sees him bite his lip, clearly loving the attention. The blonde leans in, centimeters from his lips. She takes a step back, numbness taking over. He looks up at the sound of her boots, his eyes going wide. 

"No, it's not what it looks like. Baby-" She turns and walks away. "Addy!"

"Leave me alone, Rohan." He grabs her hand.

"No, please wait. Please let me explain." She snatches her hand away, her eyes feeling hot with tears.

"Absolutely not." The others were walking over, Rohan looking over at them. She takes the chance to escape while he was distracted. Weaving through the crowd, trying to lose him. She hid in one of the other RV's, in the bathroom. The numbness slowly fades to heartache. _**I'm so fucking stupid. So stupid. Why did I let myself get this far? I knew there was something about us he wasn't happy with. What all would he have done if I hadn't shown up? I can't stop picturing them together...why was he with her? I swear I hate myself, I'm so damn stupid.**_

********

Plopping down at a low profile bar, downing two drinks. She sighs, resting her head in her hands. _**I need to get so drunk I can't remember this night.**_

"Do you have a number for us to call when you need a ride home?" She looks up seeing an attractive man, with dark skin and bright blue eyes. She blushes. 

"Uh, yeah." She writes down a number and gives it to him. "Thanks...but don't call until you have to." He looks at her a minute.

"Okay. Should I get you another?"

"Get me two." He raises his eyebrows.

"Okay...boyfriend troubles?"

"What makes you say that?"

"You an insanely attractive woman, dressed as a cop, alone in a bar, downing her booze like it's water." She smiles. 

"Good guess." He slides the drinks in front of her.

"Just be careful. Don't want you getting too drunk now." She shrugs. 

"I do, you have the most fun when you're drunk. You meet attractive bartenders." He smiles, shrugging.

"Good point. But this bartender doesn't usually go for women who are too drunk."

"What a shame, I plan on getting very drunk. Maybe next time I'll hold off a bit."

********

He groans at the unknown number calling him.

"Hello?"

"Is this Bobby?"

"Uh, yeah. Who's this?"

"My name is Camillo. I'm a bartender at Hard Tails. I've got a very intoxicated woman here who needs a ride home." He sits up, rubbing his face.

"Okay. Who is it?"

"What's your name?" He hears someone talking in the background. "She either said Addy or Allie."

"We have one of each. Uh, what's she look like?"

"Bright green eyes and-"

"Addy, son of a bitch. I'm coming. Where's this place at?" He writes down the address, getting up. "I'm on my way." A few minutes later he pulls up to the building, finding her at the bar. "Lass?" She turns to see him, pouting.

"Noooo. I told him not to call you yet. I'm not done." A bartender walks over.

"I'm Camillo, are you here to pick her up?"

"Aye."

"What's your name and what's hers?" 

"I'm Bobby and she's Addy." 

"Okay, cool." He looks at him confused. "I wanted to make sure some random guy wasn't trying to take her home in this condition." Bobby smiles at him.

"I like you." Addy turns her back to him.

"I'm not going home."

"Why? What's going on? Is this where you've been? Everyone has been worried sick when we couldn't find you." She pounds the drink in front of her.

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"Okay, you don't have to. But I do need to get you home."

"No, I don't want to see him."

"Who, Rohan? Why?" Camillo clears his throat. 

"She said when she came in she was having boyfriend troubles." Bobby raises his eyebrows.

"Fuck. This again? It better not be about what it was about last time. I told him to stop obsessing about that." She shakes her head. 

"It's not...I don't think it is...is it?" She turns and looks at Bobby. 

"Dinnae ken. But you won't have to see him. You'll sleep in my room."

"Where will you sleep?"

"The RV maybe." She frowns.

"That's not fair."

"Look, can we figure this out at the circus?" 

"Fiiiine."

********

"Do you think this kid thing is why he's such an ass?"

"Dinnae ken, lass."

"I can walk."

"You can't even stand."

"Should I just cave and have a kid with him?"

"So you can resent the kid when it gets older? How is that fair to any of you. Every child brought into this world should be wanted more than anything. They shouldn't be born into a family with a parent that doesn't want them."

"Ugh, I hate when you're right." He sets her down on the bed, tossing extra pajamas of his on the bed.

"If you wanna change here's some clothes." Crossing her arms, she frowns at him. She looked like an angry toddler again, making him smile. "Yes?"

"I don't wanna. Take me back to the bar."

"Lass, they're not serving you anything else. You're already really drunk. Why do you want more?" She stares at the wall in front of her.

"Because I still remember it. I can't get the image out of my head and I want to drink until I can't remember anymore." He frowns.

"See what?"

"That girl all over Rohan...and him letting her." A surge of anger shoots through him.

"What?"

"I caught this girl grinding on him, whispering in his ear and shit. He was definitely loving it and not stopping it. She almost kissed him. He probably would've done more if I hadn't caught him." He sits down next to her.

"Adilynne...is that why no one could find you at the club?" She nods.

"I went home and hid in the bathroom in one of the RVs...then I took a taxi to the bar." She looks down at her hands. "Do you think it was because I don't want kids or because I wouldn't have sex with him at the club?"

"Wait, he tried to get you to sleep with him at the club?"

"He tried to convince me by telling me Talia would do it. That's why I was at the bar when you and Jen came over." He sighs, rubbing his face.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it's me. Every guy I've been with has cheated on me. Every. Single. One. I never thought he would though. I gave him everything...literally."

"What do you mean?"

"I was a virgin when we met. He took my virginity." Bobby groans.

"This gets worse and worse."

"I know...I'm living it." She leans against his shoulder. "Bobby?"

"Aye?"

"Am I stupid for staying with him?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, you are. You deserve better than that. He obviously doesn't know how to love you right. You need to go find someone who could." 

"But I love him."

"True, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship that isn't healthy for you." She sighs, falling backwards on the bed.

"I think I'm gonna just run away to the circus or something." 

"Uh, lass...you are in the circus." She groans, kicking her boots off before she pulled the pillow over her face.

"Ah shit. Why can't anything go my way?" He smiles.

"You need to go to bed."

"I don't want to." 

"But you need to. It's late." She crawls to the head of the bed, plopping down.

"But that means I'll awake up alone."

"You won't be alone. I'll be here."

"But like...I won't have him next to me."

"You don't need to depend on someone else for your happiness. You shouldn't have to worry about waking up alone."

"He became so much of me though. How do you survive when pieces of you are missing?"

"When I find out, I'll let you know." She pats the bed next to him.

"Stay. But don't try anything." He smiles.

"I wasn't gonna. Not my style. I'd win you over when you're sober." She stares at him.

"You really think we should break up?"

"You're not you anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't read anymore, you don't paint or draw. You don't go have girls night anymore or go hang out with the others. It's just you and Rohan alone all the time now. If you want you two to work, you have to learn how to be separate people that love each other but aren't completely dependent on each other to survive every second of everyday. There's other people that care about you too. He's not the only one." A tear slips down her face. He scoots closer. "Come here, I'm sorry. That was too harsh."

"You were just being honest."

"But I should've said it better than that. I let my jealousy take over."

"Jealousy? Of what?"

"I hardly see either of my best friends anymore. I'm jealous you two would rather only see each other than me or anyone else. You even hang out with Talia more than me, and that's because you practice with her."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt like that."

"We all feel like that. We miss you two."

"Everyone?"

"Aye. The most we get to see you is when we're traveling. Arjun takes the longer routes now just so we can see you two more."

"What?"

"I'm surprised Rohan didn't catch on." She looks up at Bobby.

"I didn't realize we had gotten so tied together. I didn't know everyone felt like we were leaving them behind."

"We know. We know it wasn't on purpose. But we miss you." She sighs, laying her head down into his chest again. 

"I'm really sorry I've been so neglectful to everyone. I swear I didn't mean to."

"It's okay. I get it. Especially now I know he was your first. It makes sense why you're so...stuck to him."

"What am I gonna do?"

"Whatever will make you happy. Think about that more than anything. Do what makes you happy." They didn't talk the rest of the night, Bobby falling asleep long before she manages to go to bed. She sighs, snuggling into him more. _**Why does this have to be so complicated? Why can't it just be me and him together the rest of our lives? No other women, no fights about the future, no leaving our friends behind...**_


	20. November 1, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those make it or break it moments. I felt really torn on this one and it was difficult choosing which way to go with this. Let me know what you think, loves. 😊❤

She groans, covering her head with a pillow. The smell of coffee and a thump on the table next to her makes her peak out from under the pillow. A bottle of water, aspirin and a cup of coffee were waiting for her. Looking around, she sees Bobby walking away. She sits up, wincing.

"Fuck me." He raises his eyebrows. 

"You should probably wait to get up. You got really _really_ drunk last night." She puts a hand to her head, taking the pills. Coffee in hand, she hesitates before clearing her throat.

"What happened last night?"

"It would seem you were successful if you don't know." 

"Mm-mm." Sipping her coffee again before she cleared her throat. "I know why I got so drunk. What I want to know is what happened after I got drunk."

"I had to pick you up...and you told me about Rohan." She looks down at the coffee in her hands. _**Right...that again.**_

"Does he know I'm here?"

"No."

"Will you tell him?"

"No."

"Good. Thanks. Um...don't tell anyone else what I told you."

"Which part?" _**Fuck, really Addy?**_

"What do you mean? What all did I tell you?"

"About that girl in the club and that he took your virginity." She blushes. _**Damn it, why can't I ever just keep my mouth shut when I'm drunk?**_

"Oh...well...both parts...I don't like being seen as innocent."

"Why? What's wrong with that?" She finally meets his eyes.

"Because then they take advantage of me and treat me like a child." He doesn't say anything, he just looks at her. "Can I hide out here for a bit?"

"Yeah. But I am gonna go tell everyone I talked to you. No one will know you're here though. I'll just tell them you called me and you're safe. They're all worried about you." She nods. 

"Thanks."

"What are mates for?" He smiles at her, walking out of the room.

********

Rohan paces back and forth, anxiously. Everyone else busy searching for her, some of them talking to each other and other people on the phone.

"Oi!" They all stop and look at him. "She called me. She's fine but she says she wants to be left alone today to nurse her hangover." Rohan clears his throat. 

"Did she, uh, say where she was?" Bobby looked at him for a long time, his hands balling into fists.

"No." Rohan looks at him a minute but doesn't say anything else. Everyone calms down, ignoring the tension between them. He starts walking towards where they stored their stuff for their acts. 

"Bobby." 

"Yeah?"

"Where is she?" It took everything in him not to hit him, forcing himself to calm down and look at him.

"Why does it matter?" 

"What did she tell you?"

"Enough to know that you...aren't who I thought you were." 

"It...wasn't like that."

"I'm sure it wasn't. But next time think real hard if it's gonna be worth losing her."

"So I haven't lost her yet?" 

"Dinnae ken. Not my call..." He walks away. _**Being unfaithful in the first place is wrong, but to a woman who's virginity you took? That's why she's so caught up on him. This whole thing is completely new to her. And he just...what is wrong with him? This isn't the Rohan I know. The one I know wouldn't do things like this to her. Was it all because he was drunk? Because if that's the case then he needs to stay away from that shit. I know she's gonna stay with him, she's all in this...no matter how much it hurts her. She's gonna be in this until he lets her go. She won't walk away. She deserves so much better than that. He better treat her like a damn queen after this.**_

He puts his stuff down, walking away. Lottie frowns at his expression.

"What's wrong?" He hesitates for a millisecond.

"Nothing, just tired." She smiles.

"I heard a woman's voice in your room when I walked by...could that be why you're tired?" Not wanting to entertain the idea he walked away without another word.

********

She lays in his bed a while, trying to go back to sleep. _**Why can't I stop seeing them together? Why can't I just let this go and go numb like I used to? Why am I so fucking stupid??? Ugh, I'm such a fucking dumbass. Maybe Bobby's right...maybe I need to break up with him.**_ The door opens, Bobby walking in with food in hand. He heads to the couch after giving it to her, too lost in his thoughts to say anything.

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Picking up a magazine he sits down, opening it. 

"So did everyone buy it?"

"Yeah...except Rohan."

"What did he say?"

"He knows I know where you are, but I didn't tell him anything."

"Thanks."

"Mhmm." _**Is he mad at me or something? Did I say something stupid last night?**_

"Bobby?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why aren't you talking to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about." 

"Look, I need a friend right now. And you're not saying anything and it's making me anxious and right now I just need you to be there for me. Because you're the only one beside him that knows what's going on. I feel so fucking stupid and what's worse is I keep thinking this is my fault. Maybe if I had just slept with him at the club, or maybe if I didn't walk away, or maybe if I wanted kids none of this would've happened. We would still be blissfully happy. We would be in love and make love and now it's just a fucking mess. Is it always this hard? Or is it just the relationships I'm in that's hard? I-" He gets up, walking over to her.

"Lass. Calm down. Relax. Take a deep breath for me, okay?" She nods taking a deep breath. "Good. Focus on breathing and let me talk, okay?" Forcing herself to keep breathing she watches him sit in front of her. "This isn't your fault, nothing you could've done would've changed this. You're not stupid, you're someone in love with a man who doesn't know how to love. I don't doubt he loves you but I don't think he's ready for love yet. At least not your love. And yes, all relationships are hard." 

"But isn't us loving each other enough?" He takes her hands in his.

"I think you know the answer to that. But I'm not you, I'm not in this relationship. This isn't my choice and I don't want you to do what I want because I said so. I want you to do what you want...but I want you to consider all the pros and cons to this." She sighs, looking down.

"I know what I should do and I know what I want to do."

"Then what you need to do right now is talk to him. I know you don't want to, and it's probably going to hurt. But for you to be able to decide you need to talk to him...and trust your gut. Your gut is gonna tell you what you should do."

"Okay."

"But eat first. You need to eat." She nods again, looking through the bag. He smiles and sits next to her, leaning back. "So, do you remember anything about last night?" Popping a fry in her mouth, she shakes her head.

"No, not at all." 

"You were so drunk the bartender didn't know if you said Allie or Addy. I had to ask him to describe you, as soon as he said green eyes I knew it was you. Although he could've said sexy cop and I would've known then too." She pushes him gently.

"Don't be gross."

"I'm not! That's literally what the bag your costume came in said."

"It wasn't that sexy."

"Uh, yes it was. It was hard not to look at your tits when you were sitting on my bed pouting like an angry toddler."

"I do not pout like an angry toddler!"

"You so do. I'm gonna take a picture next time." She smiles, shaking her head. 

"I hate you."

"You love me, that's why you gave the bartender my number to call when you got too drunk." She throws her fry at him.

"Don't get conceited." He pretends to flip his hair.

"I'm amazing and I don't need you to tell me." She laughs, hitting him with a pillow.

********

Pausing at the door she tries to gather up the courage to do what she knew she needed to do. He looked up form his spot on the bed, neither of them knowing what to say first. _**Here goes nothing.**_

"Rohan..." A lump forms in her throat, forcing her to take a pause. " Um, I...I've been thinking...it's just...maybe it's time-"

"Please don't." She closes her eyes, trying to cling to her courage. _**Stay strong, don't give in.**_ "I swear nothing happened."

"So a woman wasn't grinding on you and you weren't letting her? She didn't almost kiss you?" 

"That's all that happened though. We didn't actually kiss or anything." _**I mean that's true...**_

"But if you hadn't looked up and saw me you would've."

"No, I wouldn't have."

"I know you better than I know anyone else. I know the look you get when you're thinking about kissing me and you gave her that look. You bite your lip and smile when you like whatever I'm doing to you, and you were doing that. You didn't stop her and that tells me everything I need to know."

"What do you mean?"

"If you didn't stop her then there's something about us that isn't enough. Something in our relationships isn't fulfilling to you. And if that's the case we need to call it quits."

"Addy, I don't wanna break up. I'm perfectly happy with our relationship. I was just drunk and distracted. I swear I don't want anyone but you." **_He has a point...no! Don't give in, you can't let him get inside your head again._** She bites her lip, trying not to lose control of her emotions. 

"I just want to know what, so next time I know what to look out for that I didn't see this time."

"What are you talking about?"

"I want to know what about me, what about us, wasn't enough. I want to know what I need to look out for in my next relationship. Was it the kids thing? Do I need to start asking before I go out with someone if they want kids?" 

"It has nothing to do with that, I told you it didn't matter anymore."

"That's the only thing I can think of that would cause you to look elsewhere for something else. Obviously I'm not enough and I can't keep doing this."

"So you're breaking up with me?" _**I have to...for me. I can't keep doing this, I'm barely hanging on as is.**_

"What am I supposed to do, Rohan? If I take you back now next time it's gonna be 'I didn't mean to kiss her, it was an accident, I thought it was you, I tripped'. And then it's gonna be 'it was a one time thing, it didn't mean anything, she doesn't mean anything to me, I love you'. I've done this before, I already told you that this part isn't new to me."

"But I'm not like those guys. I will do whatever it takes for you to trust me again, to know that I love you." _**That's what they said too. Don't let him use your feelings for him to convince you.**_

"Don't do that. That's not fair to me. You know how I feel about you and using that is just a pathetic way to stop me from breaking up with you."

"I'm not using it against you. I'm being honest about how I feel. Nothing even happened, no kiss, no specific touching, no sex, no grabbing, nothing." 

"But she thought she had a chance. You didn't tell her to stop. You didn't push her off of you. You're supposed to do that stuff, don't let bitches think they can have you or that you're available. When you're with someone you devote yourself to that person." _**Like I do for you...**_

"You're right, I'm sorry. I should've told her to go the minute she started talking to me."

"So why didn't you?"

"I don't know. At first it was just talking and I didn't see it as a big deal. We were just talking. And then I guess somewhere along the way she started dancing or something." She frowns.

"What do you mean 'or something'?"

"I barely remember what happened, okay. All I remember is some blonde on me and then looking over and seeing your face. The look on your face...I can't get it out of my head. I looked for you after for what felt like hours. No one knew where you were or where you went. I was pissed at myself that I fucked up and let that happen. I was pissed I hurt you...again. And I'm so sorry. I know nothing I say will fix it but I'll do whatever it takes to fix this, to fix us. Waking up next to you every morning is the highlight of my day." _**Is that true? Does he not even remember what happened? Can I hold this against him if he doesn't even remember her? He was a lot more drunk than I thought he was...**_ She wipes some tears away.

"I don't know how we can even come back from this. How are we supposed to make this work now? We were barely making it before."

"I'll do anything. Whatever it takes, whatever you want me to."

"What is there to do?" He takes her hands. 

"Just one last chance. One. If I fuck up again I'll never ask you to take me back again. Give me one more chance to prove what you mean to me. I want it to be me and you forever. I want to wake up to those amazing green eyes every morning. Feel you in my arms every night. Be the reason why you smile every day. Please, Addy. Just one last chance." She looks into his eyes, seeing the promise in them. _**My heart feels like it's ripping in two. What do I do? He really looks like he means it...maybe he does this time. But maybe he's just really good at acting too. Maybe he doesn't actually love you and just gets off with the fact I'm completely in love with him...Bobby said he doesn't doubt he loves me...so maybe he does mean it this time.**_ More tears fall, making her sniffle. She put her hand on his cheek, sighing.

"This is your very last chance, Rohan. After this I'm leaving. For good. You and the circus. I can't keep doing this. I don't have much fight left in me." He hugs her tightly. _**I hate that I'm so weak for you. I don't have it in me to walk away...no matter how bad I want to. I can't let him go.**_

"I swear I'll do everything I can to show you I love you and want only you. I'm so sorry for everything I've ever done. I'm so sorry for hurting you." She wipes his tears away.

"This is it. Me and you. No more what if's. No more entertaining anyone. Just us. Okay?" He nods. 

"Thank you for giving me another chance." She sighs, hugging him. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling she still felt. _**He means it this time. I can see he really means it this time, I see it in his eyes. You love him and he loves you, this is what's right...right? What if he does this again? No, no more what if's. I'm being ridiculous. They didn't even kiss, he deserves one more chance...right?**_


	21. December 18, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning you, it gets very spicy. 👀 You've been warned, continue at your own risk! Comment and kudos. 😊❤

"Something's wrong but I can't figure out what it is. Has she said anything to you?" Bobby looks over at her reading on the couch.

"No, nothing. Has anything happened between you two?"

"No. I've been extra careful not to mess it up this time. I meant it when I said I want her forever. She won't say anything about what's wrong. She really hasn't said anything to you?"

"No, she hasn't. Sorry, mate."

"I just wish I could do something to make her better." _**What would her dad do right now to cheer her up? It's gotta be thoughtful, something that's really Addy...something like her mum did for her 7th birthday just before she got sick. That's it!**_

"Maybe we can plan something." 

"Like what?" He whispers his plan to him. "That's genius! I'll go talk to Arjun right now." Rohan runs off in Arjun's direction, Bobby looks down at her on the couch.

"Scoot." She smiles, sitting up so he can sit down. Laying her head down in his lap, going back to her book. He watches Rohan run over to Lottie and Jen. _**Hurry up, don't let her see you. She'll know somethings up, why is he so bad at secrets?**_ Addy looks over and frowns.

"What's going on?" _**Fuck. Distraction!**_

"Hey, lass? Do you remember that book you were telling me about, what the Red Queen or something."

"The Queen of Hearts?"

"Aye, that's the one! What is it about again?"

"I love that series. It's a play off of Alice in Wonderland." She smiles up at him, going into the plot of the series. _**She is such a book nerd...it's adorable. Her eyes light up when she talks about books and stories. She probably should've become a librarian like she was gonna do. I wonder if she finished her degree for that yet? She had planned on taking online courses.**_

********

"Jen, I need to pee!" _**Hurry up and finish painting so I can go pee.**_

"I'm almost done! One more minute." They hear a knock on the door. "One second! Okay, I'm done. Walk carefully." Adilynne rolls her eyes, smiling as she walks on her heels as not to mess up her freshly painted toenails. Rohan smiles at her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to the bathroom but Jen painted my toenails. So I have to be careful." 

"Well, hurry up. I wanna show you something." She looks at him suspiciously. _**What do you have planned? Something's definitely off...but what?**_

"Show me what?"

"It's a surprise. Hurry up." _**The urge to pee is more important than spoiling his surprise right now.**_

"Fine." When she dries her hands she comes back out to see him waiting for her. 

"Come on." She walks slowly, trying not to mess up her nails. _**Walk carefully so Jen doesn't kill you, she's way too proud of her nail painting skills.**_ He turns around, laughing when he sees her funny walk. "Come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride."

"No way, really??"

"Yeah, hop on."

"Yes!!!" Climbing on his back, she couldn't hide her excitement. "It's been so long since I've done this."

"Well I'll do it more then."

"What do you want to show me?"

"You'll see." He carries her off the RV, showing everyone standing in the back of a parking lot. _**Why is everyone smiling at me? God don't let this be one of those public proposals. I am so not ready for that yet...**_

"What's this?" They all move to reveal a bunch of chairs and blankets set up on the grass. She finally noticed the big screen behind them. Climbing down she stares at everyone in front of her. _**This looks like...**_ "Is this movies in the park!?!?!?!" Rohan smiles.

"Yes. Guess what movie." She looks around.

"I don't know..." 

"Grease." She squeals.

"No way!!! No way, no way, no way!!!" Everybody laughs. She hugs Rohan tightly. "I love you!" 

"I love you too...but this was Bobby's idea." She looks at Bobby. _**No way, this is way too thoughtful.**_

"Really?" Arjun nods. 

"He came up with all of it." She runs up to Bobby, jumping on him. He laughs, catching her as she wraps her legs around him.

"I love you!! You're the best friend ever!!!" _**How does he keep surprising me?**_

"This reaction alone made it worth it." He lets go, her still clinging to him. "Uh, lass?"

"I'm not done hugging."

"Oh okay." He chuckles, hugging her again. _**Addy, get down before people start assuming things.**_ After a minute she lets go.

"Okay, now I'm done. Are we gonna do this or what??"

********

Rohan and Bobby sat on either side of her, snuggled close. The three of them were wrapped in a big blanket, eating popcorn. Rohan looks over at her and smiles. _**She is so damn gorgeous, look how happy she is. Bobby is a genius, I swear.**_ He meets Bobby's eyes, wiggling his eyebrows. Bobby nods at her direction, wiggling his eyebrows. She leans against Rohan, resting her hand on Bobby's thigh. Rohan saw Bobby blush looking down at her hand. He smiles at him, wiggling his eyebrows again. _**Are you really nervous?? This is Addy, the hottest woman here. Any of the others would love to have her hand on their leg.**_ Bobby shakes his head. _**Fine, fine. I'll fix it.**_ Rohan leans her against Bobby, putting her hand on his thigh instead. She looks at them.

"What?"

"Bobby was nervous with your hand on his thigh." She smiles looking at Bobby. 

"Oh really? With your magic number I didn't think you still got nervous about stuff like that."

"My magic number has nothing to do with this. Don't bring that into this." _**Magic number? They talk about that? What else do they talk about?**_

"I just thought it would've numbed you to an innocent touch."

"You know what, be quiet and watch your movie."

"Fine." She sticks her tongue out, leaning against Rohan. She puts her feet in Bobby's lap. "Is that better or do you like feet too?"

"I mean they're pretty but I think we're good." She rolls her eyes, looking back at the movie.

********

She puts her arm around Bobby's waist, sighing happily.

"Thank you."

"Anything for that smile, lass." She looks over at Rohan, taking his hand and squeezing it. _**I love my boys, I swear I'm the luckiest girl alive.**_

"Thank you too."

"For what? I didn't do anything."

"For loving me." He kisses her hand.

"That's completely selfish on my part." She giggles.

"That kind of selfishness is okay I guess." Once inside she washes her face, changing into pajamas. _**Tonight was so fun. I loved it, almost just like when Mom did it for my birthday. I can't believe they did all this for me.**_ She smiles when she sees the boys in bed. 

"What's that smile for?" Rohan asks with a half smile. 

"My two favorite boys are here."

"Your boys? Since when did I become yours?" Bobby raises his eyebrows.

"Since I said so. Sorry, Ro, you have to share me with Bobby." She wiggles her eyebrows at them. _**I wonder how he's gonna react to that...I definitely don't mean I want to be shared. I'm good with just Ro.**_ Rohan laughs, patting the bed.

"Fine but I get to be your number one." She stares at him. _**I don't like the look he had when he said that...**_

"I can't tell if you're serious or not." He shrugs.

"It's obvious he can get through to you in ways I can't." Bobby frowns at him.

"Uh, are we actually talking about this being a real thing? Don't I get a say if I want to be apart of this or not?" Addy rolls her eyes, getting in between them.

"I don't think Rohan was serious, Bobby. I really don't think my boyfriend would be okay with me sleeping with another man. I think he just meant that you two have different sides of me. You understand different parts of me. So for my happiness I need you both." _**Right?**_ She looks at Rohan. "Right?" He shrugs.

"Sure." She squints her eyes.

"I don't think I believe you." He smiles pulling her closer to cuddle.

"Then don't. That's your call." He puts his arm around her waist, snuggling into her. 

"No fucking with me in the bed."

"Then get on the floor." She hits Rohan, making him laugh. "I'm kidding. We'll wait until he's asleep." She hits him again. "Ow, I swear I didn't mean it." He kisses her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." _**I'll never get over how comfortable I feel in his arms. That's all I need on a bad day.**_ She quickly falls asleep in his arms.

********

The sun shines in their eyes, making Adilynne groan. _**Nooo, not yet.**_ She cuddles into his chest deeper, her leg over him pulls him closer. Kisses travel up her shoulder, making her smile. _**Wait. I'm cuddled into Rohan right now, so that means...Bobby's kissing me...what the hell is he thinking??**_ Hesitantly she opens her eyes, realizing she had it wrong. She was cuddled into Bobby with her leg over his waist. Rohan whispers in her ear.

"Morning beautiful." She blushes, looking up at Bobby's face. **_What the fuck am I doing?? What is he doing?_** He held onto her tightly, Rohan still kissing her shoulder and neck.

"Uh, Bobby...." He doesn't open his eyes, he just cuddles closer. 

"Hmm?" 

"I can't move." He looks down at her. 

"Do we have to?" Her cheeks get hotter. _**Wait, what?**_

"My boyfriend is right behind me." Rohan smiles. 

"You would think I don't like seeing you in another man's arms...but somehow it makes me want you so bad right now." Her eyes go wide when she looks at him. _**Hold up, what? Is he serious right now?**_

"Are you really turned on at this?"

"Oddly yes." He kisses her softly, gently biting her lip. _**I love it when he does that. It always sends tingles through my body.**_ She moans softly, tightening her leg around Bobby's waist. He leans forward, kissing her neck down to her chest. _**Oh my God.**_ Rohan runs his hand down to her leg, moving it off Bobby to get better access. He rubs outside of her panties, making her moan again. _**This can't be real right now. This isn't actually happening.**_

"What's happening right now?" Bobby gently rubs his thumb across her ribs, heat spreading from the spot he touched.

"What do you want to happen, lass?" _**I want you to keep doing that...**_ Rohan looks into her eyes, biting his lip. 

"It's whatever you want, babe." Bobby moves his kisses up her neck. _**Fuck he makes it hard to think when he kisses me like that. Focus. Are they suggesting a threesome right now?**_

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Bobby nibbles her ear.

"Mhmm." Rohan plays with the hem of her panties, waiting for an answer. 

"Yeah. What do you want?" Bobby's thumb runs over her nightgown grazing her nipple. _**Since when did Bobby find me and attractive? No, since when do I love feeling both of them all over me.**_ She bites her lip. 

"I want to keep going." Bobby turns her face to look at him, looking into her eyes. He leans down, kissing her decisively. _**Holy shit, he's a good kisser.**_ Rohan slips his hand inside her panties, putting his fingers inside her. She moans softly, biting his lip. Rohan kisses the exposed side of her neck, fingering her faster. Bobby caresses her breast, kissing her harder. _**Feeling both of them all over me...nothing has ever felt better. I swear my body feels like it's on fire. I really don't want this to end.**_ She whimpers under their touches, squirming. Bobby moves his hand to rub her clit while Rohan fingers her. Rohan moves her nightgown, taking her nipple in his mouth. **_Fuck, I love kissing him. I love having both of them giving me so much attention._** She moans against Bobby's kiss, making him smile.

"I like those noises." She bites his lip, lifting her hips a little. **_Then don't stop._**

"If you two keep doing this you'll hear a lot more of them." Bobby puts more pressure, Rohan fingers her harder. She squeals softly. "Fuck." The pressure building up, the feeling of both of their lips on her, both of them touching her. _**How is this happening right now? This feels so amazing.**_ She bites Bobby's lip hard, her nails digging into their arms. 

"Come for us, lass." He bites her neck, Rohan kissing her shoulder. She bites her own lip, leaning her head back. _**Holy shit they know what they're doing.**_

"Fuck, yes." She covers her mouth to stifle her moan as she comes. They move their hands, caressing her all over. They look at her, both of them smiling. She blushes looking between them. "This is interesting..." Rohan kisses her cheek.

"What do you want us to do?" She looks between them, considering all options. **_There's really so many ways to do this._**

"I don't really know...there's a lot of options..." Rohan and Bobby look at each other a second. Rohan smiles, kissing her to lay all the way down. Bobby takes off her panties, teasing the inside of her thighs. _**Is he about to do what I think he's gonna do? Is Rohan really okay with this?**_ She moans softly when she feels him tease her clit with his tongue. Rohan bites her lip, his hand tangled in her hair. She melts at their touch, her head swimming from all the attention. _**I can't be the only one getting all this attention.**_ She runs her hand in Bobby's hair, her other one going inside Rohan's boxers. Rohan moans softly, looking into her eyes a minute. 

"Fuck, Addy." Bobby sticks two fingers inside her, her grip in his hair tightening. _**This is driving me crazy.**_ She bites her lip, looking at both of them.

"Clothes off. Both of you." She sits up, taking off her nightgown. She smiles at Bobby, pulling him closer. "Lay down. I wanna return the favor while Rohan fucks me from behind." He bites his lip, not breaking eye contact as he lays down. She gets on her hands and knees, stroking his hard cock. She looks into his amber eyes, licking the tip. _**I love his eyes, it makes this so much better.**_ Rohan holds onto her hips, slowly thrusting into her. She moans, taking all of Bobby in her mouth. Bobby holds her hair back, watching her please him. _**This is by far the hottest thing I've ever done.**_ She moans softly, sucking a little harder. She watches him look over her body, taking him to the back of her throat. _**I love the way he's looking at me.**_ Rohan fucks her harder, making her moan louder. The intensity builds between them, the boys trying not to lose control yet. Rohan's grip on her hips tightens. _**Oh hell yeah.**_

"Fuck, you're so hot right now." He fucks her harder. She struggles to keep her noises under control, looking up at Bobby again. He moans, his grip in her hair tightening.

"Fuck, lass, I'm gonna come." She takes him out of her mouth.

"Not yet. I want you to fuck me." He looks into her eyes a minute before they move. She sits up on her knees, watching them trade places. She looks into Rohan's eyes when he gets in front of her. He takes her hands, tangling their fingers together. He kisses her softly. _**How is this so crazy but so intimate at the same time?**_ She strokes him. Bobby kisses her neck, his hands running over her body. _**How has he figured out how to make me melt already?**_

"Are you sure want this?" She nods, looking into Rohan's eyes. She gets on her hands and knees, looking over her shoulder at him. _**Fuck me.**_ He bites his lip, meeting her eyes. He enters her slowly, moaning. "Fuck, lass. You're so tight." **_God yes. I never thought I would want Bobby to fuck me so bad._** She bites her lip, looking back at Rohan. She doesn't break eye contact when putting her mouth on him. She knew exactly what he liked. Bobby moves slowly at first, holding her hips tightly. She moans softly, looking into Rohan's eyes. _**I'm gonna come just from the way they look at me alone.**_ He bites his lip, holding her hair back. He moves his hips, matching her pace. Bobby fucks her harder, making her moan again. She loved the way Rohan was looking at her. She licks the tip, moaning again. 

"Fuck." She bites her lip, stifling another moan. _**Not yet, not yet, not yet. Wait for them.**_ She swirls her tongue around the head, taking him to the back of her throat. He moaned every time she swallowed, his grip in her hair tightening. _**Fuck it, go crazy.**_ She lays on her side, Bobby holding one of her legs up. She props up on elbow, Rohan putting his dick in her mouth. The three of them let go, losing control. She gripped the sheets, moaning loudly with Rohan in her mouth still.

"Fuck, lass. Come for us." Bobby rubs her clit with his thumb while he fucks her harder. She felt herself getting closer and closer. **_Don't worry, I'm about to._** She holds her leg back, sucking Rohan harder. She moans loudly, coming. Rohan bites his lip.

"I'm gonna come, Addy." She took him deeper in her throat, meeting his eyes. _**He loves it when I look at him like this.**_ He thrusts into her mouth, coming. Bobby thrusts into her hard one more time, coming. **_Oh, fuck yes!_** After they clean up they put their clothes back on. She lays back down on the bed, sighing. **_That was amazing...can we do it again?_** They get in bed beside her, Rohan cuddling up to her. Bobby puts his arm around her too, snuggling closer. She smiles, feeling safe in their arms. Rohan chuckles. "What's that for?"

"I like having both my boys so close." Bobby smiles.

"Your boys? Am I yours now?" **_You're definitely mine now too. You aren't going anywhere but my bed._**

"You've both always been mine." They smile at her, cuddling closer to her. She closes her eyes, contentment taking over. _**My boys...I like the sound of that.**_ She opens her eyes, seeing the room dark again. The boys were both cuddled into her, fast asleep. She frowns, sitting up quickly. _**How long have we been asleep? It was morning when we fell asleep again. Why didn't anyone wake us up?**_ The boys both stir next to her, Bobby looks at her.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"How long have we been asleep? Did we sleep all day?" Rohan looks at his phone.

"No, it's only 2 in the morning. We've been asleep like 4 hours." She looks at him confused. _**Huh?**_

"Wait what? Really?" 

"Yeah, why?" She looks over at Bobby. _**Did they somehow forget or was...was it a dream? Did it actually happen?**_

"What...happened before we went to sleep?"

"I turned off the light, you cuddled up to Rohan and we went to bed...is everything alright?" She blushes. _**Oh, oh my. That-that's a thing. That was a really hot dream...it felt so real. Wow, that's-I've got issues.**_

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just a weird dream." Rohan props up on one hand.

"Wanna talk about it?" _**Oh I can't tell them this dream. Nope.**_

"Oh no, no, no. Nope, I'm good. We're good. Let's go back to sleep. Night." She lays down on her stomach, hiding her face in her pillow. _**Why did I have that dream?? Am I a pervert now? Am I attracted to Bobby? Do I want both of them? Does this mean I'm not loyal to Rohan anymore because I dreamt about wanting another man to sleep with me? I have so many issues.**_ The boys shrug, going back to bed.


	22. December 31, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this is mostly good hearted, chuckling material. 😊❤

Their arms hooked together, she steps her left foot over Hope's right foot. Hope puts her right over her left, starting a pattern.

"I'm telling you it's all I can think about now. Every time I see them together I get all...fidgety."

"Fidgety?"

"Yeah, like flustered. I act like a fool. I stutter and drop things and trip on my own two feet."

"You could just tell them."

"Yeah, that's gonna go well. Let me tell my boyfriend I wanna fuck him and our best friend at the same time."

"It's worth a shot. Maybe it'll calm down you _urges_." She smiles at her.

"You're totally enjoying watching me suffer, aren't you?"

"Noooo. Of course not. I want you to be happy. But I am curious to see this stumbly Addy though."

"Well tonight is you're lucky night. You'll get to see it first hand at the party." 

"So if you won't sleep with him, can I take a shot?"

"Really? I didn't think Bobby was your type."

"Usually not. But he is pretty attractive and funny. He'd be fun for a while. And neither of us wants kids so if we end up getting serious at least there's that."

"So you're thinking just a friends with benefits type thing?"

"Yeah, why not? It's been a while and girl has needs."

"Are you really asking for my blessing to sleep with Bobby?"

"Well yeah."

"But why? He's not mine. We never dated or anything. I don't have a claim on him."

"True...but you have some sort of feelings for him."

"I do not...just...lust?"

"Lust is a feeling, hun."

"Not really. It's a...sensation." Hope laughs.

"Stop being in denial! I say just talk to them, at the very least Rohan. Tell him about your dream." They turn the corner, still looking at their feet. They slam into other people, all of them falling. Bobby looks down at her.

"I'm sorry, lass. Are you okay?" _**Of all the people to run into it had to be him. Of all people to be on me it's Bobby.**_ She blushes, clearing her throat.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. I should've been watching where I was going." Noah blushes when he sees Hope.

"Oh, my bad. Are you okay?" She avoids his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm good." He stands, offering her hand. She ignores it, standing on her own. Images of Addy's dream surface her thoughts, making her blush more. She bites her lip, looking into Bobby's eyes. _**How does being this close make me so nervous now? Does he feel the tension too or is it just me?**_ He frowns.

"What's wrong?" She looks at his lips, fighting the urge to kiss him. _**I wonder if he's a good kisser. He was in my dream.**_

"Hmm?"

"Addy, are you sure you're alright?" She looks into his eyes again. _**No, being under you makes me really nervous. Like my heart is pounding, my palms are sweating, I can't breathe nervous. Wait, I really can't breathe.**_

"Actually, I can't breathe." He blushes.

"Oh, uh...I mean..." He clears his throat nervously. "Why?" _**What was that reaction for?**_

"Because you're laying on me." 

"Oh shit, right, my bad." He stands up, holding out his hand. Hesitantly she takes it, letting him pull her up. 

"Thanks." He looks at her short silver dress. 

"You look great." 

"Thanks, I got it out of my closet." He raises his eyebrows, Hope and Noah smile at their exchange.

"I kind of figured...I've seen it before." _**Why am I acting like such an idiot??**_

"Right. I knew that."

"Are you sure everything is okay?" _**No, I really want to jump on you right now. But I have a boyfriend. That I love. I need to go.**_

"Yeah, it's great. I'll see you in a barty." Hope covers her mouth in an attempt not to laugh.

"Barty?" She blushes, covering her face. _**Barty??**_

"I meant party. I started to say 'see you in a bit' and then changed it to 'see you at the party' but mushed the words." He smiles.

"Are you nervous?" _**I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my entire life.**_

"What? No, that's crazy. Why would I be servous?"

"Servous?" _**Son of a bitch, when will I chill??**_

"Dammit! I meant nervous. So. Nervous." He crosses his arms, raising his eyebrows. 

"Addy." _**Don't ask, I know you're gonna. Don't ask.**_

"We better go, don't wanna be late. I promised I'd meet Rohan. My boyfriend." Noah tries to cover his laugh with a cough.

"Aye...I know that." _**Get out, get out now.**_

"Right. Come on, han. Fuck! I meant hun." She grabs Hope's hand, dragging her away. Hope laughs as they leave, turning to look at Noah and Bobby both smiling at them.

"That was insane! I've never seen you act like that before."

"Is he looking?" 

"Oh they're both looking."

"Fuck." She trips on her foot, catching herself. "Oh my God I need help." Hope puts an arm around her.

"You need more than help. You need a very specific type of help."

"Oh God."

********

Bobby looks over at Noah, still smiling.

"You're my witness so I need an answer. Was she nervous?"

"Dude, she was very nervous." _**That's what I thought...but why?**_

"Why was she nervous?"

"By the look on her face and the way she was acting, I think she likes you." _**Literally impossible. We aren't attracted to each other. We're just mates.**_

"But we're best friends. Why would she like me?"

"I don't know, sometimes friends catch feelings." _**Doubt that. She's in a committed relationship with another mate.**_

"But there's Rohan. Her boyfriend." He playfully quotes her, making Noah laugh.

"I can't believe she said that. She definitely likes you but is probably really confused right now."

"So what do I do?"

"Unless something happens between her and Rohan, nothing. She's still in a relationship." _**She looked so damn cute though when she was all flustered.**_

"Right...why can't I stop replaying that in my head?" _**I've never seen Addy act like that before...what was happening with her? What was she thinking about?**_

"Because it was hilariously adorable. You saw her trip too, right?"

"I did. I bet her face was bright red."

"Probably." They turn back in the direction they were going. "So anyway, I was telling you about this girl I invited."

"Right, what's her name?"

"Hannah. She's not usually my type but she's really into reading and stuff."

"How'd you meet her?"

"The book store."

"Somehow that seems like the place you would meet someone."

"I'm surprised Addy didn't say anything, she was with me."

"Addy hasn't been talking to me much. Now that I think about it...she's been avoiding me quite a bit. And she's always so fidgety now." _**Why didn't I pick up on this sooner?**_

"She definitely likes you. How you hadn't caught on until now I just don't understand. You're so good with women." _**Addy's not just any woman though, she's my best mate.**_

"But I never thought she would like me like that. We're her boys. I never thought she would think that."

"What?"

"She calls me and Ro her boys. He's the boyfriend and I'm the best friend. Apparently we have different parts of her." Noah wiggles his eyebrows. _**I like she claims us as hers. It's cute.**_

"Different parts, huh? Sexy."

"Not like that...at least I don't think like that." He shakes his head, walking towards his room again.

********

She sees Bobby walking towards her and Rohan. _**Fuck, need to escape ASAP.**_

"I'm gonna go get a refill." He looks at her cup.

"But it's still full. You just got a refill." She downs her drink. 

"Now I need a refill." He raises his eyebrows.

"Are you alright?" Bobby makes it to them. She looks between them, blushing. _**Perfect, I just keep imagining you two naked and kissing all over me.**_

"I'm good. Bye." She turns and walks away. She runs over to the drinks where Jen was standing. "Hey, Jen. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just grabbing another drink, what about you, hun?"

"Same. How's those new steps coming along?"

"Oh, they're great. I think we'll be using them in the next performance. Add a little pizazz to it, you know? I was thinking we should combine our acts one of these days, try something new."

"Oh, I'd love that! We know Talia will be amazing at it, she's so amazing at everything I swear." Talia leans on her shoulder.

"I heard that." Addy smiles.

"Good, it was a compliment. Jen was just saying we should do a mash up of our acts one of these days." Talia beams at them.

"That's a great idea! We should do that! We could have me and Addy in the dance group and then maybe one of us could do some sort of flip or something and Rohan can swoop down to pick us up." Addy points at her.

"Yes!!! I love that! We've got to plan this ASAP." Jen looks past Addy.

"We'll have to do it another time, it looks like someone else wants your attention." Addy turns to see Bobby walking over to her. She looks over at Bobby's outfit, her heart pounding just as hard as it did for Rohan. He wore a deep orange button up covered in shadows of palm trees. He rolled the sleeves up, showing some of his tattoos. The top two buttons on his shirt were undone, another tattoo peaking out. He paired it with an open black vest and black jeans and vans the same shade of orange. Talia bites her lip.

"Bobby is the only man I know that can make a brightly colored, palm tree patterned shirt look sexy." Addy turns around, blushing. 

"So about this act. What kind of theme did you wanna do? Like what style of dancing?" Jen shares a curious look with Talia.

"I don't know. I guess it depends really. We'll need to get with the other girls and figure out the details. They'll be so excited, they love mixing it up." 

"Can I steal Addy for a minute?" She doesn't turn around.

"We're in the middle of something." Jen and Talia stare at each other a minute, looking back at Addy. 

"Lass, please? Just for a minute." Talia puts a hand on her arm.

"We'll find you later. No worries, we'll plan this out soon." They both give her a smile, waving at the him when they walked by. She spots Hope and Lottie looking over at her, smiling. Lottie gives her a thumbs up, she returns the gesture with a glare instead. Turning to face him, she avoids his eyes.

"Addy, please talk to me. Whatever has been going on is starting to really worry me. It feels different and I'm worried. Please, tell me what's going on." She sighs, rubbing her neck.

"Fine. But it doesn't get repeated and we forget this conversation happened. It's gonna go away. But since you won't stop bugging me I'll tell you." He crosses his arms.

"Okay."

"I had a dream that I slept with Rohan...and you. And I've been trying to ignore it because I feel really guilty for thinking about it. I love Rohan, I'm with him. He deserves my loyalty. It's wrong. But now every time I see you it's all I can think about and I...it's making this difficult."

"Wait. You had a dream that the three of us...slept together?"

"Well, not exactly. More like the two of you...were..." She covered her face. "Sharing me."

"Ohhh...that...that's-that's.." He clears his throat, shaking his head. "Addy, you do realize that was a dream, right?"

"Well yeah..."

"Then it's no big deal. People have dreams like that all the time. It doesn't mean you want to cheat on him or anything. It was probably because of what Rohan said about both of us being yours. Or that I said I got nervous when you touched my leg. It doesn't mean anything."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've had at least one dream about every girl here. Even you. But it's just a dream, it doesn't mean anything. You aren't being disloyal or cheating on him or anything. It's fine. Everybody has a dream like that at least once." She slowly looks up to meet his eyes.

"So I'm not a whore?" He chuckles, smiling.

"No, you're not a whore. You'll forget about it if you stop obsessing over it. I promise. Don't be so hard on yourself." She lets out a sigh of relief.

"I'm not a pervert, thank God." He laughs.

"I mean a little perverted. You did picture me naked." She hits his arm. "It's okay! Everyone is a little perverted sometimes. It's normal. Just relax." She smiles at him.

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"I hate that I love you."

"Too bad, you're stuck with me." She shakes her head at him. "So are we good now? Are you gonna stop being distant?"

"Yeah, we're good. I'm sorry I got all freaked out about a stupid dream. I hadn't had a dream like that before."

"It happens to everyone. Just relax." He opens his arms. "Can I hug you now?" 

"I guess so." She hugs him back, her mind calming down finally. "I feel so stupid now."

"You're not stupid, you're human. Now let's get this shit going again. Rohan's been pretty worried."

"Oh I'll be making it up to him later. He'll be just fine."

"Ooh, spicy. Need some help?"

"Bobby! How am I gonna get past this if you say things like that?"

"I'm just kidding. As your best friend I have to give you shit sometimes. Although I feel honored and almost want to brag to Noah about it." She pinched his arm. "Ow! I won't tell him, don't worry."

"Ugh, I hate you. I should've never said anything."

"I'm glad you did because now it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"All your fidgety stuff. Tripping, stuttering, dropping things. I knew you were nervous but I couldn't figure out why."

"Well now you know. Can we stop talking about it now?"

"Are you gonna tell Rohan?"

"That I had a dream I fucked him and his best friend? No. I don't think he would be okay with that."

"Pretty sure he would be. You didn't hear it from me, but he's definitely done something like that before."

"Jesus, Bobby. You're not helping." He laughed.

"Sorry, I'll stop." She rolled her eyes.

"I swear I really do hate you."

"Nope, try again."


	23. February 7, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: this one has a touchy subject. Pregnancy/pregnancy loss/pregnancy termination gets discussed. But this is important to the story. Sorry, loves. 😊❤

Addy laid in bed, Bobby sitting beside her. A look of worry on his face as he looked at her. The past three days she had been in bed all day except when she was practicing or performing. 

"Lass, you need to go to the doctor. You shouldn't be this tired all the time."

"I'm fine. I just need to rest."

"You've been resting. For weeks now. Something isn't right. You need to go to the doctor. If Rohan wakes me up in the middle of the night one more time I swear I'll hit him. He's freaking out. Go for him and if not him then me. Hope throws a fit every time he wakes me up." She smiles.

"How's that going?"

"It's not gonna get serious, I can tell you that. But otherwise it's fine."

"Why won't it get serious?"

"I'm just not getting that spark, you know?"

"But you still sleep with her?"

"She knows I don't see a future. We're basically fuck buddies at this point."

"Does she know that?"

"Of course she does, you know I don't lead women on. But back to you. We're going to one of those fast clinics or whatever." 

"Minute clinic?"

"Aye, that's it. Come on." With a groan and roll of her eyes she crawls out of bed.

"Fine, but I'm going in my jammies."

"Fine, doesn't bother me. Let's go."

********

"Hi, I'm Dr. Chapman. What's been going on?"

"I've been a bit tired lately. I told him I was fine but he insisted I come here. So boom." Bobby shakes his head.

"No. She's been extremely tired for weeks now. She's constantly sleeping if she's not performing."

"What is it you do?"

"I'm in the trapeze act for the circus. We travel a lot, I think it's just getting to me."

"I wouldn't be worried if you were just a little run down. You sleep all day and all night. You only get up to eat, and perform." Dr. Chapman smiles.

"Okay, you two. Break it up. It is a little worrisome that all you do is sleep. Let's take a look and see what we can figure out." She sighs.

"Okay." After what felt like forever the doctor comes back in, a smile on his face. "What's the smile for?"

"Congratulations, you two."

"Uh...thanks?.....on what?"

"You're pregnant." Her jaw drops. "You're still very early I assume, though it's hard to tell because your birth control messes with your period." She covers her mouth, looking over at Bobby. He stares at the ground, unsure of what to do. "I can see this is difficult news for both of you. I'll hurry this up so you and your boyfriend can discuss this." She covers her face, trying to stop the room from spinning.

********

"What am I gonna do?? I don't want to do this, I don't want this. But he does. What if he tries to make me keep it?? Or he keeps it and we break up? I'll still have this kid running around that wants to know who it's mom is. Do I not tell him? What do I do??"

"Dinnae ken, lass. I wish I had an answer for you. But I do think you need to tell him." 

"If I tell him he's gonna get happy and excited. Then he's gonna be crushed when I tell him I don't want to keep it."

"So you're thinking adoption or termination?"

"Termination, I can't do a pregnancy. I don't want to be pregnant. I knew I should've died a virgin. Dammit!"

"Relax! You're getting yourself all worked up."

"I think I have a right to get worked up." 

"You do, but you can't. He has a right to know though."

"Bobby, he's gonna want this kid. He wants this, especially with me. He's gonna fight to keep it...and it's gonna break us. Again. This is where I lose him. This is the part where he starts to hate me for not wanting kids."

"He's not gonna hate you, he loves you."

"Because of the unknown. Now it's not unknown. He's gonna be happy that I'm pregnant with his kid because he wants that. And then when I tell him I don't want it it's gonna crush him. It's gonna break us apart. I'm going to hurt him. Either I keep it and be unhappy or don't keep it and break us up."

"Adilynne, take it slow. Stop worrying about the future. Worry about the now. You need to decide if you're going to tell him or not...I told you my opinion but this is your body. You make the choice." She covers her face, laying down in bed.

"Bobby, I'm scared. My life is gonna end one way or another and no matter what, it's gonna hurt." 

"Adilynne, we've got this. No matter what happens with this you know you have me and a lot of other people standing behind you. I promise, everything is gonna turn out okay in the end. It's gonna get really hard and then it'll get better. I'm right here the whole time." She sighs, wiping a fallen tear away.

"I know you will...I just didn't expect to lose him yet." Bobby takes her hand, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry. Maybe you won't, you two worked through it last time."

"Barely. A month later he almost hooked up with another woman."

"Good point. But you did make it. Maybe you'll make it this time too."

"I hope so...I'll tell him tonight after our act." She looks out the window. "He's always in a really good mood after our act." Her lip was sore from chewing on it so much, she ignored the pain anyway.

********

"Addy!" Arjun and Tim run over to her as she hits the ground. Arjun kneels, starting to look over her.

"Where does it hurt?" Wincing, she gently holds her wrist up.

"It's just my wrist. I think I landed on it when I fell." Rohan and Talia make it down just as Bobby runs out. 

"Babe, are you okay???"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just my wrist." Arjun gently looks over her wrist, making her wince every time he moves it. 

"You need to go to the doctor." Tim advised. Tim and Bobby help her stand up, taking a step back to give her space. Rohan looks at her worriedly.

"Here, we'll go right now."

"No, you're staying and finishing."

"They just saw you fall, I think they'll understand."

"Rohan, I said no. We're only down one, you two can finish. It's just my wrist, I'll be fine."

"Addy-"

"Now. I'm fine, nothing to stop everything for. Go." He sighs. "Don't make me kick your ass with a fucked up wrist."

"Alright, alright. Text me? Can I come after the act?"

"You've got to be here for the finale. I'll text you with anything new and shit. I promise."

"Fine. If you're still there when we get done I'll come see you."

"Okay. That's fine. Just finish it." He kisses her gently.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He looks at Bobby. 

"Find someone to go with her. I've got to go on."

"Got it, mate." He walks with her off stage, the audience clapping. "Why are they clapping? You just got hurt." Tim smiles.

"People do that when someone gets injured. If they see them get up and walk away or something it's like an encouragement thing."

"Americans are weird." Arjun chuckles.

"Right, moving on. Us three are still in the show so who are we sending with her?" Bobby looks around, frowning. 

"Oh. Gary! He's not in the show and Rohan and him are pretty close. He'd trust her with him." Addy smiles.

"Trust me with him?"

"Aye. He knows Gary'll take care of you. Plus, I trust him too. We share a RV with the lad."

"Right. He's usually by the lights. But I'm guessing he'll be here-"

"Addy, are you okay?"

"Now." She smiles at him. "I'm fine, but I think my wrist is broken. I'm making this lot stay behind to finish the show. Can you take me to the hospital?"

"Of course, let's go." She sighs with relief.

"Thanks, hun." She smiles at Arjun, Bobby and Tim. "You three finish this off. I'll keep everyone updated." 

"Ro and I will be there ASAP. Be careful." Bobby replies, pointing at her. 

"I will. Bye." They make it outside to the car. Wincing, she places a hand over her stomach. 

"Addy, are you okay? What's wrong??" She takes a deep breath, standing up.

"Don't worry about it. Hospital. Now." 

*******

"Fill this out, please." Grudginly she takes the papers. Gary rolls his eyes, following her to the waiting room. Another sharp pain makes her stop, taking another deep breath in the middle of filling out paperwork.

"Addy, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just a little nauseous. I'll be fine." Her stomach cramps again, making her gasp.

"Addy, something is wrong. You shouldn't be hurting like that." She shakes her head.

"I'm fine." She sits up when it passes. She closes her eyes, slowing her breaths. Another cramp hits harder, making her wince and drop the clipboard. 

"Adilynne. Something isn't right, you need to be seen now." She nods, standing up. She doubles over, crying out in pain. The nurse at the front desk sees Addy look down at her legs, blood flowing down. Looking up and she meets her eyes.

"I need to be seen now. L&D." The nurse nods, picking up the phone. She motions another nurse to escort her in. 

"L&D? Like Labor and Delivery?"

"Yeah."

"Are...you pregnant?"

"Not now Gary." She winces again, gripping his arm. Before long the doctor comes in with an ultrasound machine. Gary stands up.

"I'll be outside. I'm not down to see this one." She grabs his wrist quickly.

"Please don't. Just cover your eyes when he puts it in. Please?" He sighs, sitting back down.

"Alright. I still don't get why they have to use the dildo cam...it's weird." The doctor looks at them, smiling. 

"Alright, do we have a due date?"

"No, not yet. I just found out today." She looks up at the ceiling.

"Okay. Let's take a look then. This is gonna be cold and you're going to feel pressure. After a minute you'll get used to it." Gary's eyes go wide when he sees the camera wand the doctor took off the machine. 

"I'm never having kids. I'm not down for this part." Addy smiles.

"You're not the one that has to do this." He watches the doctor roll on a condom on the camera, adding gel to the top. He covers his eyes.

"This feels wrong to watch." Addy laughs, patting his hand.

"It's just standard practice for the first ultrasound. Relax, hun. I'll let you know when it's safe."

"Okay, you're gonna feel some pressure now." She closes her eyes, looking up at the ceiling. The silence drags on, making her anxiety flare up. After a minute she looks at the doctor, seeing a solemn expression. 

"Doctor..." 

"Sometimes it takes a minute to find it." She looks up at the ceiling, talking herself through it. _**No big deal. It's tiny right now, right? It might not even have a heartbeat, it takes time to find it sometimes...why am I scared it's not there anymore? I didn't want it...so why am I worried it's not there?**_ Several agaonzing minutes later the doctor removes the camera. After throwing out the condom and cleaning off the camera she looks at Addy. "Unfortunately I couldn't find anything. You've had a miscarriage. I'm sorry." Addy kept looking up at the ceiling, clinging to Gary's hand. "I'll give you a few moments." Gary squeezes her hand gently, his eyes reminding her of a sad puppy.

"Addy? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I never wanted kids anyway." She clears her throat. "Don't tell anyone. I hadn't talked to Rohan about it yet. Bobby is the only other person that knows...how long until the show is over?" Gary looks at his watch. 

"Should be done in about 10 minutes."

"Okay...can I have a few minutes alone?"

"Of course. Text me when you're ready." He turns at the door. "What do you want me to tell the boys when they get here?"

"If you can manage, get Bobby alone and tell him. I don't want to see Rohan yet."

"Okay..." He gives her a faint smile, leaving the room. She covers up, turning onto her side. She stares at the empty screen, trying to process her feelings. _**Why does this hurt? Why am I so upset about this? There's nothing there anymore...I'm not pregnant anymore...problem solved, right? I should feel relieved. I don't want kids. I don't want to do the mom thing...then why am I crying about something I knew about for a few hours?**_ She wipes her face, looking up at the screen.

********

"Oi, Gary!" They walk over to him. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Uh, Rohan. She wanted me to ask you to go call her dad and tell him what happened. Emphasize she's okay."

"Of course, I'll call him right now." Gary pulls Bobby to the side, a strange look in his eyes.

"Mate, what's wrong?" After making sure Rohan was out of ear shot he sighed, meeting Bobby's eyes. 

"Bobby, she had a miscarriage."

"What? Is she okay?"

"I don't think so. She looked...hurt. But she didn't want to talk to me about it."

"What was she crying?"

"No. She just stared at the ceiling." Bobby sighs. "She doesn't want to see Rohan yet...but you should go in there. She shouldn't be alone right now." He runs his hand through his hair.

"Yeah, alright. Just come up with something when Rohan asks."

"Got it." 

*******

"Gary, I told you to give me a few minutes." Her voice was shaky and fierce.

"Good thing I'm not Gary then." Her head snaps up, looking at him. 

"Bobby..." Her eyes water, her voice cracking. "I..." Quickly walking over, he pulls her into a hug while carefully avoiding her injured wrist.

"I know, Gary told me." She sniffles, tears flowing down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, lass." 

"Why am I so upset? I didn't want it, and now it got taken care of on it's own. I should be relieved."

"It's normal to feel this way. Even if you didn't want kids. You lost something, rather you wanted it or not it was there. It was a part of you." She leans into him, trying to keep control over herself. 

"I didn't expect it to hurt...hearing that it wasn't there anymore...it hurt."

"I know. It's okay though." He leans back against the bed, holding her close. He waits until she calms down, handing her a tissue. "Lass...you know I have to ask the hard question." She looks up at him.

"I don't know if I'm gonna tell him. I don't want to right now no matter what. I want to wait until I process this better then I'll decide if I'm gonna tell him or not."

"Okay. We can do that." She lays her head back down, looking at her wrist. 

"I wish they'd come fix this so I can go home."

"Want me to ask them about it?" She thinks a minute, sitting up. 

"Yeah." He waits until she looks less like she was crying, wiping her face gently. "You can send Rohan in now."

"Okay." The dreadful feeling this wasn't going to go well took over. "Hey, we're gonna be okay, right?"

"Right. Thanks." She forces a smile as he walks out. "Son of a bitch." _**I have to tell him, right? He deserves to know. If I hide this he's gonna actually hate me when he finds out.**_

"I talked to your dad, he said keep him updated." She smiles at him.

"Okay."

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

"I'm fine." He gets into bed next to her, laying her head down on his chest. She sighs, cuddling as close as she could. 

"Addy..."

"Yeah?"

"What is a ultrasound machine doing in here?" 

"Oh, uh, the x-ray machine was backed up and I told them I wanted out of here ASAP so they just used that to look at my wrist."

"I didn't think they could do that...."

"Neither did I." _**I'm such a horrible person. I should just tell him the truth...but I can't even form the words right now. I couldn't even tell Bobby...how am I supposed to tell him?**_


	24. February 22, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hardships are coming. Comment and kudos, loves! 😊❤

"Where's Addy?" Rohan looks around for her around the crowd. Everyone was running around prepping for their acts. "She said she'd watch me perform tonight." Jen looked around.

"I haven't seen her. But if she said she'd watch she'll be here." Rohan meets her eyes.

"Jen...has she told you why she's been so distant lately?"

"No, I was hoping she told you."

"She won't talk to me. Something happened, that's all I know. She won't tell me anything else."

"She keeps telling me nothing happened, she's just having an off time."

"That's what scares me. She always lets me in when she has an off time...but not this time." Jen rubs his arm supportively.

"Give her a little more time. Maybe she'll come around."

"I'll try. I'll wait as long as she needs me to. I hope it's soon though, I don't want to lose her."

"You won't. You love each other. You'll make it." Finally finding her in the crowd, he lets out a sigh of relief.

"I hope we do." She kisses his cheek, his nerves settling down a bit.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey, I was wondering where you were."

"I was helping a few of the others with their costumes. I told you I'd watch tonight."

"I know...but I was still worried."

"I don't back out of a promise." He smiled, kissing her.

"I know. One of the many things I love about you."

"Good. Now lets make sure you're ready to go."

"Almost, I need to do one more thing."

"What is that?"

"You." Her laugh made his shoulders relax, making him smile.

"No time, babe. Sorry. But I can do this." Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kisses him deeply. Jen turns around, tiptoeing away quickly. He tangles his hand in her hair, biting her lip. A low moan escapes, making him smile.

"There's my girl I was missing."

"What do you mean? I've been here the whole time."

"I know. But lately it hasn't felt right between us for some reason...I was scared I was losing you."

"You could never lose me. I'm sorry. I've just been having a hard time, I promise I'm not going anywhere." He sighs with contentment, hugging her tightly.

"Good. I love you too much."

"I love you too, babe. Now let's get you ready." He looks into her vibrant green eyes. 

"You're gonna watch the whole thing, right?"

"Absolutely. I promise. I'll be watching the whole time."

"Good."

********

Gently pinning her against the wall, careful to watch her injured wrist, they kiss each other like they haven't seen each other in months. She wraps a leg around his waist, pushing her hips forward.

"I want you, Rohan."

"I've missed hearing you say that so much more than I want to admit." Some of the light in her eyes shine, making him smile. 

"Oh really?" She leans closer to him. "I want to feel you inside me. Now." Throwing her over his shoulder he carries her inside. She laughs when he lays her down, climbing on top of her. "Shut the door!"

"Damn it." He quickly shuts the door, taking his shirt off on his way back to bed. They quickly undress each other, taking their time when they're both fully naked. "Fuck, Addy. I missed you."

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I've been so distant."

"It's okay. You're here now." She smiles, looking into his eyes. Opening her legs, he kisses her hard. He pays attention to every inch of her body, kissing, biting, caressing every part of her. 

"Fuck." The way she moaned when he started rubbing her made him realize how distant she had been. He looked down at her flushed face, her biting her lip.

"You're so beautiful." She looks into his eyes, making his heart pound. 

"So are you. Handsome I mean." He smiles.

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes I can't believe you're mine."

"I'll always be yours. Forever, right?"

"I hope so." He saw a distant look take over in her eyes. Before she can get too far gone he kisses her, thrusting into her slowly.

"Don't pull away again. Please." The distant look quickly fades, focusing back on him.

"I'm not, I promise. I'm here." She kisses him, moaning against their kiss. Her legs wrap around his waist, arching her back. "Fuck." He grips the sheets next to her, biting her neck softly.

"Don't leave me again."

"I won't. I'm all yours." He looks into her eyes. "I'm yours forever."

"I love you, Adilynne."

"I love you too, Rohan." 

********

He watches her put on her favorite flannel and a pair of panties, frowning.

"No, the bed is cold now. Come back."

"I'm going to the restroom, I'll be right back."

"Hurry up." She rolls her eyes, smiling.

"Hey, do you know where I put my reading glasses? I can't find them anywhere."

"I have no clue, babe. Where did you have them last?"

"I don't remember, that's the problem." He looks in his bedside table, searching through his belongings. Scooting over to her side, he searches through her drawer. A paper from her hospital trip grabs his attention. He starts looking over it, freezing when he reads the diagnosis. _ **What the fuck?**_ She walks out to see him with papers in his hand. "What's that?" His jaw clenches, him refusing to meet her eyes. "Babe? What's wrong?" He tosses the papers down so she could look at them, her face going pale. 

"When were you gonna tell me you were pregnant?"

"I don't know."

"Where you even going to tell me?"

"I mean, of course I was. There was just some debate on when." He gets up, getting dressed. "How long did you know?"

"I found out that day."

"So you knew before you got hurt?"

"Yes."

"And why hadn't you told me?? Why would you go on knowing you were pregnant?Were you gonna tell me at all?"

"I was trying to work through it all. I didn't know how to tell you. It was a lot to take in."

"How many different ways is there to say 'hey, I'm pregnant.'? What did you plan on doing with it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were you gonna keep it or abort it and tell me after it was done? Or were you not gonna tell me at all??" She frowns.

"I get you're upset but don't be so cruel."

"I'm being cruel? You hid the fact you were pregnant with my baby, from me! How am I the cruel one??"

"I was gonna tell you! I was still working through it, it hurt me more than I thought it would! I didn't know what to do!"

"You were upset you lost it?" _**So what does that mean then?**_

"Yes. I don't know why, but yes. That's why I've been distant lately. It's been bugging me and today was the first day I felt like everything was going to be okay."

"So what does this mean?"

"For what? What does what mean?"

"Does this mean you liked the idea of us having a baby?"

"What, no!"

"So you still don't want kids, even after it bothered you that you lost our baby?"

"It hurt but I still don't want to do it. I don't want to be a mom, that's not my thing."

"So what did you plan on doing when you were pregnant?"

"I don't know! I was only pregnant consciously for a few hours! I hadn't thought of a plan yet."

"Wait, how did you find out?"

"When I went to the doctor that morning."

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you talking about when you and Bobby went to the minute clinic?"

"Yeah...that's why I was so tired. I was pregnant."

"Did Bobby know?" She just stares at him, her arms crossed. "Did Bobby know you were pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Did he know about the miscarriage too?"

"Yes."

"That's why you've been clinging to him. I am so stupid."

"What?"

"I was stupid to think that he would actually have my back. He helped you hide this from me. It's pretty clear who he actually supports."

"That is not true and you know it. You know he supports both of us, if anything he's the one that supports us together the most."

"Really? Is that why he didn't tell me you were pregnant and had a miscarriage when it was obvious you weren't gonna tell me?"

"I told you I hadn't figured out how!"

"It's not hard, Addy! Just fucking say it! What else have you hidden from me?"

"Nothing! That's it!"

"Are you sure? No affairs, no secret tattoos, no double life, no more pregnancies?"

"Wow. That is low."

"No, what's low is you and my best friend hid the fact that we were having a baby! You hid the fact that we lost that baby and I didn't even know about it! I didn't get my chance in this one! I didn't get my time to grieve over losing it! But you and Bobby had plenty of time to grieve over it together! Why have me in the picture at all then?? Why not just be with him since he's the one you trust with everything!" He puts on his shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"So why are you leaving then?"

"Because I can't look at you right now."

"Rohan, please don't go." He shakes his head.

"No, fuck this. No. I can't right now. I'm done."

"What do you mean done?" He looks at her.

"I'm done, Addy. I'm tired of competing for your attention, I'm tired of you running to him with everything and you can't even tell me about my kid. I'm tired of him being treated like the boyfriend and I get treated as the friend. I'm done." He opens the door.

"Rohan!" She runs after him down the hallway. "Stop, please. Talk to me."

"Oh now you want to talk to me? You didn't want to talk to me the past two weeks!"

"I was going to I just didn't know how or when!"

"Whatever, Addy." She grabs his hand, making him look at her.

"No!" Her eyes started watering. "You can't just walk away from this, from us. We've fought too hard to get here. You just told me that we were in this forever. You can't just walk away now. Not like this, not now." He shakes his head, pulling his hand away.

"You're not even the same person to me anymore. I can't even look at you right now." He turns around, calling over his shoulder. "Don't expect me back any time soon." The tears started falling. 

"Rohan! Wait!" He ignores her. "Rohan!" He turns the corner, her chest aching. She leans against the wall, sliding down to the floor. She covers her face, trying to control the sobs. 

"Addy..." She looks up to see everyone looking out of their rooms at her. Bobby takes a step towards her.

"Don't. Don't come near me." 

"Why? What did I do?" 

"Enough." She sniffles, covering her face. "You've done enough." 

"Lass, please."

"Don't! He found out everything. And now he hates me." She tries to control her sobs.

"Addy, come on." Arjun kneels next to her. "Let's get you back in your room." 

"What if he comes back and sees you there?" 

"I don't think he's coming back tonight." She hugs herself tightly, trying to stop the pain from spreading. He picks her up, carrying her to her room. He looks at everyone watching them. "Go back to your rooms. Now." As soon as she gets to the bed she curls into a ball, burying her face in the pillows.

"He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you. He's just feeling a lot right now."

"No, he hates me. And he has every right to hate me. I'm a horrible person."

"No you're not. You're an amazing person, he doesn't hate you. He loves you."

"Arjun, he hates me! I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby all in one day. And I didn't tell him any of it!" He stares at her in shock.

"You were pregnant? When?"

"Two weeks ago. When I got hurt." She sniffles, hugging herself. "I lost the baby while at the hospital."

"So is that what the fight was about?"

"Yeah. And Bobby. Bobby knew because he was there when I found out. At the time I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant so he was the only one, besides Gary, that knew about the miscarriage. I was gonna tell Rohan, I just couldn't figure out when...I guess it wouldn't matter when. This was bound to happen."

"Addy, stop that. This is a hard situation. You've had two weeks to process this, he just found out. Give him some time and he's gonna come around to it. I know he is. He'll come around and you two will work through this."

"How do you know?"

"Because you two love each other." She looks at her phone, staring at the picture of them. _**But sometimes love isn't enough. I betrayed his trust...he's not gonna want to be with me now. And I don't blame him, I wouldn't want to either.**_


	25. February 23, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda feel bad for making them hurt...but then again ell well. 😊❤

Staring out the window, she hugs her knees to try and stop the pain from spreading further.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"I have a few things to do and I could use your help."

"No thank you. I don't feel like doing anything."

"Alright, I don't want to leave you alone so I want you to come with me. Please?" She shakes her head.

"What if he comes back and I'm not here? What if he sees me with you and thinks I'm with you too? I don't want to leave." 

"Okay." He lays back on the bed, pulling out his phone. 

"What are you doing?"

"I'm playing this game Tim told me about. It's about these people that get put in a house together for a month to find love. It's pretty fun, except I can only play as a girl. So it's a bit weird being a girl but you know. It's fun otherwise.". 

"I fucked up, Arj. Bad. He hates me now."

"I don't think he hates you, I think he just needs time to cool off. He seemed really upset, just let him cool off."

"He was. He hates me, he's never talked to me like that."

"He doesn't hate you. I promise." 

********

He winces when the sun hits his eyes. 

"Fuck." It takes a few blinks for his eyes to adjust. He looks over seeing a blonde with short hair and tattoos on her arms. "Who the fuck are you??" She sits up, looking around.

"What? What's happening?"

"Um, who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Jo." 

"Uh...stupid question....why are we in bed together?" Her lips caress his exposed skin, leading up his neck.

"I think you know the answer to that." Standing, he pushes her off.

"Woah, you're gonna have to stop that."

"Why? You're the one who invited me to your bed." He glances around the room, frowning.

"This isn't my room."

"Yes it is, you got it last night. Were you really that drunk?" 

"No shit! You gotta go, you need to go. Now." He quickly gets dressed.

"Why?"

"I can't have my girlfriend find out about this."

"I thought you two broke up. That's why we hooked up." He shakes his head.

"I didn't mean that. We just got in a fight. Look, I love her. We have some problems right now but I do love her."

"Aww, that's so sweet." 

"Thanks, can you go now?" She rolls her eyes, getting up. 

"Fine, fine." He investigates the hallway quickly, turning to see her inches from him again. "I had fun last night. If you ever need another hook up, call me."

"Yeah, probably not but thanks." She reaches out to hug him. "Nope, not going there."

"Right." She turns and walks away. The regret he felt kept getting worse and worse, not helping the headache he had at all.

"What the fuck did I do?"

********

"Addy, can I ask for a little more information about this situation?"

"What do you want to know?"

"How long had you known you were pregnant?"

"A few hours. I found out the same day I lost it."

"How long has it been since then?"

"Two weeks."

"And Rohan was upset you didn't tell him when you found out about both the pregnancy and miscarriage?"

"Yeah. And that Bobby knew and he didn't."

"But Bobby only knew because he went to the doctor with you that morning, right?"

"Right. I didn't seek Bobby out to tell him. He even kept telling me to tell Rohan. I just...I didn't know how. I knew he wanted kids with me but I didn't. I figured this would break us up no matter what. He's also mad at Bobby because he should've told him he knew."

"You asked him not to though, right?"

"Yeah, exactly. He was just doing what I asked. That's another reason Rohan is mad. He says I put Bobby above him, that Bobby is treated like the boyfriend and he's treated like the friend."

"Do you think that's true?"

"I mean, I didn't. But maybe he's right."

"Well why do you think that is?"

"I don't know...I guess I just feel more comfortable telling Bobby stuff because he's not my boyfriend...do you think I'm in the wrong?" He sighs, setting down his pen.

"I think you're both in the wrong. Both of you made mistakes in this whole situation. You should've trusted Rohan more and made him you're number one. And he should've been understanding that this has been really hard on you and you just needed time. I'm sure you would've told him when the time was right. But you really do need to start going to him, not Bobby. Bobby can be your friend still, but turn to Rohan first. He's your partner, Bobby isn't."

"I didn't mean to make it seem like that...I love Rohan not Bobby."

"I know. I think you two need to sit down and talk this out."

"How when I have no clue where he is??"

"I'm not saying right now, just soon. He probably needs a bit more time." She groans, rubbing her face.

"I'm gonna go take a shower. I can't just sit here."

"Okay. Are you sure?"

"Positive. I'll find you afterwards."

"I'll be here."

********

"Hey, asshole." He turns to see Bobby walking over to him. "You wanna tell me why you dumped her like that?"

"I think you know why."

"Because you found out about the baby, right?"

"The baby you knew about the whole time?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you. She needed to be a big girl and tell you herself. She was your girlfriend not me."

"If she's my girlfriend then how come she runs to you with everything and leaves me in the dark?"

"Dinnae ken, maybe she feels like she can't talk to you. Which after last night I wouldn't blame her from hiding it."

"You think she should've kept hiding it?"

"At this point, yes. Ro, she was completely scared when she found out. The very first thing she thought about was it was going to make her lose you. She said you were gonna leave her and that scared her more than anything. I told her to just talk to you but she was too scared. And then when she lost it it crushed her. She was so confused when she was hurting because it wasn't there anymore. And then it went back to losing you. The past two weeks she's told me everyday she's not ready to lose you yet. She wasn't ready to let this go and you let it go anyway. Did you stop to think about how she was feeling?"

"How am I supposed to think about that when I just found out she was having my baby?"

"Because she straight up told you it hurt and you brushed by it and went straight to the whole kids thing again." Rohan looks at him a minute.

"She was more scared to tell me because she knew I'd break up with her?"

"Yes. She is head over heels, completely sunshine on a cloudy day, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in love with you. I get her secrets, sure. But I also get to hear how goddamn lucky you are she chose you. I have to hear her talk about every detail of your relationship, give her advice on what to do, how to tell you stuff. You are everything to her. And you tossed her aside like she was nothing. And yesterday she thought you had a chance. She felt like maybe you two could make it. It was the first time since she felt confident that you two could make it. But instead you broke up with her."

"But she's not nothing. She's everything to me. How was I supposed to know all of this when she went to you not me?"

"Stop flipping out every time she comes to you about something and that'll change. Hear her out before you start yelling." He looks down at the ground.

"Bobby, I have to fix this. How do I fix this?"

"I can't answer that for you. You have to do this on your own. She won't talk to me now because of you so I can't help you."

"Fuck, I'm such an idiot."

"I know."

"Where is she now?"

"I saw her downstairs with Arjun."

"Fuck, okay. I've got to fix this." He runs off, bumping into Blake. 

"Rohan, why are you running?"

"I need to go talk to Addy."

"Wait!" He turns to look at her.

"What?" Her nose scrunches in disgust.

"You need to take a shower."

"I don't think I have time."

"I think you do, hun. How is she supposed to be able to hug you smelling like a bar." 

"Do I really smell like a bar?"

"You really _really_ do." 

"Fine, I'll go take a shower." He heads to his room, Blake running after him.

"So what are you going to say?"

"That I'm sorry for being an ass and that I love her. And then I'm gonna pray she has it in her to give me one more chance."

"You don't think she will?"

"This was supposed to be my last chance."

"Wow, you are not good at this."

"In my defense I found out a bunch of messed up stuff. I didn't handle it well, true. But she was hiding things that she should've told me about." He walks inside, taking off his shirt.

"Woah, chill."

"Sorry, but I need to hurry."

"Rohan..."

"What?"

"Were you with someone last night?" He freezes.

"Why?"

"Because you have a hickey and scratch marks..." He looks down.

"Fuck!"

"You better hurry up before she comes back. And then don't take your shirt off until they're gone unless you can convince her she did it."

"Wait, are you suggesting that I hide this?"

"As soon as she hears you fucked someone else whatever chance you have will be gone. It's gonna crush her."

"Fuck, you're right. Go distract her, I'll hurry."

********

"Blake, why are you coming out of my room???"

"I was just looking for you, I wanted to check on you."

"Oh."

"So why don't we go get some tea or coffee and talk?"

"No thanks, I need to go take a shower." Blake steps in front of her, blocking her from her door. 

"You look like you need a pick-me-up. I insist." She pushes past Blake.

"No thank you. I need to take a shower." 

"Addy, wait!" She freezes when she sees him standing there shirtless.

"Addy...what are you doing here?"

"Uh, I came to take a shower." For a minute neither of them say anything. "I'm sorry about last night...about everything. I was gonna tell you but it was so hard for me and I was scared to tell you. It went pretty much how I thought it would but I was trying to figure out a way where it didn't end like that. I'm so sorry, I meant it when I said I want forever. I mean it when I say I love you. I swear you'll be the one I go to from now on. I didn't mean to make you feel like Bobby was more important. I-"

"Addy. Can I say something?" She blushes, nodding. "I'm sorry too. It's only been a couple weeks. You said this hurt you and instead of considering that I just...I lashed out because I was hurt. I...I was hurt that we were having a baby and I didn't get a chance to cherish that moment. I was jealous Bobby knew about my kid and I didn't...I didn't get my time to mourn. I shouldn't have acted the way I did, I should've talked to you about it. So I'm sorry."

"So...does this mean I can be your girlfriend again?" He smiles.

"I would love that." She walks over to him, her arms around his neck. She smiles up at him.

"Do you still love me?"

"More than anything." He kisses her, holding her closer. She pulls away, biting her lip.

"Good. I-" Her face falls, looking at the mark on his neck. "What's that?" 

"What's what?"

"That...that's a hickey." She notices the light scratch marks on his chest, covering her mouth. "You...you were with someone last night, weren't you?"

"What? No!" 

"I didn't do that. If I didn't do that then who did?" She takes a step back, glaring at him. "You slept with someone else?" He looks at her a minute, sighing.

"Yes. But I swear it didn't mean anything, I was really drunk. I didn't even recognize her when we woke up this morning." 

"This morning?!? How long ago did you see her!?" 

"Addy, please. It was a stupid mistake, it didn't mean anything. It was an accident." 

"Oh I'm sure. You accidently whipped your dick out and accidently fucked another woman. Totally, that happens."

"It didn't mean anything, she was a rebound."

"How is that better?!? You cheated on me!"

"Well, technically no. We were broken up."

"So that means it's okay? The very same night we have a huge fight and break up that means it's okay to go pick up a whore and sleep with her!? And then come here and tell me you love me?!? You know it wasn't over for me, I was still in this. I've always been in this!"

"So have I! I am in this, I feel awful for doing that. I swear it wouldn't have happened if I was sober."

"But it did happen. I...I'm so stupid. Every. Single. Time. I should've known after Halloween."

"No, baby, please. I love you, I promise. You mean more to me than anything else. I fucked up, I did. But I promise you're who I want." He steps closer, taking her hand. "I promise I don't want anyone else. Just you. I was stupid and should've just stayed here with you. I want you forever. I'm in this, all in. I swear she means nothing." She stares into his eyes, fighting back tears.

"But you're not. If you were then you wouldn't have slept with her. If you were all in...I wouldn't be such an idiot for thinking it would be different this time. And you lied to me too."

"I was just hurt. I thought it was over between us. You seemed like a different person to me. You weren't who you were when we met."

"So you're gonna use that as an excuse to fuck someone else? You're gonna blame me for this?"

"No, not at all. I was just so drunk I convinced myself I was in the right. I was wrong, so wrong. I am so, so, so, sorry. You have to believe me." She shakes her head.

"I can't. Not anymore. Everything between us is just completely shattered now. I can't...do this anymore." Tears begin falling. "I've known for months we weren't gonna make it but I tried so damn hard to make it work anyway. Because I love you. I've been suffering for months trying to convince myself we could make it, that this was real. That what we had was real, that what you felt was real. But you keep breaking me instead...loving you is breaking me. You've broke me for the last time." 

"No, please don't. Don't end this."

"I didn't end this, you did." His eyes get glassy, his voice breaking. 

"No, Addy. Please. I love you. I love you so much. I love everything about you. I can't imagine not being with you anymore, not having you anymore. Please. I love you so much. I love waking up to those gorgeous green eyes, your beautiful smile, feeling these beautiful arms around me, hearing your heartbeat. Baby please don't." Tears stream down his face. "I need you, I don't deserve you I know. But I love you so much." He puts his hand on her cheek, leaning close to her. "Addy, please don't leave me. I'm sorry. I love you so much. I'll do anything. Anything you want. I want forever with you. Please." He leans in slowly, his lips touching hers. She pushes him off her.

"No, I'm not falling for it again. I can't do this anymore, I'm done. I'm tired of letting myself break for you! All you do is think about you! Why can't you for once think about me! If you love me then stop!" She hits his chest with her good hand. "Stop convincing me that we belong together when we don't! Stop making me feel guilty for wanting the life I want! Stop making me feel like I'm not enough! I'm done letting you crush me!" She pushes him with both hands, crying out in pain. "Fuck!" She holds her wrist, wincing. She groans angrily, pushing him again. "I fucking hate you!" She feels someone put their arms around her.

"Addy, stop." 

"No! Fuck that, fuck you, fuck him!" She fights against him.

"Addy! Stop! You're going to make your wrist worse. Stop." She leans into him, staring at Rohan's tear soaked face. She sniffles, letting out a shaky breath.

"I hate you so much. For everything. I was so stupid to fall for someone who was so selfish. I gave you everything and it wasn't enough for you. I hate that I was so fucking weak for you, I let you use me. I hate you." He gently leads her back.

"Come on, lass, let's go." She shakes her head, looking at Rohan. 

"I hate you." 

"Come on, Jen grab her clothes." He leads her out into the hallway, all their friends watching her with pity on their faces. She leans into Bobby, ignoring everyone else.


	26. March 1, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked really hard on this one. It took a lot of thought and I've rewritten it four times already. So I really hope you like this one. Comments encouraged. 😊❤

"Do you think I'm stupid for wanting him still?"

"No. You love him. That doesn't go away because you aren't together anymore."

"Do you think he still loves me?"

"Of course he does. He's stupid and didn't know how to love you...but I have no doubt he loves you."

"What makes you so sure?" He thinks a minute, looking at his drink.

"I've never seen him cry."

"Wait, ever?"

"Never ever."

"What if he was crying because I caught him and he couldn't trick me anymore?"

"We'll come back to that trick thing in a minute. But he stood there, letting you hit him and push him. He knew he fucked up and knew you had every right to be that angry with him. I heard it in his voice when he said he loved you that he meant it."

"Was everyone listening?"

"You did leave the door open...."

"So? Y'all could've kept walking."

"But if we had you're wrist would be even more fucked up. If I hadn't pulled you away when I did you wouldn't have stopped hitting him." A couple of the others pass by them, sympathy in their eyes as they looked at her. Lottie squeezed her hand gently.

"Hi, hun...how are you holding up? Are you okay?" She groans angrily, pulling her hand away.

"Stop talking to me like that!"

"Like what?? I'm worried about you."

"Like I'm a child! I'm not a child!"

"But you look so hurt."

"I am hurt. More hurt than I've ever been. Of course I'm gonna be hurt, I love him. With every fucking fiber of my being. But I know that I deserve better. So no matter how much this sucks, I'm not caving. I'm not a child, I'm not a love sick teenager. I'm not this innocent little thing that needs to be looked after. I'm a grown ass woman with a broken heart. But broken heart or not, I don't need sympathy. I need you to pull me up, not pat my head. So if you want to help, stop babying me." She turns and walks away angrily.

********

"Dude, what are we gonna do about this?" Tim looks at Arjun.

"I have no clue. I don't even know what to say. I don't think there's anything we can do."

"Addy's yelling at everyone, Rohan is locked in his room and refuses to come out, neither of them can be in the same room, both refuse to go on. If we don't do something soon then this is gonna be it, this is gonna be the end of all this." Arjun sighs.

"I don't know what to tell you, Tim. What can I do?"

"I don't know but do something! You're the one in charge here!" He shrugs, shaking his head. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to do yet." He rolls his eyes, storming out of the office. Rahim frowns.

"What's going on? Why do you look so pissed?"

"The circus is falling apart and Arjun isn't doing anything. If we don't do something soon that's gonna be it for us."

"So what do you want to do?"

"What I want to do is yell at them for this shit. I want to tell them off for this."

"I don't think yelling would help much. We all kind of feel the same way though. We're all thinking the same thing." Tim chews on his lip a minute.

"Then let's do just that."

"Do what?"

"Have an intervention."

"With everyone?"

"Just the people they're closest too." Rahim smiles.

"Tell me when and I'll spread the word." 

*******

He looks around at the others sitting there: Noah, Rahim, Jen, Hope, Blake, Lottie and Gary. A second later Bobby walks in with Addy behind him. She looks around at everyone nervously.

"What's going on?" Tim smiles.

"What? We're just hanging out." She follows Bobby to sit down on the couch. The door opens again, Jakub following Rohan in. Him and Addy meet eyes, making him frown. He goes to turn around before Jakub stops him.

"Nope, turn your ass around. I'm not playing games anymore."

"Why? What's going on?" Tim stands up.

"I'm done with your shit. From both of you. I'm done with this fucking drama." They both stare at him in shock. "Sit down." Rohan chooses a spot on the other side of the room, away from Addy. "Look, we get that this is really hard for both of you. We don't know the details obviously and we don't need to know. We can see you both are hurting so much and we feel for you and we want to support you. We know there is no answer on how to do this, but at the same time you both are ripping us apart." Talia leans forward.

"He's right. I am so sorry both of you are going through this, I love you both so much. But neither of you can be around each other, none of us want to go without either of you but if this doesn't stop that's it for us. How can we ever make this work if you two refuse to even look at each other." Gary scratches his head.

"We're not saying become best friends. We just need this to be amicable. We need it where you two can be around each other and not fight."

"And if you need a few more days then fine. But we need to make this work one way or another. If either of you leave then we all walk too. So it's up to you two to decide how you want this to go. Do we fix this and stay together or do we all go our own ways?" Hope added. 

"Y'all would just abandon Arjun like that? Without question?" Addy asked. Jen shrugs.

"You aren't giving us a choice. We know instead of talking one of you would leave and we refuse to let it happen. We need both of you or we aren't complete." 

"So you're going to force us to talk? Even though we hate each other?" 

"We don't hate each other, Addy. You hate me."

"And I have a right to. I'm not sure why it matters so much to you, you have no problems moving on. Go find another slut to fuck."

"I've already told you a thousand times it was just rebound sex. I had just found out one of my best friends found out about my baby before I did and no one told me when you found out or when you lost it. I was left in the dark when I was supposed to be the one you turned to. But you always run right to Bobby, it's like I don't exist sometimes. And this whole thing just proved how little I actually meant to you. So why do you care so much I slept with someone else when you have Bobby?" Bobby frowns.

"Ro, you know damn well it isn't like that. She turns to me because I'm the only one that doesn't make her feel bad for feeling everything she's feeling. You always pick a fight when she tells you anything so how is she supposed to keep coming to you when she knows it's not gonna end well? You want her to keep setting herself up to hurt more?"

"You can say it's not like that but that's how it feels. I know there's nothing there but you're still her number one. How am I supposed to react when I know she went to you first? It's almost like she goes to you for permission to tell me. Which I realize doesn't happen but that's what it feels. She's so damn dependent on you it's like she's dating both of us. She can't make one choice without your opinion, even when it came to our relationship."

"Like you never asked?"

"Once in a while sure. But it was every single day. She keeps telling me she gave me everything but doesn't see what I've given." She frowns at him.

"What do you mean?" He sighs, meeting her eyes.

"Before I met you I had all the freedom in the world. I had my own stuff and my own place. But when you came with us it was equal to us getting an apartment together. Which I'm not upset about at all, I loved sharing everything with you. But I dove straight into this without second thought. I immediately gave you my heart, which I still don't regret. But then the woman I gave all of me to keeps running to another man about every tiny thing. He's even talked to your dad more than I have. I'm the boyfriend. I'm the one that's supposed to be involved in your life as much as Bobby is. You would come to our bed at night and say you love me then turn over and text him about something we talked about. There were no boundaries." She chews her lip, fighting the tears. Hope talks softly.

"Addy...I'm not picking sides. I love you both and I support you both. But he has a point. There's still things he did wrong too, I'm not saying he's innocent at all. He's not. But you do depend on Bobby for everything. Which can be sweet at times, it's adorable. But, hun, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. Don't lean on Rohan and don't lean on Bobby. Having him there to support you is great, everyone needs a friend like that. But he needs to stand one step behind you so you stand by yourself. If you aren't happy with you and can't hold yourself up, how is any relationship going to work?" 

"I do love myself. I'm trying to stand on my on two feet but my life is completely upside down right now. I don't know if I'm swimming towards the surface or the deep end. Am I just supposed to swim alone until I figure it out?" 

"Of course not. You still have all of us there. We'll still point to the light when you need help finding it, but this is a journey you have to do alone. Start making your choices on your own. It's not gonna be easy but it's definitely necessary. We're not abandoning you, we're not leaving you in the dark waters by yourself. We're still here, all of us not just Bobby. We've got you, babe. If you fall, we're going to be there to catch you. Just because you decide what to do for the day or where to go on your own doesn't mean you'll walk alone." Noah points to Rohan.

"And you too. You've always been independent and confident. We loved that about you, we encouraged you to be independent. But since Addy all you do is what you think she wants you to do. Every second of every day is together. You don't do your own things anymore. You need to relearn who Rohan is without Addy. Guys night and girls night once every two weeks isn't exactly doing things on your own. Play basketball again, go on runs again, watch baseball again, do that silly rap thing with Tim again. Do what you like to do for you. Take this time for you." 

"We're all standing right behind you two. We aren't leaving you two behind, we'll always be here no matter what. But instead of crying over what was, look to what could be. Look in front of you so you don't trip because you were looking behind you. You'll miss everything in the now. And now that we know...we're sorry about the baby. Greif isn't something you should do alone. Even if it's just letting one of us sit there and not talk, we'd love to support you. This is a big impact for both of you that you shouldn't be suffering alone. Trust me, I've been there." Addy meets Blake's eyes. "I've had a miscarriage too. I know what that feels like. And before it gets asked it wasn't Bobby's it was before the circus." Bobby smiles.

"I'm really glad you cleared that up, I was about to be hella mad." 

"I know, that's why I said it. Now back to them." He sighs, looking at both of them.

"I didn't mean to come between you two. I genuinely wanted you two to work out, that's why I kept letting her come to me. I thought since I know you both so well I'd be a good buffer to help solve problems. I didn't mean to make you feel left out, Rohan. I really was just trying to help. I knew how much you love her and I wanted you to be happy. I didn't think about how it made you feel. And I guess I took on the roll of protecting her a little too seriously. It's hard not to when she acts like an angry toddler all the time." She hits his arm. "Ow, I'm just saying. You give me 'damsel in distress' vibes and I feel like I need to protect you. But I can't protect you forever. Your dad took a big step and set you free to be on your own but instead of you being on your own I took you in. You're dad knew you needed to learn to stand on your own." She sniffles, rubbing her nose. She looks at Rohan.

"I still hate you and I still want to punch you...but after all that I think we owe it to them to at least play nice. We won't find friends like this anywhere else." He sighs.

"I don't like admitting it but you're right. So no more yelling, no mare accusations, no more name-calling."

"You never called me any names."

"To your face." She glares at him. "But I'm sorry for that. Let's just play nice so no one has to go anywhere. So we can all stay together. Deal?"

"Deal." Tim lets out a dramatically loud groan.

"Fucking finally! I can breathe! Don't make me do this again, it goes against my go with the flow nature. You're fucking up my vibes." Addy smiles.

"We can't have that now. So tell me more about this rap group thing." Rohan and Tim laugh, looking at each other.

"What do you say, Ro? Shall we give her a taste of our skills?" Rohan rolls his eyes.

"We were horrible rappers."

"Aw. come on. Don't diss us like that."

"Alright, alright. Just a small one though."

*******

Arjun smiles, leaning against the wall outside of the door. _**Maybe I need to let them start doing this on their own more often. They seemed to have figured out how to fix this without me. Before long they won't need me at all, not if they start doing this all the time now.**_ He sighs. _**Hopefully this stays like this.**_

********

She picks up her bag, looking at him sadly.

"Don't cry, lass. You're literally right across the hall."

"But I haven't slept alone in so long. I don't think I can. I'm used to you or Rohan being with me."

"Maybe that's why we need to do this. You can't depend on us like that, you need to learn how to smile on your own." He wipes her tears away. "You can still text me. And I'll see you first thing in the morning." She nods.

"Okay....Bobby?"

"Aye?"

"I'm scared."

"That's okay. It's scary standing alone at first, but then you discover all kinds of great things about you. Before you know it, you'll be happier alone than with us." He opens his door. "I'll see you in the morning." She nods, walking across the hall on her own. She stares at the empty room, loneliness taking over her. She lays down on the bed, curling into a ball. _**I'm all alone now. It's never been so quiet before.**_ Her door pops open, the girls pouring in. She sits up looking at them with surprise, seeing them all in their pajamas.

"What are y'all doing here?" Hope sits next to her on her bed, wiping her face.

"We told you just because you stand alone doesn't mean you'll actually be alone. We figured the first night was gonna be the hardest without the boys, so we decided to have a sleepover." She smiles at them, more tears falling. Talia sits on her other side.

"Those better be happy tears." She nods, wiping her face.

"The happiest." Jen pulls out her nail polish bag.

"Good. It's mani-pedi time." Lottie pulls out a couple bottles of wine.

"And wine time." Blake pulls out a bunch of junk food.

"And of course we have snacks because what's a sleepover without junk food?" She laughs.

"It's almost like you girls know me so well." Hope leans against her.

"We do. That's why we're here." Talia puts her arm around her.

"We're family, remember? You took a leap of faith tonight going on your own. You took a leap of faith when you broke up with Ro because you knew it wasn't good for you anymore. You took a leap of faith to trust us when we said we'd be here to point you to the light. And we're so proud of you for doing all of this." Blake starts getting glasses out for Lottie.

"Not everyone has it in them to do this. Not everyone stands on their own two feet. So that makes you a badass bitch." Lottie smirks.

"We're all badass bitches." Jen flips her hair.

"I don't need you to tell me that, I already know." The girls laugh, Addy feeling lighter than air. She looked around at her friends surrounding her. _**I can do this. As long as they're beside me I can do this. I'll make it by myself.**_


	27. April 3, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken a while to get this done. I've been picking up extra hours at work and dealing with a lot in my personal life. But I got you, babes! Comment and kudos. 😊❤

The girls were at the corner of the bar, taking another round of shots of tequila. It was a mixture between a club and a bar, more slow paced but still high energy. The girls went all out for the night, all of them glamorously dressed. Addy chose to wear a royal blue two piece maxi dress. The top was a deep v-neck crop top paired with a matching maxi skirt with a slit going all the way up on both sides. The boys, well dressed, taking up a table a few feet away. "So...you know we have to ask...how are things with Rohan?" Talia looks at her worriedly.

"It's...awkward. We're trying to stay civil so we don't have to make one of us move RV's and so we can work together again when my wrist is better."

"You got your cast off though."

"But I don't want to push it yet. It's a little weak from not being used for weeks. A weak wrist during an act that involves you being hundreds of feet in the air isn't a good choice." 

"True...but have you two talked about you as a couple?" Blake asked.

"Not really. We still avoid that conversation a lot. It's hard, I still love him. But at the same time towards the end of our relationship it just...I had this feeling. And that should've been my clue we weren't okay." Hope tilts her head.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since the baby thing it just felt different. But I kept telling myself we were good, we had a great sex life and hardly fought and everything. Things kept happening that kept making me think 'Why are we doing this? Why are we together still?' I just told myself I was being dramatic and we were gonna make it, we would be fine. But each time something happened a little more of me felt like it was breaking. And by the time we broke up...it felt like I didn't know who I was. I just felt so broken and then hearing he actually slept with someone else..." A lump started forming in her throat. "That completely broke me. We've been on the rocks for a while and I shouldn't have let it get as far as it did." Her voice cracks. "But I was so in love with him, I was so scared to not have him. And I still feel lost without him next to me...I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to do next." Jen rubs her back.

"It's definitely hard going through your first heartbreak. There's no real answer though. Everyone is different." 

"Well, how have y'all dealt with this?" Lottie sighs.

"I cursed him and slept with his brother." Blake spits out her drink, splashing Hope.

"I'm so sorry!!! I swear I didn't mean to do that!!!" Hope smiles, grabbing napkins.

"It's okay, hun. I would've done the same thing. You cursed him and slept with his brother?" Lottie smirks.

"Definitely. Best revenge sex ever. 10/10 would do it again." Talia rolls her eyes.

"Okay, well I just focused on me. Figuring myself out, a lot of soul searching." Hope shrugs.

"I poured myself into my job. I used to be a CEO for this big toy company. I eventually got burnt out on it though and joined the circus." Blake sighs.

"I downloaded tinder...a lot of one night stands." Jen smiles.

"I had a couple rebounds but not many. I really just started trying to find joy in the little things life had to offer me...and I burned his stuff in a fire pit." Lottie smiles.

"That's how you do it. Next time I can help you curse them. You're halfway there." 

"I'll be sure to remember that, Lozza. So really it depends on the person. Do you want to pour yourself into your job, have a lot of sex, curse him or do some self reflection?"

"That's a lot of options. I doubt it'll be sex though, I just can't see myself being with anyone else." Lottie takes her hand.

"Maybe that's why you should do it then...it's just been him so you don't know how great it could be with someone else if you cut yourself off. Let loose, sew some wild oats, throw caution to the wind." She laughs.

"Sew some wild oats?" Talia raises her eyebrows.

"Throw caution to the wind?" Blake frowns.

"Wait, what do you mean it's just been him??" Lottie's eyes go wide.

"I meant for like a while now it's been just him." Jen looks between them suspiciously.

"I don't believe you. I'm getting 'we're hiding secrets' vibes from you two." Addy sighs.

"He was my first partner...ever." Hope's the one that spits her drink out this time.

"I'm so sorry Talia!" Talia laughs.

"It's okay. Maybe none of us should take a drink for a while." She looks at Addy. "Are you saying he took your virginity?"

"Ugh, yes. I was a virgin until him, I know it's pathetic." The girls look at each other, seeming to have a silent conversation. "What?" Jen smiles.

"Girl, go get laid."

"What???"

"Get you a rebound or two, fuck buddy, one night stand, something. You need to see that he's not it, there's other options."

"I don't wanna sleep with some stranger." Blake smirks.

"Choose someone from the circus. If he ever finds out it'll burn him too. Revenge is the sweetest medicine in situations like this." Talia tries to hide her smile.

"I love Ro, he's one of my best friends...but so are you. After all the shit he's done and that he was your first I say go for it." 

"Who would I even sleep with? Aren't all of you interested in guys at the circus?" 

"I mean, Gary and I are a thing so not him. Other than that, none of them are really stuck on anyone...unless people have secrets." She looks around, all the girls shaking their heads. "Good, so take your pick."

"I don't think so, I don't want things at the circus to get more complicated."

"Hun, we've all dated each other's exes. It's hard not to when the circus are the only people you see more than two weeks. We've kind of learned how to deal with it." 

"Not me, nope. I really don't think I can. I'd have to be really drunk." Blake waves at the bar tender.

"Another round of tequila and an extra two shots for her." 

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you drunk. You need some attention, girl." She blushes.

"I do not. I'm fine."

"Yeah? So tell me...when you take a shower what do you think about?" She blushes looking down. "We've all done it, don't be ashamed. You got needs that need met."

"You girls are going to get me in trouble." They hear laughter, looking over to see the boys laughing about something. Talia nudges her.

"So who do you want? We got tips for all of them." She shakes her head, downing two shots. "Yes, girl. Let loose and have fun." She looks back over at the boys.

"I honestly don't know. Who do I have the most chance with?" Blake looks over the boys.

"Noah and Jakub definitely. They've been very up front on what they think about you. Jakub sleeps with literally anyone though, so I don't think he'd be a good choice for you." Hope smiles.

"Arjun and Tim too. They won't say it but they both stare a lot."

"Arjun is my boss! I can't do that!"

"Hey, get it where you get it. He won't be mad. It's happened before."

"With who???" Jen blushes.

"We won't go there." She clears her throat. "Oh! Bobby...."

"He's my best friend! I don't want to ruin our friendship." Talia smiles.

"He's got a way to completely leave feelings out of it. He's great at one night stands. Don't ask how I know that." Lottie nudges her.

"Maybe we should go see who drools over you more."

"Rohan is over there."

"So? He doesn't own you."

"Isn't it mean to flirt with other guys in front of him?"

"Didn't he sleep with another woman hours after he broke up with you?" She frowns, a new surge of anger shooting through her. She turns around taking her third shot, and Lottie's second. "Damn, I like this Addy." 

"Let's do this. How do I look?" Blake moves some hair out of her face, Jen pulls out some lip gloss and applies it. 

"Now, you're perfect. Perk your cleavage and you'll have all eyes on you. Don't take too long to pick though so we can get some too." She smiles.

"I'll try not to." She fixes her tits, standing up. "Let's do this bitches."

********

"How long were you a librarian?"

"A couple years. I got a job as soon as I finished college."

"Why did you quit?"

"Honestly, I followed a girl here."

"Oh really?? Who?"

"She's not here anymore, she left a while back."

"What was her name?"

"Siobhan."

"Ohhhh....I have heard her name before. She was really close with Elisa, right?"

"Yeah, that's why Elisa doesn't hang out with us anymore. She hates me."

"Why? What happened?"

"Siobhan chose to come here but after a few months she got bored and wanted us to go back home. But by then I'd come to really like it here so I told her I didn't want to leave. She said if I loved her I'd support her no matter what choice she made, which I did. But what she meant was she wanted me to follow her around so she could pursue what she wanted. I was ready to try the long distance thing with her, I still wanted to be with her. But I didn't think it was fair that I had to give up what I wanted to do just because she couldn't decide what she wanted to do. It turned into this big thing, ending with her breaking up with me."

"Ooh, that sounds awful." She puts her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry you went through that." He smiled at her.

"It's okay, shit happens. It just means we weren't meant to be. I'm over it now but it was rough for a while." 

"I definitely understand that, in case you haven't noticed. Been through quite the test lately myself."

"But you seem to be hitting that peak point just before you find yourself."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because the first step is to see that just because your relationship ended doesn't mean everything ends. It's hard coming out of a serious relationship that you were so dependent in and having to fend for yourself. It takes a minute to see you aren't actually alone, you're just dependent on you instead of someone else." 

"I didn't think about it like that. I guess you have a point."

"Just wait and see, soon you're gonna discover or rediscover all kinds of things about yourself."

"You think so?"

"I do." Sincerity shone in his eyes, making her smile. For the first time she felt a real connection with Noah, not a spark but a connection. She shared a lot of common interest with Noah, more than she had with Rohan. Noah was handsome, smart, funny, sophisticated, caring. _**I don't know if I'd call what we have a spark...but he's more my type. Do you only get one spark in your life? Do they happen often? Will I feel a spark with anyone else?**_ Lottie put her arm around Addy's shoulders.

"Sorry, Noah. It's time I steal my girl back for a dance." He chuckles.

"Have at it, she knows where to find me if she wants to talk more." He kisses her hand, walking away. 

"You must be working some serious magic." Lottie smiled at her, noting the new color of Addy's cheeks.

"All we did was just talk. A normal conversation, not much flirting."

"It looks like more than that." The dance floor lit up in different hues of blue and purple, up beat music blasting over the speakers. Not many people were on the dance floor, giving them room to do more than just grind on each other. "So are you feeling it with him?"

"I mean, we have some sort of connection..."

"But?"

"How did you know?"

"Because I know you. Continue."

"But...how often do you get a spark? Is that common?"

"It's not unheard of to have it multiple times but there's no for sure answer. Some people only have one, some have several."

"I'm not feeling a spark with Noah. He's sexy, funny, sweet, sophisticated. We have a lot in common, we have a connection. It's just not a spark."

"I thought you just wanted sex, not a relationship."

"I mean, I do. But what if the sex isn't good because there's no spark?"

"You can have great sex without a spark."

"Really?"

"Duh. I had a lot of great sex without a spark."

"I didn't really think that was possible. Rohan said it was better with a connection."

"It is, but it's not mandatory. Are you going to talk to anyone else?"

"Maybe. Who else would I even talk to?"

"Tim or Arjun. They've both been crushing on you since day one."

"So I've heard. Have they really been crushing on me?"

"Yup. I've heard both of them say how they'd love to have a chance with you. Do you think it could happen with either of them?"

"Maybe. Probably not Tim. He's really sweet but not my type. Maybe Arjun." She takes advantage of the turn Lottie did, looking over at Arjun. _**Could there be something with Arjun?**_

********

At the bar she waited for her drink, leaning against the bar. A laugh from their table makes her look over, seeing Blake flirting with Rohan. A pang of jealousy shot through her, causing her to hurt. Rohan met her eyes, making her heart pound. Quickly avoiding his eyes she sits down at the bar. After the bartender puts her drink in front of her she takes a big sip.

"Can you go ahead and get me another one, please?" With a sigh she looks back down at her drink. The clink from her nail tapping the side of her glass in the background of her thoughts. _**Why do I feel like this still? We're moving on, he didn't act hurt when he saw me flirting. If he's not hurt why should I be?**_

"You alright, lass?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine." She replied without looking up.

"Are you sure? You look upset."

"Not at all, I'm great." She finally forces a smile, meeting his eyes. 

"Addy...it's me. I know you better than anyone, I know something is bothering you. What is it?" The bartender places her second drink in front of her. She shakes her head, downing her first one and picking up the second one. "Woah, slow down. I don't want to have to carry you home."

"Wouldn't be the first time you had to do that." Downing her second drink, she runs her hand through her hair. 

"Addy...please tell me." She meets his eyes, feeling the urge to tell him. She's always told him everything but admitting she was really hurt he was moving on when she'd been doing the same thing all night felt stupid. 

"It's stupid, really. I'll be fine, no worries." Blake's laugh draws her attention back to the table. Rohan looks back over at her, meeting her eyes. This time she risked holding his attention, almost wishing she never broke up with him in the first place. His smile slowly fades, his eyes softening. The ache in her heart made her look away again. 

"Addy...is it Rohan?"

"No, of course not. It would be crazy to be upset about him and Blake flirting. He's single and attractive. I've been flirting all night but you don't see him getting upset so why would I?" Bobby chews on his lip, staring at her.

"It wouldn't be stupid to be hurt over it. You're only flirting because you're trying to move on, you haven't actually moved on." She doesn't reply, his words sinking in. "Why don't we go home?"

"I don't really feel like sitting at home crying."

"Then let's get drunk instead. At least then you wouldn't have to see it." After a minute she looks back over at Rohan, looking away when he meets her eyes again.

"Okay. I can take my shoes off too, my feet are killing me." She replied with a small smile as they walk out together. 


	28. April 3, 2020: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good vibes only here! I liked writing this one, it's sweet. Comments are greatly appreciated. I love hearing what you think, what you liked or didn't like. I love knowing how you feel about everything. 😊❤

They make it back to the casino they were performing at, stopping by their rooms to grab a change of clothes before going to their RV. 

"So why are you trying to move on so bad? You don't seem ready yet."

"I don't think I am...I wasn't exactly trying to move on. I was just trying to have some rebound sex."

"You shouldn't have any problem with that then. All you have to do is go up to Noah, Tim, Arjun and Jakub and tell them you wanna fuck."

"Yeah but it just feels wrong picturing being with someone else. He's the only guy I've ever been with so imagining being with anyone else just feels wrong." Bobby nods slowly, pursing his lips. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You're making a face."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. What is it?"

"Nothing, forget it." 

"Addy!" Someone shouts for her just as they make it to the RV. 

"Rohan? What are you doing here?" He stops a few feet in front of them. "Why aren't you at the bar with the rest?"

"Why aren't you?" She crosses her arms, looking away. 

"Ro...I think we both know why."

"That's why I wanted to talk to you."

"Because I left?"

"Because of why you left. It's not gonna happen with Blake. I don't see her life that."

"Why? She's gorgeous, funny, talented. Why not?"

"Because I just don't feel that way about her. I never have, that's why we never dated before. I haven't slept with most people in the circus. I don't see them that way."

"Okay...why are you telling me this again?"

"Because you looked upset. I didn't want you to think I was gonna get with her. And I didn't want that to potentially ruin your friendship with her."

"It wouldn't have." Bobby and Rohan both cross their arms, looking at her. "What?"

"You know damn well it would've, lass. Don't even lie." 

"Okay, I would've tried not to let it. You don't need to come tell me this stuff, you don't need to defend your right to flirt." He shrugs.

"I know. I just wanted to. I don't wanna be why you hurt anymore. I've hurt you long enough." Bobby backs away to the RV slowly.

"I'm just...gonna...go in. Seems a bit...personal for me to be here." After he disappears inside they look at each other. 

"Rohan...this isn't going to be easy, I know that. I made the choice to end our relationship, I need to face that fact you're gonna one day find someone that can give you what I couldn't."

"I know that. I know we both won't stay single forever and one day we'll each find someone else...but I just don't want you to think our relationship meant so little that I'd sleep with Blake. I mean I love her but she has a reputation." She smiled.

"It never occurred to me that our relationship meant so little. I honestly think it meant as much to you as it did me...I am relieved you didn't choose to sleep with her though." 

"I'll wait for something else before I take that path."

"Okay, okay. Look...we had a really great, although complicated, relationship. We put our all into it but it just didn't work out. I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you but I do hope you find someone that gives you the life you want. So don't worry about me when you want to see someone, even just for sex. It is what it is, we're single now."

"Okay...as long as you do the same thing."

"What do you mean?"

"I know why you didn't go home with anyone."

"Oh you think so?"

"I do. It feels weird for you to imagine being with someone else. I'm all you've had so being with anyone else like that seems weird to you. Which honestly boosts my ego a little bit but moving on." She laughed, rolling her eyes. "But sex isn't always going to be emotional. Sometimes it's just sex, no strings attached. Which I support but I do hope you don't get so desperate you choose Noah or Jakub."

"Jesus Christ, I need a drink if we're doing this." She opens the door, stepping onto the stairs.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm getting a drink, like I just said. Do you want one?"

"Are you...inviting me to hang out?"

"I mean I guess so. It was bound to happen one day anyway, might as well be when I'm drunk and don't get caught in my feelings."

"Lass...you definitely get in your feelings when you're drunk. I'm down to chill with Ro but no weepy couple stuff." 

"Shut the fuck up and open a beer while I change."

"You're so damn rude sometimes. What did I do?" 

*******

"Okay, why not Noah? He's sweet!"

"But he's the type you could get serious with but he wants kids too. You'd be risking having a repeat of our relationship, you really want to do that?"

"I hate that you're right." Bobby laughed, throwing a piece of popcorn at her.

"Stop pouting."

"Fuck off. What about Jakub? He's a pro at meaningless sex. And he's really fit."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear the fit part. But his endless line of meaningless sex is exactly why. He'd treat it as like a transaction or something. He would be 100% using you to get off which I'm not okay with."

"I don't need your permission you know." 

"I know that, I'm not saying you do. But I've never liked how Jakub uses women and I don't want to see him do that to you."

"Alright, alright. I won't sleep with Noah or Jakub. Who should I sleep with then?"

"What about Tim?" Bobby suggested.

"Him and Chelsea are almost a thing. They've been talking a while but they're starting to catch feelings. I don't wanna get between them."

"Tim and Chelsea? Really?" 

"Yeah, why not? I think they're perfect for each other. They're both so optimistic and shit." Rohan added.

"Exactly why I introduced them. But they're not telling people so that stays between us."

"Fine, what about Rahim?"

"Rahim is dating Priya. I'm not sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend."

"I thought I was your best friend." Bobby crossed his arms, pouting. Rohan and Addy laugh, Addy walked over to the boys sitting on the couch.

"You are my best friend! I have more than one." She gave him a hug, making him smile.

"I'm gonna need a list of who so I know my competition." She rolled her eyes, sitting between them on the couch.

"Jesus, Bobby. I don't know. It used to be you and Ro tied for first...although it didn't seem like it." Rohan looked at her quickly.

"You thought of me as your best friend?"

"Well yeah. You were my boys, remember?" Bobby and Rohan smile at each other, shrugging.

"I mean, if I was tied with the boyfriend then he was getting a lot more special treatment. I'd say you had a favorite." 

"Bobby! Are you really suggesting I favored him just because of sex?"

"Well, that was most of the advantage he had! I can't compete with that. Well I never tried in real life." He wiggled his eyebrows, nudging her.

"Oh God, not that."

"Woah, what? Have you two slept together?" 

"In her dreams." Addy laughed, pushing him.

"Ugh, I hate you. No we haven't actually slept together."

"I feel like there's a story you two aren't telling me." He said with a smile. Biting her lip, she looked at him nervously. "What? I won't get mad. Come on." 

"I'll tell him."

"Your version would be inaccurate. You'd probably come up with all kinds of things."

"I'm gonna tell him. So remember back around New Years when she'd been acting weird?" 

"Bobby!" Rohan smiled.

"Yeah, you never told me what was wrong though."

"What's wrong is Addy is a pervert."

"Bobby! You said I wasn't!"

"I said you kind of were. I mean you did dream-" She covered his mouth.

"No!" After removing her hand, he kept talking to Rohan while stopping her from covering his mouth again. 

"She had a dream that she had a threesome with us."

"Fuck me." She covered her face. Bobby wiggles his eyebrows.

"Bet you want us to." 

"I seriously hate you." Rohan moved her hands, looking at her.

"Addy, why are you hiding? It's not a crime to have fantasies."

"Hold on, what?"

"Are you embarrassed or worried I'd be mad?"

"Kind of both..."

"Well, I'm not mad. We joked about it all the time when you weren't around. Everyone already thinks we have."

"But why?"

"Because on travel days us three were the ones in the bedroom every night. They often found both of us cuddling you and you kept referring to us as your boys." The heat in her cheeks grew, turning them bright pink.

"That did not occur to me...no one has ever brought it up to me."

"Because we told them it wasn't their business." Bobby answered.

"Why didn't you just deny it?"

"No matter what we said they're gonna think what they want to think."

"Besides, it totally ruined the innocent reputation you had. I seem to remember you not wanting to be pinned as innocent, lass." 

"I mean true, but I didn't want a threesome rumor to fix that."

"Who cares about a rumor?" Rohan asked.

"Because I tormented myself forever about that dream. Knowing all this I should've just done it like I was gonna try to. I mean then it would be true at least and lies wouldn't be spreading about me." Both boys stare at her in shock. "What?"

"You were gonna try?" Bobby asked.

"I-well...I thought about it. Hope and Lottie both tried to convince me and I almost did a few times but I always chickened out."

"Why?" Rohan asked.

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you try?"

"I didn't want you to think I wasn't happy with just you or that I wanted an open relationship or something."

"You just wanted us though, right?"

"Well...yeah. I liked the idea that you two were just mine." She rubbed her arm nervously, avoiding their eyes. "Anyway, I got over it. I don't know why it was an issue for a while but it was just a dream." 

"I would've understood you know." She looked at Rohan. "I wouldn't have been mad. It would be understandable. You never really got to experience anything before me. Makes sense you'd want to try new things." 

"Well that's a little too far out of my comfort zone. I wouldn't know what to do. Besides I don't want to chance losing either of you...again. I'd rather have you as a friend than as nothing." 

"You didn't lose me. Things have been weird but you never lost me. If you had called me at any point the past few weeks and told me you needed me or needed help I would've been there in a heartbeat. You're never gonna lose me." She sighed.

"It just felt like I did. We went from talking every day to barely being able to perform together. And that was for Talia and because we both love our act too much to let it go."

"I'm sorry it felt like that...it felt like that to me too. But I still asked about you everyday. I was still trying to make sure you were okay."

"Really?" She looked at Bobby.

"Aye. He did. Every single day I'd give him update because he'd be worried. Even in the beginning when you hated each other." 

"How did we manage to make everything so messy?"

"We're very stubborn and emotional people. We were our first loves." 

"Good point." He puts his hand on her knee.

"Look, I've said and done a lot of fucked up things since we met. But no matter what happened between us I will always love you. Which means I want you to be happy more than anything, I don't want to hurt you anymore. Tell me what it is you need from me so that you can be happy." She leaned against his shoulder. 

"Honestly? Just be like this. I want us to be close just no kissing and no sex."

"We're so good at that though." 

"Rohan!" He laughed, patting her leg.

"I'm kidding! I promise to control myself around you." 

"Good. Perv. How did I end up with two perverts as my best friends?"

"Oh am I your best friend again?"

"One of. We'll say you two are tied."

"So what you're really saying is I'm number one and Rohan is a close second? Got it." Bobby teased.

"Woah, man. Don't through me under the bus."

"I didn't. You're on the couch."

"That was terrible, Bobby."

"That was amazing and you're just jealous."

"I'm really really not. My life is in the hands of an idiot, Jesus." Bobby motions to him and Rohan.

"Actually two idiots since we're tied for first." She laughed, pushing him gently.

"Shut up, dumbass." As the night went on she couldn't help but feel happy that things almost felt normal, but a new normal. _**I've got my boys back.**_


	29. April 30, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sparks fly for Addy in this one. I wanted to incorporate a chapter that proved Rohan and Addy were managing their complicated friendship, no hard feelings. It is pretty tame but it's sweet. 😊❤

"Look, look, look. He's gonna try it on with that blonde. $5 says he fucks up again." Addy smiled, looking at Bobby.

"You're cruel. Help the guy out."

"This is so much more fun though."

"Fine, I'll help him."

"I can't see that working out."

"Watch and learn." She walked over, sitting next to Rohan. "Hey, it's you!" He looked at her confused. "You're the guy that helped me get rid of that creeper when I was waiting for my boyfriend." He smiled, raising his eyebrows. 

"Oh yeah. Did your boyfriend make it?"

"Yeah, he's waiting for me at our table. I just came to get a drink. But thank you for that."

"Uh, you're welcome. I can't stand guys that think they can just get any woman because they want her. Women aren't objects."

"Exactly!" She looks at the blonde, smiling warmly. "You better hold onto him. It's hard to find a guy like him these days. Him and my boyfriend may be the only two I've met." She looks behind the blonde, seeing another woman look at Rohan. "Otherwise I think that brunette in the red dress might be interested." She grabs her drink, waving at them as she walks away. She stands by Bobby, smiling at Rohan and the blonde talking.

"What are you doing?" 

"Just give it a minute." He places his arm around her shoulders, talking in a lower voice.

"What have you done, lass?" She wiggles her eyebrows at him.

"I'm helping him." She looked over at them at the bar, seeing the blonde lean closer to Rohan. She bites her lip, fixing the collar on his shirt.

"What did you say?"

"I gave him the good guy image."

"That never works, girls don't like nice guys."

"They do when they're the kind that don't look at women as meat. Now let's find you someone."

"Why? I wasn't planning on picking anyone up."

"Why?"

"Then you'll be alone."

"No I won't. We're here with all our friends. I'm sure I can find someone to hang out with."

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"Hun, I get you and Ro just want me to be safe but chill. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl."

*******

Talia sat with her at the bar.

"Looks like the boys are having luck." She saw them on opposite sides with the girls she helped them get, smiling.

"Guess I am a good wingwoman."

"Oh? Did you really??"

"Yeah, of course. Rohan was hopeless. He hasn't picked up a woman since that slut when we broke up. And she was easy from what I've heard so it wasn't hard to get her. He needed the help. I watched him mess it up three times before I went and helped."

"Look at you being all supportive and shit."

"We both know if he doesn't get laid regularly he gets annoying."

"True. Well, what about you?"

"Eh, no one's caught my eye yet."

"What about him? He looks like your type." She follows her eyes to see a man with short black hair and bright blue eyes.

"He is cute. I love his eyes. He's gotta be taken though, look at him."

"I don't know, why don't we go see?"

"What do you plan on doing? I don't pick up guys. I just kind of stumble on someone I wanna try it on with."

"Mhmm, follow me." They sit next to him, Addy's back turned to him. "I don't know what else to do, girl. These guys just don't know what no means I guess. All we've had hitting on us tonight are creeps." Addy smiles at her, her eyebrows raised. _**I mean she's telling the truth but it's pretty obvious what she's doing.**_

"I'm at a loss, the only thing that seems to ever work is when you're with a guy."

"Right? Shit, here comes another one." Addy follows Talia's eyes, seeing a guy walking over to them. She turns around quickly. _**Ugh, not another one. We've fought off three others.**_

"Shit." The guy stops in front of them.

"Hey, ladies. I noticed you were alone. Maybe I can keep you some company." The cute guy next to her, put his arm around Addy.

"Sorry, mate. They're taken." He looks at Talia. "Rocco said he'd be in here in a minute." Talia smiles at him.

"Thanks, hun. About time, we've been waiting on you two forever." He smiles at Addy, making her get goosebumps.

"I'm sorry I'm late, love. I hope you haven't been waiting too long." She leans into him, biting her lip. 

"Not at all, you're here now." The creep frowns at both girls.

"I find it hard to believe you have boyfriends. No man is gonna let girls like you walk around without them." A guy with brown curly hair and bright green eyes walks over to them, looking at the guy next to Addy.

"Hey, mate. What's going on?" He smiles at him.

"Rocco, about time. The girls have been waiting for us apparently." Addy smiles at Rocco, putting her hand the other guy's leg.

"Talia and I were wondering when you were gonna get here, right?" She liked at Talia. She nods in response, smiling at Rocco.

"About time, babe. Where have you been?" Rocco smiled at her, sitting next to her. He put his arm around her, kissing her cheek. 

"I'm sorry, love. Work ran late." The creep rolls his eyes, walking away. Addy lets out a sigh of relief, smiling at the guy next to her.

"Thank you so much. It was getting harder to deter them off." 

"No problem, glad I could help. I don't think I caught your name."

"I'm Addy and this is Talia." Talia waved at him, smiling at Rocco.

"For a minute I was worried you wouldn't catch on."

"Nah, it was pretty obvious what was happening when Carl was cuddled up to this bird when I know he's single." 

"Really Rocco?"

"What? All I'm saying is you're here alone. Talia, is it? I love your name, wanna dance?"

"I'd love to. See you, hun." She winks at Addy, following Rocco to the dance floor. Addy smiles at Carl.

"Carl is it? The single guy who's here alone?"

"Hey, your mate wasn't very smooth either. You moved all the way over by me just to talk about creeps."

"Really wasn't the smoothest tactic, was it?" He laughed. "I guess our mates are really bad co-pilots."

"Co-pilots?"

"Yeah. You say wingman or wingwoman when there's just one and co-pilots when there's multiple."

"I don't think that's right but it sounds cute anyway."

"Are you grafting on me, Carl?"

"I might be. Though I'm thoroughly confused."

"About what?"

"Americans don't say grafting. They say flirting."

"One of my best friends is Scottish. And I assume by your accent and the term 'Americans' you're not from here."

"You caught me. I'm from Ireland. Rocco and I both are actually."

"You alright, lass?" She turns to see Bobby and Rohan walking over, standing by her protectively.

"I'm okay, boys. Carl stopped an actual creep." 

"I don't know, Addy. We don't know him."

"That's the point of meeting someone. You usually talk to someone you don't know, hence the meet aspect of it." Bobby gives her a small smile.

"Alright, smartass. You know we have to check on you. If your dad finds out we didn't come over here he'll kill us."

"Yeah, he already wants to kill me. I can't give him anymore leverage." 

"Your interaction is starting to really confuse me." Carl admits, Addy smiles.

"I'm sorry. Carl, this is Bobby and Rohan. Boys, this is Carl. They're my overprotective friends. My dad worries about me a lot so these two are in charge of making sure I'm okay since I joined the circus." Carl nods slowly.

"Makes a lot more sense now. Well, it's nice to meet you two." He shakes their hands. "I promise we were just talking."

"Okay...well don't try anything. Keep your hands where we can see them." 

"Rohan!"

"What? We don't know what he's like."

"Ro, we can't tell her what to do. That's literally the point of picking up someone in a club. Which is why we have two blondes over there, right? Which we actually need to get back to because now they're talking to Jakub and Noah." They all turn to see the boys talking to the blondes. Addy smiles.

"I'm fine, if I'm not I'll make it known. Go get your girls back before they get taken. I can't help you again, I'm busy. Byyye." She takes Carl's hand, leading him to the other side of the club.

"So they're really protective, huh?"

"They are. They mean well but sometimes they get a little carried away. I hope they didn't scare you off."

"Not at all, it's sweet they care so much about you. To be fair, I'd act the same way. They've probably had to get rid of a lot of lads talking to you."

"I wouldn't say a lot. I was in a serious relationship for like 8 months when I first joined the circus so there wasn't any issues. But since I've been single they've had to come to my rescue a few times."

"So it's good they're around then."

"Most of the time. Everyone in the circus is really close. We're one big family, it's great."

"So how did you get into the circus?"

"Uh, truth be told...I met someone in the circus and hit it off. We kind of fell for each other pretty quickly, then Talia got hurt and they needed someone to fill in. I told them I had done gymnastics and cheerleading in high school so they asked me to fill in. I kind of just never left."

"What did you do before the circus?"

"I was going to school to become a librarian."

"A librarian? That's a helluva change in career." She laughed.

"It really is. I liked the predictable life and I love to read. So librarian made sense. I always wanted to travel though and when I met everyone at the circus I just felt like I finally found somewhere I fit in. It was impossible to leave when so many of them became such a huge part of my life."

"That's sweet. You'd have been crazy to stay home then."

"Exactly, so here we are. What do you do?"

"I'm a tech entrepreneur. I'm one of those IT guys."

"What brings you to America?"

"It started off with a holiday and then I fell for this American and never left."

"What about this American you fell for?"

"She cheated on me."

"Why didn't you go home?"

"I didn't want to. I liked my life here...minus her."

"I'm sorry...my ex that I was with when I joined the circus hurt me too. We got in a fight and he broke up with me and went and slept with someone else. The next morning he tried to hide it and get back with me but he apparently forgot about the marks she left on him."

"Ouch, that sounds horrible. How did that make working together?"

"Very difficult. It was really hard at first, we were pretty angry at each other for a while. Then we finally talked everything out and everything is good again."

"So...do you think you'll get back with him?"

"No. We had some strong feelings for each other but we both know we don't belong together, so why force it?"

"I mean, true. I feel the same way about my ex."

"It's weird at first, isn't it? You plan a life with them and then it changes in a split second."

"Yeah, you give so much of yourself to someone and they just break you into pieces."

"Exactly...is it weird we're bonding over hurting about our exes?"

"Not really, happens more often then you think."

"Yeah? I'm not much of a dating kind of person. Or sleeping around. I was basically a hermit until the circus."

"Your life before the circus sounds better and better the more you talk." She laughed.

"I know. Hiding out at home, studying to become a librarian, didn't like to go out, didn't date or sleep around. I really lived a wild life, right?"

"The craziest, I'm glad you slowed down. Who knows what kind of trouble you would've gotten in." She laughed again, gently pushing him.

"Alright, alright. So how did your family feel about you moving to America?"

"I don't have much family, just my dad. But we aren't close. I was close with my mum but she died when I was a teenager."

"My mom passed away when I was 7. We were really close too."

"So you get it. It's hard learning to live without someone who was everything to you."

"I do. It's like nothing's the same. It still doesn't feel real sometimes."

"Exactly." She looks into his eyes, her heart starting to pound. She bites her lip, feeling her cheeks flush. 

"Quick question. Please don't run but apparently this has been a really big issue in the past, what do you want for the future?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you see yourself settling down at all?"

"Oh, you're asking about marriage and kids and stuff."

"Yeah, I know it's weird. But I recently discovered this can be a very big deal and I don't wanna deal with that again." He smiles.

"It's fine. Uh, I definitely see myself marrying someone but I don't want kids...do you?" She lets out a sigh of relief.

"Marriage yes, kids no."

"So do I pass the test?"

"So far."

"Good, I was really hoping I would." 


	30. May 8, 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a leap of faith, right? Things get interesting, nice little twist. 😊❤

She smiles at her phone, biting her lip.

"What's that face for?" Bobby asked her with a smile. Addy was supposed to be helping him practice but she kept looking at her phone.

"Carl."

"The lad we met at the club?"

"Yup."

"You're still talking to him? I thought you stopped talking to him days ago."

"Mhmm, I changed me mind."

"Why? I thought you were worried that it would be more than just sex and you weren't ready for it."

"Sometimes things change, okay?" She giggles, typing on her phone. He pauses, watching her face light up as she gets another text.

"Do you like him?"

"I think I do. He seems...different."

"Really? We leave in a couple days, is it wise to get involved with someone you won't see for months at a time?"

"Why wouldn't it? You don't think he'll cheat, will you?"

"Of course not, I just know it's hard for you to not be around your partner. You and Rohan only detached after you broke up."

"Because we were forcing a toxic relationship. Besides, he works a lot anyway so I wouldn't see him much to begin with. We would do the long distance thing and he'd come visit often."

"Wait, you've already talked about this?"

"Yeah, of course. I wouldn't go into this blindly." He frowns. "What?"

"What?"

"You're frowning." He makes himself stop frowning.

"No I'm not."

"You were. What's wrong?" He forces a smile.

"Nothing. I'm just...glad you're happy." He looks at the time. "I need to go do something, see you tonight." She gave him a confused look before he left her alone.

"Okay..."

********

"She's falling for this guy, she barely knows him."

"So? She fell for Rohan just as fast."

"And look how that ended."

"True, but maybe it won't end like that this time."

"What if it does? He won't even be around her most of the time. How are they going to make it work?"

"I don't know, over the phone I guess."

"What if he hurts her?"

"Then she breaks up with him and moves on like she did with Rohan."

"She barely survived her break up with Rohan. If I hadn't been there the first two weeks she probably wouldn't have."

"It's a good thing she has you then."

"Arjun, are you not worried?"

"I don't like it either but we can't tell her what to do."

"I'm not trying to tell her what to do, I would never do that. I just don't want her to get hurt. She's diving right into this, knowing how it ended last time. Is she really okay with chancing that?"

"Why are you so upset about it? You didn't like her with Rohan but you never acted like this." _**Because he didn't know how to treat her.**_

"Because I don't want her to hurt like that again."

"I get that but you're getting really worked up over this."

"I am not. I just care about her. He won't know how to love her, he's gonna hurt her. He doesn't know how special she is, he's not good enough for her." _**She can't be with just anyone. They have to actually deserve her.**_

"Bobby...are you in love with her?" _**I wouldn't say in love with her...**_

"What? That's ridiculous. She's my best friend."

"And? Why else would you care so much about her seeing this other guy?"

"Because she's not being careful. None of us know him at all and I don't get good vibes from him."

"Neither do I but what can we do? We can't tell her what to do. All we can do is just be there for her."

"Arjun...the last two times she was so broke she almost gave up. And with the way this guy is...there's something off about him. Something I don't trust."

"You don't even know him."

"I know...it's just...I don't know. Something weird."

"Bobby, you need to stop. You're gonna drive yourself insane. You know we can't make her do what we want her to do, she has to decide this on her own. All we can do is support her no matter what. All we can do is be there for her." Bobby sighs, looking out the window. _**I'll always be there for her, I just can't stand seeing her hurt. When she hurts, I hurt.**_

"Dinnae ken, mate. It kills me to see her hurting...he's just not good enough for her. I'm gonna go try and distract myself. Are we still going out tonight?"

"Yup."

"Bet she brings Carl." He said bitterly, making Arjun smile. He walks out before Arjun can reply.

"Things are about to get real interesting."

********

Addy dances with Carl on the dance floor, looking at him like she can't see anyone else. _**She already seems to really like this guy...but she barely knows him. Last time she did this it went to shit.**_ Lottie nudges Bobby.

"What's up?"

"Hmm? Nothing, what's up with you?"

"I meant what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, why?"

"Cause your RBF has made a comeback."

"Oh, I'm just lost in thought."

"Bobby...I know something's wrong...please tell me." He shakes his head. 

"I don't want to get into it." He glances at Addy's direction when Lottie looks away. _**I don't need her telling Addy anything.**_

"Is it what I think it is?" _**Probably.**_

"What do you think it is?"

"I think you care about a certain brunette a lot more than you want to admit. And watching said brunette fall for someone else is getting to you." _**Of course I do, how can I not? But what I feel doesn't matter...I'm not good enough for her either.**_

"Why would that bother me? We're just mates, always have been and always will be." 

"Unless you say something." _**I can't.**_

"Nothing to say."

"You have about two, maybe three, hours before she takes it to the next level with this guy. You're not the only one that won't admit they feel something. This is your chance, take it." He shakes his head. _**What if this is her shot, I can't take that away from her. Besides, I'm definitely not good enough for her.**_

"She's happy, right? Why would I take that away from her?" He gets up, walking away.

********

Lottie walks over.

"Sorry, hun. Can I borrow Addy for a minute?"

"Of course, I need to go call back some people from work."

"At 11 o'clock at night?"

"Yeah, overtime." He pulls his phone out, walking away. 

"He does that a lot you know. Work."

"He does work a lot. But he's really important at his job."

"Right..."

"So what's up?"

"I wanted to make sure you know what you're doing."

"With what?"

"Carl."

"Wait, what do you mean?" _**Does no one like Carl?**_

"I want you to be happy, whatever you do I have your back. So if he's who you want then okay. But I want you to be sure you know what you're doing. You're spending about two weeks with this guy and then we leave. Your relationship is going to be strictly over the phone. And with as much as he works I don't think he'll be able to visit as much as you want him to."

"He said it's just because of this big project and once it's settled it'll be easier to get free."

"Okay. Maybe he will. But do you know him well enough to be in a relationship with him long distance? A relationship like that takes a lot of trust." _**What is she getting at?**_

"Look, he hasn't made me believe I shouldn't trust him. And if he turns out not to make time for me, or we just don't work out we can break up. I'll survive, I made it through losing Ro. I'm stronger than I was a year ago. I'll be fine. It isn't serious, it's barely starting. I know what I'm doing."

"Okay. As long as you're happy that's what matters. We've got your back no matter what." She turns to see Carl walking over. "I'll leave it to you then, hun. Have fun." She walks away, smiling at Carl just as he makes it back to her. He wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is great. Everything okay with work?"

"A couple people didn't answer but it's fine. Last minute details and what not." She notices Bobby talking to Arjun, frowning at him. _**What's that about? Did something happen?**_ He shakes his head, noticing Addy looking at him. He looks away, saying something else before he walks away. 

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" Carl's phone starts ringing. "Go ahead and answer that, I'll find you."

"Okay, babe." He puts his phone to his ear. "Hey, give me one second." She chases after Bobby, grabbing his hand. 

"Hey." He turns to look at her. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look upset."

"I'm fine, really."

"Bobby...we're best friends. I know when something's wrong with you. Don't-"

"Aren't you in the middle of something?" His harsh tone takes her by surprise, wounding her feelings. _**What's that for?**_

"Uh, I was but checking on you is more important."

"Right. Well, I'm fine. Go find Carl." She frowns. _**He's never been this rude to me.**_

"Bobby, what is going on? Why are you being so short with me?"

"It's nothing, just go. I'm fine." _**No you're not.**_

"Bobby. Stop trying to pretend everything is fine. What is the matter?" He shakes his head.

"You're happy right?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Carl. Does he make you happy?" _**What? Why is he talking about Carl?**_

"Yes, but what does he have to do with this?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were happy is all. That's all that matters."

"Does no one like him? Is that why everyone keeps bringing him up?"

"We just don't know him."

"We just met, it would make sense why you don't know him. Do you think I'm making a mistake? You can tell me the truth." He looks in her eyes, the light in them gone. _**What is going on with him??**_

"Yes, I do. The last time you chose a bloke you knew for two weeks it ended up with you crying in my bed for two weeks straight. You lost yourself in a man that didn't know how to love you and I'm worried you're doing it again. The difference was I knew Rohan when you got together and didn't know you. I didn't think you should've gotten so serious so fast with him either but I didn't know you well enough to tell you otherwise. This time I do. He's too busy looking at his phone to see what's right in front of him. I don't think he can see just how special you are. Find someone who wakes up every day with the goal to make you smile. Someone who can name every shade of green in your eyes without even looking. Not someone who was so busy with his phone he couldn't even listen to your story about your dad chasing you around the park when you were 9 because you got scared by a spider." She grabbed his hand when he turned to leave. "Adilynne, please. I'm fine. Let me go." She let go, watching him walk away. _**He never calls me Adilynne. He's really upset about Carl, but why? I understand being worried but he seems more than worried. If not Carl then who? Not everyone is like him and wakes up trying to make me smile. Wait, what? He knew the story I was telling him when I don't think he even heard me tell it. He came around right at the end of it...what was that thing about my eyes? He knows the color of my eyes, when we've gone shopping he brings me things that make my eyes pop...on purpose. Why is he telling me to find someone that does stuff he does?**_ Carl came over, kissing her cheek.

"Hey, babe. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course." She lets him take her hand, leading her away. She glanced back at Bobby heading to the bar, her mind racing. _**Does he have feelings for me? Does he know he has feelings for me? Is he in denial? Does he not want to be with me? Why? Because we're friends or he doesn't want to like me? What does he want?**_

********

"Hey, you look like you could use a friend." He looks over at the redhead with short curly hair smiling at him.

"I wouldn't mind some company from a bonnie lass such as yourself."

"Ooh, a Scotsman. Sexy."

"It can get a lot sexier." Addy storms over frowning. "What?"

"Don't what me. I hate you."

"What? Why?"

"Because I was moving on. I was opening up to someone who wasn't in the circus that I wouldn't risk losing. I specifically chose someone outside of the circus so I didn't lose anyone else. And then you had to go and get in my head. I had this great guy right in front of me but all I could think about was you. Thinking about how you're the one that knows every shade of green in my eyes. Thinking about all the times you made me smile, you built me up, you made time for me. You were always on my side." _**Since when does being supportive make her hate me? She's the one that came to my room asking me to hold her. She's the one that stuck to me when she was hurting, she's the one that told me I was her favorite person. Since when did caring about her make her hate me?**_

"And that makes you hate me?"

"Yes, because when he kissed me it felt wrong." _**Wrong? I know that wasn't their first kiss so why did that one feel wrong?**_

"Wrong?"

"Wrong. Because it wasn't you and I wanted it to be you. I realized I wanted it to be you. You're the one that I want to kiss me. I want to know what sounds you make when my kisses follow the line of freckles down your chest. I want to be why you smile, I want to know how it sounds when you say my name, I want to know what it feels like to have what no one else has. I want a side to you that no one else gets. And I hate you for waiting so damn long to figure this out. I hate you for getting in my head like this." She stormed out of the club, not giving him a chance to reply. _**She has feelings for me? Since when? Does she actually hate me and that's why she didn't let me say anything? What does she want then?**_

********

He knocks on her door, being met with an angry looking Addy.

"What do you want?"

"You think you can just walk away after telling me that?"

"Well that's what happened, isn't it?"

"You didn't give me a chance to reply."

"Because you looked like a deer in headlights. Didn't exactly give me 'that's amazing news' vibes."

"It is amazing. Because I want you too. I've wanted to tell you every damn day how much I want you but I didn't want to lose you. I'd rather have you has a friend than nothing. I want to know what it feels like to be the one you hold, the one you touch. I want to know what it feels like to have you want me too." She looked into his eyes, blazing with angry passion in them. She pulled off her shirt, kicking her skirt off. _**Holy fuck...she's perfect. Is she really standing in front of me in her bra and thong?**_

"What's it gonna be then, McKenzie? Are you sleeping in my bed or am I sleeping in his? Am I gonna be in your arms or his?" _**Hell no, he doesn't get you.**_ He pulls her to him, kissing her hard. She melts into him, sighing happily. He bit her lip, picking her up. 

"You're mine. He can't have you."

"Finally." _**Thank God.**_ He took her to her bed, laying her down. She pulled his pants down quickly, his lips not leaving hers. She climbs on him, straddling him. She grinds against him, making him moan. Her lips run down his jaw to his neck, he grabs her ass. _**This can't be real right now. This can't be happening right now.**_ She explored every part of his body, keeping true to finding out the noises he made when she followed his freckles. He couldn't get close enough to her, his head swimming from having her all over him. Her moans drove him crazy, making him want to do whatever it takes to hear more. He unclasped her bra, sliding it off her. He took a moment to look at her sitting on him in just her thong, making his mouth run dry. _**So damn perfect in every way. So gorgeous, she's really on me in only a thong right now. Jesus...**_ She smiled, kissing him again. "I like the way you look at me."

"You're absolutely perfect." He traces his tongue across her collar bone, making her shiver. He takes one of her nipples in his mouth, gently teasing it with his tongue. He found out she liked it when he gently nipped it before sucking it lightly. 

"Fuck, Bobby." _**If I didn't already want her that would've done it.**_

"I like the way you say my name." 

"I wanna feel you inside me." He moans against their kiss. _**Holy fuck she's killing me.**_

"Fuck you're driving me crazy." She gets up, pulling his boxers off him, sliding her panties off herself. He pulled her to him again, kissing her. She grabs a condom, ripping it open quickly. _**I can't believe she wants me as bad as I want her.**_

"Damn, lass. In a hurry?"

"Yes." She kissed him, rolling it on him. "I told you I wanted to feel you inside of me." She gets on him, biting his lip. His hands on her hips she sits on him, moaning loudly. "Oh fuck, Bobby." He moaned against their kiss.

"Holy shit, Addy." _**A thousand times better than I thought it would be, my God.**_ He leaned his head against her chest, panting lightly. "Fuck, you're so tight." She starts rocking her hips, making him dizzy. _**She's officially ruined anyone else I might sleep with. I guarantee it won't be as good as this.**_ "Fuck, lass." She lifts his face to look at her, her hands on his shoulders.

"So much better than imagined." He smiled at her, looking into her eyes. "Fuck, Bobby." She fucks him harder, whimpering softly. "Fuck." He couldn't stop kissing her, touching her, licking her, biting her. Every time she said his name he felt more and more intoxicated from her touch. _**Every single thing about her is addicting. Fuck.**_

"Jesus, Addy." He kissed her hard, his hand in her hair. She moans loudly.

"I'm gonna come."

"Come for me, lass. I want you to come on me." She moans loudly, her nails digging into his shoulders. "Fuck, Addy." He holds her hips down, pumping into her hard. 

"Fuck, yes!" Her hands rest on his chest for balance, nails digging into his chest. "Oh fuck, I'm gonna come, Bobby!" _**I've never been so turned on by hearing my name before.**_ She bites her lip, moaning loudly. He feels her tighten around him, feeling her come. 

"Fuck, Addy." He wraps his arm around her waist, turning them over. He pins her legs back, sitting up on his knees as he fucked her. She grabs the blanket under her, leaning her head back. She sits up on her elbows, grabbing his hand and putting it against her throat. She looked into his eyes, squeezing his hand gently. _**She's perfect.**_ He smiled. "Damn, I didn't know you liked it like that." She bites her lip.

"Choke me, Bobby." **_That's officially my new favorite thing to hear her say._** He kissed her hard, tightening his grip a little. She moaned loudly, biting his lip. "Fuck, yes. Fuck me harder, Bobby." _**No, I think that is.**_ The intensity between them grew, her moans getting louder. He rubbed her clit with his thumb, making her arch her back. "You're gonna make me come again."

"Fucking come." He watched her squirm under him, he could tell she was getting closer. _**I need to hear her say my name again.**_ She lifts her hips, screaming his name as she came again. _**Oh fuck.**_ The way she screamed his name pushed him over the edge, making him come. He thrusted into her hard one last time. "Fuck, lass." _**It's never felt like that before, I swear.**_ It takes a second before he catches his breath enough to get off of her. She pulls him back, kissing him. He pulls away slowly, looking into her eyes. _**Shit, I just fell for this lass. Hard.**_ "Fuck." He throws the condom in the trash, collapsing next to her. 

"Holy shit. That was amazing." 

"I did not expect that to happen tonight."

"You came to my room to tell me you wanted me to and didn't expect sex?"

"Hey, don't judge me. You were pissed when you left the club."

"Because I saw a slutty redhead all over you." He smiled.

"Jealous?" She rolled over, kissing him hard.

"Yes." _**Then make me yours.**_ They get under the covers, holding each other close. He kissed her until he could barely breathe. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What is this?"

"What do you want it to be?"

"I don't know but I don't want you to see other people."

"Do you want to see other people?" She thinks a minute, not looking away from him. _**Please say no.**_

"No." **_Thank God...but what does she want?_**

"Do you want to date?" She takes another moment to think.

"Not yet. I think I was rushing it with Carl, I don't think I'm ready for that. I think you and Lottie were right, maybe I'm still too...vulnerable for a relationship. I want to be sure I can give you all of me before we make it official...is that okay?" 

"Do I still get to be the one that holds you?"

"If you still want to." _**Of course I want to. If I get to be the only one that gets this side of her I don't care what we become.**_

"Then yeah. I'm okay with that. I don't care what you want this to be, call it friends with benefits or unofficial, exclusive, whatever. If I get to be the one that holds you I don't care." He kissed her again, making her moan. 


End file.
